I love women, but they ain't that interested in me.
The thing that trips me up tons is the fact that for about 15 years, I had amazing luck with someone amazing girls and women. For the last thousand days or so, it's been the oppositte.
I guess it's not the much diffrent, when I was a little chunky and 13 living the Dungeons and Dragons/ Star Wars Gi Joe Action figure-Video Game days, no girls wanted to kiss me.
I've got a belly, a lightsaber, and some of the greatest video game moments I could ever wish for, women don't want to kiss me.
it's like girls look at me and see this creature from another planet.
I subconsciously jumped off a cliff into the undateable waters, I'd like to dry off.
Sweet.
Love,
T
Posted by The Silverblue Sun (Member # 1630) on :
Sure fumbled the ball through that one.
dang, hard to explain
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
HNN i've never had a date at all. I'd love to have one with a male or female. Doesn't matter as long as they are not annoying and don't irratate me. Really, this confession makes me feel like a DORK. What sort of video games?
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Well, let's see...
.. have you asked anyone out during the last 3 years? Or are you waiting for them to come to you?
The photo (if you want to call it that) you linked to almost makes you look scary. Do you smile much? Ever? At All?
Farmgirl
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
*looks at pictures*
A good starting place would be to smile Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
Do things you like to do that involve other people. Go to them solely to enjoy the activity, not to "pick up chicks."
Well, if you really want honesty, you aren't bad looking. Is your personality in real life anything like it is here? You sound a bit nuts here, which is why I ask. Stoner's are fun when your in your late teens or early 20s, but after that, they are just pathetic losers. And playing with light sabers when you are a teenager, while still a bit odd, well, you can get away with it then, because you still have a lot of potential. Once you hit about 25-30 and are still living in your mom's basement, getting stoned and playing with light sabers, you're just sad.
And can I just say, I think you're kind of cute, but you are my general type, so. But your weight really has nothing to do with whether or not the ladies will like you. If you are uncomfortable with your weight, then it might be an issue, and if you were really overweight, it would probably hinder first impressions and whether or not a girl even wanted to bother getting to know you, but you don't look that overweight and if you are cool, the weight wouldn't matter. (Says the person whose husband could probably crush you like a bug.)
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I've been thinking for at least a year that Syn and Thor should get together. Seriously, you guys seem to me like you'd click.
I've seen pictures of Thor in social situations, and he does smile.
Thor, I'm not a woman, so I'm not really who you were asking, but I'll throw in my two cents anyway.
To what degree are you social these days? In addition to playing video games, are you going out and doing things that you enjoy in environments that are conducive to meeting people?
There for a while it seemed from your posts that you were feeling a bit depressed. Was I right in thinking that? If so, are you still generally depressed?
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
Sometimes, it can work like this:
happiness -> confidence -> attractiveness
Work on the first, and the second and third come along for the ride. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
::nods::
yup.
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
I am a lady, and I think Thor is very handsome (I am married, though, sorry buddy). He is artistic and slightly odd (which can be attractive).
What have you been doing outside of art and video games? Have you been going to school? Have you been working? Where do you go that you might meet other people?
I agree with the confidence/attractiveness formula. It's absolutely true. I was overweight all through highschool and college, and never lacked for dates. *shrug*
I don't know what you are like in real life, but I'm sure you are a perfectly nice person. Believe in your attractiveness, and you will *be* attractive.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I like to see people smile and joke
EDIT: I'm not saying that specifically to you, Thor, I don't know you so I can't judge. Just in general.
In my opinion, a smile always looks better than a serious face. Even a glimmer of good humour, a glint, is enough to make someone light up.
[ January 09, 2005, 12:00 AM: Message edited by: Teshi ]
Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
You sound like my husband, and I think he's awesome. We got together when he was 28. I think he had about lost hope.
Stoners who play with light sabres are cool! Although I think Katanas and real swords are much more awesome. We have about a million blades here.
I don't have any advice on how to meet people, though. I met my husband online. I met ALL of my relationships online.. maybe that's lame, but whatever... I'm happily married now. Who cares how we met?
Maybe there's a hatracker out there for ya!
-Katarain
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
You know, Thor, one of the few things that attracts women more than the starving artist is the decently well off artist
In other words, want to sell some prints? I'll buy. What's more, I'll help you sell more.
[ January 08, 2005, 11:57 PM: Message edited by: fugu13 ]
Posted by WheatPuppet (Member # 5142) on :
I think I may be able to relate--for a long time I thought women thought I was an alien. It's really not true, though. Good women love to meet interesting people, and those that don't aren't your type anyway.
A really important part is not to be afraid to come out and say that you're a dork. I do it on a daily basis, mainly as a reminder to my girlfriend. Like fiber, it keeps me regular. There's a suprising number of women out there that are enthusiastic about dorks/nerds/propeller heads/etc or are at least neutral about it.
Another thing is to talk about what you care about (artwork, star wars, whatever else). Don't be afraid that they're going to think wierd things about you. If they do, they aren't the kind of person for you. If they smile and nod, you might have something special. If they're just as enthusiastic about such things as you, grab onto them and never, ever let go.
I second the comments about doing social things. Social activities allow you to connect with people and, by extension, members of the fairer sex.
Good luck,
Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
quote:It's been 3 years since I had a date.
14, I beat you.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
I think Syn beat us all, JH .
Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :
Syn's never had a date??? I don't believe that for a second. She's too cool to not have had a date. (((Syn))) Oh, and hang in there man, it'll happen.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I don't remember how old Syn is off the top of my head, but I think Chris Kidd has her beat by a few years.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I grew up sort of sheltered, the opportunity never presented itself... And now neither guys or girls seem very interested in me right now... perhaps it's because I am TOO introverted because anyone, even goons like Rush Limbaugh who is just yucky can meet someone... It doesn't have much to do with looks, more like... chemistry... I wish I was a bit less shy at least. On July this girl I like a lot was just sitting on the ground talking to this other girl, forming a connection and it was a bit painful for me to watch because that never has happened to me yet. Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
I know... except I'm at a boys' school. We have too many homo-sexuals, too many perverts, and too many lessons.
If I date Syn, that breaks the miserable record, or not. (Since it will be purely platonic.)
Oh, wait, I annoy and irritate people, can I have my PhD?
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Courtesy of The Mr. T Experience:
quote: Even Hitler Had a Girlfriend
I still haven't found a girlfriend, Though i've tried a lot. So, can you help me please, It's tougher than i thought.
The odds are pretty good, but the goods are pretty odd. Though at this point, I'll take anything you've got.
I see this all the time, Nice girls in love with jerks, What could they be thinking? Tell me how it works.
If i got some problems, Well i wouldn't be the first. But the ones I have in mind are even worse.
And even Hitler had a girlfriend, Who he could always call, That would always be there for him In spite of all his faults He was the worst guy ever. reviled and despised, Even Hitler had a girlfriend So why can't I? Why can't I?
Life is full of contradictions Hard to understand And for every happy woman, There's a lonely man
Nixon had his puppy. Charles Manson had his clan God forbid that i get a girlfriend.
Even Hitler had a girlfriend Who he could call his own, To sweeten days of bitterness, and feeling all alone
I'm not as bad as Hitler, But that doesn't mean a thing, Since they'd rather be with Hitler, more than me I don't see, why they'd rather be with Hitler, more than me.
[ January 09, 2005, 12:26 AM: Message edited by: Noemon ]
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
May I just second the "talk about things you like" point? Being enthusiastic about things is attractive. Really caring about something shows a part of your personality that "small talk" doesn't.
I hate beer. I think it is nasty, foul stuff. I went out to dinner with a professional brewmaster last week, and he was at his most attractive for the evening while talking about cleaning out the beer lines at the pub where he works. He was knowledgable and enthusiastic and passionate about his topic, and it made it (and him) interesting to me. (As a side note, never, ever drink the first pull of the day at a brewpub. Icky, icky, icky.)
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Thor, I don't feel I know you well enough to see anything you're doing wrong. There are girls who would be perfectly happy to date guys with lightsabers, or starving artists, or even aliens if they're sufficiently humanoid. It isn't true that you have to have a job to be attractive to every woman, though many will think it important. For some, it will be the reason you don't have a job that counts. If it's because you're throwing your heart and energy into something you love but won't get paid for, that's great and will be attractive to some women. It really only becomes a problem when the man is unemployed because he is lazy or keeps getting fired for things that are his fault, which I assume does not apply to you.
Here's the important part: The fastest way to make yourself unattractive to women is to be desperate for a girlfriend. They don't want to be merely a way for you to scratch your itch. If you'll go for anyone who's female and interested, you won't get anyone at all. Trust me, I've had a lot of desperate guys pursue me, and no matter how many other great attributes they have, it turns me off every time.
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
I like beards but some girls don't. How attached are you to the beard (psychologically)?
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I kind of don't like hairy men... Lunky is an exception, but hairy... no... Perhaps it's because I like women just a bit more. I can't really decide and it's confusing.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Well, beards do grow back quickly. I don't think there's anything weird-looking about Thor's facial hair, and can't see why it would be a problem. At any rate, you could try experimenting, Thor, and see if you get dates with a shaved face.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
I prefer hairy men - let me say that from the start. And you remind me of a teddy bear. In other words, harmless. All good. (And yep, I'm married, too. To a geek. With a much wilder and much more out of control beard than you. Actually, he's looking more like a fundamentalist Muslim. ) Point being that geek ain't bad. I'm a geek.
Smile more if you don't smile much already. Smiles help hugely.
And why not try to expand your circle of friends and find someone in that circle? That can work. Like others have posted, get out and do things you already enjoy.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
quote:As a side note, never, ever drink the first pull of the day at a brewpub. Icky, icky, icky.
um, okay. I won't then.
-o-
My wife gave me a lightsaber. How's that?
I'm pretty sure there's someone for everyone. The only thing I know is you need to be where things can happen, but you need to not try too hard to make them happen. And don't try to hide the things that make you weird.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I think the lightsaber would be a turn-on.
The pessimism and self-deprecation, though, are a major turn-off.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
I think we need a better picture to make a determination Thor. Post a regular photo. With a smile.
And I can't believe you have got to meet Noemon! How come I'm the only one who has never got to meet Jake!
Farmgirl
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Taking one's self too seriously is a major turn-off. Lighten up, let life flow and then flow with it.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Honestly, just be optimistic. If you're all gloom and doom, it turns off the ladies. You're not a bad looking guy, ya know. (I said before you looked like Jack Black, which is not an insult. He's a good looking guy and his manic energy is magnetic...)
Anyway, sometimes I feel like you do too. I guess I've just decided to leave those feelings of inadequacy behind me and concentrate on doing the things I love to do..
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I keep thinking romance will come to me if I fufill my dream of writing... Perhaps it will fall into place. Perhaps...
Posted by WheatPuppet (Member # 5142) on :
One point that hasn't been directly addressed is that you aren't looking for "a woman" you're looking for a certain kind of woman that's complimentary to you. You should be leery of changing your behavior too much to get a date, since a relationship with any longevity at all is based on honesty and communication.
For example, the first person I was in a long-term relationship had an unrealistic vision of me, and I had an unrealistic vision of her. I thought she was a very mature person because she handled a lot of responsibilities, and she thought I was selflessly devoted to her. When that relationship blew up it was very painful for both of us.
Posted by vwiggin (Member # 926) on :
quote:How attached are you to the beard (psychologically)?
I love this post. Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Thor, you're kind of cute, but I suspect you might be a bit too male for Syn. You are, however, daffy, relatively unaccomplished, and a bit emotionally needy; these three things reinforce each other, and if they're fed in the wrong way, they can produce this kind of forcefield of low self-esteem that allows germs and pizza through but repels all other forms of life.
You can recognize the symptoms of this in yourself, to see if I've got the right diagnosis: do you fall briefly in love with every semi-attractive woman with a bit of spirit and joie-de-vivre who seems to tolerate your presence? Do you hang around her hoping that she'll show an interest in you romantically, and wind up counseling her on her other romantic relationships (which are, in general, pathetically bad compared to the one you imagine you could have with her)? If so, I would recommend quitting women cold turkey for a while and concentrate on completing some large, mercantile project of some sort, so you can put it on your mental resume.
[ January 09, 2005, 11:43 AM: Message edited by: TomDavidson ]
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
quote: You are, however daffy, relatively unaccomplished, and a bit emotionally needy; these three things reinforce each other, and if they're fed in the wrong way, they can produce this kind of forcefield of low self-esteem that allows germs and pizza through but repels all other forms of life.
I would think this even funnier if I didn't think I was the female equivalent of the male in your second paragraph... :/
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
Have you considered online dating? Try Googling OkCupid, it's free.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Yeah, my friend met her boyfriend on OKcupid.com. They became friends on AIM and then when they met it went so well that they started dating. Rather cute, actually.
Posted by Liaison (Member # 6873) on :
Wish I could help ya, but I'm going on 18 years here myself. Dating has never appealed to me. I think my parents are starting to regret sheltering me as much as they have. I prefer to be alone...not in a negative, lonely, depressed kind of way, but in a, that's just when I'm happiest kind of way. Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
I am reading this book, "The War of Art" by Stephen Pressfield, and re-reading Thor's post made me think of it. I think Thor should read it. It's got a lot of "snap out of it" statements that might help.
I know that it's making *me* feel guilty for making excuses about not writing (for example).
*grin*
Posted by vwiggin (Member # 926) on :
A good way to meet people is to sign up for Friendster or start a blog on Xanga. These sites are not specifically intended for dating, so there is less pressure. You can meet all sorts of cool people there who share your interests. For example, you can try a 420-friendly blog ring on Xanga. Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Jexx, have you read "Gates of Fire" and "The Last Amazon??"
Posted by WheatPuppet (Member # 5142) on :
*hands p-Thong a cookie and a Makepeace Smith plushie, whoever you are*
May you be better with women than him. Welcome to Hatrack.
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
Elizabeth,
No, I haven't. I'm embarassed to say that I have not yet found an interest in historical fiction. Embarassed, because I *met* Stephen Pressfield and had to admit to him that I hadn't read his books. They are hugely popular here at West Point, though. I'm thinking of starting with his newest, "Virtues of War", because it's about Alexander, and I know a little bit more about the Greeks and Romans than I do about the Pelopennesians (however you spell that).
Did you know he also wrote "The Legend of Bagger Vance"? What a varied mind he has!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Jexx, I did know that! I found it odd as well. I love historical fiction, but i do not love gory stuff, usually. My dad gave me the book thinking I would not like it, but I could not put it down. When I was near the end, I had to go out in the yeard and hide from the family, because I was sobbing so hard. I cannot remember when a novel hit me so hard, and I am a wicked softie.
(sorry to hijack thread, Thor! Leaving now!)
edit to say not odd, but surprising, that he wrote the Legend of Bagger Vance)
[ January 09, 2005, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Farmgirl, I haven't actually met Thor, I've just seen pictures of him. Posted on Foobonic, if I recall. I actually haven't met *any* hatrackers, although I want to remedy that in the next 6 months or so.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Hey Thor, if you come to Poland, I'll go out on a date with you.
[ January 09, 2005, 03:22 PM: Message edited by: Kama ]
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Cool smile. Kinda reminds me of Byrn Terfel size and slighly looks-wise. Byrn Terfel is so cool but Dmitri Hvorostovsky stole my heart and he HAS to be a good baritone to steal me away from Bryn Terfel. Maybe I just like lyric baritones even better than non lyrical baritones and that's saying something...
I just realize I HAVE had several semi-dates.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
My advice to everyone who is worried about being single is to stop looking at it as a problem and start looking at it as an opportunity to deepen your relationships with friends and family. You’ve got all that relationship-energy that you’re not putting into maintaining a romantic relationship – use it to become a better sibling or friend. Quit feeling incomplete because you don’t have a date. You’ll be happier and, (in a paradoxical side effect), people who are happy by themselves are more attractive than people who are desperately looking for a date. And I speak from experience – I had ten years with no dates between the end of my last relationship and the beginning of my current one.
Special to the younger folks – despite the tales you’re likely to hear about 13 year old stud-muffins, not dating until you’re 16-17 or even 18-19 isn’t that uncommon. You should start dating because you meet someone you want to spend time with, not because you reach a certain age.
Special to Thor – part of your problem might be the way you talk/think about women. From what you’ve posted on Hatrack in the past it sounds (to me) like you are either looking for an idol or an apprentice. And very few women are looking for a worshipper or a master. Try thinking in terms of friends and partners, it’s more appealing.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I should have gotten it out of the way when I was younger, but it's not my fault that I didn't care about such things when I was in high school at the average age. Perhaps I will focus on writing, reading and music like I always do and see what happens.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
quote: And I speak from experience – I had ten years with no dates between the end of my last relationship and the beginning of my current one.
Try again:
quote: And I speak from experience – I had ten years with no dates between the end of my prior relationship and the beginning of my lastone.
Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
The picture with Thor similing is very attractive. He exudes confidence and friendliness in that photo. Thor, what were you thinking about when that was taken?
Posted by Jenny Gardener (Member # 903) on :
Thor, take fugu up on his offer. He is right. You have an edgy-artisty appeal (which JENNY finds sexy), but without the funds to keep a lady in the style to which she has become accustomed, you won't keep a girl around for long. She has to have enough to eat, etc. Ambition, accompanying artistic vision, is tres sexy.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
*totally agrees, but Thor=cool anyway*
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
quote: She has to have enough to eat
That's always a plus. Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Thank you Ic. That is, of course, a much better phrasing of what I meant to say. Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Thor, in that smiling picture, you look absolutely cute, approachable, and fun. In that non-smiling picture, you look like you could be a serial killer. You need to get involved in things that make you smile like the first one - you were obviously enjoying yourself, and that's the best time to meet people/start relationships (romantic or otherwise.)
BTW, before I met hubby, I hadn't dated in 8 or 9 years. I was sick of it and decided to take an indefinite break that I thought would last the rest of my life. Little did I know what was actually going to happen . . .
Yeah, sometimes, taking a break from dating can be a really good idea. As in, if you're addicted to wanting to be in love, or addicted to relationships. Or if dating is harming you in any way because you haven't dealt with emotional stuff. Better to take a break, deal with the issues, and then resume dating later when you're ready for it. But since I don't know you that well, I can't say if that's what you need or not. Only you can decide.
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
I agree with a lot of what has been said here, particularly about devoting yourself to friends and family, jobs and hobbies you enjoy, and your own happiness.
Also, put down the lightsaber and game controller (or joystick, whatever it's called) and go out. Not necessarily to bars, but to film festivals or concerts or rodeos. Whatever grabs your fancy. You are much more likely to meet the girl of your dreams at the library or park than sitting at home playing video games.
Don't think that "cool" women won't go for "dorky" guys. My husband might be considered a major dork and I... am not one, but I adore him.
BTW, love the lapels on the white shirt.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I can testify that I had come to terms with the fact that I genuinely thought I would be single for the rest of my life and could be happy single when Steve and I got together. Part of it I think was the fact that since I *knew* I would be single for the rest of my life, I had nothing to lose by trying this particular relationship.
AJ
Posted by The Silverblue Sun (Member # 1630) on :
I have always loved Hatrack. It is a great place, but until now I've had a hard time putting a finger on what makes hatrack so great.
I can say now, that Hatrack is brilliant because it is chock filled with strong Intelligent women, who are obviously attracted to Orson Scott Card's well written Strong Intelligent women.
You care and are kind.
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Posted by The Silverblue Sun (Member # 1630) on :
= The Honorable Strong Intelligent woman award goes to Tom Davidson.
Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :
I'm curious about why your last relationship with a woman ended, because the reason might be very relevant to answering your question.
Your problem might simply be a time of life issue. Once you are out of college, it is simply harder to meet people and make new friends.
It's also possible that you scare women away by coming on too strong. Based on you initial entrance into to hatrack, my guess is that you compensate for your initial discomfort in new social situations with a lot of bravado that bowls people over. That is one of the surest ways to scare off women.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
.
![[Angst]](graemlins/angst.gif)
) Point being that geek ain't bad. I'm a geek.![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)
= The Honorable Strong Intelligent woman award goes to Tom Davidson.