Okay... for those of you who have never read the book and have no idea how the monkey's paw is played.
Person A makes a wish such as:
I wish I had a million dollars.
Person B grants the wish but with a horribly screwed up twist. Such as:
GRANTED! However, it was all in counterfeit hundreds that the FBI has finally tracked to you.
Rules. Make a plausible wish. No specifics... Nothing like "I wish I had a cookie that wasn't poisoned or uncooked or made with raisins." make it simple. Uhm... I know there's another one... I just can't think of it... oh well...
OH YEAH!!! After you grant the previous persons wish, make a wish of your own. Ok?
Get it? YAY!!! IT"S FUN! NOW PLAY!
I'll start.
I wish I was handsome.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I wish I could beat that stupid "The Dark Room" game.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Turgan: You are now handsome. You are being stalked by five women and two men. One of them is in your basement right now.
T_Smith: Your prize for beating it is getting to play a real-life version of "The even darker room."
I wish that I could get more sleep.
[ April 11, 2005, 08:03 PM: Message edited by: Shigosei ]
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
GRANTED!!! You're dead.
I wish Somethingpositive the comic wasn't so damn funny.
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
Granted. You sleep so well that you don't get up for ten years. Too bad you never wrote your living will...
edit: Grr, Turgan! Granted, now Somethingpositive is the most boring drivel ever produced. The creator, now with no healthy way to express their anger, goes postal and kills several members of your family.
I wish I would get perfect scores on all my finals.
[ April 11, 2005, 08:06 PM: Message edited by: sarcasticmuppet ]
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Granted. You've been accused of cheating and have been thrown out of university.
EDIT: I wish that I had a better memory for names.
[ April 11, 2005, 08:08 PM: Message edited by: Teshi ]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Congratulations, the only thing you ever remember now is names.
I wish I knew what the question to the answer to the meaning of life was.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
granted. But now that's the ONLY thing you know.
I wish I had my hat back.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Granted, but it was used as a spitoon.
I wish I was a guest on Emeril right now.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
granted. Emeril uses you as his chief ingredient on his new show aimed towards cannibals.
I wish I could work my way up to ASM at EB Games
[ April 11, 2005, 08:20 PM: Message edited by: Turgan ]
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Emeril. Cannibal. BAM!
LOLOLOLOL!! Sorry, I'm not drunk, I swear!!
[ April 11, 2005, 08:34 PM: Message edited by: Narnia ]
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
ANSWER MY WISH!!!
Posted by Miro (Member # 1178) on :
I would if I knew what the heck you were talking about!
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wish granted but it takes 60 years working 15 hour work days. I don't know what you are talking about.
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
Interesting choice of what you require for Turgan's wish fulfillment, there, T. Almost ironic.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
I wish someone would have responded when I tried to revive the original thread a week ago...
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Granted. Unfortunately, this person deleted his/her post, so you'll never know what it was. I wish I had a donut.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Granted! Too bad that after you ate it, you left crumbs all over the couch which attracted a swarm of hungry ants. Your house has been invaded and you can never invite company over again!
I wish I could be a librarian.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Granted!
Enjoy your tenure at the prison library. You'll be out in 10 to 15.
I wish I could find my Palm!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Granted! You look down, flip your hand over, and there it is!!!!
I wish the day was less gray.
Posted by kaioshin00 (Member # 3740) on :
Granted. You are murdered and then the sun comes out.
I wish my stapler could staple through 10000000000 pages at once.
Posted by starlooker (Member # 7495) on :
Granted! Unfortunately, it is immediately stolen from you and you are left with no stapler at all.
I wish to stop procrastinating.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!!! All deadlines from now on are the next day.
I wish I could fly.
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Granted!
You sprout these huge wings from your shoulderblades that now make it impossible to buy clothes for your upper half.
I wish this school year would finish faster!
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Granted ! Unfortunately, that means that time is 100 times faster. You die from old age in a few weeks. I wish I have finished to paint my door.
[ April 12, 2005, 12:46 PM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!! Its magically painted in Lead Based paint, you get lead poisoning and you die.
I wish for a million wishes!
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Granted, but only on the condition that they all involve sardines in some way.
I wish people were trustworthy.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!! Everyone is now missing half of their brain.
I wish I had a sardine right now...(I'm hungry)
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
It is up your nose.
I wish I had a cheaper car payment.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Granted. Unfortunately, you have now a bike instead of your car. It's old and rusty. I wish I could be in July and in Australia.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Wish granted, you are now making payments on a used Yugo with 190,000 miles on it...
I wish my boss would stay in Peru another week.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Granted. Unfortunately, you stay with him, in his hotel room, and he sleeps naked ! Still waiting for my other wish...
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!!! Your freezing your behind now in Australia.
I wish sexisim didn't limit anyone.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Granted- You're an amoeba!
I wish my band would get a record deal. Stupid corporate executives!
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED! It goes out and people use it as freesbees.
I wish I was in Dixie. Hurray, Hurray!
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
GRANTED! You are now in Dixie and married to your sibling.
I wish, I wish, I wish I was a fish
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Granted!! You are now in my plate with a fork through your spine.
I wish I was the queen of the fairies.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
GRANTED! But we only have a small fishbowl that will never have it's water changed.
I wish I was an Elf...
[Arg... beat me too it! OK ok... GRANTED! But you are doomed to live forever without your King as he is wandering the mortal world]
[ April 12, 2005, 05:56 PM: Message edited by: Telperion the Silver ]
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Poof! You're an elf! Now you have to spend the rest of your immortal life making cookies in a tree.
I wish I had a pass to go to the movies for free as many times as I want for the rest of my life.
Posted by Turgan (Member # 6697) on :
GRANTED! As soon as you get that pass, however, The U.S. govt passes a law that the only movie allowed to be played in ANY movie theatre ANYWHERE is Titanic. Enjoy three or so hours of Hell, my friend.
I wish Woody Woodpecker were back in business.
(Oh, btw. ASM of EB Games means Assistant Manager of EB games. EB Games is the Video game store where I work. Just thought I'd clarify.)
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
He is. In the tree, right outside your window. And he's making up for lost time.
I wish my house would clean itself for Passover.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Granted, your house is clean, but it's no longer Kosher, and you have no time to re-prepare.
I wish I had an MLT sandwich, you know, when the mutton is nice and lean, and the tomato is ripe...
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Granted, but the lettuce is moldy.
I wish I had the ways and means of travelling to New Zealand.
Posted by starlooker (Member # 7495) on :
Granted, but New Zealand has been invaded by millions of other tourists and looks just like Generica when you arrive.
I wish that I could dance incredibly, amazingly well.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Granted! But you are working in Las Vegas for $3 an hour. And did I mention that strange men hit on your from below the stage?
I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish, I wish I knew what to wish.
Posted by starlooker (Member # 7495) on :
Granted. But instead of wishing anything for yourself, you wish that starlooker was the absolute ruler of the universe. This turns out to be a very GOOD wish... for her. Mwahahahahaha.
I wish that I could wake up on time in the mornings.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Granted! You now wake up exactly when you need to every morning...and for the rest of the day, you fall into narcoleptic fits.
I wish I hadn't left my wallet at home today.
Posted by starlooker (Member # 7495) on :
Granted! You didn't leave your wallet at home -- you left it at a gas station on the way to work instead, where it is promptly stolen.
I wish I knew everything about financial aid.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!! Financial aid is the ONLY thing you know now and you spend the entire rest of your life stuck in a midget sized office at some college campus advicing students on financial aid.
I wish I never went hungry again, but was still alive.
[ April 13, 2005, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: Altáriël of Dorthonion ]
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Granted! All information available on financial aid promptly floods your brain. Overwhelmed, you go catatonic.
I wish I had a personal assistant to do all my paperwork.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Granted! The personal assistant is everything you dreamed and more...and you find this out when s/he develops an obsession with you, kidnaps you, and takes you to a remote cabin, when s/he forces you to produce new and exciting paperwork for him/her to complete.
I wish someone was giving me a massage at this moment.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!!! You do get a massage by a really handsome tall guy, but later found out it was a transexual and he was getting too intimate with you....
Umm...I'm still waiting for my wish...
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Granted! You can eat absolutely nothing and not die. But instead you can only breathe nitrogen thus you suffocate and die.
I wish had a pet monkey, that didn't have rabies or any other disease or problems and it obeyed my every whim.
Posted by starlooker (Member # 7495) on :
Sidenote:
quote: you spend the entire rest of your life stuck in a midget sized office at some college campus advicing students on financial aid.
I do that anyways. I'd just as soon know what I'm talking about
Anyhoo, back on track:
Granted! Unfortunately, it gets eaten by wild monkey-eating dogs who won't go away even after they've eaten the monkey, and you thus become outcast from society due to being surrounded by wild monkey-eating dogs.
I wish for Spring to never end.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!!! Now you are permenantly frozen in time. Spring forever baby!
I wish I had complete control over the Earth.
NOTE: Oh! I didn't mean to hurt anyone's feelings or pride, besides, I meant being inside a very small office, a crappy compy and just being there forever, as in FOREVER AND EVER. I don't think anyone would want to live that way...
[ April 13, 2005, 01:35 PM: Message edited by: Altáriël of Dorthonion ]
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Granted! Complete control of the Earth is yours! You do not, however, have control over any of the other planets. Jupiter and Saturn team up to launch an attack on you. The Earth is no match at all.
I wish I had a lovely garden with lilacs and tomatoes and strawberries.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Granted! But your garden is infected by toxic waste and takes over the known universe. First they eat you like you planned to do to them.
I wish that none of my wishes could be turned against me. They would be exactly what I wished for and that alone. (Beat that! )
Posted by Mr.Gumby (Member # 6303) on :
Granted! but you only had one wish
I wish I could find a job that I didn't hate and could also go to school while having the job.
[ April 13, 2005, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: Mr.Gumby ]
Posted by Vadon (Member # 4561) on :
Granted, you are now a school janitor who works in the bathrooms. Your love for the job come's from the hard work you put out so that children can trash it again.
I wish I could get my hands on a complete mint condition signed copy of First Meetings. ^_^ (The one I read didn't have the fourth story... grumble.)
Posted by starlooker (Member # 7495) on :
NOTE: I was SO not offended. I actually found it pretty funny that your description was so accurate -- and I promise, I don't intend to do it forever and ever!
Granted! Unfortunately, the copy you get your hands on turns out to be stolen, and you are put in prison for it when it is returned to its rightful owner.
I wish that no one would ever hurt anyone else ever again.
Posted by Desdemona (Member # 7100) on :
GRANTED! Everybody hurts themselves and dies from the wounds inflicted.
I wish that my cough would go away.
Posted by ProverbialSunrise (Member # 7771) on :
GRANTED: And With the cough goes your lungs.
I wish I could jump 8 feet high in the air.
Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :
Granted! Except now the earth's ozone layer is completely obliterated forcing us to all live underground, where the ceilings are only 7 feet high.
I wish I had socks with no holes in them.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Granted! Only, now how are you going to get them on your feet?
I wish my house were clean.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!! You clean up your house and it's now sparling. Suddenly, a dirty mean cat comes in trough the window and sullies your floor with mud.
I wish I had all the super powers I wanted. (Orbing like Paige from Charmed, eternal youth and life, three wings, and the best body and looks possible)
Posted by Beanny (Member # 7109) on :
GRANTED!
Only now, your family treats you like a freak and you are banned from society.
I wish for a happy life.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!! Except for the fact that everyone feels miserable around you.
I wish I had all the things I wished for on my last wish, but everyone accepted me.
Posted by MEC (Member # 2968) on :
granted, but they only except you because everyone got that stuff.
I wish for whatever you feel like granting.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
GRANTED!! You are now a frog.
I wish I was famous in a non-notorious way.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Granted! And now you have a stalker. You really wanted all those pics taken through your blinds of you undressing posted online at www.altáriëlroxors.com, didn't you?
I wish I felt better.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Granted! But know you feel so good about yourself you make horrible mistakes and lose all of your money gamling.
I wish that I had super powers.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Granted! you have the power of teleportation, but cannot control the destination, also you have a superhuman sense of smell, trust me, it will suck.
I wish I were a better student, and could earn a PhD
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Granted, but now your name is Bob and you are 72 and live in Maine.
I wish my neck didn't hurt.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Granted! by a guillotine
I wish I knew how to write HTML (it would help with a job I want)
weird coincidence I did used to go by Bobby and am 27, so that was sort of close
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
Granted, but you can't type it.
I wish were better at tennis.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Granted, you are now 1/1,000,000th of a degree better at tennis.
I wish my bank account had a billion dollars in it.
Posted by AchillesHeel (Member # 11736) on :
Granted, but you hid it in various foreign banks under fake names to hide all your money from the government, and you can't remember any details that would allow you access.
I wish I had a job that didn't have a mortality rate.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
Granted! You are now a mass of infinitely-supported tumorous tissue, a kind of living Henrietta Lacks, hooked eternally into a hamster wheel and harvested weekly for biomass even as you beg your handlers to let you die.
I wish this wish was not subject to the monkey's paw and was actually somehow just beneficial.
Wait, that's boring.
I wish I had two more nights in this hotel.
Posted by Marek (Member # 5404) on :
Granted! You are hired to manage the hotel, making twice what you make now, and with great benefits and thus get to move into the hotel, however you only stay two more nights before the hotel burns down, and now you have no job at all.
I wish I my computer was so cool it was like one Tony Stark would have.
Posted by AchillesHeel (Member # 11736) on :
Granted! your computer is now just like the one that putters around his home lab messing things up.
I wish I had full comprehension of what Samp said.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Sorry, it's only magic, and even magic has it's limitations.
I wish I had an adamantium skeleton.
Posted by Samprimary (Member # 8561) on :
quote:Originally posted by AchillesHeel: Granted! your computer is now just like the one that putters around his home lab messing things up.
I wish I had full comprehension of what Samp said.
Seriously! how in the heck....?
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
quote:Originally posted by T_Smith: Granted. Hello adamantium skeleton! Goodbye bone marrow!
I wish I knew what to wish for in my next post.
Granted! Unfortunately it's stupid.
I wish I never got a cold again.
Posted by JonHecht (Member # 9712) on :
Granted. You get pneumonia every time you'd otherwise get a simple cold.
I wish to be healthy, wealthy, and wise.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Granted! Your name is now Healthy Wealthy Wise. Unfortunately Mr. H. Wise, your health, net worth and wisdom remain the same.
I wish I knew the answer to any question I chose to ask.
Posted by AchillesHeel (Member # 11736) on :
Granted! the only question you choose to ask is "what is the answer to life the universe and everything?"
I wish we didn't have stupid people like Akin in positions of power.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Granted! The world is now leaderless and falls into chaos and barbarism.
I wish I had a "new ray" that anything I pointed it at and pulled the trigger would be in brand new perfect condition.
Posted by Aris Katsaris (Member # 4596) on :
Granted! Unfortunately the first time you pull the trigger at anything, the whole universe reverts to its brand new state just seconds before the Big Bang. You were pointing it at a part of the universe after all...
I wish for the existence of a happy, pleasant and fulfilling afterlife for all people who die.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Wish granted! You are now a Buddhist.
I wish my hair wasn't getting thinner on top.
Posted by BlackBlade (Member # 8376) on :
Granted! Your hair grows healthy and even all over your scalp, just in time for girls everywhere to decide bald is in, and only natural baldies are attractive. Your SO leaves you for Patrick Stewart.
I wish for this game to stop.
Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
Granted!
Posted by MarekAgain (Member # 13484) on :
I wish this game would restart
Posted by JanitorBlade (Member # 12343) on :
Granted! You reincarnate as yourself, the game of life begins anew. But now you've been born in 2018, you become enslaved by the robot uprising of 2020 along with the rest of humanity. Unfortunately, this time you have no memories of pre-enslavement to sustain you. You die in mental agony.
I wish Mr. Card would come back to the forum.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Granted.
I wish that I could only make beneficial wishes.
Posted by Mr. Y (Member # 11590) on :
Granted. You can now only make wishes that beneficial to your other people. More specifically, to your enemies. Thus in the end, not so beneficial for you.
I wish that I could read faster, yet still remember the story afterward and be able to sympthatise with the characters.
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
Emeril. Cannibal. BAM! ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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