OK, I did it. I did a mean thing, inadvertently, and I want to crawl under a rock for at least a year.
I wrote to someone to ask why I should like someone, because I thought he was sort of mean and creepy. I knew the person I was writing to would give me an objective view, and make me see what I had been offended by in a different light, and realize I was just spouting off,
except...
I sent it to the person I don't really like.
What a freaking idiot!!
I wrote to apologize, and explained how I was really trying to get an opinion from someone I knew loved him. I explained my feelings about him, and why I felt that way.
Is there ANYTHING else I can do to make this better, or should I just take deep breaths and chalk it up on my chalkboard of "Stupidest hings You Have Ever Done?" (I feel like throwong up-have for over an hour)
I remember this happened to someone last year at work. Oh, the pain of stupidity! Oh, the agony of not having pure thoughts at all times, and having that revealed!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh.
[ December 27, 2004, 07:10 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
I'm sorry, I can't help it....
Suck it up and drive on, I guess.
Nothing else to be done about it.
Kwea
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
I hear Antarctica is very nice this time of year. Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
(((Elizabeth)))
It's okay if you think I'm creepy . . .
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
(((Elizabeth)))
I'm fairly sure that *everyone* does this sort of thing at least once in their lives.
You can't undo it, and I think you've done all you can to make up for it. In the meantime, suffer a bit over it. Sometimes these things open up all kinds of good communication and create friendship where there was none before. Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
Just make sure you didn't title the response 'Dear X'. Posted by Coccinelle (Member # 5832) on :
Hope that his e-mail inbox was so jammed with spam that your e-mail gets bounced back?
I'm sorry, I've done that before. I hope that he is understanding and realizes that the purpose of the e-mail was to find reasons to like him.
Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
Well, it's rare to get a chance to see what people REALLY think of us. Perhaps he will use this as a growing and enlightening experience.
-Katarain
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
ouch, that seems like one of those southwest airlines comercials where they have someone in a crappy situation and then say
"want to get away?"
I don't think there is much that you can do. I guess just wait to see what the person says. Maybe it will be a wakeup call for him and he will stop being mean and creepy.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Oh man! Remember when I did that very thing earlier this year? I made a thread about it too...
I wanted to die.
Hatrackers were very very supportive, and I lived.
Hugs to Elizabeth!
((Elizabeth))
Farmgirl
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Farmgirl, it was you! I knew there had been a thread. Thank you.
"Sometimes these things open up all kinds of good communication and create friendship where there was none before."
I am thankful that this is exactly what happened. He totally understood, and I feel so LUCKY.
Kwea, I am sure it will be funny to me some day many years from now. ("Why, I oughtta...")
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I'm glad it's working out okay.
I did something awful once, and it didn't turn out okay and I still have major guilt twinges over it. I and a co-worker were reading a memo written by another co-worker out loud, laughing at the mistakes in it and making fun of her. Just like in the movies, she came up right behind us and heard it.
Everytime I think about how she must have felt I feel bad. It was absolutely a horrible thing to have done, and I know I was an insensitive jerk.
I apologized but our relationship didn't mend, ever. Of course I no longer work, but when I think back to my times of working for that company, it's one of the only bad memories.
My advice to you - be thankful, and forgive yourself.
Posted by Sara Sasse (Member # 6804) on :
Liz, that is great!
Kudos to you and to your hapless victim. (Seriously, sounds like you both are handling a sticky situation like real grown-ups. Rare!)
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I still have one lingering from the seventh grade.
I'm glad things worked out for you and, like Belle said, forgiving yourself is important. (Creepy, mean and understanding. What a combo!)
[ December 27, 2004, 04:58 PM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I'm going to think about making that one of my New Year's resolutions -- don't say anthing about a 3rd party unless I wouldn't mind them hearing it.
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
I find banishing myself from hatrack for 7 weeks worked okay.
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
Why would you keep El Creepo in your mailing list???
Sumpin' don' jibe none.
[ December 27, 2004, 05:30 PM: Message edited by: aspectre ]
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
The subconscious is a powerful and frightening force, is all I can guess.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
aspectre, It is someone who a lot of people(on another email group I am in) really like, but who I found stand-offish. I was looking for confirmation that he was nice, because I had had some weird moments. I think it was more one of those physical things, hard to explain, when someone is really shy, but seems snobby? And I knew the person I was writing to really loved him and would make me feel OK.
Anyway, I agree with you Mr. P_H, and I try to do that in my life and always have. I just seem to get caught when I fall off the wagon of niceness, just like I did when I tried to sneak out of my house ONCE in high school, and got bagged, big time.
Ralphie, 'fess up!
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
For those of you that have a subconscious, that might be true.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote: Ralphie, 'fess up!
I was just unforgivably rude to a kid that was kind enough to introduce himself to me when I moved to a new school. Not very interesting, it just took me a long time to stop feeling guilt.
Off topic: Is it just me, or is mph contrary by nature?
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
It's true. I am.
I sometimes try to overcome that nature, sometimes not.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
Contrary and wishy-washy.
(I know you agreed with me just to be contrary to being contrary. I see right through you, as if I were wearing those cool 50's see-through glasses which I ordered through the mail and waited six to eight weeks for delivery.)
[ December 28, 2004, 11:53 AM: Message edited by: Ralphie ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Ralphie, I still have major guilt over standing outside the circle of kids who were chanting mean things to a girl in sixth grade, I did not join in, but I did not help, and she was crushed. I can still remember it as if it happened today.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I'm contrary by nature, but I'm also honest by nature. I also am extremly honest by choice.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
I'm a msg-loaded cheeze eater by nature, and Cheetos connoisseur by choice.
So, I get where you're coming from.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Ah. The bridges of understanding we are building today.
Posted by Foust (Member # 3043) on :
So what was the problem? That he found out that you don't like him, or that he found out that you aren't as morally good as you want everyone to think you are?
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Nothing in what she did makes her less "morally good."
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
Posted by Foust (Member # 3043) on :
quote:Nothing in what she did makes her less "morally good."
I agree, but I don't think she does.
quote:Oh, the agony of not having pure thoughts at all times, and having that revealed!
I'm asking what was worse. Was it having impure thoughts revealed?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Foust, Both things felt awful to me. My impure thoughts being revealed I could take on myself, though. I felt terrible that I had hurt his feelings, even though it turns out his feelings were not hurt.
Posted by eslaine (Member # 5433) on :
quote: I still have major guilt over standing outside the circle of kids who were chanting mean things to a girl in sixth grade, I did not join in, but I did not help, and she was crushed. I can still remember it as if it happened today.
Elizabeth, that was just survival. I could never condemn a person for that.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Thank you, Erik, but it is still there. I wonder if she remembers it. I was always one of those kids who was not all the way popular, and not all the way unpopular.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Maybe we should all tell stories about being mortified to make you feel better. And I promise you, I would win.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Prove it.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Bring it on, Annie! (I had remembered Farmgirl's, even thoug I did not remember her as the one who had the work related email disaster, but I could feel that stomach-drop all the way across the country)
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Hmm.... where should I start? The time I asked a boy's dad to the prom?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Yes! Start with that!
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Yeah, I was lame and desperate and needed a prom date so I called my friend/next-door-neighbor boy. His mom answered and I asked for him and a male voice answered the other extension (darn those other extensions) and I did my whole "I don't have a prom date, do you want to go as friends?" spiel. And, um, then it was an awkward, "I think you want to talk to Levi" and then I got to do it all again. And then he said no. And about 4 of my friends were over at his house at the time. And then I asked him to prom the next year and he stood me up.
Shall we talk about the boy who in seventh grade who I left about 15 answering machine messages?
Posted by Megachirops (Member # 4325) on :
But are we talking about being mortified moments or about mortifying guilt moments. Because I don't see anything to feel guilty about in yoiur story.
I still have awful guilty feelings over something I did when I was six or so. Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Only 15?
Damn, you were a shy one, weren't you?
[ December 28, 2004, 09:24 PM: Message edited by: Kwea ]
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Dear X,....
@Kat.
AJ
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
When I was a senior in high school, my friend and I decided that we would do a double date for Friday the 13th. So I had to get a date for that specific night.
Girl after girl turned me down. Some because they had plans that night. Some -- because it was me asking. I asked over a dozen girls out before I finally got a date.
It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. From that point on, I was fearless. "What's the worst that could happen? She'll say no!" I could ask out anybody because I knew that getting told no wouldn't hurt me.
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
But Annie, those are stories of rejection in which you are the victim. Well, sort of.
So what do you do when you are stood up for the prom?
Posted by raventh1 (Member # 3750) on :
I give you an A+ for honesty directly to the person. This was dumb?
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
quote: It was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. From that point on, I was fearless. "What's the worst that could happen? She'll say no!" I could ask out anybody because I knew that getting told no wouldn't hurt me.
Sounds like good advice for someone who has problems asking people out. Keep them focused on simply wanting to find someone to go out with on a particular night, so they are distracted from being nervous about the actual asking out process.
Of course if the girl who said yes finds out she was option 13 or 14 for the night it could get awkward...but hey, isn't all dating awkward at times
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