My friend, we'll call her "Brandi" has decided, with the help of her (now) ex-boyfriend to have an abortion.
I do not believe that an abortion is an acceptable way to rid yourself of an unwanted pregnancy. I want you all to know that I made a real effort to stay neutral, helped her identify the pros and cons and listened to her concerns. Of course, that didn't last long. It didn't take me long to start calling the fetus, "your baby". I never got nasty or pushy, I kept calm and explanined my reasons.
This is not her first abortion. The first was when she was 18 (she is now 24). She says that she the boyfriend at the time pretty much dictated how the situation was to be handled. She got the procedure done, coped with the physical part and moved on, with what she says, "little emotional envolvement".
This pregnancy marked the final days of an 18 month relationship with a guy she was convinced was "the one." He had lost interest months ago, even going as far as telling her he no longer enjoyed living in Omaha and was moving back east, she was not invited. Due to hormonal problems, she had just switched from the pill to the patch. Someone must've forgotten to tell her certain details about stopping a method and starting another (using an alternate form until the other kicks in).
He told her he would support her, whatever she decided, he would be there.
Liar.
He called his parents and together they decided to tell Brandi that if she went ahead and had the baby, he would be calling a lawyer. (There are no doubts this baby is his, I'm not sure what he wanted to accomplish by doing this, probably just to scare her.) He makes good money and does not want to part with it. He told her that his extra money is the money he uses to go see his parents in Virginia (do you believe this guy?!)
I went to visit her at work tonight and she is in complete denial of her pregnancy. She started smoking again. The baby's father, whom she works with, saw her smoking earlier and wasn't happy. He said, "I thought you were going to wait to until after Thursday to start up again." She asked why, "to preserve the baby's health?"
Her abortion is scheduled for tomorrow morning. She would've made a great mom, and I can't help but feel such sadness for her even if she can't feel it for herself.
There is nothing I can do to stop this abortion from happening. I feel so helpless. I want to her have a revelation, to realize what she is about to do. Like my mom did, right before she was about to have one.
Thanks for listening.
Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
*Hugs valentine*
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
It sounds like you are acting as a good friend to her.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
You're a good friend.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
(((((Niki))))) I'm so sorry. Sorry that she is doing this, and sorry that you have to go through it with her. She is lucky to have you as a friend, even if she cannot/will not hear what you are saying. *hug*
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
Thanks for the kind words and hugs.
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
Been where you are... *hug*
hang in there.
Posted by Lanfear (Member # 7776) on :
Hugs* and whatnot. But if she's smoking while the baby is still inside of her, i dont see how she would be a loving and caring mom. ... then again i dont understand all the circumstances.
But.. Goodluck
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
Seeing this therad next to romanylass' just makes me so sad.
*takes deep breath*
You are doing all a friend can do in a situation like this. (hug)
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
You are a good friend, Valentine.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
It does seem like he's kind of in denial about what an abortion is if he cares if she's smoking.
I'm sorry you have to be in this position.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
Wow...
Val, I really admire you. Honestly. It is NOT an easy situation to be in. *hugs*
Will you be my older sister? I think you'd be amazing as one. I know you and Mayday (my other older sister) would take care of me. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Why is it that the women who so desperately want a child have such a hard time with getting them, but those who find them a hardship or nuisance get pregnant so easily?
Yeah, life isn't fair. Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
Blessings to you, Valentine. And, you know? You may still have a role. Helping her pick up the pieces -- or caring about her when she denies there are pieces to pick up.
She may admit it when her boyfriend dumps her, as he likely will.
Posted by ludosti (Member # 1772) on :
You are a good friend. I think one of the biggest tests of friendship is watching someone you care about make choices you don't approve of. Being supportive of her through this shows the kind of friend/person you are.
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
Yeah, the lawyer threat must have been all smoke. What would a lawyer do? I hope the guy is really out of her life. When he gets a feel for how he can control her, he may decide to keep her.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
((((hugs))))
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
Well, she had the abortion. She just called to tell me that whe is doing fine and the whole procedure took about 2 minutes.
She had to let to let me go though, she and her ex were going out to plant vegetables in the yard.
Posted by St. Yogi (Member # 5974) on :
Plant vegetables in the yard? Does this mean they're getting back together or something, 'cause I've got to admit, this guy doesn't sound like someone she wants to keep around.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Nuts. That makes me sick.
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
Yeah, she's in denial about the relationship being over. You know how it is. She's used to him and them together. She told me they were over, but I think he's feeling guilty today and decided to be with her.
Yes, vegetables in the yard.
Posted by Exploding Monkey (Member # 7612) on :
Just keep sticking with her and do the best you can. When she figures things out for herself she'll need you badly. You're a good friend.
Posted by bunbun (Member # 6814) on :
I'm really sorry you're in this position. You are a great friend, Valentine.
Posted by Sid Meier (Member # 6965) on :
The problem with abortion in IMHO is that it is such physical and emotional trama sometimes they should make some kind of pill that kills the embyro/fetus without affecting the mother. Now I know what this looks like, pro-abortion etc etc, I frankly can't say what constitutes life. After all isn't a blade of grass life? So the deifinition should be sentient life but I'm more in favor of abortion given the circumstances say you can't afford it and the baby would live a horrible life etc etc, if the child is the child of the prick who raped you... Depends on the case.
For this circumstance is kinda confusing, if she wants the baby and can take care of the baby then I say keep it and quit smoking while you (*hypothetical "you" as in your friend) can. It's YOUR (once again hypothetical) right to have the child if you really want to, but if you don't just make sure you/she/it thinks really really hard about it first. Having a child when your young is preferable to when your older.
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
quote:Why is it that the women who so desperately want a child have such a hard time with getting them, but those who find them a hardship or nuisance get pregnant so easily?
Word, mac.
Valentine, you are a wonderful friend. You were put in a really crummy position and you handled it with grace and compassion.
I've really rethought my position on abortion since seeing my babies and losing Baby B. It's hard to think that there's not life there when you see the tiny heartbeat. I'm still pro-choice, but... I'd really like to see an increase in safe-sex education and much wider availability of contraceptives.
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