1) Go into your local GNC or health food store and tell them you're looking for some supplements to boost your metachlorian count. 10-to-one you walk out of there with some recommendations.
2) At the shoe store, tell them you want a pair of shoes that will not squeek when you walk up the stairs. Tell them it's especially bad on the last two steps.
3) At the grocery store, when asked "paper or plastic?" really stop to think about it. Weigh the pros and cons. Ask their advice. Try to figure out what it says about you as a person to go with one or the other. Ask to see the manager. Get the whole store involved if possible.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
*laughs* I've done number 3, although I didn't get the manager involved, and I made sure there was no one in line behind me...
Then I pulled out my cloth bags like I'd just remembered them. Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Bob, with my luck I'd end up with a clerk who knew exactly what midichlorians were ... and figure he had a sucker on his hands LOL
Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
LOL kq.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
When I was on band trips in high school my friends and I would always find some local musical supply store. One of us would walk in and ask the clerk where they kept their calypso rosin. When they said they didn't carry it, we'd allow several seconds for drama to build, look them in the eyes with great gravity, and say, "I hate you," then walk out of the store.
It seemed very clever when we were 15.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
That was you!? Posted by Vadon (Member # 4561) on :
For a musical store I've wanted to do this...
"Excuse me sir/miss, but can you tell me if you have any electric triangles in stock?"
Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :
That's funny Bob. I've done the clerking thing and people can be crazy. One guy spent at least 20 minutes trying to convince me that if I came to *his* Yoga class I would become part of a new version of humanity. I think the guy was serious. Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :
I try not to mess with clerks as they're just doing their job. If one of them is unusually rude though, I have a few ways of being annoying.
If you're paying with a credit card or debit card, repeatedly slide the card the wrong way through the reader. Refuse any help offered and keep doing it until satisfied Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Talk in baby talk the whole time.
Posted by Vadon (Member # 4561) on :
Ask for stuff in Klingon. (Just make sure they aren't into Star Trek. ^_^)
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I used to do this one to my little sister if we went to a store together. I'd feign deafness, and talk to her in sign language (well, mock sign language) and try to get her to translate for the clerks. She was never amused by this, and would get very annoyed with me and tell me to stop embarrassing her by signing in public. Of course, she ended up looking like a heartless monster. I'd get the store clerks (and any other customers in the shop) to be totally sympathetic to me, and shoot my sister some pretty lethal looks.
If anyone said anything to her about having a little compassion, she would sputter "She can hear! She's just trying to embarrass me!" All the while, I'd be trying to read her lips.
I was cruel in my youth. I'd NEVER pull a stunt like that now. Not out of respect for my little sister, but out of respect for the hearing impaired.
I think she is still ticked off at me over this.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
A recomendation from Dane Cook: Go into a fast food place where they have the menu up on the wall above and behind the counter. Point to the menu and order something that isn't on it. See if the guy taking your order turns around to look.
--Enigmatic
Posted by Ophelia (Member # 653) on :
I've posted these things to do at the drive through somewhere here before, but it never hurts to share them again. All of these were done by various co-workers a few summers ago:
Ask if they have diet water. Ask them to "make it with love." If it's not Burger King, ask for a Burger King Crown. Stress that you would like your order to go. Remind the voice on the other end of the intercom of this throughout your order.
I feel like there were some others, but I can't remember what they were right now.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
Oh man, all of this stuff is great, I might have to try it out with my friends.
Something I've been wondering for a while is, is it against the law in any way if a bunch of friends and I walk into a 24 hour store at 2am wearing mostly black/shady looking stuff, possibly a couple ski masks (during winter of course), and then just walk to the the check out, and buy a pack of gum (or something along those lines)?
You all are probably hanging your heads low and shaking them about thinking about how bad of an idea that is.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Um...bad idea <shaking head>
Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Instead of wearing all black, how about dressing up into costumes and have 10 of your friends all line up to buy one pack of gum, all in costume. Less dangerous then wearing clothes that look like they belong to a criminal.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
Be careful with this one (and only do it if you are single and the clerk isn't wearing a ring, but is cute, and etc you get the idea).
Fold your bills in half or quarter, hold it deep in your palm. Wait until the clerk holds out hand for money. Instead of giving money, put your *hand*--palm up--in clerk's hand (which is palm up) and make clerk take money out of your hand. Be sure to smile flirtatiously.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Do NOT wear a mask that covers your face into any convenience store (or a bank or doctor's office, pharmacy, etc.). In some communities this is actually against the law. More importantly, making the person behind the counter nervous is a pretty stupid idea as they may have a gun.
Doing this in the South, especially, would be a dumb idea as the rules on what a person considers "life threatening" may be lax enough to allow them them to shoot at you without much in the way of silly provocation on your part.
Of course, being dead, you wouldn't much care if they got a light sentence or not...
Yep...not a good idea.
Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :
When ordering at a fast food restaurant, ask for your burgers using the metric system. IE: Instead of asking for a 1/4 lb cheeseburger, ask for a 337.5 gram cheeseburger.
Also ask about the fat contents of each and every one of the things on the menu. If necessary, ask them to convert it to metric for you and tell them you're from another country and you're on a diet so you need to know.
Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :
Tante- That is hilarious!!! Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
quote: I used to do this one to my little sister if we went to a store together. I'd feign deafness, and talk to her in sign language (well, mock sign language) and try to get her to translate for the clerks. She was never amused by this, and would get very annoyed with me and tell me to stop embarrassing her by signing in public. Of course, she ended up looking like a heartless monster
Tante -- my daughter, when reading this, said that if SHE had been your sister, instead of getting upset, she would have "translated" your sign language as random, nonsense words, and said "you aren't making sense" etc. as if you were also mentally impaired.
(she's a cruel one, this girl is!)
Farmgirl
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Ah -- two of a kind, we are! I'd love to meet the little devil.
Posted by Speed (Member # 5162) on :
Several years ago I got some friends into my car and we all went to all the fast food places in town and ordered their finest hamburger, hold the bun. At Taco Bell we ordered a bean burrito, hold the tortilla. No one had any idea how to respond, and they had to improvise some fairly creative ways of filling our orders.
Of course, that was before Atkins came along. Now they're all used to it, so it's not near as much fun anymore.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
After you place your order, you can add, "Oh, yeah. I'd also like a mattababy"
When they inevitably ask "What's a mattababy?", you can reply,
"Nothing. What's a matta with you, baby?"
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: After you place your order, you can add, "Oh, yeah. I'd also like a mattababy"
When they inevitably ask "What's a mattababy?", you can reply,
"Nothing. What's a matta with you, baby?"
Haha, during last school year, a lot of people said this. Except with updawg.
Posted by Epictetus (Member # 6235) on :
Go to Home Depot's plumbing department, find a clerk who looks new (preferably their first day,) and ask him if they carry Fallopian Tubes.
Posted by skillery (Member # 6209) on :
When a waitress asks what I want to drink, I often reply: "water in a clean glass."
That's just begging to have her drool in your water.
I'll have to be more specific next time.
Posted by Vadon (Member # 4561) on :
My brother did this one once in a restraunt, kind of fun.
The waitress brought the check to him, he opened it up and looked at her, asking seriously. "I'm sorry miss, but could you cut this bill in half and then double it?"
The waitress never really got it, she would say things like "What do you want sir?", "Do you want two checks?" (He'd always reply, just cut it in half, then double it.) Eventually she just said something like 'we don't do that here, sir.' So he shrugged, dissapointed and paid it.
Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :
Our big one in middle school was, when travelling out-of-state, asking where the bubbler was and then making the victim seem an idiot.
(For anyone not from Wisconsin or in the "know," a bubbler translates to a drinking fountain in most other civilized areas.)
Posted by The New Revolution (Member # 8283) on :
okay, here is what you do for fun: 1) sit in your car, on the freeway with sunglasses and a hairdryer, pointing it at passing cars and see how many slow down.
2)When you go to the drive thru, specify that your order is to go.
3)After getting cash from an ATM, start jumping around yell "I WON, I WON!!!"
guranteed hilarity will ensue
Posted by ambyr (Member # 7616) on :
Pay in (precounted but unrolled) pennies.
Posted by Epictetus (Member # 6235) on :
ambyr, that actually gives me some perverse pleasure when I'm working. Some of the people who come into Starbuck's are so impatient that it makes me giggle inside when they have to wait a little longer.
Posted by human_2.0 (Member # 6006) on :
"Two unknown women were in the process of hauling into his law office 20 sacks of unrolled pennies totaling $1,000 in loose change."
"I'm just here to pay the bill," Bolesta says he told a cashier. "She looked at the $2 bills and told me, 'I don't have to take these if I don't want to.' I said, 'If you don't, I'm leaving. I've tried to pay my bill twice. You don't want these bills, you can sue me.'"... the cops were called in. One officer noticed the bills ran in sequential order... "All of a sudden, he's standing me up and handcuffing me behind my back, telling me, 'We have to do this until we get it straightened out.'
You gotta do what my dad does to my aunt if they go shopping together. You find the most outrageous box of Condoms OR you find the largest most outrageous Bra or Women's bloomers you can find (my aunt's barely a hundred pound little 5'2 inch twig, which makes it better) and when she's not looking, you slip it in her cart and hide it under other items until she goes to check out. Then he makes sure he's hidden from view when she does.
It's not to the clerk, but it sure is funny though.
UNRELATED to the thread: My dad also sold my sister a car with auto doors, trunk and an alarm. He only gave her one set of the keys and claimed he had lost the other ones years ago.
Then anytime he was out late and near their neighborhood (they live within 2 miles of each other so often) he would drive by and park up the street in the darkness, he'd pop the trunk, lock the doors and set off the alarm and watch the festivities. One night my cousin (in his 20's) came out tentatively with a large SPOON for a weapon. Big man with a spoon. Then for her birthday this year he gave her a present. The set of keys. It took her a minute to figure out what they were.
It was great.
BTW my dad's in his mid 50's with 2 grandchildren(my two boys) and he gave them to her on her birthday a few months ago.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
That reminds me of a Walter Matthau movie where he would take this little kid over to their neighbor's house and ADD gas to the guy's tank. The man would crow about the amazing mileage his car got. They did it for weeks. Then they started siphoning the gas out.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Run into a gift shop and demand your gift.
Ask for paper because it's recyclable, but then ask that it be double-bagged in plastic in case it rains.
Buy 27 tubes of Preparation H and pick the longest line. Act agitated. When you get a customer or so away, scream and run out.
A friend of mine has plans if he ever wins the lottery. He wants to run into a car lot with a paper bag full of cash and ask for the fastest car on the lot while looking over his shoulder a lot.
Go into a drug store and buy a condom. Leave. Go back in a half hour later, a bit more dissheveled. Buy another. Leave. Repeat at half hour intervals, looking more and more wiped out. Start adding products to your condom purchase each time; whipped cream, an Ace bandage, chocolate, energy drinks, Tylenol, scarves, those little amphetamine packs they sell truckers... Stagger occasionally. Finally, after every employee in the store is waiting to see what happens next, send in your partner -- who looks completely refreshed and chipper -- to buy a final condom and some BenGay.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
I had a friend in HS who would always order a "Large". "A Large what?" "Yes."
Personally, I always liked to order Tuna Melts "With Extra Dolphin." Which raised the ire of one environmentally concious subway employee to the point of irrationality. "HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A DOLPHIN?" she demanded.
Pix
Posted by Hmm216 (Member # 8403) on :
I was watching Jay Leno the other night and one of his guests said he did this while in a shopping mall with his wife...
As you are walking calmly through a crowded mall stop suddenly and turn around as if someone was about to attack you from behind...9 times out of 10 the person behind you will do the same.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
quote: "I'm just here to pay the bill," Bolesta says he told a cashier. "She looked at the $2 bills and told me, 'I don't have to take these if I don't want to.' I said, 'If you don't, I'm leaving. I've tried to pay my bill twice. You don't want these bills, you can sue me.'"... the cops were called in. One officer noticed the bills ran in sequential order... "All of a sudden, he's standing me up and handcuffing me behind my back, telling me, 'We have to do this until we get it straightened out.'
When I was in high school I used to make small purchases with $2 bills. You'd be amazed how many times you get over-changed by $18.00 doing that.
--Enigmatic
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
I generally think it's better not to torture store clerks, since they're generally working a crappy job for crappy wages.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Although I hate to agree with such a kill-joy, Megan is right. Let's have a little compassion for the workers of the world, and stop acting like such bourgeois, elitist pigs. Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Sorry, Tante, I didn't mean to be a killjoy... Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
But you are right, so, more power to you.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
On the other hand, a good joke can really break up the monotany of an otherwise boring job. Swapping stories about obnoxious or stupid customers is what makes the customer service field go 'round.
Just try not to do it when they're really busy and there's a line behind you.
--Enigmatic
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
quote:I generally think it's better not to torture store clerks, since they're generally working a crappy job for crappy wages.
I've been wanting to say that since this thread started, but I didn't want to be the one to look like I was on a high horse. Being a store clerk is a really crappy job to begin with. I worked last summer as a grocery store cart guy (I wasn't even a clerk, and I had no official interaction with customers), and I received more than my share of abuse from arsehole customers as it was. I hardly need to mention how much worse it automatically is if you're actually the clerk, doing nothing but dealing with customers all day every day.
So yeah, a lot of these concepts are funny as abstract ideas (and the coming back for more condoms thing is actually pretty harmless, and at worst would give the clerk a weird story to tell his friends), but I would be pretty appalled at anyone who did most of these in real life. A store clerk's job is hard enough as it is without having thoughtless jerks come in and play pranks on them just for half a moment of amusement.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Definitely a kill joy, Megan. Definitely.
Posted by Hamson (Member # 7808) on :
quote:Originally posted by Enigmatic:
quote: "I'm just here to pay the bill," Bolesta says he told a cashier. "She looked at the $2 bills and told me, 'I don't have to take these if I don't want to.' I said, 'If you don't, I'm leaving. I've tried to pay my bill twice. You don't want these bills, you can sue me.'"... the cops were called in. One officer noticed the bills ran in sequential order... "All of a sudden, he's standing me up and handcuffing me behind my back, telling me, 'We have to do this until we get it straightened out.'
When I was in high school I used to make small purchases with $2 bills. You'd be amazed how many times you get over-changed by $18.00 doing that.
--Enigmatic
I made a bet with my friend at the begining of highschool (last year) that I would only pay for things in the school with $2 bills, and Sacs(what my friends and I call the Sacajawea coins). It's sorta funny when I buy stuff in the school store, since students work there, they are like whoa is this real? And then they call everyone else whos working in the store over to show them. And for the Sacs, they always think it's a quarter, and then do a double take.
Speaking of cool coins, It's so much more convinient to use $1 and $2 coins, like in Canada and Europe. I don't know why the US has such a problem adopting to that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
The US has a hard time adapting to everything.
Witness our inability to use the metric system.
Posted by Verily the Younger (Member # 6705) on :
You mean you want to carry more coins than we already do? Not me; banknotes are a lot more convenient than pocket change. I wish we had banknotes for amounts of less than a dollar!
Posted by Glenn Arnold (Member # 3192) on :
"That reminds me of a Walter Matthau movie where he would take this little kid over to their neighbor's house and ADD gas to the guy's tank. The man would crow about the amazing mileage his car got. They did it for weeks. Then they started siphoning the gas out."
The movie was "Pete and Tilly" with Carol Burnett.
I always ask for a "small" soda in Taco Bell. They don't have "small" just medium, large and extra large.
I also consistently ask for Coke, even if Pepsi is prominently displayed.
And I've been known to ask for a Big Mac in Burger King, and a Whopper in McDonalds.
As for store clerks having a crappy job to start with, my father used to be a counter man at the Red Apple Rest in Tuxedo NY. (Just saying the name to look for reactions) Anyway they had that counter man lingo, like: "Two burgers, one with and one without!" My father would make up calls to the grill that were nonsensical, like "Twelve Burgers, one with and one without!"
He also stole coffee cups, because he thought they were the greatest cups, and he couldn't find them anywhere else. But he put money in the till for the cups he stole, and as a result the books wouldn't balance. Nobody could figure out why there was TOO MUCH MONEY in the drawer.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
Yeah, a kill joy, and yes, it's one thing to do something that's cute and funny, but you've got no guarantee that the clerk you're pranking is going to be the type that would appreciate it. I know I wouldn't have been, during the two clerking jobs I did. I think a better philosophy might be, if it's something that's harmless, doesn't create extra work for the people who work at the store, and doesn't hold anyone up or try to make anyone look stupid, then it's fine. Otherwise...well, you're just being juvenile, and someone who's been on a clerk's shift for 7 hours is probably NOT going to appreciate it.
Alright, I'm leaving the thread now, I promise. Y'all go back to your fun pranking ideas.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote: You mean you want to carry more coins than we already do? Not me; banknotes are a lot more convenient than pocket change. I wish we had banknotes for amounts of less than a dollar!
I'm hoping that they bring back the Doubloon.
Posted by Glenn Arnold (Member # 3192) on :
"Speaking of cool coins, It's so much more convinient to use $1 and $2 coins, like in Canada and Europe. I don't know why the US has such a problem adopting to that. "
I agree. I wouldn't have thought so, though, until I went to England and kept discovering how much money I had in my pocket because of all the 1 pound coins.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote: my father used to be a counter man at the Red Apple Rest in Tuxedo NY.
Good golly! A blast from the past! I remember stopping there whenever my family would drive up to Sterling Forest.
As a kid, I was crazy for apples, and I remember that they never had any red apples on the menu at the Red Apple Rest. I think there was pie, though.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
In Dallas, the DART system machines give $1 coins as change. We would always buy a $2.50 train ticket with a $10 or $20 bill so we'd get lots of those cool coins in change.
Then we'd use them on people. Hilarity ensued.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
<saddened at some people's pathetic idea of hilarity>
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
...and at worst would give the clerk a weird story to tell his friends
Exactly it. I'm not interested in making anyone's life worse, or getting anyone in trouble. I favor the "this will become a store legend" type of thing.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:<saddened at some people's pathetic idea of hilarity>
It really was hilarious when a waitress had to get her manager involved before we could pay, in a city where they were obviously trying to increase circulation of the coins. Maybe it's a "you had to be there" kind of thing. Then there were the three (three!) times we got dollar coins back as change instead of quarters, and when we went to point out the mistake, were told "They came in as quarters, they go out as quarters or the books don't balance. Keep it." That was just sad, because obviously several people didn't notice they were $1 coins until we pointed it out.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
I weep for America.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
Almost immediately after the gold dollar coins were released we had a change machine at work that would take $5, $10, or $20 and give you the dollar coins. It was great because then if you needed to break a larger bill to get something from the vending machine you didn't get stuck with $10 in quarters.
For my 25th birthday KrabbyPatty (who's something of a coin geek) said she'd been planning on giving me $25 in dollar coins because they were novel and not in very wide circulation, but hadn't had time to go to the bank. I pointed out that it was just as well, since I used them every night for pop and snacks at work, and probably had a few in my pocket at the time.
--Enigmatic
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
<-- isn't this graemlin supposed to be animated? Mine doesn't move.
Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
When i read the title of this thread, i believed it was about a movie i loved : Clerks realised by Kevin Smith. I know he is going to made a second one about the two young people ten years later, around thirty years old. I'd like see it.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Now there's an overrated movie. Posted by Choobak (Member # 7083) on :
A what movie ?
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
quote: -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1) Go into your local GNC or health food store and tell them you're looking for some supplements to boost your metachlorian count. 10-to-one you walk out of there with some recommendations.
If my local HFS is any indication, I think it's Noa Noa Tahiiti Noni Juice and some extra virgin coconut oil.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Cry]](graemlins/cry.gif)
I weep for America.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)