-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reply to: anon-77784174@craigslist.org Date: 2005-06-08, 8:19PM EDT
Ladies (and gents), are you single? Do you long for companionship, but tire of the endless dating cycle? Have I got the solution for you! Up for grabs for a limited time is one tall, blond, green-eyed beaut of a boyfriend. Features include:
- Built-in automatic girlfriend-has-left-the-bed detection. Upon this event he will, regardless of consciousness, immediately reposition himself so that he is almost all the way on your side of the bed, but not quite far enough for you to simply take HIS side when you return from the bathroom.
- Rude thoughtless comments, free of charge. Are you tired of being on good terms with your friends and family? Don't you wish you had someone around to tell your sister she's brainwashed and shouldn't bear children? Are you ready to apologize for the implication that any married couple, including your friend and her husband, who combines their finances are idiots and should burn to death? Aren't you yearning for a reason to spend hours defending your relationship choices to your friends? Well, this is the boyfriend for you!
- Needy, emotionally unstable mother. Is your life lacking drama? Future-Mother-In-Law will immediately latch onto you because her own daughter is a tomboy. She will expect you to take her side in arguments with her son. Then she will arrive unannounced at your house at eleven PM to try and hack into her estranged husband's computer. Guaranteed entertainment for all!
- Dingy, listless wardrobe. Do old t-shirts and stained khaki Dockers turn you on? They better, because he has three of each and nothing else.
- Warcraft addiction. Nuff said.
- Public boob-grabbing abilities.
- Cooking skills that can only be described as masterful.
- Did I mention the green eyes? They're nice.
- Tender sincerity.
- Intelligence and well-roundedness.
- Unfiltered honesty in all situations.
- Adventurousness, skill, and generosity in bed.
- Ability to clean.
- College education.
- Quick forgiveness.
- Supports himself well financially and is not insulted that you do the same.
- Very warm hugs.
- Professional-quality spooning.
This model does NOT include whining, manipulation, jealousy, machismo, drugs, low self-esteem, B.O., homophobia, ebonics, country music, parents' basement, or support-the-troops ribbon magnet.
On second thought? Screw this, I'm keeping him
Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
quote: - Public boob-grabbing abilities.
I am a master of this particular skill...
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
quote:This model does NOT include whining, manipulation, jealousy, machismo, drugs, low self-esteem, B.O., homophobia, ebonics, country music, parents' basement, or support-the-troops ribbon magnet.
Woohooo! it's a deal!!!
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
I think I dislike those magnets anyway... They are a bit... gaudy. But, not having all those things in that list would be cool, but country music is not so bad...