This is one of my major pet peeves. You know, those people who give you the limp wristy thing instead of a handshake, their fingertips barely brushing your palm, hand in a position as though they expect you to kiss it instead of shake it. It's like holding on to a cold, dead, fish. A handshake like that makes me want to jerk my hand away and wipe it on my skirt or pants.
We went to the school open house last night, and my son's teacher shook hands like this. I was shocked - how could a teacher, who must shake hands with lots of parents throughout the year, not know how to shake hands? And yes, this sounds sexist, but it's even worse when it's a man who shakes like that...ick!
space opera
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
*grab wrist* *shake firmly*
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I hate that, but I hate it more when they grab just your fingers so it turns your hand like they're going to kiss it. If you're going to shake my hand, shake the whole hand, none of this namby-pampy crap. And I expect a nice, firm handshake, too.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Sometimes it's a sign of shyness. I'm not saying I like it when I get a wimpy handshake, but sometimes that's the reason for it. To me it communicates a lack of confidence.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Oooh, yes - I forgot about people grabbing your fingers. *Gollum voice* It's nastiness, it is. Next time it happens I will raise my hand to their mouth with a look of expectation.
Mr. Opera said last night that he actually doesn't trust people who can't give a good handshake. However, if it's due to shyness I suppose they can't help it. I found myself wondering this morning if some people shake like that because they're germophobes.
space opera
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I get this every day, and I wonder if part of it is due to cultural differences.
In my job, I get to interview applicants, many of whom are foreign born. When I enter the room, I look at the applicant square in the face, greet them by name, introduce myself and offer my right hand for a handshake before we get down to business.
Most American-born and most Latinas will return a normally firm handshake. Most Carribean-born and African-born kind of just put their hand out for me to grab, but don't return the grip.
Most of my interviewees are women. I do not offer a handshake to the men, I just smile and greet them. If they offer me a handshake, though, I take it. I have yet to have been offered an abnormal handshake from a man that I'm interviewing.
Other than in interview situations, I rarely shake hands. And I am nurse enough to want to wash my hands as soon as I am done with the interview.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jess N: Sometimes it's a sign of shyness. I'm not saying I like it when I get a wimpy handshake, but sometimes that's the reason for it. To me it communicates a lack of confidence.
Yeah. I always give a firm handshake for this reason. and the fact that a not firm one feels very incomplete.
Posted by akhockey (Member # 8394) on :
Handshakes are awesome. There are all sorts of varieties out there. The "T-Rex" and "Limp Lefty" are some of the crazier versions I've come across. I'm a firm supporter of the standard shake though.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Silly American, you're supposed to shake hands the Norwegian way--lightly grasping the other person's hand with only the finger tips, coyly batting your eyes behind your fan, and whispering seductively,"Enchanté."
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
Since I'm a guy in my mid-twenties, I get a lot of the "bonecrusher".
My friends also refer to it as the "I'm really tough. If you don't believe me, just ask my handshake. The harder you squeeze, the more manly you are."
I hate that one.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Storm Saxon: Silly American, you're supposed to shake hands the Norwegian way--lightly grasping the other person's hand with only the finger tips, coyly batting your eyes behind your fan, and say,"Enchanté."
Ewww! And you Norwegians manage to hook up and reproduce? Amazing!
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
I like to give a firm handshake because I want people to understand that trust myself and them. I don't "T-Rex" but I do make sure I'm noted.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
*titters*
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
tante: it stays dark there for like 6 months at a time. what else are they gonna do?
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
See, I get abnormal handshakes from men more than from women. Sometimes it seems like they think since I'm a girl they can't give me a "real" handshake. Then they just grab my fingers. It makes me want to knee-cap them.
Posted by RoyHobbs (Member # 7594) on :
I agree. I think its indicant of the lack of traditional manners, politeness and general gentility of todays' generation (with gentility being applied mainly, though not exclusively, to men).
I think it relates to the negative sterotype that this generation has been raised on: people who shake hands firmly are either portrayed as overenthusiastic idiots or cruel taskmasters who enjoy showing their strength over others. Those two sterotypes are SOO overused in todays movies. It seems like every time I go to the movie' one of the male character's fits that role.
I mean, it's practically cliche at this point to illustrate the cruelty of a character by showing him shake someone's hand extremely hard.
That's not what firm handshakes are about. They are about respect for the other person and pride in yourself (especially if it is 2 men) yes, sometimes men play the I-can-squeeze-harder-than-you game, and yes it's stupid, but hey - its better than a dead fish. Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
Norwegians use fans in courtship...gee, that explains a lot.
Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :
People always asked me if I was a farmer when I shook hands with them on my mission. Apparently I have a little too firm a handshake. I have been known to tell people when they have a crappy handshake (Usually only if I know them, though). I did this all the time to one kid I went to church with. Every time I shook his hand it was the dead fish. I told him to squeeze as hard as he could, and it was usually a pretty week effort. Then I squeezed. He usually ended up trying as hard as he could to escape the grip of death. It was a fun little game. Then I got home from my mission and shook his hand. Still probably the best handshake I've ever had.
edit to add: Someone did this to me when I was little as well. He was an elderly fellow in our ward that had a vice grip handshake. We (the guys my age) would always have grip battles with him. It always hurt, but it helped me develop a good strong handshake.
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
I don't have a limp handshake, but I don't exactly go for a vice grip, either. That seems like overcompensating. I'm not a girly fellow, but I'm not ashamed to not be [thick Austrian accent]a super macho tough guy[/thick Austrian accent]. So I basically have a middling handshake, neither too firm nor too soft.
Maybe we should just go back to grasping each other's forearms like the Romans used to do.
Edit: We were typing "vice grip" at the same time, but you posted first. Hmph.
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
I hate it when people shake like that too! It always sets me off a bit, because it's one of your first introductions to a person.
Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :
quote:Originally posted by ElJay: See, I get abnormal handshakes from men more than from women. Sometimes it seems like they think since I'm a girl they can't give me a "real" handshake. Then they just grab my fingers. It makes me want to knee-cap them.
Heh, if I were you, I'd just make fun of them. Say something like, "What kind of wuss handshake is that?" then lean in close and whisper, "Do you still sleep with your teddy bear?" See what happens.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Another pet peeve, since I'm on a roll. People who don't know how to dress for important events, such as weddings. (yes, I know that's a fragment) There were some people at my wedding in shorts, for goodness sake. This was not due to financial issues, either. When did people stop dressing up? When did the casual become the same as the formal? I've been to funerals where people were in jeans as well, which just seemed weird and almost disrespectful. But maybe that's me being superficial, I don't know.
space opera
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
I usually forget I am supposed to shake hands with people, so if they start to shake my hand, I do it, but often by just sticking my hand out there and hoping that I'm behaving correctly.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
In business situations, Boris, that probably wouldn't be a good idea. Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :
quote:Originally posted by Verily the Younger: I don't have a limp handshake, but I don't exactly go for a vice grip, either. That seems like overcompensating. I'm not a girly fellow, but I'm not ashamed to not be [thick Austrian accent]a super macho tough guy[/thick Austrian accent]. So I basically have a middling handshake, neither too firm nor too soft.
Maybe we should just go back to grasping each other's forearms like the Romans used to do.
I don't do the vice grip thing unless I'm playing the Squeeze game It's actually just a firm grip and quick squeeze that I let off of really quickly.
Posted by Boris (Member # 6935) on :
quote:Originally posted by ElJay: In business situations, Boris, that probably wouldn't be a good idea.
Awww, come on. It'd be fun. Just try it once Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I never offer a handshake to someone whose hands look to be arthritic. Or dirty. When in doubt, don't put it out.
Posted by Destineer (Member # 821) on :
I don't know if firm handshakes are "about" anything except carrying on an arbitrary practice that's been going on for a long time.
But I must say, I do enjoy giving and receiving a firm handshake.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Oh! Space Opera, are our pet peeves psychically connected or something? Now, I can understand not everyone owns a black suit anymore, but the last funeral I went to there was a woman in a bright white pantsuit! And another in a flowey white sleeveless dress with huge orange Georgia O'Keefe flowers on it!
Maybe it is superficial, and I'm sure the family was glad they were there, but. . . *shudder* At least wear something reasonably conservative to a funeral.
Posted by Jess N (Member # 6744) on :
quote:Another pet peeve, since I'm on a roll. People who don't know how to dress for important events, such as weddings. (yes, I know that's a fragment)
Space Opera: I feel the same way. It bugs me to no end when people don't have the courtesy to dress for a special occasion. Maybe I'm just old fashioned, but by dressing nicely for such times, it shows a modicum of respect for the ones you are supposed to be celebrating.
Posted by camus (Member # 8052) on :
I like to keep warm chocolate close by so that when people try to shake my hand, they are quickly discouraged when they see half-melted dark streaky clumps all over my hand.
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
My pet peeve is people who have pet peeves over largely unimportant issues.... like how someone shakes hands. Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I don't get why people won't dress up anymore. Playing dress-up is fun.
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
Nuh uh, I hate playing dress-up.
Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :
A handshake is part of making a first impression on people. I know exactly what you mean Space Opera, and it does bug me as well from time to time. Not a big deal for me though, I just use it as a way of 'reading' people I guess.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
for funerals I always wear either a brown dress with cammell sweater or a blue skirt with small yellow flowers on it and a white top. I don't like to wear black for them (and my only black dress is not funeral appropriate) but I do dress up. Weddings it depends on the situation ie: church, outside, home, banquet hall, las vegas (kidding).
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Playing dress-up *is* fun. I actually got a big ego boost the other day on my way to an appointment. I was in a nice pair of slacks, blouse, and heels, and got a double-take from a guy when I stopped for a drink. And, we will all agree here and now that I got the double-take because I looked sooo nice and pretty, not because of my huge belly beneath the fancy blouse.
ElJay, white at a funeral? Yikes!
space opera
edit: Lest I look as though I'm offending breyerchic, I'm talking all-over white. Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Omg, the thread's divebombing into a chick what-I-wore-the-other-day thread. Bob help us all.
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
The other day I wore jean shorts and a tank top.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
I bet there has never in the history of the universe been a woman like Einstein, or that other famous guy whose name I can't think of, who just has the same clothes in her closet so she doesn't have to think about what she's going to wear that day.
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
What about someone who only wears one color or shades of a few colors so that everything matches?
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
Stormy, let me have my fun. Though my husband assures me that everyone thinks pregnant women are beautiful and that you can still be sexy luggin' around an extra 20 pounds centered on your abdomen I've seen little of his theory prove true from general society. *fake sniff*
space opera
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Storm Saxon: I bet there has never in the history of the universe been a woman like Einstein, or that other famous guy whose name I can't think of, who just has the same clothes in her closet so she doesn't have to think about what she's going to wear that day.
Um...Nuns?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by kojabu: What about someone who only wears one color or shades of a few colors so that everything matches?
Does denim count as a color?
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
Sorry. I was just funnin'. Kind of. ;p
(You know I'm a provincial rube and my idea of dressing up is to put flip-flops on whatfor I step out the double-wide.)
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
Well it's a shade of blue.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
I bet nuns wear all kinds of stuff beneath their habits. I bet they blow most of their paychecks on Victoria's Secret and stuff.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
quote:but it's even worse when it's a man who shakes like that...ick!
You must be confused, SO. Our Back to School night is not for at least another week. Maybe you were thinking of the elementary school. But I don't teach there, so it coudn't have been me.
-o-
quote:I think it relates to the negative sterotype that this generation has been raised on: people who shake hands firmly are either portrayed as overenthusiastic idiots or cruel taskmasters who enjoy showing their strength over others. Those two sterotypes are SOO overused in todays movies. It seems like every time I go to the movie' one of the male character's fits that role.
I mean, it's practically cliche at this point to illustrate the cruelty of a character by showing him shake someone's hand extremely hard.
erm, forgive me, but I don't know what the crap you're talking about. I've never seen a movie or read a book where someone who shook hands firmly was portrayed in a negative light. I've only ever heard that a handshake should be firm. I don't think I've ever witnessed the cliché character you describe, either.
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
space opera
edit: that was for both stormy and icky....crap, you guys could almost be carebears when your names are put together like that
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
Whenever I think of nuns, I think of Sister Act. And that makes me think that you're right. Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I saw a couple of nuns walking around Disney World one day. Man, people kept getting out of their way. They probably never waited more than ten minutes all day.
One of these days I'm going to wear a habit into the park.
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
I recently attended a funeral - and yes, there were people wearing jeans. I'm still not over the "women wearing pants to church" thing - even though I did for a few months. I eventually revereted back to skirt/blouse outfits because that's how I grew up.
This thread made me think and I realized that we don't shake hands in church (LDS) any more. I always used a firm grip, even as a kid, because that's just how you did it. I don't know when or why that changed, but I don't recall the last time I shook hands with anyone at church. Maybe I should start a new (old) trend.
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
Huh, I wouldn't think of dressing up for church because I never had to at mine.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
I still shake hands a lot at my church. I thought it was the bishopric's primary responsibility to shake hands before and after the meeting. And part of the paying tithing ritual involves shaking hands...
My firmness is always in relation to the person. If I have to take the more mature role I always make sure my grip is firmer. If I don't, I'll just match the other person's firmness.
I use to play the vicegrip game as a kid too. It was fun, especially when I won!
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
At my church (Presbyterian), we had a Sharing of the Peace which involves shaking the hands of people in pews near yours. It always bothered me whenever someone had the limp handshake.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
LOL. I'm reading Freakonomics and I just read that the secret Ku Klux Klan handshake was a left-handed limp wristed fish wiggle.
Wow.
Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
I have lily-white, college-boy, piano-man hands. There's no way I could have a crushing grip even if I wanted to. So instead I opt for the casual firmness which, coupled with my easy smile and twinkling eyes, let the person know that I'm not really trying, and if I wanted to I could squeeze the stuffing out of their hands with the a strength that belies their appearance.
I also note that my handshake depends on the social standing of the other person. If it's someone who needs to be in the "alpha male" position, I'll let them set the tone of the handshake and respond to them. If I feel I should be the alpha, I set the tone. Sometimes we get our wires crossed and ramp up the handshake intensity, trying to prove dominance while staying within culturally acceptable degrees of firmness and not lingering in the handshake for longer than appropriate.
And sometimes I just smile and nod. Maybe wave, maybe the wink and the gun. You know. When I'm not up for the handshake dance.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
At my synagogue, everyone wears their nicest clothes for the Sabbath services. For guys this is a black suit with a white shirt. For women, always skirts or dresses. I have never ever seen a woman in pants in my congregation. And a denim skirt doesn't cut it -- you wear the stuff that needs to go to the dry cleaners (or looks as if it should have a "dry clean only" label).
A person in a tee shirt and jeans would surely seem out of place.
Posted by Morbo (Member # 5309) on :
quote:Originally posted by Bob the Lawyer: And sometimes I just smile and nod. Maybe wave, maybe the wink and the gun. You know. When I'm not up for the handshake dance.
You wave a gun when you don't want to shake hands!? Remind me never to do this
Recently I was accosted in a parking lot by kids selling candy for school. I was suspicious because it was July, and broke, so I knew I wasn't going to buy anything.
But one girl had obviously been told that a firm handshake is the way to close the sale, because she shook hands very firmly and then wouldn't let go! She was a skinny teenage girl, but had quite the grip. Stronger than mine, probably. I'm cursed with weak hands. Maybe I should brandish firearms like Bob to avoid whimpering when teenage girls shake hands with me.
Posted by punwit (Member # 6388) on :
I'm not a fan of the mamby-pamby handshake, but what really irritates me are the knuckle/finger grabbers. I like a good firm handshake but that is impossible when someone grabs you around the knuckles. I've even gone so far as to grab the wrist of someone doing this to me and forcing my hand further up so we are firmly palm to palm while looking in their eye so they understand I felt they were trying to intimidate me and I didn't appreciate that technique.
Posted by AC (Member # 7909) on :
I hate the whole practice of handshaking, and I never offer my hand for one.
Also, I have several sets of exactly the same clothes so that I don't have to think about what I am going to wear everyday. Hearing that Einstein also did that makes me feel smarter.
Posted by TheSeeingHand (Member # 8349) on :
Well, I'm shy like f***ing hell and I know how to shake hands.
Then again, I used to have a 'dead fish' handshake until someone pointed it out to me.
Posted by aiua (Member # 7825) on :
We did away with handshakes at my school sometime last year. Rubbing ankles was the preferred method.
Posted by Stray (Member # 4056) on :
I actually did the all-my-clothes-the-same-color thing for a few years, until I got tired of black. Even now my wardrobe is all the same *type* of clothes--jeans and t-shirts--so I still don't have to think about what to wear, I just grab whatever's on top of the stack. Which is a good thing, because I get dressed in the dark on weekday mornings, and don't know what color shirt I'm wearing until I emerge blinking into the kitchen Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
I don't particularly care about handshakes one way or the other.
Posted by NdRa (Member # 2295) on :
I have a habit of wanting to shake hands every time I meet someone new, even in casual circumstances like a party or a get-together with peers. Usually I get a weak handshake in response along with a "who shakes hands anymore?" facial expression. I guess shaking hands is more formal than I take it to be, espesially amonst people in my age rage (mid-20's.) Being a very affectionate person, I like the idea of having a form of affection that is suitable when dealing with strangers. I also have a habit of hugging people everyone time I say goodbye, usually even if I had just met the person. It's always uncomfortable when I get a rigid hug and a pat on the back as a response.
Posted by camus (Member # 8052) on :
quote:I have a habit of wanting to shake hands every time I meet someone new, even in casual circumstances like a party or a get-together with peers.
I'm getting this visual of Ten Second Tom always wanting to shake hands, and how absolutely irritating that would be.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I had to train myself to stop shaking hands. As a missionary, you shake hands with EVERYONE. I went to my best friend's wedding reception shortly after getting home, and when I was introduced to someone, I stuck my hand out. He laughed, shook it, and said, "Fresh off the boat, right?"
Posted by jexx (Member # 3450) on :
I like handshakes, but everyone in my age/peer group (parents of small children) is slightly wary of germs, so it's not as common as it might be in other age/peer groups. One of the things on my son's "list of things to buy for school" was a bottle of antibacterial gel! I'm not sure whether to be happy about that or horrified. Heh.
My mom has an old progress report card of mine from kindergarten where the teacher wrote "Jennifer needs to stop hugging the teacher so often as it interferes with class learning time." Clearly I have always been a 'touchy-feely' person. Haha. Handshakes don't scare new people as much as full-body hugging, and since I am a caring individual (and modest! ), handshakes are what I proffer.
Unless you are mackillian. Then it's full-on *tacklehug* time, physical-contact issues be damned!
*VBG*
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
quote: Well, I'm shy like f***ing hell and I know how to shake hands.
Wow! I had no idea that f***ing hell was shy!
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
I think people don't shake hands in a good way simply because they haven't been taught. It isn't that there's something wrong with them. They just don't know, until someone shows them. Just a guess.
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
I'm often surprised when someone my age range (college, 18-22) offers a hand to shake. At times it'll catch me off guard. I think it catches people off guard when I offer my hand to someone my age or younger as well.
Edited to add age
Posted by Space Opera (Member # 6504) on :
jexx's comment about "full body hugging" made me laugh. Mr. Opera (at his old company) worked for a time with a woman who did this - after her second day of employment. Needless to say, he learned to ward her off. I always wondered if there was a bit more than "friendliness" to her hugs - meaning if she somehow saw it as a twisted way to try and get ahead since she tried it with all the men in the company. Either way, truly weird in a professional environment.
space opera
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:I think people don't shake hands in a good way simply because they haven't been taught. It isn't that there's something wrong with them.
Sometimes there IS something wrong with them. Like a neuromuscular disease or arthritis or carpal tunnel syndrome.
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
Actually, forget handshaking and forearm-grasping. Physical contact with strangers is overrated anyhow. Let's just all go back to bowing.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
What if they are cute?
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Then, bowing and scraping.
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
I like doing that kind of bow. Right leg back, left hand across your chest, right hand sweeping outward with a great flourish. I wish I had more social excuses to use it. It's more interesting than a handshake, and you don't have to sweat about whether your handshake is too strong or too flimsy. And since you're not sweating about it, the other person doesn't have to worry about touching your sweaty hands. Everybody wins.
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
If we go back to bowing does that mean that girls have to go back to curtsying?
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
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I'm still not over the "women wearing pants to church" thing - even though I did for a few months. I eventually revereted back to skirt/blouse outfits because that's how I grew up.![[Dont Know]](graemlins/dontknow.gif)
I always used a firm grip, even as a kid, because that's just how you did it. I don't know when or why that changed, but I don't recall the last time I shook hands with anyone at church. Maybe I should start a new (old) trend.
![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
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She was a skinny teenage girl, but had quite the grip. Stronger than mine, probably. I'm cursed with weak hands. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Wave]](graemlins/wave.gif)
Maybe I should brandish firearms like Bob to avoid whimpering when teenage girls shake hands with me.
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Needless to say, he learned to ward her off. I always wondered if there was a bit more than "friendliness" to her hugs - meaning if she somehow saw it as a twisted way to try and get ahead since she tried it with all the men in the company. Either way, truly weird in a professional environment.