This has been making the LJ rounds. I laughed so hard I cried when I read it, but it does have some foul language and TMI of female troubles. Plus, some fairly creative and potentially offensive euphemisms for... stuff.
This will probably not be funny at all to men, because, frankly, guys, You Don't Get It. But that's okay, because That's The Way It Should Be.
[ October 04, 2004, 03:10 PM: Message edited by: Olivetta ]
Posted by Aerin (Member # 3902) on :
quote:So I took them home, cursed and snarled until the perforations-that-weren't forced me to gut the package like a deer carcass, and I tried out the "quietest pouch" which was indeed so whisper-silent that if I were a ninja, and I was bleeding vaginally, I would accept no other brand. Of course, were I a vaginally-bleeding ninja, I would have bigger problems to worry about. Like the fact that I would likely have forebrain-searing turquoise hair and horrifically inflated breasts.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :
Hah! She's on my friends list, and I got to read that upon coming in to work this morning--awesome start to the week I think I'm gonna have to leave her a comment and tell her that her awesomeness could no longer be contained by LJ, it has spilled out into the rest of the internet.
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
(Olivia, is it a bad time to call? I got your message -- got back late last night, came home from work early today.)
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
That was simply hilarious.
space opera
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
I gotta say, though...the whole quiet packaging thing bugs the snot out of me. Why, why, why is the period something to be ashamed of and hidden?
I'm also endlessly amused and bemused by the way 9 out of 10 guys react to any discussion of menstruation whatsoever. They're horrified that we'd bring the subject up in mixed company--heaven forbid they be aware that pretty much EVERY WOMAN THEY KNOW goes through it nearly EVERY MONTH.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I believe there was a thread once where we determined that an alarming percentage of Hatrack females had coordinated schedules.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
*runs away from inappropriate mixed-company conversation*
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
quote: Wings, I don't mind. Packaging and advertising? Drives me mad. I mean, who rollerskates while WEARING WHITE on an ordinary day, let along a day when you're bleeding profusely and ready to tear the head of anyone who looks at you wrong!?
Did a guy write this? There's a picture of a guy next to it.
If so...he so gets it. I'd like to think that a guy wrote this.
[ October 04, 2004, 03:19 PM: Message edited by: Tammy ]
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
[Re: link] Too true.
What I want to know, katharina, is which alpha female is setting the pack's schedule. Now that would be pretty interesting.
*money on celia
[ October 04, 2004, 03:21 PM: Message edited by: Sara Sasse ]
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
This is why I buy my Tampons at Costco. Much much better than the feminine hygiene aisle at the grocery store or pharmacy.
Lol, this reminds me of the time when I went grocery shopping at the superwalmart with Steve, and his roommate at the time Nathan. Since I ate over there so much I chipped in for food. There was some sort of exchange of cash at the register between Nathan and I. The guy behind us made some sort of semi-deroggatory comment about Nathan being already whipped because I was holding the purse strings or something.
However, I couldn't help but comeback with a snarky reply. He was standing their behind with nothing on the conveyor belt but a package of maxi pads. Also had like a 6th-8th grade ish boy with him.
My retort was "You've got the wrong guy pegged as my boyfriend, and you really don't have room to talk since you're obviously whipped since you are buying maxi pads!"
His rueful reply, "Yeah, you are right, and I'm even having to borrow money from my son to pay for them for her!"
AJ
Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :
quote: 200 [UPC symbols] would net you a personal visit from the male of your choice, who would, on bent knee, apologize on behalf of his whole gender for not having to suffer the affliction of The Monthlies, after which he'd fix a three-course Italian dinner, bake brownies, give you a full-body massage, f**k you heroically, and then, if you were having a very, very bad month for cramps, he might allow you to kick him in the nuts. Just a little. He'd go limping out about the time your girlfriends arrive with Heath Ledger DVDs, allowing them to snicker at his plight before diving into the brownies, which ought to be cool enough to eat by then.
Best Idea EVAR. *starts saving up UPCs just in case*
[ October 04, 2004, 03:23 PM: Message edited by: Stray ]
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Okay. Yeah. I guess SOME guys get it.
Sara, give me half an hour, and call my cell. On the way to Choi Kwang Do!
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
quote: Like a combination used-car salesman and bible-thumping preacher, the promised fresh smell delivers false promises and veiled insults: "You'll feel fresh as a spring morning! Nobody will know you're bleeding from the twat, you disgusting, sinful, smelly woman!"
quote: I believe there was a thread once where we determined that an alarming percentage of Hatrack females had coordinated schedules.
I wouldn't be surprised. Isn't it proven somewhere that when women are together for any length of time they get on the same schedule?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Actually, I don't think a guy buying feminine products should be embarrassed at all. You know what it means? It means that he in a relationship where there is enough trust that he is willing to do this mission, which means that (1) he's getting sex on a regular basis, and (2) they have mastered the art of birth control. It should be a badge of HONOR. Yay for him!
Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
That's totally the way I feel about it. It sends exactly the message that a guy buying a huge box of condoms thinks he's sending.
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
Rock on, kat and lawguy.
(will do, Olivia)
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
That was dang funny.
Although getting kicked in the yarbles really does hurt.
Edit: And yes, I have walked the Aisle of the Damned several times for my wife.
[ October 04, 2004, 03:45 PM: Message edited by: advice for robots ]
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Yes but a guy who is buying feminine hygeine products has no room to be derogatorily snarky himself about male-female interactions in general, particularly ones where the female is being more authoritarian.
AJ
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Well, I don't think I'm following anyone's mensus schedule since mine's dictated by the one ring. Anyone who started Saturday and will be done tonight or early tomorrow is on my schedule.
Anyone?
BTW, I *like* the winged ones. I won't wear anything else. What on earth are women doing in that would cause "a critical breach in the absorbency layer through which fluids are guaranteed to seep, staining anything you sit on"? This has seriously never happened to me.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
That was the funniest thing I've read ever!
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
wow, one of the comments mentioned this reusable product. who wants to product test it for the rest of hatrack's womenfolk?
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
It costs $27!!! I'm not paying that much for something I have to clean and can't flush! (I'm pretty exclusively a tampon user TSS or no TSS.)
AJ
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Hmm...started this morning, which might explain the crying all the way through conference.
I know it's a stereotype, and the feminist part of me wants to fight it, but I can't escape the truth. I have extreme PMS, and it almost always makes me cry. The worst year ever was the year I was roommates with a girl who had the same schedule. My PMS makes me cry, and hers makes her mean. There was a crisis once a month. There's just no way around it, and it's part of the Fabulous Katharina package. In return, I'll reschedule the trip to the theatre when it turns out you forgot that BYU played that night, and I'll even save the eyerolls for where no one can see them.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Celia: um, ew?
I only cry during PMS when I'm really stressed out for other reasons. I once convinced myself that I'd missed a really important All-state tryout the week before the tryout was actually to take place and started bawling my eyes out in the middle of sacrament meeting. This made my mom start laughing uproariously at me.
[ October 04, 2004, 03:57 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
Wings work for some and not for others. Though my sister gave my daughter a bar of quick lathering soap last summer. It was a normal bar of soap, covered in a dri-weave pouch. Not surprisingly, they were being offloaded for a song at Big Lots. But it did lather up really fast.
Due to some peri-menopausal complaints I have heard about over the years, I never want to use a pad called "Always".
P.S. I'm supposed to be having my period right now. My sister flew in the other night. If one of my sisters is on, spending a 3 hour dinner with them is usually enough to breach the lava dome.
[ October 04, 2004, 04:03 PM: Message edited by: pooka ]
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
ROFL
Seems they could make bank by calling their product "Light 'n' Seldom" instead.
Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
kat: I hope you're not implying that you would consider marrying a BYU fan. That's not even funny.
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
I only had that kind of PMS when I was on ortho-tri. I used to get back spasms so bad that I would just lie down on whatever flat surface I could find and wait for them to stop. Regular exercise seems to have gotten rid of those completely (yay concrete canoe practice!).
Pff...I'm putting one of these on my Christmas list this year. Silcon has to be more comfortable that a tampon.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Does anyone else use Gold Bond after showering while on a period? I find that even though I use tampons it seems to absorb the odor and moisture better than just about anything else. It's also useful at other times when you have moisture that needs to be absorbed. I've found since I've started using it occasionally, I've had less problems with Urinary Tract infections starting up.
AJ
[ October 04, 2004, 04:08 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
LawGuy: I'm doing my very best to avoid it. Mentioning I have a teensy bit of a wicked streak usually wipes out the possibility. Poor boy looked absolutely shocked. I probably have to do some damage control on my reputation. *sigh*
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Nothing works against leaks. You could have wings, a tampon the size of a log and still some gets through. Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
quote: Nothing Stops the Leaks
You know I'm surprised she didn't mention the phenomenon of Period Underwear somewhere in that rant.
AJ
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
Period Underwear?
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
*is caught up in the flow of AJ's pun*
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
I haven't like this in a long time.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
the pun was entirely unintentional.
While Victorian Period underwear might be interesting, what I meant was wearing all of your least desirable and most worn out underwear while on your period. That way you aren't taking the chance of wrecking your expensive Victoria's Secret undies.
AJ
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
But...I've been throwing those away in order to justify buying the Victoria's Secret stuff!
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Do you really want stains on the Victoria's Secret stuff? Though you could just go on an oldest to newest rotation regardless of brand.
AJ
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
"Underwear Rotation" would be a good name for a rock band.
Hobbes Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Ok, Kat, good to know we're on the same schedule. Next month, when I've forgotten when my period is due because I've failed to mark it on the calendar I'll just IM you to ask.
space opera
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
*grin* Perfect.
Except I don't do anything nearly so organized and efficient as mark it on a calendar. I've never quite been sure why we are supposed to do that.
Come to think of it, why are we supposed to do that? Just so it's not a surprise?
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
It's so you waste the three days before your period actually comes wearing a mini pad and feeling like a dork.
space opera
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
*sigh* Kat, we need to have a Dr. Ruth talk tonight. There are definite reasons for wanting to be able to predict when it comes.
AJ
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
celia - "the one ring" *giggles* I'm going to have to remember that when I have to go to the pharmacy to get my next one - "I'm off to get the one ring!"
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
Well, if we're sexually active, to date pregnancy. If we're not, just in case something goes squicky. You know, horrid disease, anorexia, etc....
I have many many frinds who use the Diva cup exclusivley, and love it. It pays for itself in a few months. I started making my own pads from old sweats about a decade ago, and have never looked back. I hate spending money on something just to get it covered with bodily fluids, then throw it in the trash.
Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
Even I know that. (viz., that there are important reasons for being able to predict it)
[ October 04, 2004, 04:46 PM: Message edited by: UofUlawguy ]
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Oh, I don't know. I'm not pregnant, and everything seems to work. Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
*keeps getting mine on the damn full moon* So, on the blue moon in July instead of something nice happening like, I don't know, getting to run off with someone I liked, guess what happened? Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
"...some sort of semi-deroggatory comment about...being already whipped..."
Just a bit of men's humor. In offensiveness (between men who ain't whacko macho), that's about equivalent to a combination of congratulating a man for making his first million and one stoner telling another "let's get stupid" in reference to smoking a joint.
[ October 04, 2004, 04:51 PM: Message edited by: aspectre ]
Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
dpr:"I hate spending money on something just to get it covered with bodily fluids, then throw it in the trash."
Yeah. That's why I don't buy Band-Aids. Or Kleenex.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:So, on the blue moon in July instead of something nice happening like, I don't know, getting to run off with someone I liked
I got married on the blue moon. Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
Well, actually, I don't use Kleenex either. I haven't found a re-usable subsitute for Band-Aids yet, but I am very strict about the criteria for handing them out.
[ October 04, 2004, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: dread pirate romany ]
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
"the damn full moon" would be a good name for a rock band.
Hobbes Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Except the derogatorry comment was directed at me, and not really either of the guys I was with. And it was rude to discuss something like that anyway, he was just the guy behind in line at the store.
AJ
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I love Kleenex, although good old toilet paper works fine for wiping noses (mine or my kids').
I can't bring myself to use a cloth handkerchief for pretty much the same reason that I hate cloth napkins. Absorbency is nil and I always feel bad about getting it dirty. Plus there's something so much more hygienic about one-use disposable materials where bodily fluids are concerned. Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Cool about getting married on the new moon. *eep*
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
quote: Absorbency is nil
That's why I had some custom made by a friend. They are a very absorbant waffle weave, and very soft.
quote: Plus there's something so much more hygienic about one-use disposable materials where bodily fluids are concerned.
I only use hankies once before washing. Of course during cold season I have to use the stockpile of cheap Costco washcloths for noses.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
"Absorbency is nil" would be a good name ...
OK, I'm done.
Hobbes Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I've got a great idea for a feminine hygiene add. Does anyone remember the old Bounty commercials? The one at Rosie's Diner? Imagine Rosie saying, "We're here at Rosie's Diner to see which napkin is the quiker picker upper." Rosie then proceed to dip the napkins in glasses holding a dark fluid. I always thought that this would be a great Saturday Night Skit but perhaps it passes the bounds of decorum.
Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
My dad had no problem buying pads for my mom, but would NOT buy her pantyhose. He figured everyone knew the pads weren't for him, but they might wonder about the pantyhose.
-Katarain
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
AJ, I think you and I are obviously staining our panties at a vastly different rate, here. I'm just not that concerned!
And I have been told to please not squick out my in-laws by adding the Deva-Cup to my Christmas list. *sigh* guess I'll just have to get around to purchasing one. Mail order since there isn't a distributer anywhere convenient. Though one of the closest was a place in Ohio called "Hag Rags." *snickers*
kat, if you're not having sex (and I mean the general "you"), it's still a good idea to be somewhat aware of your cycle. That's really the first indicator you would have that anything is wrong. Sure you go to the gyno once a year for the annual dread and spread, but this is a monthly little check to keep track of in case there's a reason you should go between annuals.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Hobbes! Get out of this thread!
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
I don't know why all the fuss about the noiseless wrappers. I think the noiseless wrappers are the best thing invented since roller skates. Sure, we can be all empowered and comfortable about our femalehood, but I still don't want to have to reach in my pockets and have something crinkling around in front of, say... prospective employers, or the Bishop, or my Dad, or... well, boys in general.
I'm still a fan of being discreet. (Which, by the way, is really hard when you're camping for a week in the middle of the desert with your boyfriend and his parents. "Excuse me, may I get in the car to get the shovel again?" ! )
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
quote:Hobbes! Get out of this thread!
[ October 04, 2004, 07:23 PM: Message edited by: Synesthesia ]
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
quote:Aisle Of The Damned
Now I know why my wife sends me on those errands to Albertsons instead of going herself. I usually wait until just before closing time so I don't get caught by my buddies.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
If you need a reason to watch the Mormon re-make of Pride and Prejudice, it's the trip to the grocery store when Lizzie and Jane are all depressed and feeling rejected. Their cart is full of tampons and huge tubs of ice cream and they're wearing sweats. It's the funniest scene of life.
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
See, I don't understand what the big deal is about having uber-sanitized and bleached menstrual pads all the time. I use Abby's old diapers as moonrags when I'm at home. Pads are great for work, etc., but it's much more economical and environmentally friendly to use cloth.
I rinse them immediately after use and wash them in vinegar, just the way I treated Abby's diapers. They're softer, more absorbent, and I KNOW they haven't been filled with supergels. No big deal.
My monthlies have not yet arrived, but are due any day.
And my hubby is intimately familiar with Period Undies. He knows just by looking whether it is "safe" to approach or not.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Super gels?
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Supergels - that blue stuff they show in commercial cut-away views. It absorbs lots of water in a small space. This makes ultrathin pads possible. It's also found in disposable diapers. I don't know if it could really hurt you or not if it leaked out of a pad and contacted your sensitive bits, but I'd rather stay away from the stuff.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
*Grin* I had to decide when Bob and I were driving to KamaCon whether to try to “hide” it by discretely slipping supplies into my pocket when we stopped for restroom breaks or not. I decided not, which was a good thing, since I forgot to load my purse and had to ask him to open the trunk at our first stop on Friday so I could get tampons out of my suitcase.
I think I would have died if that had happened with any of the guys I dated when I was younger.
I also used to always go to the check-out lanes with older ladies as cashiers when buying menstrual products, even if the lines were longer. I finally decided that was stupid, now I just drop those boxes right down in front of whoever’s working the shortest lane.
<----- feels very mature.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
having synthesized a couple of gels in my time, I can tell you that while they could cause a reaction in 0.01% of the population, most of those gels are pretty benign.
AJ
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
I love having chemists around. Thanks! Now I won't worry so much.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
EEE. I dislike pads anyway... >.< Irratating things. I remember one time when my grandmother bought me MATTRESSES! Freaking huge mattresses!
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
I'm, um, Late. Actually, I'm always late. I've always had about a 31 day cycle, but it's been running closer to 35 days, I think. NOt that I really mark it down. *high fives kat*
Oh, and Ron knows all about the Period Undies, because they are the only ones I have that have material over the, erm, cheek. I actually had to buy new ones, recently, because the elastic gave out on the ones from The Ancient Regime.
[ October 04, 2004, 08:33 PM: Message edited by: Olivetta ]
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Never got squicked buying such things for Teres, not even in high school. Never understood anyone who did. I've bought pads, tampons, douches, Vagisil, panty hose, whatever (although not all at once).
I used to carry in my wallet (and now have on my Palm Pilot) a list of her sizes in clothing, shoes, etc, in case I see something she'd like. This includes underwear, and there was a fun two years where she had found the perfect bra which was, of course, immediately discontinued. For months, whenever I was in a department store I'd make a point of stopping by the lingerie dept. and asking for a Warner's 1099, 38D (not the right number, I don't think, it's been awhile and she's added a D since). Finally found four of them and gave them to her for Christmas.
I simply don't understand the problem for guys. If she gets tired carrying her purse while we're shopping, I'll carry it, and not with the careful hold-it-by-the-top-like-a-bag-of-used-kitty-litter grip, either. Too much work. It's got a strap, use it.
And yup, I get weird looks from lingerie clerks, cashiers, and especially other guys. I also get an adoring look from Teres, and that outweighs any other consideration.
[ October 04, 2004, 08:45 PM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
quote:That's why I had some custom made by a friend. They are a very absorbant waffle weave, and very soft.
Hankies, yes? Or personally designed "products"? (That would be soooo chic-chic either way. *impressed )
Chris, you aren't really a man anymore. You are godlike. Serious.
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
That being said, I'm outta here, it's not really my kind of thread... Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
My mom likes to tell the story about leaving me at grandma's when I was a baby and had a cold, and when my parents came to pick me up, they discovered that grandma had strapped a Kotex poultice to my neck.
*has worn a Kotex (I guess)*
*has not worn pantyhose*
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
I've never had a problem with buying pads, except one time at Wally World my senior year of high school. I was walking down the aisle with nothing but a great big pack of Always and my band director (of six years who was like a second father to me) came right up and said hi to me. I wanted to melt into the floor and die.
Posted by Yozhik (Member # 89) on :
My husband used to buy Always Maxi Pads with Wings. Not for me, though.
For our dog.
When she was in season, she had to wear doggie panties (kind of like a diaper cover with Velcro fastenings, but with an opening for the tail) and a sanitary pad to absorb the blood.
He had to change them, too. It was an eye-opening experience for him.
By the way, the dog developed VERY sensitive feelings around that time of the year. She took offense at every little thing. And then she'd go hide in a dark place, lie down, and sulk.
(I'm gone now. Really.)
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Lol, yeah I buy the ones with wings for my dog too, even though I don't use them for myself. Since things are shaped differently on dogs they just have better coverage. in the right areas.
AJ
Posted by Mama Squirrel (Member # 4155) on :
Life before the pill was a pain. I was not regular at all. I could range anywhere from 24 to 38 days. It was different every month. I could wear a pantiliner for up to two weeks before Aunt Flo showed up. Life is so much better with the pill.
Here is an icky story from college. I was in one of the stalls in the women's floor bathroom. A girl in the stall next to me put something in the wastebasket on the floor between the stalls (the one for used feminine type articles), flushed the toilet and left the bathroom without stopping to wash her hands. It was gross.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
That is one of the funniest things I've ever read. I only have two small quibbles.
1) I'm fine with wings.
2) Avoiding caffeine? When I was a young whippersnapper, first starting out, and had horrible, horrible cramps (and could still drink caffeinated beverages, before I got hypersensitive to it), a 16-ounce caffeinated Pepsi was the only way I knew of to get rid of the cramps.
And a couple of comments:
1) I actually have great fun embarrassing the male cashiers at the store when I go to buy pads (hate tampons, by the way). It's hilarious - especially the ones who don't even want to touch the package.
2) I can absolutely guarantee that I'm not on the same schedule as anyone here. Being, as I am, (and how's this for a euphemism) approaching the end of my child-bearing years, I've settled into this nice, leisurly 11-week cycle.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
on the subject of keeping track of periods: when I was pregnant with Amanda (now 11), there was a teenager in our apartment building (the landlord's niece) who was pregnant. I think it was her third child. I think she was about 17. Amanda was due July 4.
In March, this girl came up to me and said, "looks like I'll be having my baby before you." She claimed her water had broken and she went to the doctor and they sent her home. Now, I believe that if her water had really broken, she would have been in the hospital until her baby was born. She didn't have a clue when her baby was due - it was actually born in August. As far as I know, she had at least four kids when we moved from Chicago a couple of years later.
on the subject of synchronized periods: I think it's supposed to have something to do with pheromones ?
I can top Mama Squirrel's icky story. I see women leave the bathroom without washing all the time. I even saw a woman walk out of her stall after flushing, go over to the towel dispenser and push the handle down so there was paper towel just hanging. Then she washed her hands. That meant the next person, who washed their hands, would be touching the handle where she just put her unwashed hands. I was speechless.
My icky story is this: we went to a restroom at a grocery store. Both kids needed to go, and there were two stalls in the women's restroom. One stall had a red streak running down the front. It looked like a squatter had gone to the bathroom while on her period. You better believe I complained. Nasty.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
You can't predict it if it's unpredictable. I had a predictable, regular period for 3 months once, when I spent about 20 hours every day with my step-sister, who was wonderfully regular. I followed her by about 3 days. Other than that, I've never had a regular period. Sometimes they're 3 weeks apart, sometimes 6. When I was 17, I had one that lasted for 37 1/2 days. I'm glad I'm nursing my daughter and don't have mine again yet. I still get cramps every month or so, though.
My favorite period story is when I got it 3 days after I was married, on my honeymoon, and couldn't find my pads. I made my new husband, who has only one sister (6 years older than him and moved out at 18), go to the store, but wrote down the wrong word for him to find my brand with (they'd recently changed the packaging). So he goes up to this girl, who's already looking at him strangely for pacing up and down the feminine aisle at Target, and asks, "Are super and heavy the same thing?" She gave him the look of death, said, "I don't know", and walked away, giving him freaked-out looks.
He did find the right kind, and so was not killed.
[ October 05, 2004, 02:07 AM: Message edited by: ketchupqueen ]
Posted by Mabus (Member # 6320) on :
Cay, you clearly have not been to many restaurants. Before I began to work janitorial at Cracker Barrel I was under the impression that women were cleaner than men. I have yet to figure out how women get pee (and other stuff) on the underside of toilet bowl lids. It must be the nesting thing...women are willing to keep their own homes clean, but not public places.
So the job, unfortunately, falls to me. Blech.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Mabus:
I am not a squatter, and I grab a wad of tp and wipe before I sit. I also make sure that everything gets flushed, even if it means waiting until the tank fills up again.
A little courtesy goes a long way. Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Yeah, I have always tried to keep public restrooms clean, too, just to be courteous. However, since we never share our master bath with anyone, It only gets cleaned when 1). the hubby complains or 2). when the exterminator comes to spray.
I'm a slob at home. I used to be a neat freak, but I married a messy man, and have now surpassed him in messiness. He's also to blame for teaching me to curse.
My most embarrassing story has to do with my wee one barging in on me while I was changing, you know, THINGS in the bathroom. He was a toddler, and accustomed to being allowed in the bathroom with me as a part of the potty-training thing. He looked horrified and said, "Owwie?" I thought he was going to cry.
I told him it was okay, that mommies were supposed to bleed once a month a month when they weren't growing a baby. He looked dubious, but somewhat comforted that I didn't seem to be upset by it or about to die on the spot.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Lol, the engineer in me: When I was small I'd go through all the cabinets to see what I could take apart or use for my latest construction project whatever it was. You can make lots of interesting things and actually use an empty toilet paper roll like cheap leather to make saddles for breyer horses if you soak the cardboard long enough that the two layers separate out of their spirals. And yes I figured that out entirely by myself.
So anyway I think I was scrounging for empty toilet paper rolls, and I ended up locating my mothers tampons and maxi pads. And I couldn't figure out what they were *for* or why they were there. I took a couple of tampons and pads apart and decided they weren't useful construction materials and what a waste to be keeping them.
I am so glad I live in this day and age. One interesting thing of note:
quote: I wonder how this "open" menstruation influenced the behavior of men? It seems likely that women had to conceal both blood and odor before they were able to extensively participate in male business society.
[ October 05, 2004, 11:08 AM: Message edited by: AmkaProblemka ]
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Wow, Amka, that's a fascinating site.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
hmm have to see it when I get home, my work server said "inapproprate content". This seems an appropriate place to mention that I just ran to Walgreens to get some Uristat and a bottle of cranberry juice. Hopefully I can ward the urinary tract infection off and not need antibiotics!
AJ
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
This seems like an appropriate place to mention that I really, really, ridiculously hate cramps.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I'm just glad, that there is one person in my lab, the secretary that is female, so I could have her explain why I suddenly vanished to the drugstore.
Oh and actually the easy to get to Walgreens was sold out of Uristat so I had to go cattycorner, to the much harder to get to (based on the directions the streets run and how busy they are) Jewel-Osco. I guess the consolation is that I know a bunch of other women are afflicted at the moment otherwise there wouldn't have been the run on the Uristat at Walgreens.
AJ
This two quarts of cranberry juice is looking daunting. It looks like I've made a dent in it, bu it was at the top where the neck is. Maybe I've downed 15% of it?
[ October 05, 2004, 12:44 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
quote:I'm just glad, that there is one person in my lab, the secretary that is female, so I could have her explain why I suddenly vanished to the drugstore.
What you should be glad of is that you're all adults there.
I first started when I was only 10 years old, during the summer between 5th and 6th grades. So, all through 6th grade I was, as far as I could tell, the only student in the school with her period. And, I had a male teacher. And, the school nurse treated me as if I were some sort of mutant because I had started that early. It was awful.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
I started when I was ten, too. Nobody ever really acted as though it was a problem, though. Well, this one girl a few years older than me was upset because I had started and she hadn't, but no one ever said anything to me about it, other than that. My mom was 8 or 9 when she started, so no one in my family thought it was weird.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
quote:we determined that an alarming percentage of Hatrack females had coordinated schedules
Since pheromones don't travel the Internet, I wonder why that might be...
Frisco's presence at Kamacon triggered simultaneous ovulation.
Many women take the pill in sync with lunar phases
PMS-induced evil comes across in posts, triggering a chain reaction
At any given moment, one-quarter of all women are experiencing the menses (shudder)...
Posted by Coccinelle (Member # 5832) on :
This seems like an appropriate place to mention that my brother discovered my tampons when he was about ten. He thought they made great torpedos for his GI Joe Men. He would shoot them over the backseat of the car screaming, "Bombs away!"
Of course, we tease him about that everytime he goes to buy his wife tampons.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
lma, I'm right there with you...I started at 9, and it ended being this HUGE secret for me for 5th and 6th grade. I didn't have many friends, so it wasn't really something I discussed with a lot of people. However, I heard enough conversations around me to know that I was pretty much the only one of my age who started that early.
Oh, and this is very random, but not only did I start that early, I've also been regular from that time til I went on the pill. My cycle was 28 days, every single time. Now...it varies. Silly hormones
[ October 05, 2004, 03:44 PM: Message edited by: Megan ]
Posted by Uhleeuh (Member # 6803) on :
I'm not regular at all and I never have been. I also quit keeping track. The only way I know I'm about to start is from getting sick and breaking out.
My major problem is I'm a heavy bleeder. I feel like I live in the bathroom changing pads when I'm on my period.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
You know, I thought that I had heard quite a few euphemisms for female genitalia, but that is the first time I've ever heard "gorilla salad."
---------------------
quote:Actually, I don't think a guy buying feminine products should be embarrassed at all. You know what it means? It means that he in a relationship where there is enough trust that he is willing to do this mission, which means that (1) he's getting sex on a regular basis, and (2) they have mastered the art of birth control. It should be a badge of HONOR. Yay for him!
Um, no, it doesn't necessarily mean that.
Personally, I'm not embarassed at all to buy feminine articles for Juliette--I think she would be more weirded out about it than I would--but I do worry whether I'm getting the right thing. Underwear and bras are OK, but they have pretty easy attributes to remember. The last time I went to buy Juliette a pair of tights, on the other hand, I had to stand in front of the display for about twenty minutes looking for the right ones, and I think I even ended up having to call her.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Saxy, what else would it mean? Pantyhose may be sketchy, but he definitely not buying the feminine products for himself.
Posted by Coccinelle (Member # 5832) on :
It's possible that he's buying them to use as torpedos Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I started at 9!! yes, 9, and that wasn't unusual for my family, but we have quite a record for terrible problems in that area. For three generations every woman in my family has been diagnosed with endometriosis, three of us have been confirmed as having PCOS and all of us have had to have a hysterectomy before the age of 31. I was the oldest, I had mine at 30. My cousin was the youngest at 23, she fortunately had two children before her problems were so bad she needed the surgery.
I am thrilled that my daughter is nearly 12, and nothing yet. I'm hoping she will not have the same problems that so many of us did.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:It's possible that he's buying them to use as torpedos
Forget Eddie's nerf gun - this is the game at the next con.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
quote:Saxy, what else would it mean? Pantyhose may be sketchy, but he definitely not buying the feminine products for himself.
I didn't mean that buying tampons implies that a man is using them himself, merely that it doesn't necessarily imply anything about the frequency with which he has sex or the level of proficiency he or his significant other have with birth control.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
Katie, I'm SHOCKED!
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
they did this at pep ralliess at my high school, the boys shot tampons across the football field (less painful for the principal than the time he got hit with a water bottle, but maybe a little bit more embarrassing).
Posted by celia60 (Member # 2039) on :
quote: Forget Eddie's nerf gun - this is the game at the next con.
I am so not sticking one of those to my head!
Posted by Tullaan (Member # 5515) on :
Well, I suppose I'm required to chime in seeing how in about 13 years or so I'm going to have a minimum of 4 females in my household all in cycle.
I knew a soccer coach who swore that tampons were the best things for bloody noses. I suppose they are, since there designed for soaking up blood.
Any way, it's quite humerous (at the time) to see a teen age boy with half a tampon sticking out his nose at a public event.
Tullaan
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:the level of proficiency he or his significant other have with birth control.
Well, she's not pregnant. Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
*vaguely remembers drunk engineers using pantyhose as part of a slingshot to chuck things off the top of one of the engineering buildings to see if they could hit the law school*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I'm still waiting on this.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
my mom had told me for years that a maxipad would be a good thing to use for a cut - in an emergency.
So, on Aug. 7, Cayla (8) cut her finger badly. She was trying to cut a popsicle stick lengthwise with a chef's knife. (She no longer will attempt this or similar feats)
Anyway, she cut her finger pretty badly and we knew she needed stitches. When she screamed, Kent ran over and grabbed her finger and held it so she wouldn't be bleeding all over the place. I was trying to figure out how we were going to get her to the hospital. Kent was already holding her finger - if he let go, she would start bleeding. I couldn't figure out how to get them into the car so we could drive to the ER.
So, I grabbed a maxipad ... Nope. Actually, I called 911 and an ambulance came and took her and we drove to the hospital. It wasn't until we were leaving the hospital 1 1/2 hours later that the lightbulb went off over my head. Duh! I could have and should have grabbed a maxipad. Then Kent could have driven us, saving Cayla the experience of her first ambulance ride.
I hope next time I am thinking a little more clearly. It was a revelation about my ability to deal with a crisis. I didn't get hysterical or anything, but I did forget a bit of advice I had known for more than 20 years.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Keep in mind that you did call 911. Doing anything, even if it's not in hindsight the best thing, in an emergency is far better than the helpless feeling of total paralysis many people experience.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
quote:Well, she's not pregnant.
Probably, but that could just as easily mean that they have no sex at all. Or just that they have it very infrequently and manage to beat the odds.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Would it make you feel better if I put "most likely, probably, except for those loveless relationships and weird pregnancies where the woman still menstruate" at the beginning?
[ October 06, 2004, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Don't forget the people with erectile dysfunction.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
And the guy who buys them because they work so well for nosebleeds.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Or for his sister, mother, neighbor lady with a broken leg that he runs errands for . . .
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
But taken as a whole, the exceptions added together <enter disclaimer word here> wouldn't equal the frequency of the first scenario.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
I disagree, but since neither of us have any real way of knowing I guess we'll just have to leave it at that.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I agree with Saxon that the purchase doesn’t necessarily imply anything about the man’s sex life. But it does (in most cases, I think) indicate both that he is in some sort of close relationship with a woman and that he is generous enough and/or secure enough to run the errand. Which is a good thing, whether or not he’s sleeping with the woman in question.
Posted by saxon75 (Member # 4589) on :
Given how much most guys gripe when they have to buy feminine items for their wives/girlfriends/sisters/moms/etc, I'm having a hard time seeing that one, too.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
CaySedai, if there's any doubt, it's always better to call the ambulance rather than to risk a trip to the hospital. That is, you lose nothing by calling an ambulance other than a little more money.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Although, the paramedics will grouse about you.
"Serious run?"
"Heck no. Cut on a finger. Why they didn't put a maxi pad on it and drive to the hospital is beyond me. People must think we have nothing to do here.
Deal me in."
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Wrong thread.
[ October 06, 2004, 02:45 PM: Message edited by: Storm Saxon ]
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Um....
1) Your link doesn't work. 2) What does that have to do with this thread?
Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
"gorilla salad"
*gags and throws up*
I can't get that phrase out of my head. Ahhhhhhh!
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
quote:Although, the paramedics will grouse about you. [Wink]
"Serious run?"
"Heck no. Cut on a finger. Why they didn't put a maxi pad on it and drive to the hospital is beyond me. People must think we have nothing to do here.
Deal me in."
Belle, thank you! I am laughing and trying not to wake everyone up. That was great!
For anyone who is curious and not easily squicked out, here is a picture of Cayla's finger after the stitches were removed. I do think we could have driven to the hospital if I had thought of it. And there's Mother's Guilt over sending my baby in an ambulance without any family (they didn't allow me to ride with her) to go with.
Kent passed the ambulance on the way there - they were traveling the speed limit ... Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
and, actually, I was going to post that I posted the link to the rant on another forum and someone replied that after reading it her period started ... and she blames me ... Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Since this was linked to today, I am just going to say how grateful I am to those who invented the pill. Otherwise, almost a third of my vacation would have been miserable.
[ October 18, 2004, 02:29 PM: Message edited by: Kama ]
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Kama, my honeymoon would have been miserable if not for the pill. Yay the pill!!!
space opera
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Well, probably for different reasons Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
I tried to do this for my wife once, but she wasn't very specific. Do you women realize how many choices you have in this area? I just stood there in the aisle paralyzed.
I came home with beer instead.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
The worst part about the multitude of choices is that they keep changing the names and packaging. There used to be “light” “regular” and “super.” Then light became “regular” regular became “super” and super became “ultra.” Long is now “extra long” and extra long is “overnight.” For awhile they were coding them with clovers and stars and other lucky-charms shapes, but then they gave that up too. I’ve used the same products since high school, and I still sometimes have trouble figuring out which ones they are.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
quote:Kama: how grateful I am to those who invented the pill
If you really spent one-third of your vacation enjoying the benefits of the pill, I would say shame on whomever arranged your itinerary.
*Dobies the "Wake Up With the King" thread into the "Wake Up With Kama" thread*
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
I started at 9, too, and I have PCOS. It didn't bother me, then. I was already a AA cup, so everyone pretty much expected it.
Stupid early puberty. I should have been 5'10''.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
I get the period from hell. My very first period after I got married, it came earlier than expected (but since I'm not regular in the same sense that a lot of women are, this is not surprising) and I had an insufficient quantity of tampons to get me through and I was in no shape to even stand up (also usual for me), so I sent hubby to the store to get me supplies.
This is Sri Lanka. Stores here have lousy selection. Will they even have tampons? Will dh even know what to look for? Will they have my brand? What language will it be in? Would I recognize the packaging? No idea.
I gave him the most basic of information possible and sent him off. Fifteen minutes later, he was back with the right stuff. They even had my brand. You have no idea how happy I was.
And dh? Oh yeah, he's a real man. Didn't whine or complain - just did the job. And this is, what, a mere three weeks after we got married, and a mere three weeks after we met in person for the first time. Yup. I'll keep him. Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
I went on a tour of the sites of ancient Rome/Greece last Feb. Just before Lent was due to start.
Well.
Athens has this crazy fesitval every year just prior to Ash Wednesday. Basically what happens is everyone dresses up in funny costumes and wanders around hitting strangers with squeaky-bats. (Silly String also acceptable.) And the whole city shuts down for a few days. The whole city.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to find pads/tampons in a city of five million, when all but ten pharmacies are closed, and you don't know the city and you don't speak the language, and you don't even read the stinking alphabet??
I managed to work up the courage to ask our tour guide for help (female, thank GOD). I was terribly embarrased at not being prepared for this. She and I located one of the closed pharmacies, which had a signs in the windows saying which pharmacies would be open on which days and where they were. We got someone to identify the correct day for us, and then someone else to pronounce the street name of the nearest one. We then wandered the city for nearly an hour before we located it. Most of the people we asked for directions couldn't seem to understand that yes,w e knew they were all closed, but that we needed to find THIS ONE, because it was open.
And all the while I had nasty cramps and was totally embarrassed at dragging this poor woman all over Athens because I hadn't packed properly.
I never ever want to go through that again. Ever.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Skillery
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
Have you ever gone to work with a panty shield that survived the wash stuck to your white shirt?
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Poor boy looked absolutely shocked. I probably have to do some damage control on my reputation. *sigh*
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I'm glad I'm nursing my daughter and don't have mine again yet. I still get cramps every month or so, though.![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
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