Sorry if you all have seen this before - it was just sent to me and I laughed a lot.
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The Birth Order of Children
Your Clothes:
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.
Preparing for the Birth:
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month.
The Layette:
1st baby: You pre-wash newborn's clothes, color-coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau.
2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they?
Worries:
1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby.
2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn.
3rd baby: You teach your three-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing.
Pacifier:
1st baby: If the pacifier falls on the floor, you put it away until you can go home and wash and boil it.
2nd baby: When the pacifier falls on the floor, you squirt it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd baby: You wipe it off on your shirt and pop it back in.
Diapering:
1st baby: You change your baby's diapers every hour, whether they need it or not.
2nd baby: You change their diaper every two to three hours, if needed.
3rd baby: You try to change their diaper before others start to complain about the smell or you see it sagging to their knees.
Activities:
1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour.
2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics.
3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner.
Going Out:
1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home five times.
2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached.
3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood.
At Home:
1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby.
2nd baby: You spend a bit of everyday watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby.
3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Swallowing Coins (a favorite):
1st child: When first child swallows a coin, you rush the child to the hospital and demand x-rays.
2nd child: When second child swallows a coin, you carefully watch for the coin to pass.
3rd child: When third child swallows a coin you deduct it from his allowance!!
GRANDCHILDREN: ..God's reward for allowing! your children to live.
[ January 31, 2005, 10:31 PM: Message edited by: Shan ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*giggle*
I particularly like this bit:
quote: 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
o_O
Posted by Dead_Horse (Member # 3027) on :
Don't forget the pictures!
1st baby: You have albums and albums filled with studio portraits and snapshots and mail copies out to every member of your extended family.
2nd baby: You take them to the Walmart photographer at least every other year.
3rd baby: You finally get the first roll of film developed when he's 17 and about to graduate high school. They don't make film for that kind of camera anymore.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Don't worry, mack - it's a natural progression . . . Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I like the coin one. That sounds a lot like my mom (I was her third, she had 4 total). Posted by raventh1 (Member # 3750) on :
I don't even want to try and figure out all the rest of the numbers to get to me.
Posted by vwiggin (Member # 926) on :
Hmmmm.... does this mean Nathan is getting a brother/sister? Posted by Jonathan Howard (Member # 6934) on :
Great. I just became an uncle.
My sister, however, will always act like she would to the firstborn.
I was the 'baby' once! Now the load is off me .
God bless my niece!
JH
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Child #5 is always left by the wayside!
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
I love your one about the pictures, Dead Horse. That is SO true!
My #1 has a baby book and loads of photos at each age. Actually #3 does some, too because she was the first girl.
However, my poor baby #2 -- I have nothing from his babyhood - no photos, no notes, no cute special toys. I remember once when he was about 7 or so and a doctor (doing a medical history) asked when baby #2 first walked, and first had teeth, etc. and I had absolutely NO clue! Who has time to write all that down when you have a 2 year old running around while nursing an infant? LOL
Farmgirl
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
That's where those Hallmark calendars with stickers for milestones come in handy; in fact, that's the only way I've kept baby no. 1's baby book going so far. I stick a sticker on the calendar and then write it all in the book every couple of months when I get an hour.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
LOL
It's funny and sad how true that list is. I guess you just get used to what's necessary and what's not. Like, you don't have to taking them to the flipping doctor every time you see snot. Puffs Plus with Lotion works just as well. Posted by Amka (Member # 690) on :
Actually, the number of pictures we took had more to do with the latest cool device hubby bought than how enamored we were of our babies...
Posted by IdemosthenesI (Member # 862) on :
First Drug Arrest:
1st: You dtive to the jailhouse and bail him/her out personally, following it up with a visit to a lawyer and a long talk about how the habit will affect his/her future
2nd: You give him the number to Billy's Born Again Bail Bonds.
3rd: You wait for him to come home and borrow a joint.
Use of Profanity:
1st: Wash out mouth with soap.
2nd: Shake head ruefully
3rd: Tell him to "cut that $%*& out!"
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
Do I have to get a baby book for #4? I can't remember the last time I pulled those out.
Our one major expense for this one was the digi-camera. No more waiting untilt the baby is walking to send out pictures.
Oh, baby food:
Baby #1:Plan ahead, so you can grow organic squash and yams that will be ready to harvest at the same time the baby is ready to start solids. Buy baby grinder, and $40 of baby portion sized food storage containers.
Baby # 2 Start solids when the lady at the produce market offers child a banana
Baby #3 In desparate attempt to stop crying, hand 5 month old spoon coated in ganache
(yes, that's my personal progression).
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
quote: 2nd: You give him the number to Billy's Born Again Bail Bonds.
[tangent] My parents keep telling me about this TV show on A&E about a hard core born-again Bounty Hunter who's job is to track down guys who don't make their trial dates. The 'rents say it's great. Anyone heard of it? [/tangent]
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Yes, that show is AWESOME. Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
*must see it* It's on on Sundays, right?
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
G'lor' Beren - don't wish that on me! I have a career to consider!
If he does get a sibling, it'll be a much older one . . . still younger than him, but thankfully past all the infancy/toddlerhood/preK stuff.
Besides - I'm not married. There won't be any other unless I foster or adopt. *said primly, nose in the air*
Posted by vwiggin (Member # 926) on :
In that case, can I be the older sibling? Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
Oh, and Your Clothes, Baby #4 : Your first sign of pregnancy is that your pants don't fit, because you start to show before you actually miss your period.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
How did we go from internet hubbie to older sibling, may I ask?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Internet relationships are complex that way.
Someone twice my age calls me "Mom" sometimes. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
And apparently, everyone thinks I am their age, even if they're old enough to be my mother (or darned close).
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I have a career to consider! ![[Wink]](wink.gif)