If you read our newspaper Monday morning -- or looked at it online -- you might have noticed the presence of a topless woman on the front. This was not a new marketing idea, unfortunately. Instead it accompanied the story of Elizabeth Book, the crusading breast-barer who successfully protested the city's anti-nudity ordinance that allows men, even ugly men, to whip off their shirts as they please while restricting women from doing the same. She claims that this is discriminatory and unfair.
Thinking logically, I have to agree. While we as a society have decided that breasts are erotic and/or evil and should therefore be covered forever under thick canvas unless carefully supervised by a duly wedded husband or the cameraman for "Girls Gone Wild," there is no intrinsic reason for the female chest to be treated differently than the male chest.
Except for this: Breasts make guys go stupid.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
"Covering those fellows up would go a long way towards healing the gender legislative disparity, as well as generally improving property values"
ha ha ha!!!!!
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
Great article. Especially the part about the commitee.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
What a great column.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
quote:Only then could we address the injustice that forces women to cover up while allowing my neighbor to lie out in his front yard every day looking like a badly shaved bear in a thong.
Almost I laughed out loud while proctoring an FCAT. Instead I merely choked slightly. Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Say, Chris, any chance of you breaking down and coming to Jai-Alai on Friday?
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Icarus, you just want to see Chris's breasts. You're so transparent.
Posted by narrativium (Member # 3230) on :
quote:The approved person could then post the license and stride around the yard all he or she liked, waving happily at traffic and startling the UPS guy.
Ic: FMEOW.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Sorry, I signed a non-disclosure agreement with my neighborhood organization.
And, dunno, it depends on what we plan this weekend. This is anniversary week for me, our 19th wedding anniversary was yesterday and our 24th "being together" anniversary is tomorrow. We're awash in smushiness and may seriously gross out anyone who isn't actually us
Also, I dunno if I'm to be surprised by anything. I'll check.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
DVD extras: this column could have gone three or four ways. I went with the most family-friendly (and still got my editor to IM me with "kinda riding the line, huh?") but my original idea was to write about why I thought legalizing public female toplessness was a bad idea. Same column to begin with, but after "... I'll bring her dinner and do half her laundry before I realize what's happening" I was heading this way:
quote:This reaction forces women to keep a few square inches of skin covered lest half of the population run their cars into municipal buildings more or less constantly. Is this fair? Of course not. Women’s breasts may be aesthetically pleasing, but they’re also simple milk glands that feed our young and help sell beer. Why get so worked up over them?
I have no doubt that with the right attitude and some hard work, we as a society can become desensitized to the naked female breast, especially if we as a society keep surfing the Web at 2 a.m. the way we’ve been doing. In no time we would come to accept that yes, half of the human race has those things, and no, they’re no big deal. Men and women could dress or undress with equal freedom, one more big chunk of shame and embarrassment would fade away, and sun tan lotion sales would skyrocket.
And, I have to admit, I’d hate it.
Which as intended to be followed by why the mystery and excitement and the tiny triumphs of glimpsing untanned skin was something I didn't want to lose, sexist though it might be.
Ah well. Another day, perhaps...
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
*giggling into orange juice and toast - decently covered*
Posted by Lady Jane (Member # 7249) on :
Oh, that was very funny.
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
quote:However, I accept that this is a problem that I as a feminist need to address, and I think any woman interested in striking a blow for equality should do their very best to inure me to the naked female breast at every opportunity.
And Chris, you mean to tell me there are no nude or topless beaches in Daytona?
Great article. Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Officially? No. Unofficially? One or two, that move as circumstances require.
Although the most common "nude beach" is the spontanenous one, such as the stretch between Ormond-by-the-Sea and Flagler Beach where all you need is a secluded stretch, a place without convenient beach access to cut back on gawkers, and really good hearing.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Ha! Just got e-mail from a reader who sent me the following article (work safe): Doffs top, and crowd goes mild about a photographer who takes shots of women stripping to the waist in public to get the reactioj from passersby, only to find that there generally isn't any...
"'I tried to photograph mayhem, and there wasn't any,' he said."
Granted, he was in Times Square...
[ March 16, 2005, 11:31 AM: Message edited by: Chris Bridges ]
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote: Only then could we address the injustice that forces women to cover up while allowing my neighbor to lie out in his front yard every day looking like a badly shaved bear in a thong.
Ha! And you must be sorry you missed WenchCon this weekend. There was an incident with me nursing in a swimsuit and having to ask for a towel to cover up, and apparently one with Lucky4 changing that almost made Trevor a very happy man...
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
Happy Anniversary!
So funny.
I think a greater problem on Florida beaches is the number of men (most of the old enough to be my father or grandfather) in Speedos. If they agree to switch to trunks, I'm sure that many women will agree to go topless from sheer gratitude.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I agree, Mrs. M. especiall when the Speedos are accompanied by sandals and black socks pulled up to the knees. Add the sagging breastiture, and boy, it's tough.
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
FMEOW? For some reason that evokes a line from the Batting cage in "When Harry Met Sally".
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
Yet another Book in favor of female breast visibility.
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
Hmm, I was thinking more of the tiny speedos on old guys with beer guts hanging out over the top of them. Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
with the black sock-sandal thing as well, Ela?
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Almost?
-Trevor
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
Mrs.M, on behalf of Canada, I apologize for all our snowbirds.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Thanks, Eaquae, but in my experience, it's the Brits more than y'all.
Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
Not in Hollywood Beach...
And, yeah, some of them have black socks. Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Yeah, in Disney it's the Brits.
And living around here quickly dispells any positive stereotypes you ever held about them. Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
great article.
On a similar thread, I worked for Tandy corporation when they ran a computer only store as well as their famous Radio Shacks. One holiday season my sales won me an award so I got to attend the managers meeting. Before the awards were given out the regional manager had a bulletin.
"I won't go into details of who and where, but last week some store repackaged a returned VCR. The VCR was in good shape so the manage, whom I will not name (though he stared at one, as did several others in the audience), put it back on the shelf and sold it to a sweet little 67 year old lady.
"When this lady got it home she discovered a tape already in the VCR. She assumed it was a tape with set up instructions or some other bonus. What she saw got her so upset we are still trying to appease her.
"So here is the lesson I want you all to take with you into this busy selling season. Do NOT repack returned merchandise without checking it all out first. And if you do send out a repacked VCR make sure there is not tape inside it. And if there is a tape in side it please make sure it is not a tape of naked people running around...
"and finally, please, for God's sake, if it is a tape of naked people running around, please, please, please make sure that they aren't UGLY PEOPLE! That is what really got this lady upset."
The meeting could not continue for twenty minutes.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote: Only then would we have discrimination where it belongs, against the ugly and unsavory.
Yeah, that's pretty brilliant.
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
Thanks, Eaquae. I've been waiting for a long time to hear that.
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
quote: If they agree to switch to trunks, I'm sure that many women will agree to go topless from sheer gratitude.
Mrs. M
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Maybe I should reverse that logic and threaten to start wearing a Speedo if women don't start showing me more flesh . . .
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Mrs. M