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Me: "What are you doing and where are your pants?"

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I don't have kids, and I have said this. I've also had it said to me. These days, I've just stopped asking. Them's good parties.

Also, I am asking you a serious question about the location and current status of your pants!

--Enigmatic
 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
"I'm paid to piss you off."

Me to a kid who I was a case manager for when the kid announced to me, "You're pissing me off!"

"I've heard a lot more creative swears than that. You'll have to do better if you want a reaction from me."

Me to a four year old who was angry at me setting limits and called me an effer. 'Cept the full version. Over and over.

"I already see that bum three times a day! Do you REALLY think one more time is going to make a difference?"

Me to a kid who'd freaked out and decided to moon everyone to make them back off. This was in a residential treatment center. The kid had impetigo on her very low back and we (being myself and at least one other female youth worker) had to apply cream three times a day.
 

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Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
 
"I don't care who hit who... just shut up!"

"Changing diapers is the easy part."

"I know the speed limit is 45. I know I'm going faster. No, you may not call the police."

"No you may not nurse... she's not your mother."
 

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Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
 
"Not tonight, dear."
 

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Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
 
(Not my kid) "At least you're eating solids now."
 

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Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
 
"What did I tell you?!!"

Sadly I'm saying that to the bird too...
 

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Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
 
"How many times have I told you not to LICK people?"

"You have to fight on the same side. You cannot declare yourself Caesar and tell your little brother he's Vercingetorix"

or simply, "No, you cannot declare yourself Caesar".

"We don't eat slugs/ gum off the sidewalk/food out of the compost"
 

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Posted by mimsies (Member # 7418) on :
 
"Will you PLEASE quit dropping marshmallows in the toilet, I don't CARE how well they float!"

"Take that noodle OUT of your nose and eat your dinner."

"No you may not use the filling from your jelly doughnut to stick pictures to the wall. No not the honey either. No not even peanut butter." (His idea of a science experiment to see which was stickiest)

"No you may not investigate why the neighbor's smoke alarm is oing off, you're not a real fire fighter"

"No you may not climb out of the car to go help fight that brush fire, you're not a real fire fighter."

"No you may not take your squirt gun over to put out the neighbor's burning food. No, you're not a real fire fighter."

"NO, you may not go door to door to inspect the neighbors' smoke alarms. You're NOT a real fire fighter."

"No you may not take that out on the road. It is not a real fire truck, and you're not a real fire fighter."
 

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Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
 
"Good burp! Yay!"

(My daughter didn't burp for three days after she was born. Even the nurses couldn't get her to. She cried a lot until we learned how to burp her and she learned how to burp, and even then, it was often difficult. Now, she does it easily, but you'll still hear us saying that occasionally out of habit, even though we're thinking we should probably switch to "Say 'excuse me'" soon...)
 

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Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
 

quote:

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"You have to fight on the same side. You cannot declare yourself Caesar and tell your little brother he's Vercingetorix"

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quote:

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"How many times have I told you not to LICK people?"

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quote:

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Originally posted by unicornwhisperer:
"What did I tell you?!!"

Sadly I'm saying that to the bird too...

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Is the bird saying it back to you?
 

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Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
 
Verily-he's 8.

Shan- what is it with the licking kids? I had never heard of that before I had Livvie ( and I worked in child care for years) yet now I know all these people with little lickers.
 

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Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
 
A favorite quote from my high school band director: "Tim, get you hand out of his tuba!"
 

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Posted by dawnmaria (Member # 4142) on :
 
Me to my Hubby changing the baby: "Did she poo? How big was it? What did it look like?"
 

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Posted by whiskysunrise (Member # 6819) on :
 
Me to 7 month old daughter "It's not nice to poop on daddy."
 

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Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
 
I think they are missing some sort of essential nutrient, romany - think about deer and salt licks . . . *grin*
 

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Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
 
An eight-year-old knows about Vercingetorix? I'm impressed.
 

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Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
 
(Really? My brother and I learned about the Romans vs. the Celts when we were 3 and 6, respectively...)
 

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Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
 
Well, I didn't learn the name "Vercingetorix" until I was eleven. I guess that makes me slow.
 

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Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
 
Shan and romany--I also have a licker. *grmbl* I blame it on the dogs.

My contribution: "I will not tell her that you like her, and I will not tell her that you like-like her, and I will not tell her mother. You have to take care of your own romantic problems."

Christopher is seven. Sheesh. I feel like the 'best friend' in high school. When did I become the note-passer???

Another contribution: "Mama don't roll like that, honey."

I don't know where I got that from. Christopher asked me for something impossible (candy bars for breakfast), and that was my reply.

I have no idea who Vercingetorix is and I refuse to feel like an idiot about that. Okay, I feel a little bit like an idiot. Plus, I don't care so much. Ha~!
 

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Posted by unicornwhisperer (Member # 294) on :
 
Ryuko, unfortunately the bird is a girl cockatiel, they are not as talkative as the males. ... wich is backwards from humans.
 

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Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
 
From my wife: "Just because I love you doesn't mean I don't want to kill you."
 

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Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
 

quote:

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An eight-year-old knows about Vercingetorix? I'm impressed.

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His grasp of Ancient history may be solid, but he still eats with his fingers.

quote:

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From my wife: "Just because I love you doesn't mean I don't want to kill you."

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I think every wife has thought this, even if she never says it.
 

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Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
 
To four-year-old boys acting out epic Episode Three battles with invisible lightsabers:

"You can ONLY fight with your lightsabers. I don't want anyone to get hurt."

The thing that gets me is that these kids were just tiny babies when Episode II came out. They weren't in existance for I. The original trilogy doesn't hardly exist for them! It's also impossible get them to fight on the same side: "I'm a Sith Lord and you're bad."

Oopth.

Also, I have never heard of Vercingetorix. I'm going to read up on him now.

EDIT: Oh, I remember him now. The name just didn't stick.
 

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Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
 
"Because I said so"

This is the one and only phrase I swore I'd never use on my kids, but sometimes I forget.
 

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Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
 
I really like using "because I said so" - it's like I waited my whole youth and young adulthood to fall back on that time-honored saying.

And dang! It feels good to use it -

AND follow up with, "that's okay, sweetie - just wait until YOU say that to your children . . . "

*grin*
 

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