I guess that I should start with a little background. About two months ago I started dating a girl that I have known for about 3 months before that. We have always gotten along great. Although being that this was probably my first true girlfriend I had little to no idea what I was doing(not to say I have no experience with girls in general as most of my best friends are of that persuasion).
So today at lunch we were with her friends and it went fine I have no problems with them and really I kind of enjoy listening to the gossip from the younger grades(I'm grade 11 she's grade 9) Anyways back to the story. We went to her locker to get her stuff and I walked with her towards her class until the point that I was going to be late if I didn't go(no big deal)
So as were walking she says to me and this might be slightly paraphrased "With my MRI's and stuff I'm thinking can we just be friends?" and being me I answer with something like "If thats what you want, ok." and then she asks me if I'm mad and again my nature is very much not to be. So I told her that. and then we both went to class. I guess it's kinda anti-climactic
Now writing this hear is more of a "I need to tell someone" than anything else and the one friend I might have talked to disappeared right after school.
But I do have a question. Was the "can we just be friends truthful or was it more of a bad breakup line? Because I really do like this girl.
[ January 10, 2005, 05:31 PM: Message edited by: DarkWizard ]
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
It might have been truthful.
But it definitely was a bad breakup line.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
The MRIs part confuses me. What does that have to do with it? Is she refering to medical tests? 'Cause if that's the case and she has health issues it might be that she's feeling overwhelmed and doesn't have the time/emotional energy for a "more than friends" relationship.
But it was still a bad break-up line.
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
Grade 9 is awfully young. Not that I didn't think I was ready for more than friends at that age.
If this is just an excuse, what choice do you really have? I guess you just want to know how to process the emotions you are going through. If you and she really remain friends, it should be pretty apparent whether she has some serious condition. But if she doesn't treat you as a friend, then you'll know.
But I'd recommend you extend her the trust rather than withdrawing. You may get hurt, and then you'll know a little bit more about getting involved with much younger women.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
Better it happened now then later.
I did the same thing in 11th grade, but ended up dating the girl for almost four years. When she graduated she dumped me, saying she needed to grow as a person.
Younger girls can't be trusted. And I'm only slightly bitter.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I'm trying really hard not to giggle, here.
So you're only gonna date girls your age or older going forward?
'Cause believe me, the fact that the last older guy I dated cheated on me isn't going to make it so I only date my age or younger guys from now on. Since obviously that one experience makes it so older guys can't be trusted.
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
There has to be a formula to answer the age gap question.
I posit that if intellectual development is complete at 25, that means we develop at a rate of 4% per year. That makes this girl 8 percentage points behind you.
Yet we can somewhat agree that a 2 year age gap is greater the younger you are. So you are (assuming an age of 17) at 64 development points. That means she is 1/8th behind you. When you are 18, a girl 2 years younger will only be 1/9th behind you.
I don't know if IQ affects this a lot. No matter how smart you are, the development of your prefrontal cortex is what is complete around the age of 25.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:the fact that the last older guy I dated cheated on me isn't going to make it so I only date my age or younger guys from now on.
And if you ever had a younger guy cheat on you, you'd be totally screwed.
[ January 10, 2005, 05:53 PM: Message edited by: Dagonee ]
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
quote: And if you ever had a younger guy cheat on you, you'd be totally screwed.
No, I could still date guys my own age. Exactly my own age. I might have a problem finding a good pool of guys born at 1:58 AM 8/13/73, but I'd try. Plus, girls would still be open.
(Edit: My first response impulse to this was so incredibly naughty that I knew I'd have to pull a Sara and edit it right away, so I just didn't go there.)
[ January 10, 2005, 06:03 PM: Message edited by: ElJay ]
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
I guess the 1/8th and 1/9th could have been figured out without any of the spiel about brain development. I was just throwing that in because I know a lot of adults with 4, 7 and 9 year gaps. Though it tends to be the woman who is older than the man.
ElJay: I know what it was.
I'd say that if a guy is your age at least half the time, he's your age so fear not. That give you most of a year to pick from.
[ January 10, 2005, 06:06 PM: Message edited by: Trisha the Severe Hottie ]
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
*giggle* You sure do.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:(Edit: My first response impulse to this was so incredibly naughty that I knew I'd have to pull a Sara and edit it right away, so I just didn't go there.)
That wasn't my intent.
Not at all.
Where's that whistle innoccently smiley?
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
As far as dating ages, I've always liked the "half your age + 7" rule, starting at age 15. To go older, it's your age - 7 * 2.
So a 15 year old could date someone as young as 14.5 and as old as 16. A perfectly acceptable range at that age.
A 20 year old gets a 17 - 26 range. Also quite nice. Although they need to be aware of the legalities of the situation if one is under 18.
At 30, your range is 22 - 46. At 40, 27 - 66. At those ages, a wider difference is less important... although I must admit I don't think I'd actually date a 22 year old. Or it would have to be a pretty special one.
It's a completely arbitraty rule... but if you have to set a guideline, it's as good as any.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
(You guys are all naughty. You need your brains washed out with soap. )
Posted by Lady Jane (Member # 7249) on :
quote:I'd actually date a 22 year old. Or it would have to be a pretty special one.
Twinky's 22. But then, he's really special. *grin*
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
33 – 7 = 26 26 * 2 = 52 46 < 52
[ January 10, 2005, 06:19 PM: Message edited by: dkw ]
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
kat, you cut the "I don't think" off that on purpose.
As for your comment, I also don't date married men.
Added to dkw: Like you were gonna call off the wedding if the math didn't work? After all, you already sent out the invitations.
[ January 10, 2005, 06:42 PM: Message edited by: ElJay ]
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
dkw.
My husband and I have a lot of disagreement on this. He knows someone who married a man younger than one of her kids. But I think it's a lot different when the woman is older. Is that sexist of me? Whenever I see a middle aged man with a young woman I think "mid-life crisis".
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote: Is that sexist of me?
probably
[ January 10, 2005, 06:43 PM: Message edited by: mr_porteiro_head ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Only if you would change your opinion based on hirsuteness.
Posted by Trisha the Severe Hottie (Member # 6000) on :
Hirsuteness? How hairy they are? Or do you mean how hair they are not? Like if a bald man is with a younger woman I wouldn't judge him harshly.
I guess if a couple is divided by as many as 15 years I don't worry too much about it. I just dislike wondering about people's first wives and if they pay an accountant a lot of money to shield their income from the child support or alimony settlement.
It doesn't seem like women are as often going to be in that situation. But I guess women do get the kids.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
I'll date younger girls when I'm older, and the younger girls aren't quite so immature. By younger girls I meant girls under 19. Unless I find a REALLY hot one that's just as dorky as me. Then I will make an exception. But then, most older girls I meet are only into drinking, partying and all that jazz, which I'm not so much into. Thus I'm left with a very very small pool of girls.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I'll just grow old with my sweetie.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Sorry, I've been out drinking and partying, what did I miss?
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
22-7=15 15*2=30 32>30
Rats. Guess I better tell Tony the wedding is off.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Nah, just have him hop an FTL ship for a couple years.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Good idea.
Can we bend physics a little so he can arrive back by Saturday week please?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Don't ask me. I'm strictly theoretical.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
quote:I kind of enjoy listening to the gossip from the younger grades(I'm grade 11 she's grade 9)
This made me snort.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
"Was the "can we just be friends truthful or was it more of a bad breakup line?"
Just to get back to the question: it was a bad breakup line, but it was also probably truthful.
I'm just going on gut instinct, here, but it sounds like you were a bit clingy and/or doting, and I don't think she wanted that from you. So she'd rather go back to the respectful but friendly distance you maintained before you started dating.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Tom, I just reread DarkWizard's post, and wondered where you got the clingy/doting impression?
DW, the girl wanted to break up, but did not want to hurt your feelings. Your response was mature and respectful, and opened the door for friendship if that is what she truly wants. (which I doubt. It is a line I heard for many, many years.)
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Because in my experience, decent guys with little experience with girls tend to start out either a) doting or b) neglectful. And neglectful guys tend to get a different response from women who want to break up with them, while doting guys will always get the "let's be friends" line.
Posted by DarkWizard (Member # 6186) on :
I hate to say that I think that I fit into both categories some of the time
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
That's a trick. How do you manage that one?
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Wasn't that pretty much normal behavior for someone in 9th grade? You date, you break up, you date, you break up, ad nauseum. Were you really looking for more than that?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Hmm. Neglectful always worked for me, I am sad to say. But for the over-doting fellows, I just hid from them. My husband caught me by being both doting and neglectful. I think it is known as "stringing one along."
![[Blushing]](graemlins/blushing.gif)
I was just throwing that in because I know a lot of adults with 4, 7 and 9 year gaps. Though it tends to be the woman who is older than the man.![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
I know what it was. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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