This is topic Advices and good vibes welcome (updated : maybe the rudeness wasn't only from me) in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.
So here is the story. A few days ago, I sent an e-mail to a colleague about another collegue, who is computer illiterate. I told the first colleague how the other called me because her computer wouldn't start, and the power button was on off. It was funny. Anyway. The first colleague answered today, and included my e-mail, and the other colleague has read it. I thought she didn't use this e-mail box, but obviously she did. She phoned me, she is furious, and I can understand. Please, help me.
[ May 04, 2005, 04:34 AM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
What kind of help can we provide?
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Advices and/or good vibes. I have been stupid and I know it, but it wasn't meant for her.
Posted by DarkKnight (Member # 7536) on :
Sharing a funny story about someone's innocent but foolish mistake shouldn't be that big of a deal.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Send her flowers and invite her to dinner. Oh! and get her this book.
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
I hope she'll be able to laugh about it with you later. Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
I hope so too.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Obviously it is a big deal for her. She thinks I despise her because of her lack of skills. I don't, but she hung up the phone before I could tell her, and I sent her an e-mail to apologize, but someone else told me she left work. So I don't know what to do. Besides, I think she doesn't like the first colleague, the one I was telling the story to, and she may have thought I didn't either, since we never talk. Point is, we never talk, we always e-mail each other. Often.
[ May 03, 2005, 09:49 AM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
She would probably kill me if I gave her a book about computers. The most idiot thing is that she is nearly proud of her lack of skills, and she doesn't want to learn. I'm the one who types the letters, etc. I tried to show her, she doesn't care. The situation can become quite uncomfortable, because she is the one I work with, and I have a contract that ends in June when hers doesn't end at all. So I don't know what to do, and I feel so stressed my heart is racing in my chest.
[ May 03, 2005, 11:45 AM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I've done it. I was talking to a coworker once about the poor skills another coworker had, basically we were disecting a memo she wrote and criticizing her and laughing about it. She walked up behind us.
Nothing you can do but suck it up, take it like an adult. Apologize and try to salvage the working relationship.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
I would not do what I did in a similar situation, years ago, which was to say, "Hey, I kid because otherwise the stress of coping with all your mistakes would kill me." Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Then set up a meeting in a nice environment. Tell her what happened and ask her how you can make it up. Tell her that just because you don't like her computer skills, doesn't mean you don't like everything else about her. Send her an e-card!
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
check this one Posted by DarkKnight (Member # 7536) on :
I have done similar things and I usually just talk to them about it. It is kinda funny, and the other person would most likely think it is funny if it was about someone else.
Posted by Book (Member # 5500) on :
No, I'm terrible at this stuff. Taking advice from me would be the equivalent of setting your career on fire.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
*breathes not well* I'm probably overreacting to her overreaction, but I really want to cry right now.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Belle, you're right, and that's basically what I did, only I haven't been able to do it on phone because she hung up too fast, and there were students around so I couldn't call her back, so I sent an e-mail to explain and apologize, but she left work and she doesn't work tomorrow, and Thurdays nobody does, so she probably won't find it before Friday and she will have had time to tell everybody how she hates me and I don't respect her and she won't calm down that easily. Neither will I, because I'm easily stressed especially when I know I've been wrong.
[ May 03, 2005, 10:17 AM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by Annie (Member # 295) on :
(((Anna)))
The best you can do is just apologize and take the blame maturely. She's probably more upset now than she will be in a couple days. If you stick to your polite apology, she'll come to appreciate it when things have cooled down. And I would try to not bring it up too much, but just give honest friendly statements when possible.
Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
You've done all you can. If there's nothing more that you can do aside from stalking her to her home, where she obviously went to get away from all of this, then try not to worry about it until Friday. It's tough, but even as you need to take responsibility for what you said about this coworker, she needs to come to terms with the fact that she has this lack of skill, and she doesn't want to. So let her.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Thank you, everybody. It helps.
Posted by Altáriël of Dorthonion (Member # 6473) on :
Yep its true. Although you did say that she doesn't want to learn...Does that mean that she expects everyone else to do HER computer jorbs for her? Tell her that that was what ticked you off, her inability to do those things herself and her unneccesary dependability on you. Show her the book, and tell her that if she reads it and tries on her own to use a computer, then you will help her all the way. Oh, and don't forget inviting her to lunch or dinner.
Posted by Randi (Member # 7904) on :
Do some deep breathing to calm yourself down. Also, remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes. It is what you do afterwards that is important.
Just take responsibility for your actions by apologizing and telling her you are sorry if you hurt her feelings and you will refrain from talking about her to colleagues in the future.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
It appears that colleague number one and another have been reading the e-mails colleague number 2 and I exchanged since months. The other colleage told me that very matter-of-factly, as if it was perfectly normal to read e-mails that are not meant for you. Suddenly, I don't pity colleague number one that much... It's one thing to overhear something about you by chance and another to spy on someone and play the offensed when you discover something that doesn't please you. The apology still stands - I shouldn't have sent that e-mail, and I know it. But she acted as if she had read it by mistake, when in reality she knew she was reading something personal, and has done it for months. So I think her giving me lessons about honesty may be a little too much.
[ May 04, 2005, 06:13 AM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
That's terrible!
I'm sorry, Anna. Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Why don't you lot use separate E-mail accounts?
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
I asked for it. It has been denied. Since we share a function, whe "have" to share the e-mail box. And I haven't use my personal e-mail because the principal subject of the mail was profesionnal. But I would never read a mail that is not adressed to me. So I figured the first colleague wouldn't either, and I certainly haven't guess that she would have given access to this box to someone else. I'm too darn trustfull.
[ May 04, 2005, 08:03 AM: Message edited by: Anna ]
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
That sucks.
On an off-side: in my present job (part-time law clerk until I *finally* graduate in July) I share the job with three other clerks.
We all share an email account, inbox etc - and we have to read all the email that comes in as it may be ongoing work that we have to address.
I am amazed at the personal emails the other clerks send (and receive) at that address. To their girlfriends/boyfriends and general friends - completely un work related.
I'd like to think it's my sense of professionalism that means I don't do the same, but really I know it's my inbuilt privacy protector.
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
I know it was stupid enough to send semi-personal mail to colleagues via the work e-mail... But I certainly wouldn't send entirely personal e-mails on my work adress. I guess that next time I'll have to send totally impersonal mails via the work box, and add personal comments via a personal box. Still, it sucks. I mean, had I read something personal by accident, I would apologize and warn the person that her privacy is not ensured, but go on reading for months wouldn't even come to my mind.
[ May 04, 2005, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: Anna ]
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Kiss]](graemlins/kiss.gif)