quote: WASHINGTON, D.C. -- With two presidents and a governor in the family, the Bushes are forced to hide their skeletons well. But one of our sources inside the White House discovered an amazing, horrifying secret that would wreak havoc on the clan if it were made public.
Deep inside the most remote, private rooms of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue dwells a fifth brother who was born 40 years ago to the wealthy Bush family with a silver spoon in his mouth -- literally.
The four Bush siblings America knows -- George Jr., Jeb, Neil and Marvin -- are reported to visit their mentally challenged sibling Jethro as much as their busy schedules allow.
Mom Barbara and dad George Sr. reportedly take Jethro to their home in Texas as often as they can, but he loves his clandestine quarters in the presidential mansion.
"It's like one of those movies where the family hides the crazy person in the attic," says our insider. "The Bushes are kindhearted people who are very good to Jethro and love him dearly, but he's not exactly someone they'd want to prance around with in public.
"A small sterling silver spoon is embedded in the bottom of his tongue and top of his jaw. The handle protrudes about three inches from his mouth.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
Hooray for the Weekly World News. They uncover the stories that none of the other news outlets would dare to print!
Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
How else would we keep up-to-date on the exploits of Bat Boy? Posted by narrativium (Member # 3230) on :
Bat Boy is my all time hero.
Horray for made-up news!
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
People don't read it because they think it's real, right? Only because it's not?
Posted by James Tiberius Kirk (Member # 2832) on :
*facepalms*
--j_k
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
Also without WWN, how would we keep up to date on the aliens in our midst? I will never forget how they were the only paper brave enough to break the story that 12 U.S. Senators were actually space aliens. And once they pointed it out, you could just tell it was true by looking at the honorable legislators' pictures. Yet seemingly no other media outlet had ever noticed. The WWN plays a great role in American journalism today.
Posted by TheHumanTarget (Member # 7129) on :
As an unauthorized representative of an unnamed government agency, I'd just like to reassure you that there are no aliens employed by the federal government...really.
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
They were doing so well right up until the end.
quote:"So you can see why the Bush family keeps Jethro a secret," says the insider. "Can you even imagine the jokes if people knew the president's brother -- a rich kid -- was actually born with a silver spoon is his mouth?"
Get it? 'Cause they say that rich kids are born with silver spoons in their mouths, but he really has one! Get it?!
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
My daughter was pretty upset about the recent cover story predicting the end of the world some time this fall. Or maybe it just said "Judgement Day". Oh the joys of rearing impressionable children. Though I myself recall concern over "Last female bigfoot shot".
"Pregnant man gives birth. There's a fact."
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
I think you guys are missing the important role WWN plays in keeping tabs on Satan.
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
Apparently, if we took the WWN seriously we would have already found Bin Laden, since they seem to have stories on him quite regularly.
Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
Nevermind the Bushes, where is the story detailing how an object swallowed can make its way into a woman's uterus?
Posted by mothertree (Member # 4999) on :
Depends on if the woman who owns the uterus is the one who swallowed the object.
Posted by narrativium (Member # 3230) on :
No, no. That was this week's American Dad.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
I believe that Batboy was commended by the US government for his covert actions in Iraq.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Did you know that Bing Crosby is from Spokane Washington? He is.
Hobbes Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
No, I didn't. Cool!
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Isn't it though? And since redefining it's borders, Spokane is now, once again, the second biggest city in Washington. It's all here in this little quick-sheet I've put together on my Mission to the area.
Hobbes Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
That's great, Hobbes.Mind if I use it as a teaching tool?
BTW, I live int he 6th largest city in WA, though it doesn't feel like it because we have no cohesive downtown.
And in keeping with the OP...come visit the foresty part of the state so you can look for Sasquatch.
Posted by Hobbes (Member # 433) on :
Well not at all! What would you use it for exactly? I mean it's kind of a random hodge-podge of information...
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