2. A 300 lb. man can be outwrestled by a nine-pound baby in the eternal event of "Let's find a position you'll be comfortable in".
3. "Poop??? You want the poop? You can't handle the poop!!!"
4. Babies are born with a fundamental knowledge of Kung Fu. Your glasses, necklaces and chest hair are all fair targets.
5. Always take their socks off before changing a diaper. (See rule #1).
6. A wardrobe heavy in the colors gray, brown and olive green will save a lot on cleaning bills.
7. Two people with 70 years of experience on this earth will never be able to get the idea of a "sleep schedule" across to a kid that doesn't understand the concept of time.
8. There is nothing greater than hearing your kid laugh in their sleep.
9. Okay, maybe there is -- the look on their face the first time they notice they have feet.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
Great, isn't it? You're early yet for a real sleep schedule, although the wee one should (if it goes right) start to settle into one soon.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Oh, I have mastered the fine art of the diaper change. No need to remove socks here.
Posted by no. 6 (Member # 7753) on :
Here's another.
Always--ALWAYS carry moist wipes and diapers.
Did I mention ALWAYS?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote: Oh, I have mastered the fine art of the diaper change. No need to remove socks here.
Um, with an older baby, I wouldn't, but I remember that first month of explosive poops as soon as you get the bottom clean...
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
There's nothing better than the explosive poop that a diaper cannot contain and then trying to get their clothes off without getting any more of it on them.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Hah, yeah, and then cleaning them off without a real bath, because their umbilical isn't healed yet.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I remember one when our daughter was about 2 weeks old that suddenly overflowed the diaper, ran through the jammies, and all over my nightgown and sheet at three in the morning while I was nursing her in bed. I had to clean up the baby, get her settled again in the bassinet, take off my nightgown, stain treat them, get a new nightgown, get my husband (who slept through all this) to sleepily walk out to the living room any lie down on the couch, strip the bed, stain treat the sheets, wipe down the mattress, put on new sheets, get my husband back in bed, then crash myself. It's the first time I think I truly felt like a mother, like I realized all the responsibility that was truly going to come with it. (My husband woke up in the morning, saw the things soaking in the tub, and asked what had happened; he remembered none of it.)
[ April 08, 2005, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: ketchupqueen ]
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
"There's nothing better than the explosive poop that a diaper cannot contain and then trying to get their clothes off without getting any more of it on them. "
Or you!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
You try to keep it off you? After the first few, I gave up on that, holding the poopy baby close to quiet the insane screaming somewhat.
Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
It took my wife a while to get to the point where she would not empty the tub and refill it when Ryan would pee during his bath. Just swish it around and dilute it.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Hey, I just keep a firm grip on those feet and I don't really have much of a problem. It also gives me leverage for when I need to clean off poop that has leaked up the back of the diaper.
Here's a trick I picked up from a friend: before you remove the dirty diaper, place the new diaper underneath the old. Then, after you've cleaned up the baby, switch the diapers quickly. This prevents you from getting peed on or pooped on fairly effectively. I use it often- especially when I suspect there may be trouble brewing.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
You learn a lot about diaper changes when your wife has a song she sings to your child that goes something like this:
"Papa's gonna change you 'Cause Momma doesn't want to"
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
PC, that doesn't work when the child has the ability to shoot poop five feet in every direction whenever she wants to. Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
Don't worry, new dads, it gets better...right up until they start solid foods. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
And hey, I know that song! Only around here it goes:
"Emma's got a diaper for Abba, 'Cause all the rest today have been for Mama. Mama's gonna give Emma to Abba, He's gonna change the diaper right now." Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :
I never really saw myself as the type that would thank God for solid poops.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
"You try to keep it off you?"
Um, yes, I certainly did. I don't really see anything wrong with trying not to get bright brown stains all over me, especially at weddings and such.
Posted by Lost Ashes (Member # 6745) on :
I've thought about shopping around a column to baby magazines with the title from observation #1.
What do ya think?
Posted by IanO (Member # 186) on :
My son had (and still has, though it's much less frequent) a very sensitive gag reflex. The result was crying that produced over a certain amount of mucous would automatically induce vomitting. Even eating could sometime bring this on.
End result was that I have been thrown up on more times than I care to remember. And I have cleaned up carpets, car, seats, etc numerous times. It finally got to the point where if he threw up I tried to get it on myself (if I couldn't get him to the bathroom or sink in time), rather than cartpet like surfaces. I'm alot easier to clean, and clothes can go in the wash (once their shaken off in the trash) than vomit on carpets or chair cushions (especially where it meets another cushion.)
Though I did learn that vomit has an oil-like texture to it that simple washing won't remove. Repeated soaping and rinsing is necessary to make the smell go away.
Still not bad memories, though. It's life.
Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :
quote: quote: 9. Okay, maybe there is -- the look on their face the first time they notice they have feet.
It is things like that that make me want to have kids one day.
It's things like the entire rest of this thread that make me thank my lucky stars I'm never having any Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
IanO, My friend's daughter, who is fifteen, has a gag reflex issue as well. She eats everything pretty much pureed.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
My daughter projectile -pooped too. I think it was to make up for being the only one who couldn't pee-shoot.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Well, my husband had a few gushers from my daughter. We were amazed at the strength of the flow!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Elizabeth, you must be pretty talented to be able to keep it off you! Our daughter was so wiggly, we just wore dark, non-stainy clothes for the first few months, becuase there was no way we could handle it. Maybe with the next one, we'll be more talented, too. Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
quote:Here's a trick I picked up from a friend: before you remove the dirty diaper, place the new diaper underneath the old. Then, after you've cleaned up the baby, switch the diapers quickly. This prevents you from getting peed on or pooped on fairly effectively. I use it often- especially when I suspect there may be trouble brewing.
Yep. Standard practice. I also perfected the practice of holding a wipe directly over the you-know-what while cleaning. Nothing like getting the new diaper on and then finding out that your shirt is all wet.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
You know what I love? That quizzical look they give you while you're burping them. My daughter would just stare up at my face with her mouth in a little O. It just doesn't get any cuter.
Posted by TheTick (Member # 2883) on :
See AFR, Thomas and I have a deal - he doesn't pee on me, I make sure he's never dressed in goofy clothes (other than halloween). So far, so good.
Posted by Boon (Member # 4646) on :
quote: Yep. Standard practice. I also perfected the practice of holding a wipe directly over the you-know-what while cleaning. Nothing like getting the new diaper on and then finding out that your shirt is all wet.
Ha! Daniel was my first boy, ever. I had no idea about projectile pee, the classic boys' "tell", or any strategic daiper changing technique...until one day...
We went to the State Fair. He couldn't have been more than five or six weeks old. Well, long story short, he was wet, so I put a blanket on a bench, sat sideways, laid him down, and took off his shorts...undid his daiper, wiped him down...reached over to get a clean one...
For over an hour, there was a wet spot on the crotch of my jeans that looked like I'd wet myself!
I must say, though, his arc was perfect!
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
*nod* The men of the house have got to look out for each other.
Boon, I agree, an arc can be a beautiful thing. Once, when my son had just learned how to walk, he had a major blowout. So I stripped him down, wiped him off, and got the bath started. Meanwhile, nature boy escaped and ran into the living room. I got there a second later—and stopped. It was quite stunning, actually. The sun was coming in through the window as my boy stood there. It was like a rainbow and a pot of gold combined.
[ April 08, 2005, 03:46 PM: Message edited by: advice for robots ]
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
My daughter got a pretty good arc going once. (I may have told this story before.) My husband took her diaper off a little early as I was running her bath. A minute later, I felt something wet on my foot. Thinking I had splashed some water out, I looked down... then up, where my sweet innocent daughter was grinning hugely at me from across the room.
Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :
My favorite diaper so far was one that I opened and the "goo" pooled between the leg dams on the diaper. I had the hardest time getting the diaper to the garbage without it splashing out.
...and I still don't react any faster than I did the first time Tanner peeed when I took off his diaper.
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Great, isn't it? You're early yet for a real sleep schedule, although the wee one should (if it goes right) start to settle into one soon.
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