Gas prices skyrocketing? I laugh at high gas prices! Granted, it's the kind of laughing when you can't stop and nice men have to come take you away, but still I think I'm optimistic.
That's because I know that all Americans have to do to get past this alarming economic crisis is to simply make small changes in our lifestyles, tiny sacrifices to our own comfort and convenience that will ultimately, if we all pull together, benefit everyone.
Since that's not going to happen, here's some other stuff you can do.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Yay! It's Wednesday!
*giggles repeatedly*
*steals Chris' gas when he's not looking*
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:This isn't a gas-saving measure, but when you pull your small, fuel-efficient car into a gas station and there's a guy already pumping gas into his living-room-sized Escalade, and you fill your tank, clean your windshield, buy a Slurpee, and drive off before he finishes pumping, by no means should you roll your window down and yell, "Now I don't have to buy gas for a week!" Hospitals charge even more than gas stations. Restrict yourself to a smug smile of self-satisfaction and get out, fast.
Chris
quote:Drive exclusively on slick, wet roads. "Hydroplane" is from the Greek for "forward motion without expenditure of gasoline. Also, sometimes sideways motion."
Now my officemate is looking at me funny.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Steal his gas while he's trying to figure you out!
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
[talking to cubemate]I...uh...forgot something in my car. Yeah, that's the ticket! Something in the car. Yes. I'll be right back. Oh, and Mark, can I borrow a length of hose?[/talking to cubemate]
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
As this is Florida and hurricane season, there's also the option of installing sails.
Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
Yay! Wednesday! *installs security camera in home parking lot to watch over my gas tank*
Posted by CStroman (Member # 6872) on :
More mopeds and moped only highways and freeways.
Posted by CStroman (Member # 6872) on :
Oh and rickshaws. In fact, lets make it a law, anyone whose over 300lbs. and legs work has to run the rickshaws at least 3 times a week.
Posted by Sister Annie (Member # 8480) on :
My Mom is very concerned about the amount of time I've spent staring at the computer screen and grinning like an idiot of late.
Posted by Goo Boy (Member # 7752) on :
One of my favorites yet! Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Brilliant, Chris!
People who buy Escalades (or Armadas or Titans) deserve what they get. After society as we know it collapses, we can eat them and live in their useless SUVs.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
"Look into trading your current family and friends for thinner ones." Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Hey! I actually had a Flintstones-style car. And it did get great mileage.
Anybody remember the severe body rust situation on the Toyotas of the '70's?
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
The fuel-efficient vs Escalade happens to me on a regular basis when I pull my Toyota Tercel into the shadow of an SUV. I don't begrudge people buying the car they want, but I can't help smirking when I fill up. Fortunately I know that even if they do get mad at me, I can outrun them because they'll have to stop to buy more gas before I will.
Another tip: buy gas more often. When my needle dips to 3/4's of a tank, I fill up immediately with a more manageable $5-$10. Yeah, I'm just kidding myself. So?
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Can we start a movement to rename SUVs "fool-efficient cars"?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by Chris Bridges: Another tip: buy gas more often. When my needle dips to 3/4's of a tank, I fill up immediately with a more manageable $5-$10. Yeah, I'm just kidding myself. So?
But it takes almost as long to get 1/4 tank of gas as to get 7/8 of a tank. I'd rather wait, and not spend the extra time.
Besides, then there's the excitement of realizing that your needle is getting awfully low, and you are nowhere near a gas station. Can't beat the adrenaline rush. Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
**siphons off some of Chris's writing talent**
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
Great column Chris.
I just filled up yesterday and payed 2.49 (which I know isn't as much as some of you are paying) and it nearly made me cry.
(I payed 2.70 up in Washington last week. Oy!)
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
It's scary buying gas in these parts, as I live in a county with one of the highest gas taxes, and I work in a tourist town. Driving home from work, and then a bit farther to the next county, I can watch gas prices drop 20 cents or more.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
We had someone siphon gas out of a truck that belongs to a resident here last week. An RV drove up, the guy siphoned gas out, and when the owner came out, they drove away. Probably took about $40 worth of gas.
Of course, the guy went out to yell at them instead of getting a license plate number and calling the police about a crime in progress. I think we need to have a little complex inservice about what to do if you observe a crime in progress.
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
It was not me. I had 78 witnesses who will swear that I was committing a different crime miles away.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Since you don't live in my area, I guess I'll believe you.
For now.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Great:
Note, did Fred Flintstone own the original Hybrid?
Found in a newspaper that fell from the future through a black hole:
quote:The revolution sparked when Mrs. Bush was questioned on television.
The reporter asked, "What should we do about the people who can't afford gas for their small cars?"
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
![[Laugh]](graemlins/laugh.gif)
Chris![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Frown]](frown.gif)
![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
I think we need to have a little complex inservice about what to do if you observe a crime in progress.