This is topic New column: Accio Harry! Time for more predictions in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
 
Accio Harry! Time for more predictions

A massive effort to combat the greenhouse effect by shifting millions of metric tons of money to Britain begins Saturday at midnight with the release of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince." And, following my successful run of predictions from last time (I got nearly one right, go me!) it's time to peer into the misty future to see what's in store for the zillions of eager book buyers already camping out at Barnes and Noble.

While I won't tell you the most shocking plot twists in the sixth book of author J. K. Rowling's best-selling series of youthful wizardry -- I didn't think Hermione would turn evil until the final book -- I can let you in on some of the other exciting events.

-- The Half-Blood Prince is revealed to be Hagrid. Not as vital to the plot as you'd expect, it just means he gets half-price mimosas at Shakey's.
 
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
 
I like this one:
quote:
The Half-Blood Prince is revealed to be Lord Voldemort's little brother Skippy.

 
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
 
quote:
-- Harry finds the sword Excalibur wrapped in an ornate carpet in the back of a wooden wardrobe next to a brass lamp and a gold ring, just to burn off the plot devices Rowling hadn't gotten around to yet.
You forgot the three blue stones and the winged sandels. But still brilliant. [Smile]
 
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
 
"-- Hermione perfects the iSpell, a handheld device that can hold thousands of charms and curses while keeping the bearer both magically protected and incredibly trendy."

It was pointed out to me before publication that Diane Duane already did this in her Young Wizard books, but I figured Hermione would have made one anyway. [Smile]
 
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
 
Chris, I just wanted to let you know that, though I don't often post responses, I read your columns religiously.
 
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
 
I don't read them religously. I read them Irreligiously, as they are supposed to be read.
 
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
 
begging the question: "is it possible to be religiously irreverent?"
 
Posted by narrativium (Member # 3230) on :
 
Mmmmm. . . sacrilicious. . .
 
Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
 
Hilarious
 
Posted by accio (Member # 3040) on :
 
quote:
-- The Half-Blood Prince is revealed to be Hermione, who's apparently been keeping a secret or two from Harry, Ron, and everyone in the female dorms.
[ROFL]
 
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
 
quote:
-- A new spell, bittus torrencio, allows wizards to skip classes and just download them later.
I know that one!!!
 
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
 
[Smile]
 
Posted by jebus202 (Member # 2524) on :
 
quote:
-- In the chapter written by "Biggest Fan" contest winner Lucy Lynn Harflooie, a new character is introduced named Lucille Brightlady who has great magical abilities and can read minds. She defeats Voldemort handily, vanquishes the army of Death Eaters, and does something really funny to Lucius Malfoy. Oh, and Ron and Harry are totally in love with her.
Awesome.
 
Posted by plaid (Member # 2393) on :
 
This made me curious

quote:
following my successful run of predictions from last time (I got nearly one right, go me!)
So I went back and found Chris's predictions for HP book 5:

quote:
-- Forced to reduce class sizes, adminstrators at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry drop the 'Defence Against the Dark Arts' course for students in the first four years and simply hand out government surplus flyers titled 'Duck and Cover.'

-- Harry, now 15, begins to break out with acne and talk in a squeaky voice, obviously the results of a sinister spell from the despicable Lord Voldemort. He also becomes sullen and depressed, skipping meals and baths to stay in his chamber and play video games for weeks while listening to 'White Stripes' CDs over and over. Ron and Hermione search in vain for the counterspell.

Nicely done! [Smile]
 
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
 
finis adolescencia!
 
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
 
*awards Dagonee the bi-weekly Hermione Granger "I'm the cleverest person here" award*

excellent work, sir!
 


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