My sister called me on Tuesday night to tell me that she and my father had been in court again that day with my mother. This time over legal fees and those items that my mother didn't get: the snowmobiling gear my sister has and the antique sword that I have. My mother also claims that everything else she got from my father was damaged and that she's still missing 20 odd baskets (there are NO MORE BASKETS in my father's house!). Mind you, my mother got a lump sum from my father in the amount of $33,000 (money from him refinancing the house). She wants more money from the house (!), the missing items, compensation for the damaged items.
In court, my father's lawyer established that the gear and the sword are not in my father's possession, one belongs to my sister, one belongs to me.
The judge finally turned to my mother and asked, "Are you seriously wanting me to issue a court order to your adult children to give you things that they consider theirs?"
My mother replied with a yes.
A ruling hasn't been made yet.
My sister said she'll...well, I can't repeat what my sister said, but it had something to do with the gear ending up in my mother's nether regions.
But...the sword, I found out, my grandmother gave to my father. Then my father gave it to me. I'm a fencer. I love fencing, I will fence until I am completely physically unable to do so.
I'm not giving it up. Posted by Tstorm (Member # 1871) on :
I thought you "lost" it. Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
I'm sorry to hear she's still acting that way, mackillian. I'm glad you're refusing to part with the sword. Are you nearby to make a statement to the judge?
It sounds like the judge is sensible, and that's good. But does he know that your dad didn't give you and your sister the items after your mom went after them? I'd hate to think he would wonder whether or not your dad was trying to shelter them.
I hope it all turns out alright.
-Katarain
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
Ya know... the sword is a weapon, and would probably be much more useful in your mothers nether regions than that snowmobiling gear.
...ok that's evil, but from the sound of it she dearly deserves it.
Maybe just a smack with the flat of the blade (or not with the point if it has no blade) upside the head...
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Well, "sell" it to a friend for a dollar.
After your mother goes away, your friend can sell it back.
Just make sure to get a receipt so if you have to present this to the court, there is a legal record of the transaction.
-Trevor
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
I wouldn't try that trick, Trevor. Bad faith pisses judges off.
I believe there would need to be a separate action to get these items from you guys, assuming they were given before the divorce began.
You may need your own lawyer on this. Certainly, you need to make sure you are heard by the judge directly.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
More or less than the absurdity of this lawsuit?
But I will defer to your more experienced opinion on the subject.
-Trevor
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:More or less than the absurdity of this lawsuit?
Probably less. But if you've got the judge on your side and already pissed off, you don't want to blow it. And if the judge isn't pissed off yet, you don't want to be the one who makes him pissed off.
And my opinion is not experienced yet. It's informed by theory as yet untested by me.
But I did get it from trial lawyers.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
Which is still more informed than any opinion I have on the subject.
-Trevor
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
I was thinking of getting it formally appraised and offering the monetary value of the weapon instead.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
You'd be wasting your time and money getting it appraised.
Your mother is being petty and vindictive.
She wants the weapon either because it was important to your father or because it is important to you.
-Trevor
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
See, mack, THIS is what I was talking about on GreNME. Someone needs to do this to your mother so she understands the UNBELIEVABLE pain and annoyance she's causing you!
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I wouldn't. She's in the wrong, but if you tried that, she might say it has sentimental value to her. ( )
I think your best bet is to tell the judge that you were given the sword by your father before the divorce, and that it has been in your possession since.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
(((Jamie)))
that's terrible.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
If, however, you have a chance to go before the judge, you might use that as a fall-back plan.
She'll reject it, but it will show that you're making a good faith effort to meet her halfway.
Which may score brownie points with the judge presiding.
-Trevor
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Yes, you can offer it to the judge, after stating that it is yours. Say that you're willing to get it appraised and offer her the monetary value if the judge deems it necessary.
Just make sure all such offers go through the courts. Don't even try to negotiate with her. Let the judge tell her what's what.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
She hasn't spoken to me in two years. Considering the sword is from my father's side of the family (his mother, then my father, then to me), it doesn't have sentimental value to her, other than knowing that it DOES have sentimental value to us. It isn't worth more than $40.
quote:See, mack, THIS is what I was talking about on GreNME. Someone needs to do this to your mother so she understands the UNBELIEVABLE pain and annoyance she's causing you!
Yeah...but at the same time, I'd just like to have a mother, you know? For some reason, even through all this crap she's done, I still feel bad. I mean, feel bad that she's hurt enough to try and hurt me like this, you know? *shrug* It's hard to explain, I guess. It's like she's dead, but not. And it still hurts.
And yeah, I'd take anything through the courts. The judge in the case is very reasonable and is thoroughly annoyed with my mother.
Posted by TMedina (Member # 6649) on :
I can't blame him.
I've never even met the woman and I'm thoroughly annoyed with her.
And I know what you mean, Mack - you have this mother-shaped hole in your life and it's just going to hurt. Some pains are just like that.
-Trevor
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:Considering the sword is from my father's side of the family (his mother, then my father, then to me), it doesn't have sentimental value to her, other than knowing that it DOES have sentimental value to us. It isn't worth more than $40.
I got that. I'm just saying she'll SAY it does, because, you know, how she is.
quote:Yeah...but at the same time, I'd just like to have a mother, you know? For some reason, even through all this crap she's done, I still feel bad. I mean, feel bad that she's hurt enough to try and hurt me like this, you know?
(((hugs))) I'm so sorry. My mom's friend from nursing school has a mother much like yours. When she went into labor 3 months early with her twins (one of whom died before they could do an emergency c-section), with no child care lined up for her daughter (my age) and her husband having to work absolutely unavoidably, my mom was the one who had to come to stay with her, line up a babysitter, hold her hand, and comfort her during the c-section, because her mom cussed her husband out when he called to tell her what was going on. (She had re-established limited contact after years of not seeing her mom because she wanted to give her mom one more chance.) She cried through the whole thing, not just because of what was happening, but because as much as she loves my mom and my mom loves her, she wished she had a mother to be there.
So, I guess what I'm saying is, I think I understand a little of how you feel. Or not understand, but epathize.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
mack, I get what you're feeling. It sucks. I have a mother - biological, that is - but she's never been a mother. I spent a lot of time wishing for, hoping for, wanting the kind of relationship that other people got to have with their mothers, but I'd never had with mine. You have to grieve the death of that relationship, even though she's not dead. The relationship is, though. It sucks, hugely. It hurts. It's terrible pain. I'm sorry you're going through this.
Maybe it'll change in the future, maybe it won't, but you need to find peace.
I wish you luck.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
Mack, This whole thing is so heartbreaking. I am so sorry.
Posted by Sid Meier (Member # 6965) on :
don't give up the sword without a fight! En garde!
Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
quote:Yeah...but at the same time, I'd just like to have a mother, you know? For some reason, even through all this crap she's done, I still feel bad. I mean, feel bad that she's hurt enough to try and hurt me like this, you know? *shrug* It's hard to explain, I guess. It's like she's dead, but not. And it still hurts.
((mack)) i didn't mean to insinuate you needed to get revenge on her -- I'm talking about your mother realizing what she's put you thruogh, by someone doing the same to her. Of course you still want to have and love your mother, I didn't mean to insinuate otherwise
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Oh, that is so petty mack. It sounds like the judge already knows she's not right so that helps.
(((hugs)))) I had one of those non-mothers too, and it sucks.
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
Maybe you should file a counter suit for the identity theft. Or threaten one if she doesn't stop. Or has that already been worked out?
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
It would cost too much to pursue that, certainly more than the debts she incurred in my name.
Leonide, I figured that you didn't mean...yeah. I getcha.
I don't even think I need hugs really...I think it's more trying to grasp just what exactly is going on in my mother's head, how her behavior is so contrary to what being a mother is, even at the basic level.
And I won't give up the sword without a fight. My grandmother (my father's mother) is adamant about it not being given to my mother. My sister called my grandmother about court that day, and my grandmother, who never EVER swears, says "That BITCH."
My sister said she wants to call her every day just to hear her swear.
I think it's all more confusing than anything. I can go for days without even thinking about it, then it hits me "Oh yeah, I've got a mother somewhere." Then I get more confused about how I should feel.
Trevor, you got it bang-on right. There's a mother sized hole that can only be filled by a mother. It's got to be a human need thing or something.
I mean, my father's in a sort-of place. We've made amends, he admitted he screwed up, and we've moved on. Honestly, since my mother left, he's become a better person. He isn't a father by any means, but he's in my life. And at the very basic level of a father as protector, I know that if someone ever hurt me, my father would go after them. Somehow, that's reassuring. Dunno why.
I also know that my mother DOES have some instinctive mothering in her SOMEwhere. Like when I was younger and we'd have to stop suddenly in the car, her arm would go out in front of me as if to make sure I would be stopped and okay. Or when my sister fell down the wooden stairs when she was four and my mother went after her without even blinking to stop her from falling all the way down.
It's not like you can even attribute it to anything. With my father, I can at least see the huge influence of drugs and booze. He's taken steps of responsibility (!) in the past year regarding both things. He doesn't smoke pot anymore, he drinks, but now will have a designated driver. He watches his temper, hasn't lost it in a long, long time (he and I talked about tempers last month ). He's stopped drinking to the point of blacking out.
*shrug*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Just remember, sweetie. You may not have a mom, but you have a couple big sisters.
Love ya.
Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
Just remember that sometimes a rose can grow out of a manure pile.
Posted by OlavMah (Member # 756) on :
Mack, she's not going to win this sword from you, but yeah, I see why this hurts. :-(
Posted by sarcasticmuppet (Member # 5035) on :
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