I just miscarried for the first time. I guess I was starting to feel "invincable" because I had had three perfect or near-perfect pregnancies. Three for three and all that. It wasn't something that I thought consciously, but I certainly took pride in my body's ability to make babies well.
I am not looking for fountains of sympathy, though I wouldn't turn genuine condolences away. I am OK. I count myself very fortunate because as far as miscarriages go, this one went about as smoothly and clearly as possible. But the main purpose of this thread is to allow myself and others the opportunity to talk about this.
Miscarriage just isn't something a lot of people feel comfortable talking about. There is pain, there is loss, and in cases of women who aren't sure they will ever carry to full term, it can be almost crippling. Certainly the pain of a stillbirth or a child death is worse (((dpr))) and the struggle to conceive at all is a whole 'nother pain in and of itself. But I am aware that I am not the only Jatraquera that has been through a recent miscarriage.
So here is a place where you can open up. I hope this can be a healing thread for me and others.
WARNING: To any males reading, I cannot promise that this thread won't get more graphic than you are comfortable with. Read at your own discretion.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
I'm sorry, bev.
I think this thread is a good idea. You're right, a lot of people don't feel comfortable talking about it. When I miscarried in November, I had several relatives who acted like nothing had happened - nothing was ever said. I couldn't believe that these same people, who had been so sympathetic when my dog died, couldn't muster up an "I'm sorry" for a miscarriage. It still makes me upset.
How are you feeling, physically?
space opera
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
I have a dear friend that miscarried I think in her second month. It was their first child and they'd already gotten excited and told everyone. She ended up getting pregnant again about a month or two later, but during the entire pregnancy she couldn't help but think of what "might have been" with the baby she didn't have, I know it was hard for her, and even though she now has two bouncing boys, she still thinks about it sometimes. She said the hardest thing was the ping pong back and forth with the extended family of pregnant! not pregnant pregnant again, and their reactions weren't the nicest with the second pregnancy, because other people judged it to be "too soon" when it really wasn't any of their business.
All I could do was be there as much as possible and give her a shoulder. She also had to take the PCAT (for pharmacy school) test while she was miscarrying, they already knew she was and that there wasn't anything to be done, and she went and took the test anyway. She scored in the 99.9 percentile, and I wonder if focusing on the test actually helped get her mind through the physical part of the miscarraige.
AJ
[ March 24, 2005, 12:24 PM: Message edited by: BannaOj ]
Posted by Little_Doctor (Member # 6635) on :
I'm glad you're taking it so well. Before my youngest brother was born, my mom miscarried twice. It took a lot out of her, and she almost didn't want to try that third time. It's good that you haven't gotten very wrapped up in it. Don't be afraid to try again. Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
While I have nothing meaningful to offer to the discussion at hand, I will offer some genuine condolences for your loss and the baby's.
-Trevor
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Beverly, I am very, very sorry.
I'll share my own experience, though it may not be all that helpful.
I was undergoing fertility treatments, and I was very emotionally distraught anyway. The drugs I was on made me a raw wound - the slightest thing hurt me or angered me.
We had been trying the clomid for just two months, when I was late. I automatically assumed it was good news - after all, like you I'd already had a healthy baby and wasn't planning on difficulties getting pregnant.
Before I could get to the doctor for a test to confirm it, I had very heavy bleeding which was deiniftely not normal. I called him and he said basically there was nothing he could do - that if I was miscarrying, he couldn't stop it.
It was terrible - the worst of it took place at a friend's wedding - I was helping out in the kitchen getting food ready to serve and everyone was so happy and joyful and I was crying in pain, both physical and emotional.
Cherie, my aunt (Fael on the boards, but she hasn't been here in a long time since she started grad school) was the only one who knew about it and tried to help me through it. She had been through it herself years before.
After the worst was over, I had to leave the bathroom, go out to the wedding and act as if I was happy for my friends. That was probably the hardest part, I just wanted to crawl into bed and cry.
I can't offer much in the way of condolences - I know how upsetting the whole experience can be. All I can recommend is curl up next to your husband and let yourself grieve for a while.
I'm so sorry sweetie.
(((Bev)))
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I hate to just post my unhappy experience - so let me post this too.
With the twins I had some early bleeding, naturally I panicked. Again, called my doctor, again was told there was nothing that could be done but just keep my feet up and rest. He said he'd pray for me - this was a different doctor than the other one and I felt better just knowing he probably cared more.
At any rate, I was terrified but this time everything was okay and nine months later had two healthy babies.
So while this experience won't ever leave you completely - and it may be cause for some additional anxiety when you get pregnant again - there are happy endings.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Space Opera: I am feeling much better today than I was yesterday, and yesterday much better than the day before. I was only 5 weeks along when the bleeding started. I don't know what a miscarriage is "supposed" to feel like, so I don't know how it compares, but I was never really in "pain". I just felt icky, bloated, and sick to my stomach.
The odd thing is that if anything I actually bled less in this than in a normal mestration. That struck me as odd. It was yesterday that our embryo passed from me. I still don't know what to think of that.
AJ: One thing that has been difficult for me is that this miscarriage happened in the midst of a very stressful time for me. I haven't had this much "on my plate" in a long time. I have many things I am responsible for right now, deadlines, whatnot. I wish this had happened during a time when I could take it easy. But then, I think being "busy" has helped me not get too depressed.
Little Doctor: Thanks. I know you have been through a more shocking event recently than this. I am almost wary of my intense desire to try and conceive ASAP. I'm not sure if that is healthy for my body or not. But it makes me very sad to *not* be pregnant right now. That is hard.
Trevor: Thank you. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I don't want to intrude on the thread, but what should I do to help a friend who has miscarried? Does she need me to just sit with her and listen, and cry with her if she cries? Should I offer to help by taking care of her house, cooking for her, or watching her other children for a day or two so she can grieve? Or is it better to just be there but let her go about her normal life? Will it help just to acknowledge that that was her baby, and I'm so sorry she had to lose it and go through that experience? What does a woman who has miscarried need in a friend?
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Bev, this is a good thread to start.
I have no experience with this, so I know that I don't understand, but I have been told that it's pretty close to losing a child, which I also don't understand. I can imagine, though, and I imagine it must be very difficult. I'm sorry to all who've gone through this. Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
Ask your friend what she wants and needs, all of the above sound like possibly good ideas, but it would depend on the person. The last thing you want to do is go and take over someone's life with "helping" when all they want to do is be alone for a while.
My friend and I would on long walks at night. We had cell phones and it was in a very safe area. We'd just walk, and talk and walk some more. It was a beautiful fall and the nights were warm and comforting.
AJ
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
((beverly))
I'm so sorry.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
kq, I really appreciated having my aunt there because I knew she'd been through it before. She just held my hand and was there for me. I don't remember even talking to her very much, just being reassured by her presence.
What kept me from just moping around in depression was that I had another child that needed me. I would think helping her with any physical tasks she doesn't feel up to would be a good thing, but she would probably benefit from getting back into her routine as soon as she can. I did not dwell on my experience, in fact kept trying to conceive with the fertility meds, and was pregnant with Emily soon after.
I don't think it would have helped me to just sink into depression. Getting back to my normal life helped. In fact, it may be good I was at that wedding that day - I did have to get up off the floor and go face life.
Bev, honey, you sound like you're doing great. *hugs*
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Thank you Belle. Don't feel bad about sharing your experience! I want people to share those experiences here. I know what you mean about having to be "happy for other people" when you are so sad inside. When it is happenening, you just want to be able to take time out from life, have time for yourself. I have not had a lot of that, but I have had some.
My sister bled with her last baby and was so scared. But she went on to have a perfect baby. The really hard thing for her was that she had lost a baby at 18 weeks previously. Had to give birth in a hospital and all that. The baby was just a couple weeks short of being considered a stillbirth, so she couldn't have the body to bury or have a funeral for. They found nothing wrong, no identifiable cause of death. The fetus seemed perfect and normal. After going through that, I would be so scared for future pregnancies!
I expect I will be cautious when I do get pregnant again. But I hope I will still be excited like I was this time. Oh I was so excited! Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
bev, I am so sorry for your loss. As much as you can, take it easy and keep taking your vitamens.
kq.....
quote: I don't want to intrude on the thread, but what should I do to help a friend who has miscarried? Does she need me to just sit with her and listen, and cry with her if she cries? Should I offer to help by taking care of her house, cooking for her, or watching her other children for a day or two so she can grieve?
Yes, and yes. Be specific in offers of help- if you say, "Call me if you need anything," she probably won't. But if you say, "Can I come over Wednesday and take your kids to the park", she'll probably say yes.
[/QUOTE] Will it help just to acknowledge that that was her baby, and I'm so sorry she had to lose it and go through that experience? [/QUOTE] Yes
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
*hugs and support to all who went through that*
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
bev, that made me so sad about your sister. I don't know how long ago that happened; one thing I have come across in my reading is that most states now have laws allowing parents to take their miscarried (under 20 weeks) babies for burial. But the hospital staff may not know that unless someone demands it.
It is so hard to deal with the sadness of suddenly not being pregnant, but unless you're working against the clock for some reason it's a good idea to wait two or three months.
[ March 24, 2005, 01:02 PM: Message edited by: dread pirate romany ]
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Talking to my Mom and sister helped a lot. They had both experienced similar losses and mine was "easier" in comparison to their experiences.
KQ, I'm glad you asked the question. A couple of people mentioned to me that they didn't know if they were "saying the right things" or "being supportive enough". Both times I was surprised. My thought was that they were doing great just listening to me. I appreciated them letting me ramble, even though I knew I was sounding irrational and lost.
But one thing did bother me. Twice someone said to me that if it weren't for early pregnancy tests, I could have been spared the mental and emotional pain of the miscarriage. I might have thought it was "just a period".
My response was, are you crazy? First, if I could go back, I wouldn't change a thing. I am glad I was aware of what was happening to my body. Secondly, I would have been pretty certain, but I would have always wondered. And the not knowing would eat me up. It's like the difference between someone who's child turns up missing and is never found and the person who's child's body is found. Finding your childs dead body is terrible. But I think the not knowing is worse. Knowing, you can deal with it, heal, and get on with life.
I was pretty sure I was pregnant just from the way I was feeling. And my periods are never late. Plus, I would think passing a bloody sac would have been a dead giveaway. Unfortunate pun not intended.
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
Oh, and how is porter? Do the kids know what's going on?
I just wish I could give you as hug in person!
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
quote: But one thing did bother me. Twice someone said to me that if it weren't for early pregnancy tests, I could have been spared the mental and emotional pain of the miscarriage. I might have thought it was "just a period".
People can say hurtful things....I'm sorry they said that to you.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Hi, romanylass. I hope you are doing OK.
It was several years ago that this happened to my sister. She had one child already at the time, whereas now she has three (living).
Yes, it was really hard for my sister to see and hold her dead little boy and then return home with nothing. I think they gave her a little "care package" of some sort, but it wasn't the same. There was no sense of closure, or, at least not enough. My mother gave her a teddy bear on a little rocking chair to "represent" her little Collin who never took a breath. I think that really meant a lot to her.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
I think Porter is OK. He hasn't really shared any of his feelings about it, he has mostly just tried to be supportive of me, be what I need him to be.
The kids are pretty oblivious. Our oldest "kinda" knew I was pregnant, but he hasn't brought it up since and neither have I.
[ March 24, 2005, 01:08 PM: Message edited by: beverly ]
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Thank you, Dagonee and Synesthesia. Posted by AntiCool (Member # 7386) on :
We're doing fine. The kids have no idea that there is anything going on, at least on a conscious level.
It's been hard having my nurturing/protecting desires frustrated because there is nothing that I can do to take away her pain. I've mostly just tried to be generally helpful, supportive, and available.
My feelings are mostly centered around bev. During pregnancy, it takes me a long time to get emotionally connected to the baby (truth to tell, I'm not sure it really happens until after birth), so whatever feelings about the lost child are almost completely eclipsed by my concern for my wife.
[ March 24, 2005, 01:11 PM: Message edited by: AntiCool ]
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Ah, bev, I'm sorry this happened. I'll be thinking of you.
Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :
(((bev and porter))) I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm keeping you in my thoughts.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Bev, I'm so glad that you're getting the support you need and that you're okay physically. I asked about that because mine was physically terrible. I spent the first 2 nights on the bathroom floor because I was so sick to my stomach. I'm not sure how much of that was due to the miscarriage or emotional upset, though. I had a lot of cramping and a lot of blood. It sounds terrible to say, but I was relieved when the embryo actually passed. I felt like the worst was over and that if my body could start to heal then my mind/heart could as well. Big hugs.
space opera
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
I'm sorry SO! Mine was not intense in physical pain, just kinda always there. But you know, when the embryo passed I was relieved too. Then I felt guilty for feeling relieved. I felt like, now it's all over and I can get back to normal. But it just seemed so wrong to flush our little creation down the toilet like a dead goldfish.
You see, this pregnancy seemed doomed from the start. In the past, I have always been able to test early and get a positive result. In fact, every month that we have not used birth control around ovulation, I have conceived without fail. I was pretty darn cocky about it.
When I first tested early, negative. Oh well, I thought, too early. Tried again a few days later. Negative. Hmmm. When I got my hands on some more tests, I tried again during a time I was sure I would get a positive. Faint line. So very faint. Two days later, hoped for a comforting confirmation. Again, so very faint. But better than last time.
I actually saw the midwives a few days later because they are just cool that way. They aren't all, "No, we don't want to see you until you are 10 weeks or more along...." Their pregnancy test so faint.... I thought maybe I just wasn't as far along as I thought. I told myself everything would be fine. They always had been fine. But I had this nagging feeling of something being wrong. They ordered a blood test the results of which I didn't get till half a week later. (It was positive for pregnancy.) By then the bleeding had started and I had taken two more hpt, if anything, fainter than before.
All I can say is, I look forward to the day that I see a good strong line in that test window.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
I'm sorry, Beverly.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
Oh, bev. I'm really sorry. I'm glad you're not giving up hope. I guess I don't know what people believe about aborted/miscarried babies, but I think they go to heaven...
[ March 24, 2005, 02:17 PM: Message edited by: Ryuko ]
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
I'm so sorry, beverly. *hugs* I hope you heal physically and emotionally relatively quickly.
I'm sorry if this is insensitive, but what is the greatest pain in a miscarriage? Is it grief for the baby? A feeling of failure? The crushing of the excitement at being pregnant? Something else? I think knowing what it feels like might help me to know how to best comfort someone who's experiencing that kind of pain, and I selfishly kind of want to know, just in case it ever happens to me.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
(((((beverly&porter)))))
Your experience sounds remarkably similar to mine, beverly. I also was sure I was pregnant, but the pregnancy tests kept saying otherwise . . . until finally a faint line. I felt (strongly) that something was wrong, and called my OB.
The blood serum test showed a level of HCG that normally corresponds to about a week below how far along I thought I should be. But a test two days later showed the level rising as it should be, so she said most likely I had ovulated late.
About 10 days after that, I was having bad cramps. I thought, "Oh, my period. *beat* No, it can't be! Huh . . ."
Losing a baby when you've barely figured it is a baby is an emotional rollercoaster.
Much sympathy!
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
(((hugs all round))))
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Let me chime in with my condolences as well.
About ten years ago my wife and I went through a miscarriage. It almost ended our marriage because I was too dulled by the event to be able to be there for my wife.
Give your husband a big hug. He is hurting too, but may not know how to share it.
Posted by Zalmoxis (Member # 2327) on :
My heart goes out to all those who have experienced miscarriage.
May you all have people who say and do the appropriate things. May you feel the pain, but not feel bad if the pain you feel is different or not as intense as someone elses.
I found this Slate discussion helpful. It's both personal, political and kind of academic so it may not work for some readers.
For those interested in the medical and emotional aspects of miscarriage this Slate post might be helpful.
------- I think the one thing that hurts most is when people say "don't worry -- this is very common" or "I had two miscarriages and went on to have five more children."
It's not common for those who go through it.
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
(((bev))) I'm so sorry. I'm sure you remember that our oldest son died. You know, the one Porter had the dream about. :little smile:. The anniversaries are always tough for me.
So I guess this was already going on on Tuesday? Losing the baby when no one even knows you are pregnant must be harder in a way. But while people are less likely to acknowlegde it, I guess they are less likely to bring it up out of the blue. It's brave of you to share it with us.
quote: But one thing did bother me. Twice someone said to me that if it weren't for early pregnancy tests, I could have been spared the mental and emotional pain of the miscarriage. I might have thought it was "just a period".
God give me the strength to deal with well-meaning people.
What are the deadlines and stuff? Will the world really end if you drop a couple of balls?
P.S. to Ruth- I'm sure what hurts worst varies a bit by who it happens to. The most physically painful part of losing my son was that he got really sick about day three when my milk came in, but prior to that he had been a very enthusiastic feeder, so the production was unbelievable. It sounds like such a silly thing, but they were swollen and feverish and just wanted someone to cut them off.
I don't have any memory of recovery from the birth because I wound up getting sedated and missed the funeral. I think that was the hardest part emotionally.
[ March 24, 2005, 04:14 PM: Message edited by: mothertree ]
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
Lots of of condolence and love to both Mary and Porter.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
((Mary & Porter))
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
I can't imagine what it must be like to miscarry - to lose your child before ever meeting them.
I don't know how my mom did it - only 2 of her 7 pregnancies were successful. She had an ectopic before having me and then had 4 miscarriages before having my brother. She never talks much about her miscarriages, though she has talked about her ectopic. I can't help but wonder if I have brothers and sisters in heaven waiting for me to meet them.
I hope that you and Porter will find comfort during your grieving.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Brinestone, those are excellent questions. I can answer how it feels for me, but I imagine every case is very different. For instance, I am very confident that I will go on to have a perfectly normal pregnancy the very next time we try for it. I have an excellent track record. When there is trouble conceiving or carrying a baby to term at all, I imagine it is far, far more devistating. I imagine that was the case for Dan and his wife.
For me, it is difficult for me to think of our embryo as a baby. I think of it more as a hope for a baby. So I feel more like the hope of a baby was lost than an actual baby, if that makes any sense. I'm sure what Trisha went through was much more profound and wrenching.
It is emotionally painful to not be pregnant right now. I want to be. It is painful to erase all the little mental paths that my mind was going in before.
I do feel like I failed somehow. I know that feeling is irrational, but remember how I actually take pride in my ability to make babies. This is a dent in that pride. But I feel very fortunate to have the confidence that I do that I will be pregnant again and soon. If I didn't have that confidence, I think I would be more of a wreck right now.
Trisha, yes it was going on. On the drive there, I was feeling icky and I was wondering if I would be able to loosen up and have fun. I was able to, and I was glad. There was *no* way I was going to mention my miscarriage at the party. I mean, talk about a party killer!
As for my deadlines, as it is I am "cheating" a bit on my use of time. I don't really know if I can drop any of these responsibilities or not, but I will consider it.
rivka, your experience really does sound similar to mine. I had remembered hearing that low hCG's that don't grow tend to be a bad sign. I was so overconfident that I didn't listen to the little voice inside that said it wasn't going to last.
[ March 24, 2005, 05:25 PM: Message edited by: beverly ]
Posted by Irami Osei-Frimpong (Member # 2229) on :
I'm sorry, Bev. Posted by Mr.Gumby (Member # 6303) on :
I kinda know how it feels to have a miscarriage. My sister and two of my sister-in-laws had miscarriages. It's now common for my brothers and sister (plus their spouse) to wait a while until they announce any new pregnancies.
[ March 24, 2005, 07:07 PM: Message edited by: Mr.Gumby ]
Posted by dawnmaria (Member # 4142) on :
My heart goes out to all of you. I unfortunately know what you're going through. I lost our first baby 2 years ago this month. We tried for what seemed like a long time but it really wasn't to get pregnant again and we're truly lucky to have our beautiful little girl, Leslie. Just turned 5 months yesterday! I think what has touched me most throughout this thread is your husbands support of you Bev. He sounds like a great source of care and strength. I love mine but he took our miscarriage differently then I did. He invited friends over 3 days after to go out. He said I shouldn't stay at home/in bed and wallow in my grief. I know he meant well but I thought he was being a jackass. I explained that while to him this was something tragic that happened, it was to me still happening. I had the constant reminder with pain and heavy bleeding. I felt my body had failed me. And our friends wife was a piece of work. Asking me what happened, wanting gory details. He finally understood my point of view but by then I was pissed. I worried the whole time we we're pregnant w/Leslie. It was an eventful pregnancy and hard delivery but she is great and I am the luckiest person I know. I will keep you and your family in my prayers. I like to think that my little baby is up in heaven watching out for my little Leslie. I hope all our little lost babies are there waiting to see us when we get there. Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
((Beverley and Porter)))
My mum had a miscarrige before my little sister was conceived. She was 41 at the time, and I think it really scared her- she wanted another baby so badly, and the thought that her body may not be able to was frightening.
Luckily Kate was carried to term (and then some!) relatively easily and is now a beautiful, smart and kinda precocious 9 year old.
I can relate to your sense of failure Beverly. I have never doubted my body's ability to make children. Never tested it out mind you.
But my Mum has never had problems falling pregnant, within about a day of trying. Apart from the one miscarriage she has had exceptionally easy pregnancies. Same for most of my female relatives - the fertility runs pretty rife. One of those "breathe on them and they'll get pregnant" families.
If when Tony and I do start trying to fall pregnant we have problems, I know I will feel disappointed in my body and myself. I also know this will be irrational.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
beverly, the odd thing is that while I have compared miscarriage stories with friends before, I have never heard another quite as similar.
In my case, my doctor was very reassuring (after the second HCG test), and thought that everything was fine -- just about a week less along than would have been predicted.
I was the one who was still had a niggling feeling there was something wrong . . . and had just managed to shrug it off when it turned out to be correct.
In my case, there was the added issue that the miscarriage might have been caused by something I did (well, more allowed to be done). A week before the first pregnancy test, I was very sick with strep. I had no regular doctor (other than my OB) at the time, but we found the closest one (a DO) on the insurance list and I managed to get there.
She looked me over, and prescribed oral antibiotics. And, since I was so ill, she also gave me an injection of a strong antibiotic (I don't remember what it was called, although I did for a several years afterwords). She didn't ask if I could be pregnant (which you'd think would be the right follow-up to "are you nursing?" "My son just weaned a couple weeks ago"), and it didn't occur to me that I might be. (With my first it took almost a year to conceive, and my second a year after I stopped nursing.)
It didn't occur to me that there was a possible problem until a few days later, when the doctor called and wanted to put me a cholesterol-inhibitor. (Which wasn't warranted by my cholesterol level either, but that's another story.) I knew enough (and was recovered enough) to ask wouldn't that be a problem if I got pregnant again?
Dead silence on the line. Then, "Do you think you might be?"
"I could be, I guess. And I do plan to be again." The conversation ended quickly after that.
My OB said that the shot could have caused the miscarriage, or it could have been a blighted ovum. No way to know.
She also strongly recommended not getting pregnant for at least 1-2 cycles. She said she's seen too many women who get pregnant immediately miscarry again, because the uterus is not completely healed. You might want to consult with your doctor/midwife on this issue.
I still wonder about the baby that might have been. But my youngest was conceived two months later, so there's also the thought that I could not have had both that baby and the one I actually have.
I think I'll keep her. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
dawnmaria: Isn't he great? I feel lucky to have him. Sounds like your husband was trying to do what was best for you too, but his efforts ran contrary to what you actually needed. Not an easy situation.
My poor hubby, he has had a really bad headache for the last three days and I think it is a stress headache from worrying about me.
Porter
imogen: I have come to appreciate even more what a blessing being fertile really is. But you know what I appreciate almost as much and maybe even more? No accidents! While I have always gotten pregnant when I want to, I have never gotten pregnant when I didn't want to. Yet.
rivka: That is an interesting thought, that if this baby had been, the one I may carry in a few months could not be.
I'm sorry that you had to deal with wondering about medication causing the miscarriage. With my mother, they were pretty sure the cause was her getting the mumps.
I wondered about a possible blighted ovum. Do you know if there is any particular type of miscarriage that has as its tell-tale sign low hCG levels? If anyone knows anything about that, I would like to know more.
Thanks for confirming about not getting pregnant right away. I asked the midwives about it today, and they mentioned both an increased chance of miscarriage and of infection. I will not be stupid and take that chance--as much as I might want to. Looks like no 2005 baby for me.
[ March 24, 2005, 08:48 PM: Message edited by: beverly ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I'm pretty sure that low hCG and then miscarriage is often indicative of a blighted ovum. At least, that's what my OB indicated at the time. Oh, plus the fact that it was my only pregnancy with no morning sickness.
I have never been so happy to be sick as when I first got morning sickness when pregnant with kid #3!
[ March 24, 2005, 09:07 PM: Message edited by: rivka ]
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
That is a good link, rivka, thanks! I was wondering about the blighted ovum, because I had read stuff on the internet that appeared to contradict. Some said low hCG, some said higher than normal hCG. Or at least that is what I got from a quick skimming of the info. I guess the idea of a blighted ovum appeals to me because I don't feel like I actually lost a baby if there never really was an embryo.
Man--you know, I kept saying with this pregnancy that I was feeling "too good". Very little nausea if any. I knew I was pregnant because of the tell-tale feelings in my womb (like I'm about to menstrate but then I don't). People would ask me how I felt, and I would say, "Good! Maybe too good." In the back of my mind, the lack of morning sickness worried me too. Not that I get it bad, but it is noticable.
I too will be grateful to feel those twinges of nausea again. Funny how that works! It was like when I kept not being in "real labor" with my last baby (I was dialated to a 6 for two weeks!) When I would get contractions, I would cheer them on. "Come on! You can do better than that! Wimpy contraction! SQUEEEEZE!" When I was finally in labor for real, I was elated! Contractions never felt so GOOD!
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
Condolences and hugs, Bev - take care.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I don't see how a blighted ovum could cause higher-than-normal hCG. Almost as high, sure, since most of the hCG is produced by the placenta at first. But higher?
The sites I googled mostly talked about seeing an empty sac or hCG levels dropping or failing to rise.
quote: It was like when I kept not being in "real labor" with my last baby (I was dilated to a 6 for two weeks!) When I would get contractions, I would cheer them on. "Come on! You can do better than that! Wimpy contraction! SQUEEEEZE!" When I was finally in labor for real, I was elated! Contractions never felt so GOOD!
O_o
I've met you. I know you're not me! But this is getting a bit freaky. (Ok, it was only 3 cm in my case, not 6. But otherwise . . . )
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
I thought there was something familiar about you....
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
Surprise babies are nice too. Though I won't tell you which one was a surprise. Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
I'm sorry for your loss. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Trisha, you are right. If I had a surprise baby, I'm sure I would be delighted after I overcame the shock and got used to the idea. My arrogance is from a position of never having had a surprise baby.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
I could deal with a surprise baby. In about 5 years or so.
If a surprise baby came now - well, we'd cope. But I sure would prefer that not to happen!
Edit: Apparently, I could also deal with such creatures as suprise and surpise babies.
[ March 25, 2005, 02:27 AM: Message edited by: imogen ]
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
How are you today, bev?
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
I'm OK. I have had some time to get used to this idea. Saturday was hard because I first started to realize that something was wrong beyond the nagging doubts that anyone feels when they are first pregnant.
I think the more attached we are to something, the harder it is to let go. I only had a few short weeks of time to get attached to this hope of a baby. When someone breaks up with their sig. other of years or someone they have known for years has died, that must be so much harder to let go of. It's more than just the loss--you are so *used* to the idea of having them there. You have to constantly remind yourself, "Oh yeah...."
So yes, it was hard to let go of this. And I don't think I am all the way done letting go. But not nearly as hard as it could have been. For instance, I am not afraid of having trouble conceiving in the future. If some shadow were cast over that, then I would really be upset.
Now I just have to focus on something else productive since I know it isn't safe to get pregnant again right away. Being pregnant just isn't an option for me right now. So I will fill my thoughts and hopes with something else for the time being.
I am learning patience. Funny since not more than a month ago I went to my Heavenly Father in prayer and basically apologized for not trusting Him more, for not being willing to go through hard things so that I can learn from experience. This is an issue I have wrestled with for years--not being willing to trust Him enough that way. I know that when I ask for things like, "teach me patience" or "teach me humility", I tend to get hit with some kind of trial or difficulty that teaches me just that. My life has been amazingly stable for the last few years. It is almost creepy how much so.
So when something like this happens, I just take a moment to reflect on our mortal condition. Life isn't supposed to be easy. And I feel that God has been extremely gentle with me for whatever reason. While I have had my share of trials and suffering, they have come in suprisingly gentle ways. But at the same time, going through the tiny bit of suffering this has caused deepens my appreciation for my brothers and sisters on earth. Sorrow is part of being human, and it reminds me that I am alive. I am glad for that.
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
What a beautiful post (sniff).
I don't beleive God "makes" these things happen, but when they do happen, I think we can chose to become angry and bitter, or to turn to God for strength and comfort and to ask Him to help us come out of the experience as a person who is more like He wants us to be.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Posted by Wendybird (Member # 84) on :
We struggle with infertility. Several years ago we had a false positive pregnancy test. We waited several weeks before telling anyone we were pg. Then we went for an ultrasound to get a good estimate of the due date because I am so irregular. That was when we found out I was not preg. at all. I had the test done at a doctors office and have oftened wondered if the lady mixed mine up with someone else or it really was a rare false positive. It was crushing. I cried for several days. Thankfully I was able to find some scriptures that gave me great comfort. One of the hardest parts was telling the kids we really weren't pregnant. That was devastating. I imagine having a miscarriage may feel similar though I don't know. We really wanted this baby that never was to begin with. Several months later we found out we were pregnant for real. He is now 3 and I still long for more babies. Anyway, this is getting too emotional for me, especially at work.
(((Bev)))
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
I'm sorry, Wendybird. I hope you can get lucky again. Do let us know!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Well, I guess you can take me off the list of "don't know what it's like but you have my sympathy".
I miscarried today. I didn't even know I was pregnant. I wasn't taking care of myself or planning for it or hoping because we've been being very careful; we planned (and still plan, now) not to try for another baby until December (Oct. at the earliest). I'd been feeling "kind of pregnant" for a few weeks, which is weird; with Emma, I felt very pregnant, right away. I felt wierd enough that I took a home pregnancy test on Monday; it was negative, so I figured it was really bad PMS, even though I've only had "pregnant-feeling" PMS one time, and it wasn't that bad. Since my periods have never been regular, and I'm still nursing a baby so they're more irregular than ever, I wasn't sure where exactly I should be in my cycle.
Then on Tue. night the cramps started. Fairly few, far apart, not very hard. I figured I was right about the PMS. I kept on figuring that as the cramps got harder and more frequent, until yesterday they were severe enough that I hunted out some prescription pain medication in the cupboard, which I very rarely need to take for my PMS cramps. The bleeding started last night, fairly heavy for the first day of a period, but it varies, so I didn't think much of it. I had a hard time getting to sleep last night, but I put that down to the excitement of dyeing eggs and making a bunny cake.
This morning, the cramping was severely severe. The painkillers cut the pain back enough that I could stumble into the shower, into my clothes, and into church, then back home after the first hour. I had cramps more and more frequently; they came and went, with milder cramps and an ache in between. I thought, and said to my husband, "this feels like labor. I've never had cramps like this before." They got worse and worse, then slacked off a little. I went to the bathroom to change my pad again; there was tissue of some sort in the blood on the pad, and I wasn't sure what it was. I was now soaking an overnight pad an hour or maybe a little faster. I ended up back in the bathroom to change my pad again. I cramped up again on the toilet. I cried. It hurt. I called for my husband. He rubbed my back and finally, the cramps passed. I sat there a while more. I got up, and saw that I had passed what was undeniably not a clot of any kind or any weird kind of bleeding thing. It was a sac. I cried some more, cleaned up. Flushed. Washed my hands and face, headed out the door to make it to Easter at the in-laws. Broke down in the car and told my husband. Broke down again while helping make the rolls. Told my mother-in-law. She had a miscarriage after my husband, can sympathize. Hugged me.
I tried to be happy and absorb myself in Easter. We had a good time; occasionally I would go off to change another pad and cry a little. I had a chance to talk quietly with my husband. I'll be okay. The cramping and bleeding have slowed way down; I get horrific cramps when Emma nurses, but I figure that's my body's way of getting back to normal, like after she was born. I called my mom. We cried. She warned me to watch for hemmorhaging. I will.
My head hurts, my body hurts, I'm very tired. I think I'll go to bed early tonight.
I don't really know what to think. I didn't even know I had a baby until I lost it. I guess I am glad I was spared the emotional attatchment of going through part of a pregnancy and losing the baby after I'd had a chance to think of it as a baby. But it still hurts, some. I mean, like my husband said, "Now that we have Emma, I look at her, and I think, that could have been another one, to do that, to be happy, to live, and now it's not. I know the time wasn't right for us to have a baby, but it's still sad."
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
*hugs*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
(((((Anne&family)))))
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
Oh, kq I am so sorry. (((((hugs))))
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Thanks, guys. I'm going to head off to bed now. I'll be okay; in a way, like I said, I'd rather it happen this way than when it would disappoint hopes. I'm not sure how I got pregnant in the first place, but that's another issue. Mostly, I'm tired down to my soul. I'm glad I had a place to write it all out; it helped.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I'm so sorry, beverly.
I'm so sorry, ketchupqueen.
Posted by dawnmaria (Member # 4142) on :
I am so sorry. Please take care of yourself. Posted by Lady Jane (Member # 7249) on :
Anne, I'm so sorry. *hugs*
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
I'm sorry. Even when you didn't realize you were pregnant beforehand it still hurts.
space opera
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Thanks, guys. I'm still a little sad, and still recovering physically as well as emotionally, but I'll be better. I love you all. *gets weepy and hugs everyone in the thread*
[ March 28, 2005, 05:09 PM: Message edited by: ketchupqueen ]
Posted by Boon (Member # 4646) on :
This thread makes me sad. Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
kq - I'm so sorry. And I wouldn't have made that tongue-in-cheek comment in the breakfast thread if I had read this thread first.
I've had a miscarriage once too - 17 years ago. But (I have posted about it before in a childbirth thread) it was weird, because actually I was pregnant with twins (didn't know it) and I lost one, but then didn't lose the other, despite all odds to the contrary. So I had both the sense of loss for the one gone when I began to miscarry, but relief and joy at the one which did not miscarry and went full-term (my now-17 year old son).
Farmgirl
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
FG, I didn't find it hurtful. Although I just almost collapsed at Target (my bp was 87/52, but I kept rushing around... I really ought not to do things like that...) So don't be surprised if I'm resting instead of on Hatrack some of the day tomorrow. Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
*hugs for you*
Posted by School4ever (Member # 5575) on :
I am sorry for your losses Beverly and Ketchupqueen.
I am one of those who is very infertile. After we had been married 6.5 years we tried IVF. I was expecting to not get pregnant, I was hoping to get pregnant. Two weeks after they implanted our little embryos, we found out I was pregnant. We were excited. This was our child. Our child we had wanted for so many years. At 7.5 weeks we found out the pregnancy was ectopic, and had to have an abortion. I had two shots of Methotrexate to dissolve not only our child, but all my dreams for that child.
One of the worst things was when the doctor in the E.R. told me, "Don't worry, you will get pregnant again right away." I started sobbing, I couldn't stop. I yelled at him. We have never been pregnant since. This happened two years ago and I still mourn the loss of our child.
I did not leave our apartment for two months afterwards, I did not want to see anyone. No one knew how I felt, even though they said they did. I did not want to talk about it with anyone. I did not want anyone to know. I was angry with my family members for telling so many people we were pregnant in the first place. I can talk about it now, but it still hurts, I still want my baby.
Posted by dawnmaria (Member # 4142) on :
School4ever, I understand how you feel when people say the most inappropriate things. The tech who gave me the news that I was going to miscarry just gave me a bunch of tech talk about levels not raising and such and when I asked what that would mean for my child he said I had to not think about it as a child. I was at work and I just lost it. My desk was right on the sales floor and everyone heard me cry out. Some people are very insensitive.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
ketchup queen: I'm so sorry! I'm sorry that I was away from Hatrack and didn't see this until now.
School4ever: !!! I had no idea you went through that! I can understand that must have been a very bitter experience for you. (Not that I understand what that must have been like for you, admittedly I don't.)
I don't know much about IVF, but if I am remembering correctly, it is very difficult and expensive? Is there any possibility of you trying again, or are you worried about things not going well again? I know that some of the women who struggle with infertility just never are able to conceive. They want to so badly, and it is just something they have to deal with day in and day out.
I really do hope that you are able to have that child you are hoping for--by whatever means.
Posted by School4ever (Member # 5575) on :
Beverly- I just appreciate when people realize that they don't understand.
The IVF cost us almost 10K. We were going to do it right away again after the first one if the first one did not work because we already had the drugs and the doctor only charges his cost for the second try. Several things happened to prevent this 1)I lost my job, 2) I was too depressed. I was not expecting the outcome we got. I usually try to prepare myself for every eventuality, but always the one I did not prepare myself for is the one that happens.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Do you think you might try again, with the time that has passed and all? BTW, that really is expensive!
And an ectopic pregnancy--what are the chances? I imagine it is tempting to think some days that the Universe has it out for you. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Wow, some people are so insensitive it makes me . I'm sorry. (((hugs)))
Posted by School4ever (Member # 5575) on :
We will try IVF again once we have both graduated and we actually make money.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
I can imagine, then, that you are somewhat anxious to not be in school4ever. Posted by Lady Jane (Member # 7249) on :
*groans*
Posted by School4ever (Member # 5575) on :
True, but *I* am graduating in five weeks. No clue how much more time for my husband.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Hey, congrats! He can't really be in his doctorate program forever... can he?
Posted by School4ever (Member # 5575) on :
We could take bets.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
School4Ever- I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I can't believe the doctor was so insensitive!
Posted by School4ever (Member # 5575) on :
Thank you
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I don't really want to re-read this thread right now (don't feel like crying), but I think someone mentioned wanting to get pregnant again right away. Do you think that's a normal reaction? I mean, we are not ready for another baby right now, and I didn't even know I was pregnant, but I'm still struggling with this reaction right now. I don't know if I'm trying to prove something to myself, or what, but it probably doesn't help that I wanted another baby before this. We have, however, set a not-too-distant and totally reasonable date when we will try again; we had done that before this happened. We are now being even more careful about bc (not that we weren't before ), but I'm really, really chaffing against it. I want another baby, and I want it now. How do I get through this? Why do I even want this? Have the rest of you experienced this? Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
That is a very normal reaction. I think to some degree it's even physiological -- hormone withdrawal.
You have lost something, and you want (on many levels) to replace it. Most of those levels aren't rational, so rational knowledge won't help much.
Keep in mind as well, that even if you WERE otherwise ready to have a baby now, pregnancy right after a miscarriage frequently becomes another miscarriage.
My arms are empty too, sweetie. *hug*
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
(((hugs back))) I'm so glad I have someone to talk to about it. While I love my mother-in-law, every time I need to complain, it turns into "I had something worse happen to me" (and she did! Her husband died when my husband was three, leaving her pregnant with three children to support, major hospital bills because one was epileptic and my husband had broken ribs, a punctured lung, and almost drowned in the same accident that killed his father, and she miscarried a month after, but that's not what I need.) I found out from my mom that the same thing that happened to me happened to her when my oldest sister was a year old, but she doesn't seem willing or even able to talk about it; she reverts to medical terms if the subject comes up and is only concerned about my physical health (I know she's not really, but that's all she seems capable of saying). And my poor, wonderful, loving, long-suffering husband just doesn't know what to do when I break down. Thanks for being there. I love you all. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*hugs more*
Do you have AIM?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
No. And I refuse to. I have YIM. And I don't mind ParaChat.
[ April 19, 2005, 02:33 AM: Message edited by: ketchupqueen ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
You replied so quickly I didn't realize there WAS a reply.
Meetcha in Parachat, if you like. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Okay.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
That is so very normal kq. A raging desire to fill your arms, to do all the baby nurtiring your hormones had prepared you for....yep. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
KQ, I so wanted to be pregnant right away. But the advice from my provider was to wait at least a month so as not to have yet another miscarriage and chance of infection. I didn't like it, but I followed it anyway. I was really depressed about my non-pregnant state.
So, now this month I could supposedly try again. You want to know what's funny? Now I'm all hesitant again! I feel like I've got my hands so full with three, and the idea of a fourth scares me--just like before I decided I was "ready" a few months ago. I still *want* to have another child, but it isn't such a strong "need" like it was then.
So you may continue to feel like you want to get pregnant, or you may lose the desire somewhat as time passes. But I imagine wanting to be pregnant again *immediately* is very common.
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
kq, I missed this. Of course you want another baby right away, but I think the word was that is it best to have a couple of cycles to heal first, to give the next baby the best chances. (((kq)))
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I wanted another baby before this, you know, but you're right, it's like a need to be pregnant. But talking about it helps some. Well, at least a little. I'm able to kind of validate my need, while recognizing that the rational thing to do is stick with our earlier plan to try later.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
beverly, just so you know, my ob-gyn said it was best to wait at least one cycle, but that two or three would be better.
Then again, I had a healthy pregnancy with no complications after one cycle, so . . . Posted by Arthur (Member # 4026) on :
I had a miscarriage I was 20 weeks along. I was sick from surgery I had the year before and I should not have gotten pregnant. Pretty much everyone knew that it had happened and nothing was said about her. When I got pregnant with Thomas I was terrified. I knew the first miscarriage was my fault and I was certain it was going to happen again. Baecuse of my gastric bypass I went to see a prenatal specialist every 2 weeks.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Rivka, I went in for an exam with the midwife, and she saw no reason to forbid me from going ahead. She acknowledged that the advice is to wait at least one cycle if not two or three (it has been one full cycle now).
Her own personal advice based on her experience (she had 11 live births and 3 miscarriages) was that if all looked well after one cycle, it was OK. It was her personal belief was that if my body wasn't ready to get pregnant again yet, it wouldn't.
I don't personally think that last thing makes sense, but I am not too concerned about proceeding medically-wise. If it had been a later miscarriage with more trauma and bleeding, I would be more hesitant. But the miscarriage was so early and so physically easy on my body. It wasn't much different than a normal period.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*nod* That makes sense. Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Oh, so I've used this time that I'm not allowed to be pregnant to try and slim down a few pounds. Not a bad way to pass the time--do something that you otherwise can't do with impunity when pregnant.
Realizing that I could have that as a goal actually helped me get over the depression of not being able to be pregnant right now. Weird, eh?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I don't think it's weird; actually, continuing to nurse Emma has really helped me, since that's something I'd be encouraged to stop in order to have a healthy pregnancy. She's not interested in it as much as she used to be, but she still likes to at night and in the morning and before naps, and now she's getting more teeth, and she turns to it for comfort a little more. It makes me feel like maybe there's a reason that can satisfy me emotionally to not get pregnant right now.
Posted by seespot (Member # 7388) on :
I had a miscarriage last September and it was very painful. When my husband and I realized that we were going to lose the baby, we just held each other and sobbed. I know that my husband felt that perhaps it was his fault somehow, because when the pregnancy test was positive, he was very shocked and not very excited. Over the course of a week he got excited, and then I started to miscarry. . . . Like I said, it was very painful for both of us. That night we prayed and told God that we really wanted the baby, but that if something wasn't right that it was okay. Those were very hard words to say, but I know helped me and I think helped my husband in the long run. I had to have a D and C, and afterwards got very depressed. It was all I could do to go through the motions of life. Well, some healing comes with time. After I went through one menstrual cycle, we started trying again. It took two months, but on New Years I had a positive pregnancy test. We were both cautiously excited. I'm now 20 weeks and am grateful everytime I feel my baby move. My husband is at Basic Training to go into the Army National Guard. I think me being pregnant has made the separation more difficult. I know he wanted to be here for everything. But, it's better that he's gone now, during the 2nd trimester rather than the third.
I don't want to ever experience a miscarriage again and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. However, it has made me who I am today, like all of my other past experiences.
I can only imagine the pain that School4ever endures. My heart goes out to you.
Thanks for starting the thread, Beverly. Not that I enjoy others pain, but it helps to know that there are people who understand what I went through.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Welcome, seespot.
I am so sorry for your loss. It's especially hard when the loss is of a pregnancy one or both parents were not thrilled about in the beginning. Hugs to you and wishes for a healthy pregancy this time.
Posted by dawnmaria (Member # 4142) on :
seespot, I wish you all the best. I know that it is hard not to think about the last time, I know I sweated it out the whole time w/ my 2nd pregnancy. But I do hope you can enjoy being pregnant. 20 weeks is a great time. I think once I felt Leslie move I was able to allow myself to breath a little bit easier. And tell your hubby thanks for serving his country even when he'd rather be home w/you! Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Welcome to Hatrack, seespot. May your pregnancy be joyful and healthy.
kq, I was under the impression that (except in high-risk pregnancies) nursing mothers were no longer pushed to wean if pregnant? Hasn't it been shown that there is not generally an increased risk?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Because I have a history of not eating right, as well as pregnancy problems, the doctors I've talked to about it have told me they would like me to wean before I get pregnant again. They wouldn't make me wean before a year if I was nursing a younger baby and got pregnant, but they would prefer I wean Ems at this point if I find out I'm pregnant again.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Gotcha.
For me, nursing worked as a contraceptive, so I was never faced with the choice.
Posted by Miriya (Member # 7822) on :
if it's any help for when you do become pregnant again, kq, many nursing babies self-ween when their mothers become pregnant. Mine did within the first trimester and a friend's daughter actually said the milk "tastes yucky". So you may not have to force the issue.
By the way, this is a wonderful thread. for all the other moms out there who have lost one of their littlest ones. Me too.
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
((((seespot))))
I'm glad I made this thread too! Too often miscarriage is something you "just don't talk about". Too many suffer in silence. Congrats on 20 weeks! Hope things continue to go so well and your husband can be with you during the important and exciting wrap-up scenes. Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Hugs to all - that's all.
space opera
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
Bumping for R. Ann Dryden.
::hugs::
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
pregnant again, and their reactions weren't the nicest with the second pregnancy, because other people judged it to be "too soon" when it really wasn't any of their business.![[Group Hug]](graemlins/grouphug.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)
![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
Oh, plus the fact that it was my only pregnancy with no morning sickness.![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
. I'm sorry. (((hugs)))
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)