quote:

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Almost a month later to the day of the accident, Brian awoke from his afternoon nap and said, "Sit down mommy. I have something to tell you."

"Do you remember when I got stuck under the garage door? Well it was so heavy and it hurt really bad. I called to you, but you couldn't hear me. I started to cry, but then it hurt too bad. And then the 'birdies' came."

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Share your favorite and not-so-favorite twinkies here.

I've got to go clean out my in-box...again.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
*slaps forehead*

I think snopes calls them "Glurg" stories. My favorite lesson in the teacher development course is the "teach true doctrine" one, where we learn that stories off the internet and pop songs are not legitimate sources of lesson material.
 

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Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
 
"Glurge". They call them "glurge". And I don't have a "favorite"; I pretty much hate them all.
 

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Posted by His Savageness (Member # 7428) on :
 
I like the Mormon one about a "tri-mission" conference that was going to be held in the World Trade Centers the day of 9/11, but all of the missionaries miraculously didn't make it! I couldn't believe how many were taken in by that one when it started circulating.
 

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Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
 
I hate faith-promoting rumors. However, I must admit that they formed quite a large part in the formation of my opinions about faith and religion. When I was a teenager, and started learning that quite a number of the more commonly heard rumors were not, in fact, true, I felt betrayed and angry. Therafter, I became something of a crusader against this kind of thing. I'm probably now to the point where I'm TOO skeptical, sometimes cynical, but I'd rather be that than too gullible.
 

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Posted by Portabello (Member # 7710) on :
 
The only one that comes to mind is the one about the portrait of Christ that we use so often in the LDS church. The story is that when the painting was first unveiled, a little girl got up and said that she knew that man -- he was the one that came and held her all night when her mommy died.
 

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Posted by His Savageness (Member # 7428) on :
 
How about any Mormon one involving the three Nephites?
 

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Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
 
I grew up on Paul Dunn war stories, especially the one in which he miraculously survived being run over by an enemy tank.

But you have to be careful with Paul Dunn. Invariably one of his former neighbors or someone whose parents joined him on one of his Jerusalem tours, will rally to his defense.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
I don't like even repeating them. It's just spreading the meme.

I think we should spread the snopes debunking of fabulous stories. Let's see...

Here we go - LDS internet hoaxes and urban legends

Snopes Glurge gallery
 

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Posted by Portabello (Member # 7710) on :
 
I hear Mormons joking about 3 Nephite stories all the time, but I actually never hear 3 Nephite stories.

It's kinda like green jell-o. We joke about it all the time, but almost never eat/serve it.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
I used one as a sermon illustration once. But not in the way that would have made the cousin who sent it to me happy. It was the one about the poor persecuted student whose atheist professor always uses class time to rant about how stupid Christians are, until the day when he shouts, yes shouts that if God exists he dares God to make this piece of chalk not break when he drops it and just then it slips from his fingers and rolls down his pantleg and off the cuff coming to rest COMPLETELY UNHARMED the professor rushes from the room and the student uses the rest of the class time to give his testimony and many students accept Jesus as their personal savior. Or something like that.

I was preaching on the first Sunday of Lent on the temptations in the wilderness, and noted that Jesus didn’t seem to think that throwing himself from the pinnacle of the temple so that everyone would see he was unharmed was a particularly appropriate tactic for winning converts. I’m thinking it’s not any more appropriate with a piece of chalk substituted for Jesus.
 

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Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
 
3 Nephite stories: Like the one about the Mormon bishop whose patriarchal blessing promised that he'd encounter all three during his lifetime?
 

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Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
 

quote:

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It was the one about the poor persecuted student whose atheist professor always uses class time to rant about how stupid Christians are[. . . .]

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quote:

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I figure that there are some rare occasions when God will manifest his power clearly to people that don't believe. Those times are not subject to the dictate of Satan, professors, or anybody else trying to force God's hand.

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Exactly.
Plus in the Old Testament God seemed a lot more willing to lay down the smite.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Yeah, I suppose there are occasions.
 

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Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
Kat, the major difference between the Elijah stories, if I remember them right, and the chalk and Jesus temptation stories is that Elijah was acting as God's servant when he called on His power. The professor and Satan were not...they were mocking God.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Yeah, I remember that. I still think Elijah was being rather tacky, though.

quote:

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And it came to pass at noon, that Elijah mocked them, and said, Cry aloud: for he is a god; either he is talking, or he is pursuing•, or he is in a journey, or peradventure he sleepeth, and must be awaked.

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Posted by Portabello (Member # 7710) on :
 
Is it wrong if that makes me laugh out loud?

'Cuz it did.
 

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Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
 
The Elijah stories... the difference between a miracle and coincidence is really one of Point of veiw, in that it tells more about you than 'proving' there is a particular God.

I mean, some people would say Elijah was just... really lucky.
 

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Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
 
Me, I think it's a miracle when I do long division and don't have a remainder.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 

quote:

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38 Then the fire of the LORD fell, and consumed the burnt sacrifice, and the wood, and the stones, and the dust, and licked up the water that was in the trench.

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quote:

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And it came to pass that after the space of two years that Abinadi came among them in disguise, that they knew him not, and began to prophesy among them, saying: Thus has the Lord commanded me, saying—Abinadi, go and prophesy unto this my people, for they have hardened their hearts against my words; they have repented not of their evil doings; therefore, I will bvisit• them in my anger, yea, in my fierce anger will I visit them in their iniquities and abominations.

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D'oh!

[ April 22, 2005, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 

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Posted by Orson Scott Card (Member # 209) on :
 
You never have a remainder if you don't care.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
I wasn't making a connection between the professor and Satan -- I was suggesting that the temptation to think of this sort of crap as a faith promoting resource or evangelism tool is, shall we say, not from God.
 

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Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
 
My favorite will always be the talking donkey.
 

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Posted by Taalcon (Member # 839) on :
 
Yeah. Just happened to have fire fall from the sky and burn up his water-soaked altar.

I wish I had luck like that
 

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Posted by Portabello (Member # 7710) on :
 
That passage in Mosiah always makes me laugh as well. What was he thinking??
 

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Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
 
It just goes to show you that prophets are human - even they do stupid stuff sometimes....
 

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Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
 
Taalcon: Seriously, though, fire from heaven/lightening - potato/potato.

*jumps in fear as her Weather Radio goes off for the second time in 12 minutes*

Maybe now is not the best time for me play devil's advocate.

Edit To Mr. Card: But I do care.

[ April 22, 2005, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: Olivetta ]
 

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Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
 

quote:

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My favorite lesson in the teacher development course is the "teach true doctrine" one, where we learn that stories off the internet and pop songs are not legitimate sources of lesson material.

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quote:

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It's kinda like green jell-o. We joke about it all the time, but almost never eat/serve it.

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I beg to differ. When I was pregnant and on bed rest, my visiting teachers brought me dinner. What did they bring with it? Green jell-o salad. When Ems was born, people brought dinner in. Guess what? More green jell-o salad!
 

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Posted by Hammer (Member # 7528) on :
 
Dare I say it?

As for the Three Nephites, there are several books out about experiences people have had with them.

It's so sacred that most people don't share the stories, and of course, the work of the three is not exclusive to Mormons.

All I can say is they exist. In my lifetime I encountered one of them. I cannot share with you where and what happened surrounding the meeting--it's too personal and too sacred even to a bum like me. But there is no doubting it even to this day that I knew who he was.

And no he didn't introduce himself or hand me a business card. He didn't have to. Frankly, it wasn't until after he was gone that I knew.

My guess is a lot of people have very spiritual experiences that none of us, with all our well intentioned purposes can explain.

That is what a miracle is and its intent is to touch us spiritually, thus it becomes a personal thing.
 

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Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
 
So where's our resident Paul Dunn supporter?
 

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Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
 
Darn! I wanna be Resident Supporter of Something, but I haven't a clue who this Dunn guy is.


Humph!
 

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Posted by Hammer (Member # 7528) on :
 
Paul Dunn was a general authority for the Mormon church. He wrote books, did lectures and told these stories about his experiences to promote faith.

Trouble was, it turned out his stories were more fiction than fact. He's no longer a general authority but sure as I'm sitting in a library, his neighbors and friends will stand by him.
 

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Posted by Annie-kind #3 (Member # 7499) on :
 
"carry"
 

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Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
 
There was girl I went to school with who had a tendency to go off by herself and see angels. Especially when nobody wanted to hang with her on band trips. I wasn't in the band, but I was frequently forced to endure the stories.
 

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Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
 
And there was an elder in my mission who claimed that Jesus appeared to him...while alone (a no no for elders), and during daylight proselyting hours.

Oh well, different Jesuses for different folks.

Wow, I'm really on one today.
 

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Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
 
Was he mad?

The thing I love about Abinadi is how he says "Once I've said what I've come to say, you can do what you want with me."

He then goes on for like 25 pages about the whole history of Israel. Then says what he has to say.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
My favorite reaction to the Joseph Smith story was in Detroit.

<we tell story of the First Vision>
Us: Do you feel that Joseph Smith could have seen God and Jesus Christ?

Person: Oh, yeah. That happened to my cousin once.
 

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Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
 
My bishop sometimes tells this little story from the pulpit:
He Took My Licking

quote:

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Little Timmy replied, "My daddy's dead and my Mother is very poor. I don't have but one shirt, and my mother is washing it today. I wore big brother's coat so' to keep warm."

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quote:

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Some years ago, President Gordon B. Hinckley told “something of a parable” about “a one room school house in the mountains of Virginia where the boys were so rough no teacher had been able to handle them.

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Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
 
"It must have been something to see."

I've always thought, Katie, that if there's a shred of truth to the Elijah story, the "water" he poured on his sacrifice -- during a drought, mind you -- was more likely to be kerosene.
 

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Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
I hate glurge. Whenever I get one in email I send it back to the person who sent it to me along with a link to snopes.
 

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Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
 
Me too. People learn not to send 'em to me real fast.
 

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Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
 
The only friend who Glurges me has short term memory loss. Linking to Snopes would only result in hurting her feelings many, many times. I don't think she'd remember it long enough to keep her from sending me the next one.

The good news is that she'd forgive me almost immediately.
 

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Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
 
I've got a few people like that in my inbox too... unfortunately, my mother is one of them. Funny, this is the woman who swore off all religion as soon as she moved out of her parents' house and refused to allow us children any exposure outside of weddings and funerals that couldn't be avoided. Now her son is a practicing Baptist, her younger daughter is in some weird cult, and her elder daughter is still trying to figure out what to do.
 

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Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
 
Glurge--cool word, I've never heard it before.

quote:

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her younger daughter is in some weird cult, and her elder daughter is still trying to figure out what to do.

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So Goody, are you a cultist or clueless?
 

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Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
 
I would be the clueless one =)
{edit: ooh page!}

[ April 23, 2005, 01:22 AM: Message edited by: Goody Scrivener ]
 

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Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
 
I got a good chuckle out of this one my father (a marine and retired cop) showed me:

quote:

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A college professor, an avowed Atheist, was teaching his class. He shocked several of his students when he flatly stated he was going to prove there was no God.

Addressing the ceiling he shouted: "God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you 15 minutes!" The lecture room fell silent. You could have heard a pin fall.

Ten minutes went by. Again he taunted God, saying, "Here I am, God. I'm still waiting." His count-down got down to the last couple of minutes when a Marine - just released from active duty and newly registered in the class - walked up to the professor, hit him full force in the face, and sent him tumbling from his lofty platform. The professor was out cold! At first, the students were shocked and babbled in confusion. The young Marine took a seat in the front row and sat silent. The class fell silent...waiting. Eventually, the professor came to, shaken he looked at the young Marine in the front row. When the professor regained his senses and could speak he asked: "What's the matter with you? Why did you do that?"

"God was busy. He sent me."

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