1) Some kids bring home a litter of wolf pups after the mother is found dead from starvation.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
2) Some weeks later, in which mom has dealt with yapping wolf pups and their poop, the kids come back to find the wolves gone. Mom explains she found a farm for the wolves to live on, where they can run and play as much as they want.
[ January 21, 2005, 07:46 PM: Message edited by: sndrake ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
- Someone figures out that stale urine is a really good liquid to use for tanning leather.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Some ancient Israeli children fill an empty sheep's bladder with milk, because water is so scarce where they live. They throw the round, heavy bladder back and forth, trying to keep it away from each other. Finally, it falls onto the ground and bursts. The children see some thick white goop, which used to be milk, around the bladder, and dare each other to try it. Finally, the children go back to camp and get the youngest child, Michael. He tries it, though he won't try anything. He likes it.
[ January 21, 2005, 08:07 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Ooh...good one!
Someone leaves some grain out in a bowl and it gets wet in the rain. They forget about it and come back later to find that it smells really funny. They drink the water anyway -- on a dare, of course -- and the whole group get's complete smashed!
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Later, that same Michael is dared to eat some of the grain in the bowl, which has dried and increased in size. Again, he declares he likes it!
(disclaimer: this joke only works for adults who were children in the 70's)
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
The parents of the first group of kids smells this concoction of spoiled milk. Their first vocalization becomes its name. The father takes a whif and goes "Jeeze" Over the millenium the j has been transliterated to a ch.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
quote:Later, that same Michael is dared to eat some of the grain in the bowl, which has dried and increased in size. Again, he declares he likes it!
(disclaimer: this joke only works for adults who were children in the 70's)
Is it sad that I am one of those kids and it took me a minute to figure this one out? LOL
Posted by Heffaji (Member # 3669) on :
quote:Later, that same Michael is dared to eat some of the grain in the bowl, which has dried and increased in size. Again, he declares he likes it!
(disclaimer: this joke only works for adults who were children in the 70's)
Actually, people alive in the 90's should get this too since it was brought back.
[ January 21, 2005, 10:27 PM: Message edited by: Heffaji ]
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
quote:Someone figures out that stale urine is a really good liquid to use for tanning leather.
Hmmm... Gotta check my history texts. I could swear that discovery came pretty soon after the invention of beer. Posted by Foust (Member # 3043) on :
quote:(disclaimer: this joke only works for adults who were children in the 70's)
Or if you're name is Michael and you have to repeatedly listen to people in their 30s and 40s tell you about this commercial. Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
That same kid later somehow, miraculously, survives drinking a sugary beverage which has bubbles in it while eating a sugar candy that fizzes in the mouth.
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
Some kid, somewhere, sticks his tongue to a metal pole in winter.
Thumbuddy hep me!
Some lunatic looks at a snail and goes Hey! We could conince people eating these is classy! They're everywhere! We'd make a fortune!
Posted by Pythian (Member # 7080) on :
can somebody fill me in on the wolf and cheese joke, im pretty confused ?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
"That same kid later somehow, miraculously, survives drinking a sugary beverage which has bubbles in it while eating a sugar candy that fizzes in the mouth."
Though he survives, a rumor spreads that he is dead from eating the sugar fizzy candy with soda. His insides explode. This is the first urban legend.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Pythian, domestic dogs descended from wolves, which, at some point, a human adopted. Sndrake's reference is to an age old parental white lie. if a dos is put to sleep or runs away or is given away, the parent tells the child that it is free and happy on a farm. This might work, but when the child actually lives on a farm, it would probably fall flat.
Cheese was first thought to have been "discovered" when desrt nomads carried milk in the stomach of a cow or goat. the rennet, part of the stomach, is what creates cheese. With the up and down sloshing from walking, combined with the rennet, cheese was born.
The Michael reference was to "Mikey," a commercial character from the 70's who tried Life cereal and liked it. "He likes it! hey Mikey!"
[ January 22, 2005, 08:33 AM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Someone figures out that we can wear ANIMALS instead of fig leaves. The six most emaciated girls in the tribe are pressed into service as models.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Following this development, those who have been counting on living off their private investment accounts realize they're in deep doo-doo. They've all invested heavily in fig leaves. In a lame attempt to manipulate the market value of fig leaves, they hire a designer to promote a "nostalgia" line of fig leaf fashions.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Dr. Heimlich's wife punches him in the stomach after being offended at his rude gesture to her cooking. His wife then forces him to finish eating the spat out pork.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
quote:Someone figures out that we can wear ANIMALS instead of fig leaves.
Needless to say, this fashion change came after someone found a substitute for stale urine in treating leather.
[ January 22, 2005, 01:27 PM: Message edited by: sndrake ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Tiza, the clutzy young woman who was only fit for collecting wild grains, tripped on a rock one day, and spilled the entire contents of her stale-urine-tanned carrying bag.
A few weeks later, she was walking past the spot where she had fallen, and noticed that many of the plants she was gathering were growing there.
Farming was born.
Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
Of course, since no one realized she'd actually invented farming at first, she was punished.
She knew she was in trouble when she limped back home, clutching her smelly, broken leather bag. Her snotty brother looked at her, the broken bag, and the mess she made and taunted:
"Urine big trouble!"
(That wasn't the end of it, though. "Payback" had been invented long before.)
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Tiza was sooo angry at her brother, she set up a trap for him. She found a female wolf who was just about to give birth, and placed her next to her brother at dinner. When he reached out for a piece of raw meat(no one had invented fire yet,) the dog lunged for the meat, biting hard into the brother's hand.
The expression "Payback's a bi---" was born.
[ January 22, 2005, 03:03 PM: Message edited by: Elizabeth ]
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Because of a particularly bad snow storm and lots of idle time, mixed with a rather symmetrical rock, the wheel was born. Later that winter, a second, smaller wheel was also born. then, figuring out that a spear could be joined through these rather large items, the axle was born.
Of course, because of a distinct lack of knowledge of practical geometry, the axle on the smaller wheel was not centered, and thus the first Shriner clown car was born.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Between this and the ad campaign thread, I'd say you're on a roll, Bob.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
But, Shig, is he on a symmetrical wheel or a Shriner's clown car kind of roll?
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
3 Scot Lumberjack visit Sweeden. After chopping down their first tree on the top of the hill, one of them gets an idea. He chops 2 5 foot sections of the tree out, straps them on his feet, and heads down the mountain. Making things a pissing contest, the second Scot decides to go down on only one section. The third Scot considers this for a moment, gets a 2 foot section of log, and rides head first on his belly down.
Thus we see that only a Scot could invent Skiing, Snowboarding, and The Skeleton.
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