...trying deperately to think of something to write about. I've been threatening for the last year and a half to post something that I can't really classify as trivial. So far, my contributions to the threads, with a few exceptions, have been largely trivial. As you can see, it's taken a while. This is mainly because I always just read the threads, and don't post too often. I mean it's been almost a year and a half and I haven't even breached 100 posts yet.
The main reason is that I've been so incredibly afraid of posting something unoriginal or stupid because, let's face it, most of the people in this forum and the other side are much smater than I. Then I realized, this was something that I seemingly got over in High School, wasn't it? But, apparently not. I now realize that this is something I've lived with all my life. It's this fear of embarrasing myself that keeps me from speaking to girls and thus procuring a girlfriend, as my old classmates seem to be quite adept at (I've recieved a couple of wedding invitations recently) My fear of looking stupid is what kept me from challenging my Seminary teachers on object lessons I didn't agree with, like passing a tootsie roll around the room and comparing eating said candy to marrying someone who was "sexually impure." And it's this fear that's causing me to think that moving to Seattle is a bad idea and that I could never pull it off.
So here I sit, Frank Sinatra pumping softly through my sound systed, and still slightly afaid of sounding like an idiot. Still not really feeling any more sure about my immediate future than I was ten minutes ago. Still feeling like I have writer's block and not really understanding why I'm posting this whole thing.
In conclusion, I'm just left to ponder what it is that makes me act on such irrational fears and hope that: 1. it's only temporary and will dissapate and 2. it's not genetic, because I don't want any kids I may have in the future to have to deal with any of my problems, much less this one.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Sometimes, trivial is not trivial. Know what I mean? And no, that wasn't trivial. (((hugs)))
You know, thinking too much late at night can get you into trouble. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Pfft, how would you know? *runs*
She's right, though. Sounds like these are not trivial concerns at all.
What's in Seattle? And what's in Utah (assuming that is where you are -- it's what your profile says)? That is, what are the reasons to go, and what the reasons to stay?
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
I don't know how old you are, but you sound way younger than me (I'm ancient), so I feel free to say, with a wise, kind, grandmotherly tone of voice, "It gets better. It gets soooo better."
And it does. Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Oh, and another thing. A lot of us have/are feeling the same way. It's much more common than you think. And we still muster on and get through it. You will, too. Posted by Epictetus (Member # 6235) on :
Thanks for your support everyone.
Mainly, I'm just trying to get my thoughts straight. I'm quitting school right now (in Utah) and after a few months of working, moving to Seattle to go to the University of Washington. It's rather impulsive of me, at least compared to the rest of my family, and I've been having major second thoughts about the whole thing. As I was writing, I just traced those second thoughts back to being afraid of failing. Quite frankly, that seems to be my only problem with moving out of Utah.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
If that's your only cause for concern, then feel free to yell at the bad voices in your head. Tell them to shut up and go away.
Um, I have the voices, too, although not as bad as I used to. It used to be really really really really bad. But with positive affirmations, they slowly decreased in volume, intensity, and presence. And my depression went away for good. So seriously, muzzle the damn voices and get on with your life!
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Quid, how do you practice positive affirmations ? Because I have a lot of voices in my head, I don't even remember since when, and they start to be quite annoying at this time. Especially those who keep to tell me that I failed my interview and will never work in a library because I'm too bad and will stay stuck in this darn school all my life.
[ April 28, 2005, 05:18 AM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
quote: the main reason is that I've been so incredibly afraid of posting something unoriginal or stupid
One reason I've posted less in the last month is I feel very boring and unfunny lately.
quote: I'm quitting school right now (in Utah) and after a few months of working, moving to Seattle to go to the University of Washington. It's rather impulsive of me, at least compared to the rest of my family, and I've been having major second thoughts about the whole thing. As I was writing, I just traced those second thoughts back to being afraid of failing. Quite frankly, that seems to be my only problem with moving out of Utah.
You're planning ahead for months to come--doesn't sound very impulsive to me.
I have a fear of failure, too often it keeps me from trying stuff I could succeed at. If your second thoughts stem from this fear, and that's really your ONLY problem with your planned move, I agree with quidscribs. Keep your eye on your goal and don't let your fear dissuade you.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Anna - for positive affirmations to work, they can't have any negatives in them. For example, "I am beautiful" is good, but "I'm not ugly" won't work.
What is the voice in your head saying? If it's saying "I'm stupid", then create a positive affirmation that's the opposite of what the voice is telling you. In this case, it would be, "I'm intelligent." It doesn't matter if you don't believe it completely right now. In fact, those are the things you need to use for positive affirmations.
Ideally, you should say your positive affirmations ten times immediately after the bad voice in your head speaks. So immediately when I hear "I'm stupid", I'll say "I'm intelligent" ten times. If the "I'm stupid" voice continues, then so does the positive affirmation until the bad voice stops. Initially, there were a lot more positive affirmations.
It's also a good idea to additionally say them ten times several other times during the day, like when you first wake up and when you're going to bed. I'll keep a list beside my bathroom mirror.
It's fine to have a list of several that you'll cycle through, depending on what the voice is saying. I'll have a list of about ten at any given point in time - it's a number that works well for me. And actually, I'll say each one ten times first thing and last thing in the day.
It took me about six months of saying them - in my head, of course! - before they finally let up enouhg that there wasn't constant background noise, and that's about when I stopped being depressed. Prior to that, I'd been suicidal for years. This cured me. (Disclaimer: my depression was not caused by a chemical imbalance, nor is this a replacement for professional care. I was in therapy, and this is what I did on the advice of my therapist.)
Good positive affirmations look like this:
I love and accept myself as I am. I am healthy and strong, and I take care of my body with wise choices. I make wise decisions. I am intelligent, and I study effectively. I am calm, and I think before I act.
Questions?
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Seems pretty clear to me. Thank you, Quid. I think I'll try, because the voices in my head start to be very loud and annoying. More than annoying, in fact.
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
At the tail end of high school, I went through a period where I was convinced I would flunk out of university. I was near the top of my class in high school but that didn't really feel like much of an accomplishment. I had similar problems with girls*, too.
I went to university -- engineering school -- and took an academic beating (and an ego beating, at least initially, before the fact that I kept right on not failing started to build my ego up to the point where I'm now more arrogant than I was coming out of high school), but I made the cut. My parents were never really impressed with my academic performance because their view of my intelligence was so overinflated that they never accepted that many of my classmates were, in fact, smarter than me (at least in the one particular respect required to succeed on exams; I don't examine well, possibly because I don't get stressed about exams). Or at least they weren't impressed until fourth year, when exams decreased and projects increased. That helped.
But in any case, the only solution to fear of failure is to remind yourself that you're in charge here and no stupid pesky fear is going to stop you from doing the things you want. Look at your life now, think about how you want your life to be, list the differences between the latter and the former, list the things you can do to diminish or erase those differences, and START DOING THEM.
*FYI: It probably isn't a good idea to use phrases like "procure a girlfriend," even though using unnecessarily formal language can be amusing. I know you know that girls are not a fungible commodity, and I don't think any of the female posters to this thread have mentioned it, but I thought I'd point it out.
Edit: Hey, quids, is "I'm really f*@%ing hot" okay, in place of "I am beautiful?" Just asking.
[ April 28, 2005, 08:17 AM: Message edited by: twinky ]
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Twinky - whatever trips yer trigger. Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
Someone told me that once and although my personal "I feel attractive" vibe is doing just fine these days I think it will make a good affirmation for times when that vibe is shaken. Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I'm still trying to figure out how marrying someone who isn't virginial is like eating a Tootsie Roll.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
I couldn't quite grasp that either.
Go to Seattle.
Posted by Mike (Member # 55) on :
Like a tootsie roll that's been handed around the room. Without its wrapper, presumably.
I like tootsie rolls, personally.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Or even licked by somebody else (the tootsie roll, I mean). It's just... Yuck.
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
Except that it isn't at all analogous, because most people wash.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
And also, we believe repentance can cleanse people. Who really wants to eat a soggy tootsie roll that's been rinsed off under the sink because it got dirty (other then a four year old)? The analogy doesn't hold.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Sam, I've always been envious of you and Alex. Really though, you are about 1000 times smarter than I am at about 80 percent of all things (got to give myself SOME credit here). I understand that fear of failing, though. Really.
So if you want to go to Seattle, then by all means go, because I know you work hard, and I know you're smart, and you'll ultimately succeed. I mainly want to see you do what you want, because once you get over that fear, I know for a fact that success is yours.
Posted by MrSquicky (Member # 1802) on :
Epi, Hey, so tell us, why did you disagree with the tootsie roll metaphor?
Also, I don't know what you mean by being impulsive in regards to the move thing. Why do you want to leave Utah and go to Seattle (besides the obvious reasons)? Also, what seminary and why are you going the seminary route (or is that some cultural thing I don't know about)?
[ April 28, 2005, 02:21 PM: Message edited by: MrSquicky ]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
"Who really wants to eat a soggy tootsie roll that's been rinsed off under the sink because it got dirty..."
You know, I'm not troubled by this image at all. I've never been particularly afraid of other people's germs. Maybe the Tootsie Roll metaphor only works on the naturally squeamish.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
See, I would eat the tootsie roll that had been handled by everyone, or even one that had been licked, under some circumstances, but be grossed out by the drippiness of one that's been washed off.
[ April 28, 2005, 02:30 PM: Message edited by: ketchupqueen ]
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
I think I may have eaten the tootsie roll in my class.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
I'm not surprised. You'll eat anything, including the rinsed off soggy tootsie roll.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
There are people who stand out in a class of their own - Punwit, for example.
The trick is remembering that some people might be smarter or funnier or more empathetic, but this does not belittle or demean the contributions you bring to the table.
Trust me, as a man, I've had this conversation with myself on occasion.
And Anna?
As a rule, I just tell those voices to bite me. Listen to your critics, but don't take them to heart. You are your own worst critic, so consider the source when the voices start up.
Usually my voices and I split the difference and go out for a beer.
It worked, until the little bastards learned how to swim.
-Trevor
Posted by Epictetus (Member # 6235) on :
Thanks again, you guys have been really helpful. As a side note, I tend to use formal language like "procure a girlfriend" so generally its probably best to just ignore it when I do; however, twinky did bring up a good point and I'll try to be more conscientious from now on.
Now, the tootsie roll object lesson.
In this lesson, the teacher passes an unwrapped tootsie roll around the class, allowing everyone to touch and handle the thing. Afterward, the teacher asks if anyone would like to eat it. Upon hearing the usual silence that follows the question, the handled tootsie roll is related to the importance of sexual purity in your potential future spouse.
My disagreement is twofold:
One, many people in High School and I've found in College as well, take this one step further, to mean that all dating or indeed all social interaction should be exclusive to those who are sexually pure. This presents a problem, because any rumor about your past, or even a real story from your past could potentially dictate your social standing.
I think this attitude also stems from another seminary lesson which mentions the importance of having friends that share your values. Again, i believe it's often extented to cover all social interaction because the most common complaint I hear from "non-mormon" people is the reluctance of Mormons to have anything to do with them. To be honest, I've always found that people of different religions or backgrounds (sexual or otherwise) often seem to share the same values that I do.
Two, that I've always felt that Christianity is really about forgiveness and loving one another. I disagreed with the tootsie roll analogy, because a tootsie roll is not a human being. It can be washed, yes, but the candy has no feelings attatched to being handled by the class, and is not capable of washing itself or preventing and quieting rumors about it's previous filthiness. I therefore never really felt it was an adequate demonstration about sexual impurity.
So there you have it, a brief explanation of my feelings toward a seminary lesson I had in High School.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I thnk that's an excellent and very well-thought out set of objections, actually. And I wish that someone in every class would eat the tootsie roll, and then make a comment about forgiveness and tolerance.
As for the rest of your first post... I think you've gotten a lot of great advice here, and I hope you do go to Seattle, and do start posting more, too. There are certainly people on this board who intimidate me with their relative intellegence levels... but considering some of them are related to me, I've had a lot of practice getting over it. It would be pretty boring if we only let the really brilliant people talk.
Added: And I, personally, have no problem with the procuring a girlfriend line as used in the abstract. If you were referring to a specific person and talking about procuring or aquiring her, then yeah, I might consider it offensive. Just FYI, since no females have commented on it. Although if your mindset includes thinking about females in that formal of a manner, that might have something to do with how you interact with them, which might have something to do with your relationship status. So it probably wouldn't be bad to break the habit regardless.
[ April 28, 2005, 04:18 PM: Message edited by: ElJay ]
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
So, did your teacher use the dog poo in brownies thing, too? Or is that reserved for the Young Women?
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
*snicker*
How...interesting.
quote: How many licks...?
Seriously though, that lesson might make a better comparison for why gloves and condoms are such great inventions.
Certainly moreso than any real notion of sexual purity and chastity.
-Trevor
Posted by Bambiraptor (Member # 7874) on :
quid, twinky, and anyone else who was talking about that stuff:
Thank you.
-Desdemona
(oh, and if you really need an ego boost, post your photo on foobonic)
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
And make sure you post a photo just after any new haircut you might have gotten.
-Trevor
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
In case anyone's curious, Desde is just as gorgeous in person as in her photos.
Posted by Bambiraptor (Member # 7874) on :
I got plenty of compliments ANYWAYS. Take THAT.
And my hair was shorter. And nicer. I should hake a detail picture of the stuff my hairdresser did around my face to prove it to you.
-Anomedsed
Posted by TheHumanTarget (Member # 7129) on :
quote: In this lesson, the teacher passes an unwrapped tootsie roll around the class, allowing everyone to touch and handle the thing. Afterward, the teacher asks if anyone would like to eat it. Upon hearing the usual silence that follows the question, the handled tootsie roll is related to the importance of sexual purity in your potential future spouse.
I think I missed the point, because the only thing I got out of it is an overwhelming desire to get some tootsie rolls...
Posted by Bambiraptor (Member # 7874) on :
Eljay snuck in while I was posting.
Thank you. And to everyne who is wondering, so is ElJay.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Why thank you.
Posted by Bambiraptor (Member # 7874) on :
I get half the proceeds from the pictures of you in your leather motercycle pants, right? Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
And no, that wasn't trivial. (((hugs)))![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Taunt]](graemlins/taunt.gif)
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Eljay snuck in while I was posting.![[Razz]](tongue.gif)