Friends and neighbors, I come before you today to say the Internet is not just an invaluable tool for researchers, not just a best friend to every lonely single guy in the world, not just a source of entertainment and community and wonderment and video game cheat codes. It's also the greatest boon for hypochondriacs ever created.
I know this, because I live with one.
Actually my wife Teresa is more of a hypochondriac hobbyist. She doesn't panic or stalk her doctor around the ninth green with meticulous charts of her bowel movements and the latest Reader's Digest list of trendy diseases. Instead, whenever she feels ill she looks up all the possible medical conditions she could conceivably be suffering from, no matter how obscure, and picks the absolute worst one imaginable. Only then can she relax, take a couple of Tylenol, and go back to bed, strangely content.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
That was great. I really appreciate your columns, Chris.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
I find myself singing Sammy Kershaw's "It's finally Friday", but substituting the Friday with Wednesday. Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
quote: How many other guys suffer from chlamydia, huh? Huh?
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
quote: How many other guys suffer from chlamydia, huh? Huh?
That's a pretty std. (standard) affliction ain't it?
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Good Column, Chris. I'm becoming an avid reader of yours.
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
We knew a guy who thought he had ankylosing spondylitis once. It turns out that he was drinking too much water.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Chris, you are a funny, funny man. You really need to be nationally syndicated--your stuff is easily good enough to make you a household name.
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
I love fun with medical terms. I do OR billing. My favorite procedure to date is the Colostomy Takedown.
Good stuff, Chris.
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
SO FUNNY. Especially the prostate part.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
The Colostomy Takedown brings up a lot of unsavory images, but I like it.
It would also make a good name for a band.
My editor read this and asked, "What's your wife going to say when she sees it?" I told him she read it yesterday morning before I submitted it. He said she must have a good sense of humor.
Why on earth would anyone marry someone who didn't have a good sense of humor?
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
The "sad, brave smile" was my favorite part of the article, I think.
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
OMG, Chris, that is exactly what I said about it, but I didn't want to offend anybody.
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Brilliant. And this is coming from someone who once suffered chronic heart failure and the flesh-eating disease in the same evening.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
If I mentione friends or family in my column I generally let 'em read it first, especially if I'm making fun of them. Since the instant message conversation I used isn't too far off from ones I've actually had with her, she had no problems. She's the one that gave me the list of sites (she prefers wrongdiagnosis.com)
It's also not to say I don't take her seriously when something is really wrong. I took today off to go with her for her doctor's appointment because she had to have a biopsy taken and she hates having things sliced, cut, or poked on her actual person.
Which brings up a question I've had for some time. Whenever you go to a doctor you have to write down your medical history. Every time you go they take notes, presumably to add to your file. Yet every single time I've ever seen a doctor (or been with Teres to see hers) the doctor has had to ask about previous ailments or symptoms.
"Have you had problems with this before?"
"Yes, the last time I came here, when you asked me the same thing."
Happened again today. I realize they have a lot to do and a lot of patients to keep track of, but do the doctors ever read these things?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
My favorite line:
"I even got a second opinion from a different site."
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
OMG, I am so guilty of this! ONly it's not for me - it's for my kids, every time one of them has a tiny symptom I'm all over the internet trying to find out what horrible affliction they have. You're right - affliction is much cooler-sounding. Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
"I even got a second opinion from a different site."
That was a direct quote.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
That makes it even funnier!
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
That was awesome! Thank you for making my day more amusing. Do you write one of these every week?
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
He does, and they're generally that funny. It's a pain getting to an archive of his articles on that site, unfortunately. I've managed to do so before, but today I'm not having any luck finding it for some reason.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
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