This is topic Poetry by Me! in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
 


[ November 03, 2004, 04:02 PM: Message edited by: Phanto ]
 

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Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
 
Vigorous and lively. Good sense of movement.

Something about the cadence toward the end seems off (hollow? deflated?), but I don't know enough of the mechanics of poetry to accurately assess that. Tom D does.

I like it.

(autumn)
 

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Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
 
Thanks ^^. This is perhaps the first poem I have ever written that is any good, so now I'm like all excited and motivated and thinking about maybe writing more ^^.
 

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Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
 
You really sparked my interest with this one.

I like the way lines 3 and 4 seem to pile up on each other. Illustrative.

Very good! Now write more.
 

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Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
 
Yes, Ma'am!

The question is can I? That poem flowed out of me like rain from a cloud, but am I now drained dry? We shall see . ^^
 

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Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
 
What happened here?
 

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Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
 
Is this the poetry version of Malevich's "White on White"?
 

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Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
 
Interesting. I sense a great silence in this peace, almost as if you have nothing whatsoever to say.

Silence itself is very rhetorical. Don't discount its effects.
 

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Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
 
I had to edit it for a specific reason. I guess I can repost it if I know one thing -- can text posted in this forum be found by search engines and whatnot?
 

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Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
 
yep
 

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Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
 
*wants to read it*

Where'd it go?
 

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Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
 
Y'all missed a really good one.
 

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Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
 
Alright, I'll just write another one to replace this one. May take a couple of days or weeks or months or years or lifetimes to come up with anything as good. Eh, make it two days. In two days I'll have a blistering work that will make ya'll cry. So you'll just have to wait until then.

Sorry . You'll just have to wait!

[ November 04, 2004, 08:18 PM: Message edited by: Phanto ]
 

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Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
 
NO, I want something so great it takes two lifetimes!


 

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Posted by Vv009vV (Member # 2568) on :
 

quote:

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*wants to read it*

Where'd it go?

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