As I mentioned in a previous thread, my son broke his leg last week. He's been coping fairly well, but having a cast from toe to just below the hip is rather daunting. Especially since it must weigh close to 10% of his weight! (He's 53 pounds.)
So we've been making the necessary changes to our routine -- helping him get dressed, scheduling in extra time to get in and out of the car, etc. This morning, I parked in the staff lot at his school and carried him up the stairs, in the side door, and to his classroom. (When I dropped him off at the no-stairs entrance yesterday, it took him about 10 minutes to get to his classroom, poor kid.)
Today, tomorrow, and Friday his school has "minimal days" -- school is from 8:00 to 12:30 instead of the usual 8:20 to 2:45. So I had arranged a while ago (before he broke his leg) with my former father-in-law and his wife (I never know what the heck to call her! My former step-mother-in-law? Yeesh! So let's just call her Debbie, and we'll call him Gary.) to pick up my son on those days.
The ex spoke with them last night, confirming that they were picking up DS, and discussing places/methods of picking him up. They apparently had some difficulty, but managed. Then they took him to their place, and since they had been expressly requested to stop taking him to pizza every time he's over there, fed him danishes -- instead of the lunch he had with him. (This is typical, unfortunately. This is not coming from Gary, who was never like this; but Debbie seems convinced that she can buy my kids' love with toys and junk food. )
Given the discomfort DS has been in (in spite of the Tylenol with codeine he's on, he is having a rough time of it, and he has a very low pain threshold anyway), and the difficulties they had picking him up, they proposed that he just spend tomorrow and Friday with them, and skip school. Both his dad's and my initial reaction was negative; however, having thought it over, and discussed it with my mom, I'm having second thoughts (and have probably talked the ex into my suggested plan).
My current notion is to call them and suggest the following: DS will stay with them all day tomorrow and Friday (but NOT Thursday night, which they had suggested as well), however: he will not be allowed to have junk food until AFTER he has eaten the lunch I send; he will complete all his homework (and a bit of other work that he has from a while back); they would need to pick him up from here (this part is least likely to be an issue, as they have done so many times), since otherwise it will be impossible to get everyone else to school on time.
Pros:
DS really is tired out and uncomfortable from dragging that cast around all week. Giving him a bit of a break is not a bad idea, especially on two short school days.
He really likes spending time with them, and except for the specific issues I have mentioned above, I think that's a very good thing.
Keeping the people who are willing to watch my kid as needed -- for free, mind! -- happy is generally recommended.
Less stress on all involved. God knows THAT would be good about now.
Cons:
Odds are he will still eat very little real food (in spite of the little talk he and I had about bones and calcium this afternoon), and lots of junk. It's hard enough to get kids (especially this one) to eat properly, without adult sabotage.
I'd also lay odds on him not actually completing the work he is supposed to -- even though it should take a grand total of an hour or two.
Debbie is a give-an-inch, take-a-mile type. I worry a bit about the precedent. (What she'll remember, I think, is that we gave in when she pushed. The other aspects will be completely ignored/forgotten.
I also worry (just a little) about the precedent this will set for DS. However, we will frame this as quite clearly as an exception, because he's having so much trouble getting used to his cast, etc.
Comments? Suggestions? Just keep in mind -- I have to call them in just under an hour (they go to bed pretty early), assuming that I do call. (Right now, it's set that he is going to school, and they are picking him up from there.)
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
None of the cons are, to my mind, earth-shattering enough to warrant the physical demands it would place on the boy.
And some junk food will not particularly impede the healing process in his body.
-Trevor
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Just my own gut reaction & feeling, rivka -- if it were my kid, FWIW:
I would keep him out of school the two days. He going through enough stress right now with the cast and all, and two short days is not going to set him back terribly, and might actually give him a much-needed break. School attendance is not the end-all of everything.
Now whether that time off is at your ex's house or somewhere else is totally up to you. But just for the kid, I hope you go with it so he gets that break.
Farmgirl
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Dang, they raise them rough in Kansas - the kid's already had one break Farm.
I don't think he needs another one.
-Trevor
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
I'm a pushover, but I say let him stay at his g-parents for those two days. Junk food is bad for children, but two days will not spoil him utterly. The rest will do him good, I think, especially considering his low pain threshhold. Threshold? Ridiculous word, isn't it? Two h's right in the middle? Silly threshhold.
Obviously, am sleepy. Heh.
I vote to let him do it.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Let him stay, but call occasionally to check on him and ask how his work is coming along.
Might help to stress to Gary (if not Debby) that he really needs to eat some real food or he'll be tired and sluggish. His body is working overtime right now, it needs fuel. Maybe you can mention outright that junk food is fine as long as he gets a real meal or two as well.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I'm going with "do it" too, with the added suggestion that you make sure he gets a healthy breakfast before he leaves with plenty of calcium, since you're worried about the nutritional issue. (Will you have him back for dinner, too? If so, I wouldn't worry about lunch too much.)
Also, since it's right before the weekend you can make sure he understands that if he doesn't complete the school work while he's there he will complete it Sunday and he won't get to do anything fun at home until it's done. Might help a little.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Ok, so generally I'm hearing agreement with the plan. Good.
Specific comments:
quote: None of the cons are, to my mind, earth-shattering enough to warrant the physical demands it would place on the boy.
Interesting way of putting it. Keep in mind that the physical therapist recommended he NOT use a wheelchair, since it's important he continue to use as many of his leg muscles as is possible. It's not like he can just stay in bed for 12 weeks (or even the 6 weeks he'll have the full cast on for).
quote: And some junk food will not particularly impede the healing process in his body.
In addition to a real lunch, I agree 100%. Instead of his lunch (and often, he comes so stuffed on junk that he's not interested in supper either), I disagree. But for a day or two, it's likely not be a big deal.
quote: Just my own gut reaction & feeling, rivka -- if it were my kid, FWIW:
I would keep him out of school the two days. He going through enough stress right now with the cast and all, and two short days is not going to set him back terribly, and might actually give him a much-needed break. School attendance is not the end-all of everything.
Now whether that time off is at your ex's house or somewhere else is totally up to you. But just for the kid, I hope you go with it so he gets that break.
*nod* *nod* *nod* (it would be at his dad's parents' house, actually, and I don't have any other real alternatives) *nod* Yeah, that's about what I was thinking.
quote: Junk food is bad for children, but two days will not spoil him utterly.
It's really not the two days, so much. It's the fact that this happens EVERY time he goes over there -- and yet, I want to encourage him to spend time with them.
quote: Threshold? Ridiculous word, isn't it? Two h's right in the middle? Silly threshhold.
I know! I had to let iespell figure out how to spell that one.
quote: Let him stay, but call occasionally to check on him and ask how his work is coming along.
Good idea! I'll have to figure out how to implement that (given the crazy day I expect to have at work tomorrow).
quote: Might help to stress to Gary (if not Debby) that he really needs to eat some real food or he'll be tired and sluggish. His body is working overtime right now, it needs fuel.
Oooh, good one! Gary is a (retired) engineer, and a science geek. Excellent angle!
quote: Maybe you can mention outright that junk food is fine as long as he gets a real meal or two as well.
*nod*
quote: you make sure he gets a healthy breakfast before he leaves with plenty of calcium, since you're worried about the nutritional issue.
He usually does, but that's a good idea. And I'll emphasize the calcium issue then again.
quote: Also, since it's right before the weekend you can make sure he understands that if he doesn't complete the school work while he's there he will complete it Sunday and he won't get to do anything fun at home until it's done. Might help a little.
That certainly is what will happen (and has before); but good notion to mention it beforehand.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
You will note I said "some", not "lots."
-Trevor
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
True. See, if it were "some," we wouldn't be HAVING this conversation. Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Oh fine, be that way.
If you're really worried, send along some vitamin supplements to balance the lack of legitimate meals.
-Trevor
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Am I supposed to give him protein supplements too? Vitamins and supplements cannot take the place of real food -- the average American's diet is proof of that. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*sigh* Call made. Got objections about him not staying the night there. But I think the rest was heard . . . sort of. And I spoke to DS too, so I guess we'll just see how it goes.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I have to say, if I were your son, I'd be thrilled to have the days off from school, but grumpy my grandma didn't want to cook for me. (Then again, in my family, cooking is how we show love half the time... We're a little neurotic sometimes.)
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Gary and Debby don't keep kosher, so cooking is not an option.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*very ticked*
So, yesterday he ate his lunch -- mostly -- and did a little homework. Not as much as I'd have liked . . . and we discussed last night, that if he didn't finish it up today, he'd likely not have time to do the fun things we had talked about doing Sunday.
I spoke with Gary last night about today's schedule. Since it's Friday (and a pretty early one at that -- Shabbos starts not too long from now), I was supposed to come straight from getting the girls. I estimated that I'd get there shortly after 2. I was wrong I got there a minute or two before.
And discovered there was NO ONE HOME (although DS's backpack was sitting by the back door). Gary's cell was off (as it almost always is -- why have a cell if you never have it on?), but I left a voicemail there, and another message on the house phone. Waited 15 minutes, and then left. Really not happy -- especially since a quick check of the backpack made it clear that he had done NONE of his homework, but HAD been working on a little sticker-book they must have gotten him. And now they were taking him off gallivanting!
He got dropped off about 3:30, with apologies -- Debbie had not heard Gary tell her about today's schedule. And while she agreed with me when I pointed out that if DS was up to going places, he could have gone to school -- or AT LEAST been doing his homework -- I have the sinking feeling that given the same scenario, the same damn thing will happen again.
Right now, he's downstairs working on his homework. And it has been explained that we will not be able to go to his cub scout thing unless he's done with homework first. And that his sisters will be going to the Chanukah carnival, but he will not.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
It's frustrating when adults teach children to be irresponsible by being irresponsible themselves. (((rivka)))
space opera
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Yeah. And then I'm in the position of being the bad guy -- thanks! And they wonder why I'm hesitant to have them watch him. *sigh*
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Definately sucks. Because what is he supposed to say when she says "Hey! Let's go do whatever!" "No, Grandma, I have to do my homework?" But at the same time, he's got to learn the consequences of his actions.
((rivka))
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
*sigh* Rivka, I'm not saying you can solve every problem you have with him staying over there.
However, because of the injury, supplements might be beneficial to solve the immediate need.
If you're that concerned about his homework and diet, next time just bring him home. The relatively minor physical discomfort will be a small price to pay for your piece of mind.
-Trevor
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
"next time just bring him home" -- uh, I work, Trevor. The other option in this case was school, and just spending the afternoon at his grandparents'.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Might help a little. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
)![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Taunt]](graemlins/taunt.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
Am I supposed to give him protein supplements too? Vitamins and supplements cannot take the place of real food -- the average American's diet is proof of that. ![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
But I think the rest was heard . . . sort of. And I spoke to DS too, so I guess we'll just see how it goes.
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
And now they were taking him off gallivanting!![[Frown]](frown.gif)
And then I'm in the position of being the bad guy -- thanks! And they wonder why I'm hesitant to have them watch him. *sigh*