Hey. A lot of you guys here like reading; I'm trying to make it as a writer, but I really need the kind of feedback that only a different prespective can give.
Right now I have a short story, Friend or Food? that I would love any feedback (alright, I used the word once already -- sorry:))on. The whole story is around 10 pages, double spaced. It's about a widowded person trying to provide for his family -- and what happens when...
quote: Tightening the screws in the engine, Tony felt a deep surge of satisfaction. Yet another long day at the car garage was finished. Finally, he could go home, back to his adorable son Jack.
But first he would have to stop by the local store and buy food.
The thought made him cringe. With the meager salary he got, he wouldn't be able to buy much. Perhaps a little chicken -- Tony automatically drooled at the image -- and some potatoes. None of which he would eat himself, of course. Jack came first. Tony could live on whatever leftovers there were.
He sighed. If only there was some way I could do better for Jack.
Any takers for the whole thing?
Posted by DocCoyote (Member # 5612) on :
Send it along. Coyotegirl at lycos dot com. I'm off tomorrow, so will spend some time on it. Are you looking for editing as well as critical review?
Just let me know.
Lisa
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
I'm game. But tell me what kind of feedback you're looking for (content, structural, all of the above).
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
I don't want to demand too much. Though editing would be fantastic, all that I ask is for readers. Thanks for offering (and I'd like it) .
Basically, what I want is your reactions, your ideas for improving it, and whatever else you would be kind enough to add in .
[ August 30, 2004, 12:05 AM: Message edited by: Phanto ]
Posted by DocCoyote (Member # 5612) on :
I actually enjoy editing. I also like housework, which makes me wonder about myself.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
Sent out. Thanks so much!
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
Doc, every day I am more and more convinced that my "talent" is editing. Housework, though. Hmmm.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
I'll take it but I'm not nice. Just a warning.
blacwolve@yahoo.com
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
What's your necessary time frame on a response?
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
I don't really have any strict guidlines, but I do appreciate a prompt reply. Since you are doing me a favor, of course, I don't feel right saying "do it overnight or else!"
Thanks, again .
Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :
Go ahead and send me a copy to the e-mail in my profile if you'd like -- I'll do my best to get it back to you soon.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
I'll take a look. Email's in the profile.
Posted by Pepek (Member # 3773) on :
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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