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I wonder if this is an isolated incident.

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I'm sure it is. That was my first reaction -- this one woman's actions, publicized, makes it look bad for all the other 9/11 survivors -- some of whom might have very good stories to tell.

I hate it when media focuses on the sensational, and negative, and doesn't counter that with an opposite story.

FG
 

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Posted by johnsonweed (Member # 8114) on :
 
I know you are right FG, but it seems to me that if she wasn't going to use the money properly (I guess by my def'n) then she should have given it back, given it to another 9/11 family, or passed it along to another charity.
 

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Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
 
Well, while I agree with you, I also somewhat understand her actions.

Let me explain -- when my dad was murdered, I received from his life insurance policy, a little money (about $8,000).

When you are in the throes of grief, that is like the worst time in the world to be given money - especially "blood money" -- which is kind of how you subconsciously view it. "I got this money because someone I love dearly died". The money stinks in comparison.

I was young and troubled and very angry with my grief, and I promptly mis-spent almost every dime.

It would have been much better if, when Daddy had died, someone would have taken the money due to me and put it into a trust or something until five years went by and I had a better handle on my emotions.

So I understand why she did what she did -- appeasing the grief inside, much like a compulsive overeater might gain 75 lbs when sad -- even though I know it is wrong.

Farmgirl
 

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Posted by johnsonweed (Member # 8114) on :
 
I guess that makes sense. Having not experienced a great loss, nor having ever recieved more money than a paycheck I can't understand what she went through. What angered me about her is the fact that I rarely have any more money than what's in the old paycheck and when I give to charities it means something to me (both personally and financially). It wan't so much the spending that was the irritance, it was the extravagance.
 

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Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
I didn't see it, but I think it's very difficult for us to judge someone who was put through such emotional trauma.

After my grandfather died and I went through serious depression, I ate and tried to destroy my body. I also shopped because it made me feel better. I would go to the grocery store, buy candy and stuff and then come home and hide it so my husband wouldn't see it and know that when he wasn't home or went to bed before me I would eat it.

Stupid, ridiculous habits to be in and all the time I knew I was only hurting myself.

I also bought all kinds of craft supplies, and started numerous projects, I guess because when I was creating something I could lose myself in it.

Again, irrational behavior. Fortunately, I sought help and now I don't do things like that anymore. When I buy candy, I share with my husband. But the best part is I rarely buy it at all, and instead I am focusing on exercising and feeling healthier and I am focused on school and my kids instead of shopping and crafts.

This woman has been through a lot, and I know she probably does feel awful about what she has done. Personally, she has my sympathy, not my condemnation and I hope she gets some help.
 

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Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
 
Huh. I hadn't even read the link yet when I posted my above post -- so I didn't realize she had also called it "blood money."

I just know this is a COMMON problem and reaction -- because I belong to a support group with others who have lost loved ones in the way I lost my dad, and this is a recurrent theme each session.

It would be good if other loved ones in a family, not as close to the loss, could somehow convince people like this to turn blood money over to a money manager, someone entrusted to keep it and dole it out as needed, to eliminate impulsive and emotional buys until time has passed.

FG
 

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Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
 

quote:

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She gave $20,000 to her house keeper to buy a house in Ecuador.

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I actually think this was a pretty good thing to spend money on.
 

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Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
 
Yeah, that was a nice thing to do.

The item that gets me is half a mill on shoes and handbags. WTH?!?
 

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Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
 
Strangely enough, the stories of lottery winners going crazy with their money and ending up broke again is a long littany as well.

Add in the grief and it becomes a terrible situation.

I'm amazed that these were given in whole checks instead of being put into a system of annual payouts for the families of the victims.
 

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Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
 
When my son died my mom told me ice cream was how she got through the death of my sister. That, to me, was like her recommending I get drunk- it seemed utterly self destructive. I didn't gain weight until I had my other kids, but I was hell on wheels emotionally. I didn't feel real joy for about 8 years. My dad became a workaholic. I guess I should be glad that my husband is just an MLM junkie. Everyone's looking for answers.
 

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Posted by Tammy (Member # 4119) on :
 
This poor, poor woman.
 

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