This is topic Cocktail Party Questions in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.hatrack.com/ubb/main/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=035939

---

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
A comment by Olivia in the "On being married to a writer" thread got me thinking.

How do you answer general questions to you by strangers, like in the cocktail party situation?

When a person you don't know asks "And what do you do?" What do you say?

Right now my answer is:

"I'm home with my kids and I'm working on my degree at UAB."

Then if someone asks what I'm getting my degree in, I say:

"I'm getting my degree in Communication Management, and I hope to get into graduate school and get a master's in library and information science."

So, Hatrack - imagine we were just introduced and I asked "And what do you do?"
 

---

Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
 
[nifty thread!]

I'm finishing up my Ph.D. in music theory, and hopefully within the next two years or so I'll be a professor.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
A/S/L?

I say I'm a technical writer and web designer for the Boy Scouts. My degree is in English, and I'm getting my Master's from UNT in tech writing.

The part that people comment on is ALWAYS the Boy Scouts bit.
 

---

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
I'd be most impressed upon hearing the answers from both of you.

Anybody take pains to describe yourself in a certain way to avoid negative connotations? Like, in my case, I make certain that I usually say "I'm a full-time Mom", or "I'm home with my kids," instead of saying "I'm a housewife." The main reason I do it is because I don't want people to get the perception I sit at home all day watching soaps, even though the vast majority of people do have respect for the job full-time mothers do. I'm still afraid I'll be seen as the stereotype. Which says something about me, I guess, that I care what strangers might think.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Hmm...when I feel insecure, I sometimes add that I work at the national headquarters. There have been a few times that someone thought I worked in the backroom of their local Scout shop, and I'm just shallow enough that the impression bothered me.

Due to geography, most of the local people I go to parties with are either med students, dental students, medical residents, or else professionals of the downtown high-rise type. I think that's why I add the coda occasionally - to assert myself.
 

---

Posted by imenimok (Member # 7679) on :
 
Hmmm, my generic response is that I work in a hospital because I'm usually asked this by non-Ohioans, and it's so cumbersome to say the full name. But then I have to specify that I'm not actually in the medical field. Part of me doesn't care what people think of where I work because I'm satisfied with what I'm doing for now, and I don't intend to stay here forever. On the other hand, I hate having to admit that I'm not a big, fancy doctor. Oh well.
 

---

Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
 
Well...actually, to be totally honest, the way I phrased the above answer is designed precisely to let people know that just because I'm "27 and STILL in college," as one of my mom's friends put it, doesn't mean that I'm just hanging around at school for lack of anything better to do.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
I think needing to assert yourself does come from insecurity. I know mine does, anyway. When I don't care how I come across, or else when I'm sure of my fabulousness, I'll just say that I work for the Boy Scouts, to give the other person something to comment on.
 

---

Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
 
Depending on my mood, I'd either answer "Architect-in-Training" or "Indentured Servant".

Both of which have consistently failed to stand on their own, so I should probably figure out a way to elaborate.
 

---

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
It's insecurity for me too.

When I was first home, I had a hard time adapting, and at first I'd say something like "I don't work." Then I started to apologize for my lifestyle, "..but I have four kids." Or "I'm only going to be home for a few years, then I'm going back to work."

As if I owed anyone an explanation for my family's choices.

Oh well, I admit to being insecure and sensitive to how others view me. I need to once again cultivate my "professional" self, since I am looking at getting back in the workforce within a few years.
 

---

Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
I usually answer "What do you do?" with "As little as possible."

For real. Just because my job is kinda hard to explain, and I usually don't feel like going into it. Plus I prefer to go for the laugh. If pressed, I'll say I'm a manager at the phone company and that it's kind of a catch-all position, so I do a lot of different things during the day.
 

---

Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
 
I just say "I'm a mommy full time."

If that doesn't stop them, I'll answer other questions. I really try very hard to be boring at those kinds of things. Doesn't usually work.

People usually ask me if I have ever worked outside the home, after that. I say, "I worked for the federal government for nine years. Now I do technical writing for a consulting company."

Sometimes they ask what I did for the government. I don't like talking about it, and they wouldn't like hearing it, so I just say "nothing exciting." If I feel particularly prickly I say, "It was a sensitive position." Which is true, because I handled many, many people's private information. I DID have to be vetted by the FBI,and all that. "I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you" is also fun.

What people don't seem to get is that my family is my LIFE. The other stuff is just hobbies. Some of my hobbies pay pretty well, and some of them may be more interesting to strangers than my kids' artwork or whatever.

But that attitude pisses me off.

Truth is, if I'm at a party where my husband is networking, I do anything I can to make him look good. I have a little bit of practice as reasonably intelligent arm candy.
 

---

Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
 
The nosiest question I was ever asked at such a party was, "Have you had your teeth whitened?"


O_O
 

---

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
People get really nosy when they find out you have twins too. I mean, "Are they identical?" is a reasonable question. "Were you on fertility drugs?" is a little more personal.

I normally answer it, though, because you never know when that person might be experiencing infertility themselves and you can offer some encouragement.
 

---

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
Olivia, do you run into the attitude that if your kids are in school, then you should be working?

That seems to happen around here, I see it a good bit. It's fine to be a full time mother if your kids are young, but if they're school-age, well, then you should get your butt off the sofa, put down the bon-bons, and get a job.

It's as if people don't know that being involved in your kids' education and their school can be a full time thing, not to mention being there when they get home from school so you can help with homework, take them to after school activities, etc.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
I figure those questions really aren't about judging each other - it's like the weather. The weather is a universal topic because everyone experiences it. "What do you do?" is universal question because practically everyone has to do something. I suspect that most people don't really care about the answer to it. Heaven forgive me, but I know I don't. I just chitchat until I get enough of a feel for them that I can ask the really important question: "Do you like Harry Potter?"

Things displayed by an affirmative to the important question are the following:
1. They read.
2. They are open-minded enough to read "children"'s literature.
3. If they love it, they have good taste.
4. They are sensible enough to not reject something because it is popular, which is just as dumb as following something because it is popular.

If they can actually come up with a coherent reason for WHY they love Harry Potter, then we can usually be friends. That question is exactly how I became friends with Coccinelle.
 

---

Posted by theresa51282 (Member # 8037) on :
 
What a fascinating conversation. I am in grad school right now and will be finishing next year. People always ask me what I want to do then. I hate that question. My honest plans are to take what I can get with reasonable hours and decent pay that will let me live in a very specific area while I work on starting my family. I'm getting married in the summer and we want to have kids within five years. People always seem shocked when I tell them honestly that I am willing to take a job with less responsibilities because I want to be able to spend time with my family and want to be able to work around Paul's schedule and location. Sometimes just to get a rise out of people I'll say things like I want to be a fifties housewife. I wish people would be more understanding of intelligent, well-educated people who desire to be a wife and mother first and have a career second.
 

---

Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
 
"Well, I'm currently working at a small company producing Mars Rover animations for an upcoming IMAX film, in addition to several smaller projects for TV and the military. I'm also attending an online school founded by PIXAR animators to learn character animation so I can someday work in feature films. They said they're going to put me in their newsletter next month."

Three months ago my answer would have been, "Well, I mostly move tables, sometimes chairs. Occasionally I show someone how to use PowerPoint. That's about it."


 

---

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 

quote:

---

I wish people would be more understanding of intelligent, well-educated people who desire to be a wife and mother first and have a career second.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by katharina:
"Do you like Harry Potter?"

---

quote:

---

Disections rock.

---

I guess geology was a close 2nd?



People ask me what I do, then they instantly glaze over. Or they start telling me about how crazy the drivers are in <insert name of town here>. Or they tell me about roads that need redesigning. Or the accident they almost had. Or how all the bad drivers they ever see are <insert opposite gender here>.


I've tried alternatives like "I'm an experimental psychologist" or "I teach pigeons to peck at colored lights" but nothing really seems to work.


I have a friend who is an organic chemist. He says he's a roofer (because when his stuff goes wrong, he makes tar). I figured I'd call myself a tile-man. The mosaic of the brain, etc., etc. Each datum is a piece of the larger whole. That sort of thing. It's a stretch, but at least people know what tile is.

Oh well.
 

---

Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
 
Maybe I should tell people I run a successful consulting practice, but that's just temporary until I'm discovered.
 

---

Posted by Leonide (Member # 4157) on :
 
I lied for a while and told my relatives and boyfriend's relatives and strangers that I was "still in school" even after I'd stopped going. Then I finally stopped caring, and said "i'm just working right now, waitressing, trying to save some money" which was still a cop-out, because i wasn't saving ANYTHING.

And I haven't been asked what I do since getting accepted at a local community college as a Vet Tech, so I haven't gotten a chance to enthusiastically announce that I'm Going Back to School in the Fall!
 

---

Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Bob_Scopatz:

People ask me what I do, then they instantly glaze over.

---

You frost doughnuts?
 

---

Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
 
My answer is a 4th year student at Cornell U getting a BS in City and Regional Planning and a BA in religious studies (5 year dealie). I hate hate hate the question what do you plan on doing with that because I have absolutely no idea.
 

---

Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
 
Amen, kojabu.
 

---

Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
 
Where is UWaterloo? Is it anywhere near Waterloo, NY?
 

---

Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :
 
My answer changes with my mood and the seasons

"I just graduated culinary management from Fanshawe and wrote my red seal papers, so I'm now 'officially' a chef. However, I'm going into food and nutrition sciences in the fall at Brescia. And presently I'm off to Jonquiere (Quebec) to study French more officially and work as a pastry chef"

Which, depending on the age of the person gets a few different responses. People sharing 'food' stories such as where they last ate out or what they had for dinner.

Or asking me where they should or shouldn't eat.

Or telling me how exciting that I've decided not to be a pink collar worker .

Or "is Brescia really an all girl college? Do you have to wear uniforms?"
(the answer is yes to the first and no to the second).

Or "Brescia? where's that?"
(It's an affiliated college to University of Western Ontario. I get the same diploma with the UWO seal on it, but get smaller class sizes and the benefits of both campuses. And yes, Brescia is a good place to go for food sciences. National average for dietician placements: 50.2%. Brescia: 70.5%)
 

---

Posted by Jaiden (Member # 2099) on :
 
UWaterloo is university in Ontario, Canada.

It's a great university
(My second choice. Second because it has a lower placement percentage and larger class sizes)
 

---

Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
 
There are a surprising number of us from U of W, actually. twinky, Asta, EL, and myself are all grads/current students. Which is kind of funny when you think about how many Canadians there are here.

As for what I do, currently I tell the truth "I'm farting around and doing whatever I want while farting away the miserly horde of cash I saved up while going to school. One day I plan on growing up and getting a real job."

Sad as it sounds, the biggest reason for me to continue on the career path school put me on is because I'll really, really miss saying "Yeah, I design pharmaceuticals for a living." I mean, you just get the respect, y'know?

Edit: Clearly I'll miss it so much I can't even pass up the opportunity to drop it a thread where it really has no business being
 

---

Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
 
The "What do you do?" question is one of the reasons I love my new job title. I'm an Operations Administrator. That sounds pretty important. What is it, really? I mostly answer customer service emails. It's like being in a customer service call center, except it's emails instead of calls and I have a better sounding title.

I'm also rapidly taking over my department, and positioning myself so that once our e-mail group grows enough that we need a team for it that's separate from the rest of "Operations" I will be the best candidate to be the supervisor of that team.

--Enigmatic
 

---

Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
Oh wow we need some better party questions than "what do you do?". I love the Harry Potter question, but it's true that's not really good as a conversation opener. What are some more?

The only ones I can think of are pretty geeky. "What would you change if you could change the laws of physics to be anything you wanted?" <laughs> Tonight in hatrack chat we were all deciding what superpowers we'd have if we could have any superpowers we wanted. Among Harry Potter readers it's cool to ask people what their patronus animal would be. I guess a non-geek version of something like that would be "If you won the lottery, what would you spend it on?" or maybe "If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go?" or "Which person from history would you most like to meet?" But anyway I think those are a lot more interesting than "What do you do?".

All the clever funny brains of hatrack should really come up with a bunch of interesting and funny party questions, I think. It would be a great service to humanity, rescuing us all from "what do you do?".
 

---

Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
 
Unsurprisingly, I've had some astoundingly interesting conversations stem from "what do you do?" It's a great benchmark question because how they answer it can lead in a whole manner of different paths. If they want to talk about their work, you can usually tell, if they say "but I spend all my free time doing x" off you go with that, they can make it clear that they don't want to be talking about themselves right now and shift the focus back to you. And if people hate it, you can tell that from their answer as well which will further steer the conversation in other places.

Those who'd rather talk about other things will and those who are happy to talk about that won't be thrown off guard by some wacky question they weren't expecting.

There's a lot to be said for the standby questions, even if they aren't creative and magical enough for you, ak.
 

---

Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
 
Well, if you want to go for other cocktail party questions, there's always "Why are your pants still on?" But a lot of the parties I go to may involve more cocktails than average, so that might not always work for you.

--Enigmatic
 

---

Posted by Olivetta (Member # 6456) on :
 
The last party I went to was rather large, but the host and hostess were great about the warm introductions - not just names, but who people were in relation to themselves (neighbor, cousin, etc). It was a housewarming party, and they introduced Ron as "The man who helped us buy this house" Or "The man who made it possible for us to buy this house." Which was really sweet.

Not only had he helped them get good financing, but he loaned them a truckload of moving boxes and helped them hook up their integrated indoor/outdoor sound system and gas grills. So they really liked him.

That was where I got asked if I whitened my teeth. Never had the professional thing, but I have used whitening tooth paste. It's just what we used to buy.

This thread reminds me of this guy I knew in college who told me I had "a GREAT cocktail party name." Then he mimed holding a drink and motioning with it and said, "This is my friend, Olivia."

*we need a gagging graemlin*
 

---

Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
 
I say, "I'm a writer." From there, it usually expands into a thousand questions, so it seems to be a good, generic starting question.

Before, when I used to be an accountant, I usually got the "glad it's you, not me!" kind of comments. People really hate math, even simple math like accounting.
 

---

Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
 
I'd have to say that I'm a Daddy, but that career-wise I'm a reformed journalist currently working in the weddings catalog industry while not trying hard enough to sell his first novel.

(In other words, I'm a slacker who is just being confronted with parenthood and the need for more than just skating by in life.)
 

---

Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
 
Enigmatic, do you do this work from a job site, or from home? It sounds like a telecommuter's job.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
My other favorite, standard question for people I haven't talked to recently is "How's your world?"

That can cover themselves, their family, their job, the books they are reading, all sorts of things. I like it better than "What's going on in your life?". That's similar, but kind of feels like it's pressure to share or spill something, and that can make people uncomfortable. Everyone has SOMETHING in their world, so they can talk about it.
 

---

Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
 
Yup, excellent way to phrase that. Gives them a wonderful excuse to talk about something that interests them.
 

---

Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
 
Hey kojabu, I'm over enjoying a delightful salad in the Duffield atrium if you're in the area. Though I'll have to take off in about 10 minutes.

And I think one of my bridesmaids' father runs your department.
 

---

Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kayla:
Enigmatic, do you do this work from a job site, or from home? It sounds like a telecommuter's job.

---

quote:

---

I wish people would be more understanding of intelligent, well-educated people who desire to be a wife and mother first and have a career second.

---

quote:

---

Among Harry Potter readers it's cool to ask people what their patronus animal would be.

---

Mine would TOTALLY be a huge dog! No other thing it could be....
 

---

Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
 
Like Sopwith, I prefer to tell people that I'm a dad. That's how I identify myself and it is definitely my most important profession.

However, i also say I'm a writer, or a marketing writer, or a copywriter. That is always followed by the "Oh, what do you write?" to which I usually respond "Anything that needs to be written" which is a fair assessment of my job duties.
 

---

Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
 
I used to just say that I don't work. Depending on my mood and the crowd, I sometimes said that I'm the CEO of the Marx family. Now I just say that I'm expecting a baby.

It's funny how different people react. I usually get more approval when I say that I don't work or that I'm a homemaker, than when I was the VP of a company. However, there are some people (mainly academics) who sneer when I say homemaker.

I'm at a point in my life where I couldn't care less what most people think of me, so I don't get upset. Also, I'm much happier as an expectant mother than I ever was as a VP.

imogen, I completely agree about stay-at-home dads. Andrew has decided to freelance this year so that he can be home with me during the pregnancy and then be able to spend time with the baby. Even though he's making a lot more money than he did teaching, some people are snide and unsupportive.
 

---

Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
 
Lesseee.....

I'm a (mostly) single mother of two adorable little girls who loves to read and cross stitch, and I pay the bills by working as a legal secretary specializing in real estate and probate matters.

Oh, and my patronus is totally a unicorn. LOL
 

---

Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
 
I usually answer with the vague "I'm an electrical engineer".

If the questioner persists, I follow with a job description containing words that Edison couldn't decipher and when they glaze over, I know I'm done.

I hate talking about my job. I has so little to do with who I am.
 

---

Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
 
My favorite questions and answers:

"What's your name?"
"Jonathon."
"Jon? Nice to me you."

"What do you do?"
"I'm an editor."
"Well, I ain't got no good grammar!" *nervous laugh*

I swear, I hear that one (or slight variations) all the freaking time. Are that many people really that insecure about their speech?
 

---

Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
 
Yeah, I also get tons of people obliterating my name:

"Hi, I'm JT."

"JC?"

"J-teeeee."

"JZ?"

"Nevermind."

It's only two letters, and I carefully enunciate when I'm introduced.
 

---

Posted by Father Time (Member # 7985) on :
 
When someone asks me: "and what do you do?" I reply:

As little as possible and get paid for it.

As for an opening line at a party try: "what's your claim to fame?"
 

---

Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Zeugma:
Hey kojabu, I'm over enjoying a delightful salad in the Duffield atrium if you're in the area. Though I'll have to take off in about 10 minutes.

And I think one of my bridesmaids' father runs your department.

---

Too bad I didn't read that until just now, I'm generally on campus from 10 until 3 at which point I walk home in the blithering heat.

Which department, CRP or Religious Studies (the CRP one could only be the chair as the director for undergrads is a woman)?

[ June 28, 2005, 07:34 PM: Message edited by: kojabu ]
 

---

Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
"How's your world?" is great!
 

---

Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
 
CRP, I think.

I'm not usually on campus much right now, my job is way out past the airport, but I couldn't resist stopping by the new building on a free morning. It was nice.
 

---

Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
 
Ahh. That would be Rearden.

Yea it's a pretty nice building. How long have you been in Ithaca?
 

---

Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
 
Ha, long enough that the CRP department has changed hands, I guess! The guy I was thinking of is Forester.

I graduated 2 years ago, so.... 6 years? Enough that I've about had my fill of "weather" and "seasons", and am starting to think about nice temperate California again...
 

---

Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
 
Oh dude, that's my advisor!

The turnover rate for the Chair of the Dept and the director of Undergrads is pretty high actually, due to sabaticals, professors going to Rome, etc.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 

quote:

---

Are that many people really that insecure about their speech?

---

Yes.

You could say, "I'm an editor, currently off duty."
 

---

Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
 
Heh, cool! Well, I don't know him all that well, so you don't need to mention me should the thought cross your mind, but it sure is a small world, eh?

Maybe I'll catch you around town some time!
 

---