We have to move out this coming week. Emma and I are going on the plane Tuesday (it was cheaper for me to get a one-way ticket and sit her in my lap-- we have a Baby B'air-- than to drive the car, because of gas prices.) We've given notice on our apartment. We're having good feelings about finding a new apartment.
There's only one problem: money.
Jeff has been doing part-time temp work, which doesn't pay a whole heck of a lot. He was expecting a lot more than he got from the company he's going to be working for, who said they'd pay moving expenses. Well, they paid about a fifth of our actual need. Normally, my aunt would help us out, but her husband just lost his job. Normally, my mom and/or dad would loan or gift us the money, but they are currently in the middle of taking each other to court, and have legal fees ( ). The best my dad can do is $500; JUST the move-in cost, IF we get the apartment we're hoping for -- cheapest we've found -- will be $2300. Normally, a lot of things that just aren't happening right now.
So we asked Jeff's parents to LOAN us what we need. LOAN, as in we commit to pay it back within two to three months, no matter what it takes. They tell us we should consider all our options and pray about it. WHAT DO THEY THINK WE'VE BEEN DOING? We know how they are about loaning their kids money or even co-signing, they were our LAST try! We did EVERYTHING we could before asking them. And honestly, it's not all that much money, except to people on a tiny tiny budget like us. And in the process of saying all this to us, they also managed to make Jeff feel like dirt. Which makes me want to hurt them severely. And repeatedly. With a large, blunt object. (But I won't, of course.)
So, what can we do? We HAVE to move, and we have to do it now. We really have done everything we can, and we have prayed about it. After praying and discussing and praying and discussing, we decided to ask Jeff's parents for a loan (loan! not gift! short-term loan!), and they haven't turned us down in so many words, but that's because they never say things in so many words. Does someone have an idea that will help us be able to do what we need to?
I hate that this is happening just when we were thinking we were finally getting to the point where we'd be able to live entirely within our means, and even start paying off some of our debt.
[ July 22, 2005, 12:38 PM: Message edited by: ketchupqueen ]
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
How much exactly did you ask his parents for? If you don't mind me asking.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Honey your in-laws are in no way obligated to give you a loan.
Why do you HAVE to move? I mean, if it's not financially feasible for you to move, then maybe you just can't do it right now. Maybe your husband should do some more temp work and you save up money for a bit and stay where you are.
Posted by Moonshine (Member # 7893) on :
All that I can say is that most couples go through times like this. It's hard...but if you work together and contiue to be faithful, you'll find a way through. God bless you in your time of need.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Some congregations have a free loan fund. Does yours? Is there a church leader that you can talk to who may be able to find you help? Even if you have to accept charity, you can still repay it by donating back to the charity when you are able.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
I would recommend talking to your bishop about this. It's what church welfare is for.
Good luck, ketchupqueen. We'll pray for you. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Belle, we're losing money with him doing temp work-- we're unable to afford things on our own with him doing that. Jeff has a new job that will actually pay the bills for the first time in our married life-- in CA. We've given 30 days' notice on our apartment. We HAVE to move.
And I didn't say that my in-laws were obligated. But that is what we came up with after doing everything else we possibly could and praying and praying and praying. If they would just say "no" politely and thoroughly, I would deal with it better than what they did-- bringing up every mistake Jeff has ever made and every misfortune he's ever had in his LIFE.
This job was an answer to prayer. Now if only this answer worked out as well as that one did.
Valentine, $3000. If we found a way to save a little more money on the move itself, $2500. It's not an issue of them having it, it's an issue of giving us a loan-- which they have always had a policy against with their kids, apparently.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quid, we don't feel this is something Church welfare should be helping us with.
They've already been feeding us for the past couple of months, and they helped us with a month's rent.
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
You could, of course, always look at staying in some sort of a shelter for the first month while you get yourselves on your feet. Or rethink just what size of a place you can get by with on the understanding that it's a temporary solution. If your parents can take you and find room for you you could look to see if your husband can move out on his own in the cheapest place he can find while you live with your folks.
There are always other options, they may just be less convenient than your parents loaning you the money.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
We can stay with my mom, but we'd have no place to put the cats, so we'd end up paying for that.
And we can't even pay for the move itself. We did consider that.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: quid, we don't feel this is something Church welfare should be helping us with.
They've already been feeding us for the past couple of months, and they helped us with a month's rent.
Is there no church agency that makes interest-free loans?
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
What does your husband do? Why can he only find a job in CA?
I'm not trying to be difficult, I guess I'm just trying to understand why it's so necessary to move, it seems like it would be a good idea for him to find a job closer in, or if you move, then perhaps look for a job in a place with lower cost of living.
I do understand staying with family is a hassle, but if it has to be done, then maybe you'll have to.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Okay, I realize I'm probably being insensitive here. Sorry.
I'm sure you've already gone through all this when deciding what to do. So I'll just shut up and say I hope things work out, and I'm sorry you guys are having a tough time.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
rivka, there's one for people who need educational loans in other countries. Not one for people in our situation.
Belle, he is going to be a sales/administrative assistant. He's been trying to find work here that pays enough to live off for over a year. He has no degree, he's got a family to take care of, and people here just don't pay enough for us to live for things he's qualified to do. He got this job through my aunt's contacts. Of course we would prefer not to uproot our daughter from the only place she's ever known, not incur the cost of moving, etc., etc., but it's just not happening for us. Going where my family will be able to help us if we need it is second-best.
If we have to, we can stay with my mom and pay for the cats to board somewhere. But I'm staying there for a week anyway, and I think that will be more than enough of my mom bashing my dad at every opportunity, and boarding gets EXPENSIVE. If we had someone we could trust to take them here, we might even leave them, though it would break my heart. But we don't. And we will not let them be killed or split up.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
You know, I could understand his parents refusing the loan if you were moving just for the sake of moving, or if they did not have the money to comfortably loan it. But you're going to where he has already, as I understand it, found a good job. Under those circumstances - and I'm sorry if I'm being disrespectful here, but this is how I feel -if his parents can afford it and just won't loan the money, they're just being stingy. I mean, what, do they want him to keep doing temp work and not be able to afford anything, ever? That's just stupid.
I guess I feel very strongly about this because I grew up with my mother's family, who expected us to be right there whenever they needed anything, without question and smiling and happy to serve, but basically either had some excuse that they couldn't do anything when we asked for help - which was very, very rare, anyway, as neither my mother nor myself like asking for help -or else they did it, but made sure we knew that we were inconveniencing them horribly for be being so crass as to ask for help.
Anyway, sorry if I stepped on any toes, but this is my two cents' worth.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen: rivka, there's one for people who need educational loans in other countries. Not one for people in our situation.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
littlemissattitude, thank you for your sympathy.
I guess why this is bothering me is that my family has always come through when we need it, and we have done the same for them. (Before I was married, I used to loan my dad and my aunt a thousand here and there when they needed it.)
I think part of the problem is that my husband's parents don't want us to move away. So they're resisting it. *sigh*
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
I understand you're pretty committed to moving at this point, and this may be a great plan for the long run. I admit I don't understand why you guys chose California, with the high cost of living and all. (You Californians can chime in now and explain it if you want, but my gynecologist friend complains about the high prices and the long commutes and terrible traffic but swears she loves it and I just dont think I'll ever understood that what's to like.) Texas and the midwest seem way cheaper.
I am also concerned that you guys have budgeted SO close to the wire, even after you move. But then you've been living in a negative budget for awhile so I guess you already know how fragile your bank account will be until Jeff's income can go higher. Plus the church can help with minor emergencies if they come up. So I guess you know what you're getting into.
I was going to say (then I saw kq's last post) that his family may be upset at the choices you've made. He started his family before finishing education, and have been needing help from family, friends, and the government since then, and you're moving far away from his family. This sounds like a fairly normal first response. Not nice, but, this is may be their way of showing resentment or something.
Good luck.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
They actually don't have a problem with the "starting a family before finishing education" part; they judge Jeff's brother for not having kids after 7 years of marriage, they judge his sister for not marrying until she was 30 and then marrying a black man (don't get me started) who is not a member of the church she no longer attends ( ), but they are actually with us on having kids at any cost.
Basically, we chose CA because that's where I have a support system and Jeff was able to get a job. We were also looking at Tulsa, Houston, and Spokane, among other places. Also, starting next year I will have extra income coming in from a friend of the family whose baby I will be watching. (She's due in Oct.)
Thank you for your concern. If we had an alternative to moving right now, we'd probably take it. But we have been looking and not found one.
I think one of the main issues is that Jeff's mom wants us to be close, and she's having a really hard time with the idea of us moving.
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
quote:Originally posted by Theaca: I understand you're pretty committed to moving at this point, and this may be a great plan for the long run. I admit I don't understand why you guys chose California, with the high cost of living and all.
Reality of life: sometimes you have to go where the job you can get is, when you can get it.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Let me put it this way: we'll be paying $200 a month more in rent than we are now. We're prepared for gas and electric to double. But we'll be moving from a $20,000 a year budget to a $36,000 a year budget, plus extras I can bring in sewing for my aunt's friends and babysitting for people in the ward (whom I already know.)
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
Oh, I know that. Sometimes it is inevitable. But I've also seen vicious cycles. I've seen people move to a place with a higher cost of living and a sweet job, then have to work and work and work to keep up with that cost of living. Then they are stuck down too deep to move and start over. Then suddenly things don't look so sweet anymore. But sometimes it all works out for the best.
(this was a response to littlemiss)
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:We can stay with my mom, but we'd have no place to put the cats, so we'd end up paying for that.
Maybe now is not a time that you can have cats.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Yes, we've thought about that. See above.
Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
Are there things you can sell to raise money? Jewelry, appliances, collectables? How about futures on jobs that you plan to do (like a gift certificate for 48 hours (not at one time) babysitting)? Can you put off moving until your husband can earn more money? I know you already gave notice, but perhaps someone where you are now can help you out.
Is there no welfare available to help? Can you get a loan from a bank or the government?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
We've sold everything we can get a fair price for (and a lot of other things, just to keep from having to move them.)
That gift certificate idea isn't feasible under the circumstances, but it's a good one.
I think we'll be okay.
Posted by firebird (Member # 1971) on :
Hi KQ,
Sorry to hear you are having such a horrible time. I think it is beastly that you feel let down by Jeff's family, especally if they do it for their own (selfish) reasons. It might help to talk them through everything you have been writing here .... they might see how hard you have tried and how much of an opportunity this is. They will be coming from the position that it is their money and the choices you make as a family should be financially viable.
I'm suprised how hard Jeff is finding it to get a job. Sales / admin assistant sounds fairly broad ...
I'm also suprised by your position on the cats. It seems to me that if you didn't have them you could live with your mum for a bit and save 1 months rent and then have reduced your monthly outgoings in term of cat food / insurance etc. All in all a good thing. Also having cats with small children is a bad idea for medical reasons. So what are the options for finding the cats a new place? I really think you should consider this seriously. To me your loyalty to the cats as a priority has to fall much lower on the list than financial independence, housing, food, family, new job etc.
Good luck
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
Is it impossible for you to get a conventional loan, like from a bank or lender? $3000 is a small enough figure that you could even float it on a credit card in the short term if you had to.
Posted by fiazko (Member # 5812) on :
I'm sorry you're going through this, kq. I don't really have any advice (although Tom's suggestion is a thought, especially if you could pay it off within a month or two). I do want to commend you for taking responsibility for the cats. Obviously, cats are not people, but when you accept a pet into your household, you have a responsibility to them, and getting rid of them because they're not convenient anymore is, IMHO, cruel. Anyway, good luck. One way or another, things will work out.
Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
Many banks will offer signature loans for longtime account holders that might well cover much of that amount.
Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
Yeah, my first thought was asking the bank. I've been paying for my $2000/semester courses through a series of $2000 loans that I pay off every three months (though I have a year), and they barely bat an eye at that amount. I've never seen a loan officer laugh as much as when I go in to sign the notes. Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
quote:Originally posted by fugu13: Many banks will offer signature loans for longtime account holders that might well cover much of that amount.
Long time account holders is the key, here... she's moving half a country away.
I was shocked to find that there are no Washington Mutual branches in the Carolinas anywhere (I had specifically chosen a large bank so I could bank anywhere)and it took me two weeks to get a bank to let me open a *savings account* (I was so pissed!).
KQ...I don't know what to tell you... I just got by with a shoestring and a little help from my parents (they pulled a second trailer so I didn't have to rent a truck, which would have doubled my expense).
If it comes to this, you can do what I did: move with nothing but the clothes on your back and bring the furniture later... sleeping on the floor for a couple of months beats sleeping under a bridge.
Also, you may be able to rescind your notice at your apartment and send Jeff ahead. He can stay with your mom and fly back to bring you and the princess home with him after a couple of paychecks.
just brainstorming and probably nothing you guys haven't thought of, but figure it doesn't hurt to write 'em down...
Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
I should maybe add that I belong to a community credit union, actually, not a "bank". So that might have something to do with it.
Sending your husband ahead to earn some money and get things straightened out sounds plausible, as does putting the furniture in storage until you can afford to move it...
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I second the idea of putting stuff in storage and just moving out to CA with as little expense as you possibly can.
Having lived through similar situations, the best advice I can give you is when you find yourself in an economic hole, don't dig!
It is terribly difficult to climb out once you start spending to save... (or whatever we call it to make ourselves feel better).
Unless you are already locked in to a specific apartment out West, my advice there is to look for a very cheap living situation. It's depressing to think of it, but if you remind yourself that it is temporary until you're back on your feet financially, you can probably stick it out long enough.
Ultimately, with the space of a few years' time, you may come to view this all as a bit of an adventure. And you'll survive it and be stronger for it all.
Just don't spend what you don't have. Do the absolute minimum. And if you still need some cash just for the very least you can survive on, then you should either beg the parents or tell the new company that their moving package is insufficient. Or both.
And if you can't afford the move, then don't. Seriously, you'd be leaving behind whatever support network you have to live in a place where you have no history.
At the salary and experience/expertise level you are describing, there are opportunities in places that aren't going to cost you that much to get to or to live month to month.
No matter how committed you all may feel to this move, if it doesn't make sense for your family to get into a big financial bind, then don't do it.
Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
ketchupqueen,
You wrote: "This job was an answer to prayer. Now if only this answer worked out as well as that one did."
Take heart. This is all related to that first answer to prayer. God doesn't do things halfway. Since He saw fit to get your husband that job and you feel this is where he is leading you, it WILL work out. Have faith and don't worry about it anymore. You can think about it, and pray about it, and try to work it out--but no more worry. It's in God's hands. Trust Him to take care of it. He has a habit of doing things at the very last minute.
-Katarain
Posted by Zeugma (Member # 6636) on :
I'm looking back over your initial post, and I'm wondering... you're flying instead of driving because gas prices are high, but how will your car get to CA? You haven't found an apartment yet, so where are you planning to sleep when you get out there... is it next week? Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
kq, is the city in your profile correct? Do you still live in Richardson TX right now?
Are you close enough to Dallas that he can drive there for work? (I'm not familiar enough with Texas geography)
Doing a quick search on Monster turned up 689 jobs in the "Administrative" category and more than 1000 in "Sales" in and around Dallas.
Having worked in the sales and marketing industry, I am pretty confident that a job in some sort of sales can be had nearly anywhere, and helping my mom with her human resources consulting business has given me a pretty good handle on the job search and hire process.
If you like, you can email me your hubby's resume, and I'll have Mom look it over, I know she won't mind she's done it for friends of mine before and even for jatraqueros. She's very, very good at what she does - she has more than 30 years experience in the HR field and people pay her truckloads of money to share that experience. But she loves me so much I get her advice for free.
I know you probably have your heart set on moving, but if it's not financially feasible...then maybe it's best for your family that you stay put until you can get out of your present difficulties, and then maybe move (if you really, really want to) when you're in better shape.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
Well, if you have access to sufficiently untraceable poisons, you miught get an inheritcance from Jeff's parents. Or perhaps you could save some money by just walking to California.
Failing that, perhaps you could pray. Or you could reflect on how much you must be learning, spiritually, from this experience.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
another thought - why not let hubby get to CA in the cheapest way possible (bus, train, whatever) with enough clothing to have a decent work wardrobe, let him live with your parents, and he can start his new job without the moving expenses. He can work for a while and send money back to you to live on and save the rest, and when you've got enough saved for the move, you can do it then.
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
quote:quid, we don't feel this is something Church welfare should be helping us with.
I think that's for Church welfare people to decide. You know it's for short term use. You know it's really necessary to do something you think God wants you to do. You know you'll pay it back. Heck, you could even promise to pay it back extra.
Talk to whomever makes such decisions at your church. Show them a spreadsheet with expected income and expenses that backs up a timeframe for returning the money. Tell him exactly what you've told us, except for the problems w/ Jeff's parents. Simply state why you decided to move, what you did to prepare, and how you've tried to get the money.
If the decision-maker thinks this isn't something that Church welfare shouldn't be used for, accept his judgment with a smile and ask for other suggestions. If he thinks it is acceptable, accept his decision gratefully.
Posted by Pixie (Member # 4043) on :
I'm really sorry about all of the troubles you're hitting just now, kq. I wish I could help, but the only people I know in CA are distant relatives who aren't by any means well off themselves. I second Dag's suggestions from above and, correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds almost as if Jeff is already out in CA so if he's already staying somewhere... I know this might be demeaning to you and just flat-out unacceptable because it would spilt you and Jeff up, but as a mother you're clearly experienced with childcare so perhaps you could try to find a position as a live-in sitter until you get a home somewhere? Not an immediate or even comfy solution but it might help a little bit. Just brainstorming .
Posted by CT (Member # 8342) on :
ketchupqueen, I hope you find a solution that works for you. Sounds like a difficult time. Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:another thought - why not let hubby get to CA in the cheapest way possible (bus, train, whatever) with enough clothing to have a decent work wardrobe, let him live with your parents, and he can start his new job without the moving expenses. He can work for a while and send money back to you to live on and save the rest, and when you've got enough saved for the move, you can do it then.
I like this idea. My dad did this when we moved to Houston - he went three months earlier, we stayed in an apartment until the kids were out of school, then we moved that summer.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
When we moved to Wisconsin, Christy stayed behind in Illinois for two months until I found a place.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
quote:Valentine, $3000. If we found a way to save a little more money on the move itself, $2500. It's not an issue of them having it, it's an issue of giving us a loan-- which they have always had a policy against with their kids, apparently.
This is a lot of money. Most people don't have that much lying around.
There are other options. I think your best one to get the life you want is to send Jeff out there earlier and save until you have enough to move.
Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
I'm sorry that you're having these troubles, kq. I'm pretty surprised that Jeff's parents won't give you a loan - personally, I'd give my child the money if they were in your situation and I could afford it. I second the advice to talk to the church welfare people or look into loans.
Also, when Andrew and I moved down here from NYC 4.5 years ago, we saved a lot of money on our move. We rented a U-Haul and hired movers to load and unload it. We probably had more stuff that you (I'm guessing - we have a ridiculous amount of stuff), so you might not even need movers. Maybe you could get people from your church to help?
Our move, from Roanoke to Richmond, cost half again what I anticipated and budgeted, so I have some idea of what you're going through.
I'll pray that you find a good solution to this problem.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
I don't have a lot of advice, but I'm hoping something works out. I agree with Dag, talk to the church welfare people and let them decide.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Thank you for your help, everyone. Our situation is resolved. But I'm going to respond to everyone's points, if you all don't mind. Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Resolved? Wonderful! But, how?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I think you've been spending too much time with Katie, and dropped a word. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:I'm also suprised by your position on the cats. It seems to me that if you didn't have them you could live with your mum for a bit and save 1 months rent and then have reduced your monthly outgoings in term of cat food / insurance etc. All in all a good thing. Also having cats with small children is a bad idea for medical reasons. So what are the options for finding the cats a new place? I really think you should consider this seriously. To me your loyalty to the cats as a priority has to fall much lower on the list than financial independence, housing, food, family, new job etc.
We have asked around. No one out there could take the cats; everyone we know out here who we'd trust them with either has cats already, is allergic, or doesn't have room. As I said, we will NOT allow them to be separated (they're very close) or euthanized. That amounts to animal cruelty in our eyes, if we're just getting rid of them for our own convenience. Anyway, the cats aren't a big expense if we're not boarding them; total outlay on food and litter for a month is about $12 (they eat Target brand food, etc.) My mom agrees with us on this; she would never suggest we separate them or abandon them to a shelter, having three cats of her own.
As for being bad for a kid's health, nope. Having pets can actually be good for a kid's immune system and allergies, and we've trained the baby to stay away from the food and water and litter, as well as to give the kitties "nice touch" (we have used that as a keyword since she was 4 months old; she will immediately stop being rough and pet nicely if you tell her, "Nice touch, Emma!") The cats, especially the older one, love her, and come play or cuddle with her, and have NEVER approached her with claws outstretched or even nipped at her like they do us; they seem to realize that she's just a "kitten".
Posted by TheHumanTarget (Member # 7129) on :
KQ, I'm glad to hear that your issue is resolved. I had no advice or suggestions to add and couldn't bring myself to post sympathies without adding something useful.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:I'm suprised how hard Jeff is finding it to get a job. Sales / admin assistant sounds fairly broad ...
It is, and it's mostly not sales at all, but more kind of a doing-whatever-needs-doing position. Jeff has a wonderful skill set-- and little experience, and no degree. People don't seem to be able to look past that out here, but out there, they seem to be willing to. Go figure.
quote:kq, is the city in your profile correct? Do you still live in Richardson TX right now?
Are you close enough to Dallas that he can drive there for work? (I'm not familiar enough with Texas geography)
Doing a quick search on Monster turned up 689 jobs in the "Administrative" category and more than 1000 in "Sales" in and around Dallas.
Having worked in the sales and marketing industry, I am pretty confident that a job in some sort of sales can be had nearly anywhere, and helping my mom with her human resources consulting business has given me a pretty good handle on the job search and hire process.
The problem is that no one wants Jeff for an admin assitant out here (not enough office experience) and every sales position he's interviewed for either wants more experience (he had a half a year as a car salesman while we struggled and struggled and struggled) or pays commission only (which we've learned is not something that works for us.)
We really feel that this job is the answer to our prayers, and a direct result of our paying tithing, so we need to go with it.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:Also, when Andrew and I moved down here from NYC 4.5 years ago, we saved a lot of money on our move. We rented a U-Haul and hired movers to load and unload it. We probably had more stuff that you (I'm guessing - we have a ridiculous amount of stuff), so you might not even need movers. Maybe you could get people from your church to help?
That's what we're doing, but Budget, not U-Haul (which is freakin' expensive.) We're packing our own things and people are coming from the ward to help load the few big things we have and carry boxes downstairs. And Jeff will be towing the car on a trailer; it's only an additional $35 to tow the car, as opposed to additional costs of me driving it.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
kq, I'm glad you have things resolved. If it helps any, I know a bit how you feel re your husband's job situation. When Mr. Opera lost his job, some people in my family just couldn't seem to believe that he couldn't find a job near our hometown *despite* his degree. He works in IT, which as you know is a hugely broad field, but we also had specific salary requirements, etc. We ended up picking up and moving 2 hours away and it ended up being a good decision. Some people in my family still resent us for the move, but we were the ones who had to pay the bills, and Mr. Opera was the one who would have had to go to work at a job he hated every day. Good luck!
space opera
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:Seriously, you'd be leaving behind whatever support network you have to live in a place where you have no history.
Actually, um, I lived there for 20 of my 22 years, have all my family, and a big chunk of my friends out there, and have contacts through the Church out there.
SO, thank you for the understanding and support. That's it on the nose. (Not that Jeff hasn't done work that he hated before to make ends meet; we both have. But I'd hate to commit him to something that wouldn't allow him a chance to go to school again eventually.)
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:Resolved? Wonderful! But, how?
God is good, He sent an angel to us, and we're moving on schedule.
quote:I think you've been spending too much time with Katie, and dropped a word.
What? Who? Me? Where? *looks around flabbergastedly*
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
On the church welfare issue:
We've been there before, and know the limits and regulations. Our bishop holds to them very strictly, because he does not have a very big welfare budget; a lot of people are out of work in our ward right now.
The things that the church can help with are:
-Food. This is the thing that it's easiest to get help with, food and basic hygeine supplies. The Bishop's Storehouse is there for anyone who doesn't have money for food. We have accepted this help in the past and "paid" for it by working at the Storehouse and assisting others.
-Employment. Jeff has already completed the course the Employment Center offers in job-hunting and had them help with his resume. While these techniques have helped him "sell himself" and perfect his resume, none of the opportunities listed with them have actually worked out, either being filled by the time he learned of them, or not paying nearly enough.
-Rent and utilities on an emergency basis. When there is absolutely no other option (you are supposed to go to family first, if possible) the Church can help with rent and utilities, but not other expenses. We have accepted this help in the past as well, but it's something that takes resources away from other people in the ward, so it's hard for us to do that.
-Fast offering funds can also be used to pay counselling fees at LDS Family Services for those in need of therapy who can't afford it, although the availability of the LDSFS program varies in availability by region.
Knowing how tight our ward's budget is, we know that ward funds won't be able to cover something like this.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
Glad this is all working out for you and your family, KQ.
Having met Jeff, I know I was really impressed with his sincerity, his manner and his intelligence. If I were in a position to offer him a job (like if I worked in H.R. of some place) I would hire him in a second. He seemed like a really great, thoughtful guy.
Glad he found something out in California, and I hope it gives him a chance to move up and on to even better things, because I certainly think he can live up to that.
FG
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by ketchupqueen:
quote:I think you've been spending too much time with Katie, and dropped a word.
What? Who? Me? Where? *looks around flabbergastedly*
I was wrong. I thought you meant to add a "not," but I see now that I was mistaken.
Have I mentioned recently how excited I am that y'all are moving out this way? *bounce*
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Yes, rivka, I'm excited, too.
Now the Lock of Love can be nearer its sisters. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
O_O
*shaves head*
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
What's next, sackcloth and ashes?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I probably shouldn't mention that among certain groups of Orthodox Jews, married women shave their heads regularly.
And it's so hot and humid this week, I've actually been thinking about it.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I actually knew that. Makes it easier to cover the hair completely or wear a wig, right?
But that's the kind of thing your kids might tease you about. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
That's part of the reason, yes.
And they didn't tease me last time.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
Was your angel a jatraquero/a? You're just being so secretive and it happened so suddenly that it makes me wonder.
Of course, if that person doesn't want you to tell, you don't have to.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
My angel would prefer complete silence, including on the point of where I know her/him from. I will respect my angel's wishes. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:And they didn't tease me last time.
Well, they obviously haven't been properly brought up. Posted by Mrs.M (Member # 2943) on :
rivka, I can never seem to keep up with the changing rules for head covering (especially since I'm not Orthodox anymore). I remember there was a huge controversy when wigs became much more realistic looking - a friend of mine had just spent a fortune on a wig that she was told she could not wear. She hung onto it anyway and the rabbis eventually allowed them.
kq, I'm so glad that things worked out for you!
I can really relate to the moving for a job situation. Andrew's parents could not accept that academics have to take jobs wherever they can find them. Of course, they never got over him moving out of NYC. Even now that he's thinking of getting out of academia and doing testing consulting full-time, there are a limited number of places we can live. My mother-in-law flipped out when Andrew told her we might move to San Antonio.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Nothin' wrong with short hair. Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote: My angel would prefer complete silence, including on the point of where I know her/him from.
Okay, I'm going to assume you've been helped by a Hatracker, then, and not a mob boss. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
You're assuming the two are mutually exclusive?
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
rivka, don't you know your mouth is for eating?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
That sounds like a quote. However, Googling "your mouth is for eating" brings up some seriously nasty stuff. >_<
Posted by Dagonee (Member # 5818) on :
The standard Sicilian response when when asked about the Mafia is, "This mouth is for eating."
And I don't even want to know what you found in google.
Sorry about that.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Let's not bring the wrath of the Family down upon us, huh?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
What Google brought up had nothing to do with the Mafia.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I didn't even want to go there.
Thank you. :|
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I was quite careful NOT to go there.
Or to click on any of the links. >_<
Posted by Chungwa (Member # 6421) on :
It's great that everything got resolved. Moving always seems to cost more than it should.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
rivka, I hope that google search didn't cost $99.99 a min.... Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
No. And I think that you think that the stuff that Google brought up was rather different than what it actually did bring up . . .
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Now I had to google "your mouth is for eating" to see what rivka saw.
See what you made me do?
(and it wasn't all that shocking. Or unexpected.)
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
I think you have your Google filters at a higher setting than I do.
Either that, or I was mostly shocked because I was half-expecting something mafia-related. Not Phelps-related.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Uh...Phelps?
Posted by littlemissattitude (Member # 4514) on :
ketchupqueen...I'm so glad you were able to resolve your situation. It's always good to have more of the group out here in California.
And this is for your angel, whoever he or she is... Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Phelps Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
rivka, Yup, that was the kind of thing I got. And expected.
Golly. I'm sorry about the whole derailing of the thread business. Can I blame rivka? Dagonee?
Oh. Me?
Apologies. Back to our regularly scheduled thread...
Hooray for the Ketchups! And Hooray for Angels!
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
I'm very glad it worked out! Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I have to admit now, I also googled it just to see what rivka got.
It really wasn't what I was expecting. Naughty rivka! Making us think we're going to find something really bad!
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I find it distasteful (if you'll pardon the pun) that this cretin resides in my home state. It's too bad that Phelps doesn't use his mouth exclusively for the consumption of food. If he confined the use of his mouth to eating, as opposed to spewing excrement from that orifice, we'd all be better off.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Yeah, I also googled it.
And the links I got were "really bad" in my opinion. Crude, rude and bigoted.
***
Glad to hear your situation has worked out, KQ. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:And the links I got were "really bad" in my opinion. Crude, rude and bigoted.
Precisely.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Oh. Well, I didn't actually click on any of them, and sure, they were bigoted.
I was just expecting something else.
(Actually, one link was what I expected, come to think of it.)
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I didn't agree with the stuff -- I think it is horrible and bigotted. But I have come to expect that, so I wasn't shocked.
![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
). The best my dad can do is $500; JUST the move-in cost, IF we get the apartment we're hoping for -- cheapest we've found -- will be $2300. Normally, a lot of things that just aren't happening right now.![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
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), but they are actually with us on having kids at any cost. ![[Wink]](wink.gif)
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