Hatrack River Forum: Etiquette ? regarding mispronounciations

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Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :

Is it rude of me to correct people when they pronounce my daughter's name wrong? Her name is Elisa (Uh-leesa) but we get "Alyssa" and "Eliza" a lot, and on one memorable occasion "Elijah." This happens whenever I have to write her name down, such as at the dr.'s office or at school when I'm picking her up. A lot of time we just use her nickname, Ellie, but occasionally I do write her given name.

I'm asking because because some people get kinda snitty with me when I correct them. I usually just say, "Oh, it's Elisa" and it often garners just a stare with no attempt to say her name correctly. I realize it's not the most common name, but then again I'm not going to let people call her the wrong name, you know? Is there a better way to correct people?

space opera

Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :

It's wrong if you spell it "mispronounciations." *wink*

How old is Elisa? At some point, it'll be up to her to correct people, and it'll be her choice.

Posted by HesterGray (Member # 7384) on :

Personally, I would rather have someone correct me when I say their name wrong. I would hate to be calling someone something for a while, only to find out later that I've been saying it wrong the whole time. Kind of like how I want someone to tell me if I have something in my teeth.

Edit: typo!

[ April 27, 2005, 02:31 PM: Message edited by: HesterGray ]

Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :

Papa, that was done intentionally. I'm trying out alternate spellings. *fake sniff* [Big Grin]

Most of the time when her name is said incorrectly she doesn't even realize it. Example - while waiting in a dr.'s office the nurse will come out and call, "Alyssa." After she calls it a few more times I jump up and realize they're actually calling my daughter. That's when I'll go up and say, "Oh, it's Elisa." Goes right over her head.

space opera

edit: She's 7. The only time she corrects people is when she says her name is Ellie and someone goes "Oh, Allie, how nice." She replies, "No! Ellie." Generally it takes me stepping in and saying "Ellie with an "e"."

[ April 27, 2005, 01:54 PM: Message edited by: Space Opera ]

Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :

Would you get mad at me if I read it Eh-leesa?

Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :

I think it's rude not to correct them if it's at all possible they will interact with you again. Silence implies they got it right, and it will be far more embarrassing to them to find out later they got it wrong.

Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :

As someone with an unusual name that people frequently pronounce wrong when seeing it written, I would say do it, and do it religiously. Politely, of course, but firmly and repeatedly if necessary. I try to always use a big smile when I correct someone, even if I really want to rip their throat out. That seems to help it go over better.

I certainly don't think it's rude, but I've got to admit that if I'm wrong, I don't care. It's my name, it's part of who I am and how I think of myself. Some people maybe won't ever remember the right way to say it, but it's not going to be from lack of my correcting them.

[Smile]

Good luck.

Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :

I'd possibly correct when it's someone who will use the name again. With her doctor, maybe, but with the people behind the counter I wouldn't bother.

If it's someone with whom you spend a decent amount of time, just keep using the correct pronunciation yourself, and eventually they might pick up on it (though some politicians still say nukyular, don't they).

--Pop

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

If it is a teacher, friend, or someone who will be using her name a lot, correct away. Otherwise, I would just let it go or let her correct them.

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :

My first name is fine, but my last name is Pilkington. My whole name is Katharine Pilkington, and for such a phonetic name that is pronounced exactly as it would be if you sounded it out (last name especially), I'm almost shocked by how many people can't pronounce it.

It relates to how people read. Adept readers don't sound out all words, but instead recognize them by shape and initial letters. If it is a new word that resembles others, brains usually supply the known word instead of sounding out the unkown one before them. It's much, much faster that way.

The only way to break it is to make your new word a known word, and that means correcting everyone politely and consistently. Your daughter will be doing this for the rest of her life. She'll thank you at some point, I'm sure. [Big Grin]

Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :

I had a girlfriend whose name was casidee, and her nickname was cass, but everyone continued to call her cassy (or cassie, i never actually tried to spell it). i never corrected anyone because i thought it was funny. but, if it were my daughter, then i would probably correct them.

*thought* maybe thats why she broke up with me. hmm.......

Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :

I've always been the only one of my friends with a name that isn't easily misspronounced, just spelled wrong when I say it. I'd just say it's elisa if they say something entirely wrong but not if it's quite as simple as like alisa, just a slightly wrong emphasis.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

If it is a teacher, friend, or someone who will be using her name a lot, correct away. Otherwise, I would just let it go or let her correct them.

Posted by Ppaa Mosoe (Member # 5689) on :

quote:
It relates to how people read. Adept readers don't sound out all words, but instead recognize them by shape and initial letters. If it is a new word that resembles others, brains usually supply the known word instead of sounding out the unkown one before them. It's much, much faster that way.

Yes, and:

quote:
Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht teh
frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses
and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed
ervey lteter by itslef but the wrod as a wlohe.

Cool, neh?

Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :

I have a neice named Alisha who pronounces it the way your daughter does. It has taken me a long time to learn it right because I want to do a short "i" sound instead of the long "e" sound. But I'm learning, and I would prefer that she always correct me when I'm wrong. A person's name is very personal and important to them, and people should learn to say it right.

My daughter also has two friends - one named Aubrey and one named Audrey and for the life of me, I always call them by the wrong one....

Farmgirl

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :

Seeing as how my own father can't pronounce my name, I'm not sure how much I'd worry about it.

Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :

quote:
If it's someone with whom you spend a decent amount of time, just keep using the correct pronunciation yourself, and eventually they might pick up on it

I would like to politely, firmly, and STRONGLY disagree with Pop on this point. I think that's just about the worst possible passive-agressive way to handle it. And "eventually they might pick up on it" does not teach your daughter that she is a valued, unique individual. It teaches her that close is good enough, and she's not important enough to be called by her correct name.

Not to put my own neurosis on anyone else... :/

Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :

we all multiple posted, and it looks like Kat decided it didn't post what she wanted so rewrote it.

Evil hatrack!

Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :

I posted that thing before you referred to it, Katie -- it just took a long time to post. But great minds do think alike, I suppose. So do pathetic ones, but we needn't bring that up right now.

--Pop

Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :

[Laugh]

quote:
Ppaa Mosoe

Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :

ludusti, that has to be the funniest multiple post I've ever read.

ElJay, good point about the self-esteem thing.

Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :

[Laugh]

quote:
Ppaa Mosoe

Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :

My given name is John Thomas, but I go by JT. Or, occasionally by John Thomas (for family and old friends). One of the banes of my existence is solicitors and people like that who call up and ask for John. "I'm sorry, there is no John here. There is a John Thomas, that's me and no, Thomas is not my last name."

I've done this so many times since grade school that everytime someone calls me "John" I have to swallow hard and remind myself that though I've corrected thousands of people on this particular subject, I've never corrected this person, and they don't know until you tell them.

But I've gotten pretty shameless with it in recent years. I correct, and I keep on correcting till they get it right.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Oh, my, now it is taking forever to delete my mutiple posts.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

And I even gave up on posting that last post, but it went through anyway. So, basically, if you wait long enough, your post will post. If you continue pushing the button impatiently, you will make your point, which you didn;t even feel all that strongly about in the first place, many, many times.

Posted by Gryphonesse (Member # 6651) on :

I can't see why someone would get crappy when they're corrected on something like how to properly pronounce one's NAME... Problems with criticism, perhaps???? Sheesh. I am constantly correcting people on how to pronounce my name, and I also answer to anything that sounds vaguely similar. My name is unusual, and the spelling is Gaelic, not English. before you ask, it's Sorcha, pronounced "sor-kah" emphasis on the first syllable ususally. The "h" is a silent letter in Gaelic - my mother could have left it out, honestly, and saved me years of trouble, but oh well. I have been called everything from Sybill to Snorkel to Sanka. (No Kidding!) and I have yet to meet anyone who thinks that they know better than I how to pronounce my name. Life is too short to fret with twits who worry about being corrected for something they don't know. Tell em it's pronounced "fred" and see what they say...

[Big Grin]

Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :

Yeah, I noticed that too, Elizabeth. And ludusti deleted her double post, so it's not funny anymore. [Frown]

Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :

I say let them know. If they make it seem like it's an imposition on them, that's because they're rude.

My name is Zan. When I introduce myself in person or on the phone, most people cannot grasp that my name could actually start with a "Z". I don't blame them since, thus far, I'm the only one I know. I've been referred to as Dan, Jan, Van, etc. I just tell them it's starts with "Z" as in zebra.

I don't have a problem when people read my name, though.

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :

I only pushed the button once, but I got multiple posts (I just deleted the extra one afterward).

Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :

I only pushed the button once and I got two posts. And then when I deleted the second post, both disappeared. Weird....... I definitely think there's a glitch in the Matrix.....

Posted by Papa Moose (Member # 1992) on :

I think everyone's deleting at once, which appears to cause an even bigger backup/slowdown in the board. Just leave them.

ElJay, I'd never looked at it from that side before. I should say that the "just keep pronouncing it correctly" would be after correcting once or twice. But if someone gets corrected every single time he makes a mistake, you've got different neuroses to deal with. Of course, it wouldn't be your kid.

Admittedly, my name wasn't tough for people when I was growing up, except when everything was brand new and people reading off a roll sheet without a gender indicator might refer to me as Michelle. I'd correct them, and the problem didn't return once they knew I was a guy.

I figure Carl and Timmy should be pretty easy to get right -- we'll be sure to watch future kids' names, too.

--Pop

Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :

I tend to correct people who are going to see me on any sort of regular basis, and leave the rest alone. I even tell people who are going to be calling my name (at a restaurant, etc.) that my name is Meg-an (instead of Mee-gan). Some people that I correct get snotty about it, but I don't think they're justified. It's MY name, that's how it's pronounced.

I did have a person ask me once if I pronounced my name wrong. That was fun.

Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :

Anyone who gets all snitty because you politely correct their mispronounciation of something so personal as a name is likely to get snitty about just about anything. I'd let it roll off me, since it's obvious they are just too sensitive.

My son's name is Christian. He gets called Christopher often. I correct that. I don't correct people calling him "Chris", though we don't call him that and he doesn't call himself that. I figure it's an affectionate nickname and it's his perogative to correct, not mine.

Posted by whiskysunrise (Member # 6819) on :

Make sure you are polite when correcting them. Your name is part of who you are. Others need to say it right, and not be offended when corrected on it.

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

>_<

Pop, I think every time you post that darn thing, I am going to start posting the Snopes article. And all the links from it.

In their entirety. [Razz]

On topic, I have kids whose names people have trouble spelling and saying. I correct the egregious mispronunciations, but have a close-enough-for-government work theory in general. The less likely my child is to be to interact with that person in the future, the greater the margin of error I ignore.

And I never correct people if a question of actually being unable to pronounce certain letters. Most English speakers cannot pronounce the "ch" sound found in Hebrew (and other languages), and I have no intention of forcing them to try. [Wink]

Posted by zgator (Member # 3833) on :

I just got called Nan on the phone. Couldn't they at least use a masculine name when they get it wrong? [Grumble]

Posted by 0range7Penguin (Member # 7337) on :

My full name doesn't fit on those thirteen box forms you get in elemtary school sigh up so I had to leave off the last two letters and on the first day off school teachers liked to refer to me while reading off the list with the female version of my first name. I quickly corrected them but due to it being elementary school I never heard the end of it! [Wall Bash]

Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :

[Laugh]

Poor Nan/Zan. That's gotta be a real pain.

Well, at least I know for certain now that I'm not being a jerk for correcting people. It's funny, because I never expected her name to be difficult for anyone (I went to school with an Elisa). I will strive to smile even more when I correct people, though, in hopes that will help. Poor kid - if I've gotten tired of correcting people after 7 years I can't imagine how she'll feel in 30 more. But hey, I like her name, and I think she does too. [Smile]

space opera

Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :

My last name while growing up, all five letters of it, were impossible for anyone to pronounce and spell at the same time. Constant corrections along with embarrassing comments, catcalls, and yes, even serenades. I corrected constantly with anyone who I anticipated interacting with more than once. Some were offended, most were not, and generally speaking, no one ever forgot me. Still don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing. [Dont Know]

Now, living in Sri Lanka, my first name is cause for concern. I swear, no one else in the entire country has my first name. No one knows how to pronounce it, even after me trying to enunciate a half dozen times. I settle for pretty close. Let's face it - I can't make all the sounds in their alphabet that don't exist in English, so why should I force them to make sounds that don't in their language? [Dont Know]

Here, we all just laugh and carry on.

Posted by imenimok (Member # 7679) on :

quote:
It relates to how people read. Adept readers don't sound out all words, but instead recognize them by shape and initial letters. If it is a new word that resembles others, brains usually supply the known word instead of sounding out the unkown one before them. It's much, much faster that way.

This makes sense for me because people usually add letters to the end of my name as if I didn't finish it myself. I usually correct people whether I'm ever going to talk to them again or not. I've gotten blank smiles and fake understanding, but no one's ever been mean about it. I've been tempted to start going by my initials, but I'm afraid of people thinking that my name is really Capey.

There are some people that are just so sweet and innocent that I can't bring myself to correct them. Ok, there was one. My dad did the same thing, though. There was only one person on the planet that was allowed to call him Charlie (as opposed to Charles or Chuck.) With people like that, you just kind of smile, shake your head and let it go.

Posted by starlooker (Member # 7495) on :

Oh, I've been dealing with this problem since preschool, and now well into graduate school. *shakes head*

My personal general rule is that I'll correct a person twice, maybe three times. After that, I tend to let it go. Although, by that point they're generally paranoid enough to look at me and ask if they're pronouncing it correctly.

The thing is, now people who know my name and have had to go to the trouble [Smile]

of learning the correct pronunciation tend to get a lot more annoyed/angry about other people mispronouncing my name than I do. Which is kind of neat, in a way.

I say as her mother, go ahead and correct them though. Until she states a preference otherwise.

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :

I acutally introduce myself, most of the time, with the wrong version of my name.

Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :

starlooker, may I ask what your proper name is? Mine is Liza, as in Minelli, There's a hole in the bucket, or Lil' Liza Jane. I get called Lisa, Lila, Leeza, and a whole host of other options.

twink, I understand why you introduce yourself with the easy to pronounce version, but I still think you should at least give people a chance to get it right. It took me what, three tries last weekend? And if it's a case of people being physically unable to roll the R, in your case, or the say other sounds in Laurie's, (quids's) fine. But at least they have the opportunity to get it right. [Smile]

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :

*sigh*

Yeah, I know. I had a chance to make a clean switch when I started university, and another when I first moved here. For some reason I didn't take either. Maybe I'll change my answering machine message, that'd be a start. And then, clearly, I'll just have to move again. [Razz]

Posted by starlooker (Member # 7495) on :

Whoops! Sorry it took me so long to reply. I just noticed.

My name is Kirsten. Pronounced "Curse-tin" It gets misprounounced most commonly in ND as "Kyer-stin" or "Keer-stin" and in the south most commonly as "Kristen." However, no matter what region I'm in, it is more commonly misprounounced when someone meets me or calls my name than it is pronounced correctly. It's been misspelled in a variety of ways.

When I was 5 years old, I wanted to grow up to be president so I could outlaw the name Kristen. I got tired of seeing "personalized" toys and stickers everywhere that had "Kristen" but not "Kirsten," and tired of getting misprounounced.

Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :

Twinky: I have a friend who wanted to switch back to her real first name (she'd used her second name for most of her life) but she sais when she first met people at university her usual name just slipped out of her mouth.

I think it's a difficult thing, to switch names, or even pronounciations of names, because you use them so often.