Parents look forward to the wonderful, magical day when their child chooses a career. Endless opportunities are narrowed down to one lifelong field, where their child can go out and make his or her mark. Mine has decided to become a megalomaniac.
While my 12-year-old son James has always had leanings in that direction, the concept of supervillainy as a potential vocation didn't arise until he started playing "Evil Genius," the game where players strive to construct the perfect island lair, defeat pesky secret agents, and take over the world.
"Dad! I just stole the Eiffel Tower!" he said last weekend while I was faithfully performing my traditional fatherly duty of not doing a large chore. In this case, it was moving a bookshelf in his room so we could paint behind it, a task that would require the stacking of books, the cleaning of shelves, and the actual physical sweaty moving part. When he spoke up I was sitting on his bed, drinking my Coke and attempting to move the bookshelf with my mind.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
quote: but just yesterday he convinced the UPS guy to turn against his masters and serve only James
That was very funny. And elegantly written. I was having problems containing my laughter.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
quote: Mad scientists need math, son. It's what separates them from mad sociologists.
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Very well done, Chris. Usually, I don't care for your ending line, but this time, you hit it exactly right.
It was perfect.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Ah, if you only knew how i agonize over those things. Maybe after twenty years or so it'll get easier...
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
Wow, Chris, he's learning from Pinky & the Brain?! Give him 5 cool points from me! And also tell him that if he ever needs an old(ish) advisor whom to ignore most of the time, I'd gladly offer my assistance. Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
quote:tell him that if he ever needs an old(ish) advisor whom to ignore most of the time, I'd gladly offer my assistance.
That's what a father is for, silly.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
"Mad scientists need math, son. It's what separates them from mad sociologists."
That was my favorite line, too. Oh, my. That was great!
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
quote:he'd never create his own doomsday weapon if he thought he could get his mother to do it for him the night before his worldwide ultimatum was due. "Mom," he'll say. "Since you're up, could you take over the world for me? You're closer."
Oh man!
That is SO true! for kids of this age.
Great column, Chris!
Farmgirl
Posted by Corwin (Member # 5705) on :
"James, I am your father!" "Noooooooooooooooooo!"
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Much of the dialogue in this is taken from life, and the "Mom? Could you take over the world for me?" was a direct quote from James himself when we were joking about it. If he couldn't reach the world from the living room couch, he wouldn't go get it.
Posted by scottneb (Member # 676) on :
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
That is too funny. My son also has some half-hearted plans to take over the world. His center mostly on the buidling of robots to do his bidding.
We should get these kids together... Muahahahaha!
Or not. Posted by whiskysunrise (Member # 6819) on :
Very well done. Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
This one is one of my favorites!
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
Oh my, Chris, this almost made me laugh loud at work ! *suppresses giggle* I sent a link to the responsible of orientation of the school I work in. He may have advices for you Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Very funny indeed.
I've spent all day avoiding cleaning the house - maybe the minions could come help me too?
Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
We could all use some minions It reminds me of Bartimeus's trilogy.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I'd also like to thank you for the parenting tips. I see now that actually DOING the chores might cause one to miss important parenting opportunities -- those little moments one can only cherish silently. Or turn into wonderful fodder for ones weekly column.
Brilliant job!
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Doing chores causes you to miss all sort of important milestones in the life of your family, like first steps and important discoveries and tragic, family-bonding emergencies caused by tripping over unfinished chores.
Also, it throws my nap schedule completely off.
I find that most housework, if ignored properly, reaches a certain level of incompleteness after a year or two after which it will never get any worse. If this is a level you're prepared to accept, vast vistas of free time will be open to you that you can then use to travel the world and stay at places where other people clean up.
Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
quote: I find that most housework, if ignored properly, reaches a certain level of incompleteness after a year or two after which it will never get any worse. If this is a level you're prepared to accept, vast vistas of free time will be open to you that you can then use to travel the world and stay at places where other people clean up.
I am SO stealing this for personal use. Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
There's also the wardrobe mulching process that can be seen when, in desperation, you reach under a massive pile of dirty clothes to find clothes that have been relatively cleaned from the heat and pressure. Some flattening out with the palm of your hand and a quick spritz of deodorant and you're clad for another day.
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
And also tell him that if he ever needs an old(ish) advisor whom to ignore most of the time, I'd gladly offer my assistance. ![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)