Do you have a provision for how your spouse should be dealt with if they "move on" during any sustained disability you suffer? My husband has told me that he thinks he'd move on after six months of me not being myself (and it wasn't hypothetical, I was not myself for over 3 weeks).
How would I deal by my spouse? I'd like to think for the kids sake I'd stick by him. And in fairness we didn't have any kids at the time he made the preceding declaration. But I've informed my family that if my husband no longer wants to be faithful to me, he won't be my husband. Such good the Schiavo case is doing for me.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
How do you think this applies to younger people? I'm 20, the last thing on my mind is a living will.
I assume my parents would have any and all rights to guardianship should I die, and know my parents and for the matter my extended family they would do everything in their power to keep me alive for as long as possible. But I honestly don't know how I feel personally on the subject.
For older people, they don't have the option of thinking "Well in 20 years they might be able to cure me, keep me going until then." But if that happened to me, I'd still have half my life ahead of me. I suppose I would want them to keep me going. Is it even worth bothering with for someone my age?
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
Erm, do you know how old Terry Schiavo was when she had the heart attack that started all this? And the conversation with my husband about how long he'd give me to recover, we were 22 at the time.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
No, I didn't realize that. I guess I might be feeling different if I had a spouse, or some sort of significant other.
But now you've really got me thinking. I'll have to give this some though and come to a conclusion. I don't even know where to begin.
Edit to add: After a year, I guess I'd expect my spouse to move on. Personally though, if I had a spouse, I think it would take me years to get over it, if I ever could. I've only been in love once, and those feelings still haven't faded. As long as there is hope, I'd never want to give that up. But I can't fathom actually being in that situation, I'm just guessing at how I would react.
[ April 01, 2005, 12:30 AM: Message edited by: Lyrhawn ]
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
I can't blame Michael Schiavo for wanting to move on after a certain number of years. I just think he should have made a choice between being her guardian or moving on.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
We've talked about it, and neither one of us wants to be kept alive artificially, i.e. kept on a respirator.
But we both view the Schiavo case as not being kept alive artificially, there is no doubt in my mind that she was alive. I would never remove a feeding tube from my husband.
And if he were to experience some tragedy and be in a state like Terri Shiavo was, I'd make sure he got the best possible care available and I would remain his wife. I took a vow, and I meant it - in sickness and in health. If God chooses to have me live out the rest of my life caring for my husband, then I will do it.
I wouldn't spend every day at the care center weeping at his bedside, I would do all I could to give my children a normal life, but I wouldn't divorce him or commit adultery just because he was sick or disabled.
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
at some point I need to go ahead and make out some sort of legal document like that. Or...if you are single, does it default to your parents? If I was going to have someone be in charge of me if I was not able to speak for myself, it would be them. Though, since I'm 25, and live on my own, I don't know if they would have any sort of say in the matter if I don't get around to filling out the legal forms and such.
I'd not want to be hooked up to a machine forever...but the whole starving to death seems rather creepy to me. I can't imagine letting someone I loved starve to death like that.
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
I would encourage any one 18 or over to make an advanced directive, have it notarized, and make copies for all close family members. Even if you do not grant a particular person power of attorney, having your wishes in writing means there is a chance they will actually be followed if you're incapacitated.I've had mine since my early 20's.
I would stay true to my husband, if something like that happened to him.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
Someone at work jokingly made a statement along these lines:
quote:To my doctor, in the event I am taken ill, I want every possible thing done to save me. If every possible thing is not done, I've instructed my lawyer to sue the pants off you.
[from biased sources]Terry Schiavo was given the absolute minimum of care that her husband could provide. He banned any kind of physical therapy/rehabilitation for her. Is it possible that her condition could have been better if she had had physical therapy? Possibly (opinion from non-medical source). We'll never know. [bias]
I know this is something my husband and I need to discuss - we have opposite views. He would "pull the plug" while I would want to see if anything can be done.
Posted by Erik Slaine (Member # 5583) on :
All I know is that I wish I could afford to get a living will together for both my wife and myself. Right now day to day expenses consume my income.
As far as "hear-say" goes, my wife and I have discussed it--we are clear on what each other wants--and I've told my parents.
But that may not be enough. I need to get a piece of paper that says: Don't let my body live as a VEG!!!
(as an aside, Stephen came off very well, dispite a rude priest, on the MacNeil Report last night!)
Posted by Boon (Member # 4646) on :
Most hospitals here have the forms available free for the asking. All you'd have to do is fill it out and have it notorized.
Posted by dread pirate romany (Member # 6869) on :
Free Living Will kit:
It's too important to put off until you "have the money".
So I’m thinking that since my parents don’t speak to me that I need to find someone else to be the representative for medical power of attorney in my living will. My thought is to have that be the pastor of my church. Any thoughts on this idea?
Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
"How do you think this applies to younger people? I'm 20, the last thing on my mind is a living will."
I was 16 when I first wrote out what I wanted to have happen should I be incapacitated and unable to communicate my wishes. In most cases I wanted lifesaving measures and rehabilitative treatment for 2 yrs, and then pull the plug if I wasn't making progress. I even defined adequate progress, but don't remember what I wrote. I also said where I wanted different possessions to go. It wouldn't have been legal, but my parents would have abided by my wishes I'm sure.
I was a rather strange and serious child though. Maybe because My first experience with death of someone close was at 6 when my Dad died, and had many close relatives die after that. It was something I thought about.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
I need to make a living will. I've been putting it off because.. well, I'm a little bit lazy.. and it's a pretty depressing thing.
Anyway, I'm fortunate in that both my parents and my hubby know to pull the plug.