There is a 24-hour bug making it's way through our family. First Matthew, then Oliva, then me...now Brian has it. It's low grade fever, aches and chills.
The days that I had it ( it spanned about two) I took the kids to the beach ( by myself) washed, hung, folded and put away, oh, probably 5-6 loads of laundry, did about 3 hours of administrative stuff for work, all the dishes generated in that time period, half the meals, and at the end helped move all the furniture back into the boys' freshly painted room.
Brian comes home yesterday complining of it. He went to bed after supper...and he's still there. It's 11 AM here. I cannot imagine what would happen to our house if I spent that long in bed.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Not to make stereotypical generalizations, but perhaps some men can get away with that because the women they love enable it.
If they "had to", they would. If they are let off the hook, they'll take the opportunity to recouperate in bed.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Yeah. I should just be a B***h and go in there and open the blinds on him.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
Is the solution to stop "enabling" the men, or to make it possible for the women to recuperate in bed as well?
(A pretty typical OSC question, I think.)
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Do you REALLY think he is doing the wrong thing, or are you just jealous? And cranky.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I do, I think, the lion's share of the work around the house. But when I'm sick, I do less of it. I don't ask anybody to wait on me or anything, but whatever I don't have to do I won't.
Posted by Crotalus (Member # 7339) on :
Maybe next time you are sick, you should get in bed and stay there. Let him carry your slack.
Personally if I am sick enough to have to stay home from work, I am too sick to do anything around the house. I get in bed. I recover. Not trying to get on to you, but you sound a lot like my wife. She thinks the whole house will fall apart if she doesn't attend to everything right away. Thus it usually takes her longer to recover from an illness than it takes me.
So, like I said, let him carry you while you are sick.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
When I'm sick, I don't do dishes. I don't cook. I do basic child care because I have to, like changing diapers and getting the baby a piece of bread and some fruit and yogurt to eat, but if I'm feeling really rotten, we go lie down and watch Sesame Street instead of playing (one of the only times that happens.) My husband comes home and makes dinner and does the dishes and cleans. If he's sick and I'm not, he's exempt from diaper-changing and dishes, is sent to bed early, and I take his temperature and make sure he drinks water. If we're both sick, we take turns taking care of each other.
My husband has been known to take a day off work to take care of the baby and make sure I eat and drink and rest when I'm sick. He doesn't get sick nearly as often as I, but when he does, he's the one who's more likely to go in to work anyway.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I'm all for letting the house go while I'm sick.
Also, I whimper the entire time and forlornly mope on Hatrack about how my head hurts. This is definitely because people put up with it.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Good question Ic- I don't know. But I was raised to keep on working no matter how crappy you feel. The few times I have rested even for half a day the house actually does fall apart- and unless someone pukes on something, all the laundry will be there when I'm better. It's not worth it to me to rest. I guess I'm resentful.
(And only once in 12 years of marriage has he taken off to take care of the kids when I was sick.)
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I'm sorry. Have you talked to him when you're not sick about what happens when you get sick, and what you'd like to happen when you get sick? Maybe he just doesn't realize how much you really do.
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
I don't consider myself to be "sick" if I'm not bed-ridden. *shrugs*
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
My husband doesn't, either. And he refuses to go to bed. And therefore is sick longer and ends up feeling worse for a longer period of time.
There was one time his boss actually had to send him home with orders to see the doctor before he came back-- he had a bad virus and a case of double conjunctivitis. (We could not afford a doctor visit at that time, but his boss paid for it. And the prescription.)
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jim-Me: I don't consider myself to be "sick" if I'm not bed-ridden. *shrugs*
Reminds me of the joke:
The doctor in the emergency room was evaluating his elderly patient. He asked, "How long have you been bed-ridden?"
She answered "Oh! Not for 20 years, since my husband passed."
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
I've almost never been too sick to work. I've been miserable, and barely hanging on, but always able to manage. Twice I have had incapacitating abdominal pains, and a few times I've been prostrate from vomiting, but usually those things tend to be short or on weekends. I've never missed a whole day of work that I can remember. Never missed a day of school. I had to take a whole month leave from medschool once so maybe that counts...
Anyway, I wish I would get sicker sometime so I know what it is like. When I see someone dragging into my office, claiming they need several days off because they are SO SICK with the worst cold ever or they have some other viral thing with a normal exam and they can't function (but no fever) I just have a lot of trouble being properly sympathetic. After all, when they transmit the virus to me I'LL keep working, most likely. And often times it's the same ones who keep dragging in. Different pain tolerance? A worse illness? Or just being wimpier? Hard to say.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I have a very low pain tolerance, and always have. I think you might be on to something there.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I think staying in bed while sick is like necessary moping. Dramatic while it happens, but you get better much faster. Posted by Kettricken (Member # 8436) on :
The laundry may well be still there when you get better, but so what? You will be better sooner, so can get on with it without feeling ill.
I agree with ketchupqueen, if you've got children they need looking after, everything else can wait. If you carry on regardless your husband may not even know how ill you feel, so will not offer to help.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
When I'm sick, all I want to do is crawl under a rock (or the covers) and moan for a while about how sick I am. It is much nicer if someone is there to listen sympathetically, but it's not necessary. I don't want to cook; I do want someone to feed me pretty much anything I want. Which almost always is Campbell's chicken soup, crackers and a banana-flavored popsicle.
Eventually I get tired of this pity party and decide I'm not quite as sick. But generally, that goes on for at least a day. When I got the flu (type B, I think they said), I indulged for a week. But I was really sick that time.
My husband, by contrast, goes out and infects everyone with whatever germ he's carrying, while firmly denying that he's all that sick. Then he comes home from work and stumbles around like a mad bear, snapping at everyone while martyr-like going around doing chores that really don't need doing.
He has little patience for my style of being sick, but then I'm not too fond of his style either. When you're sick, you should not cause everyone to be offended by your sick self. You should let loved ones take care of you. We actually like doing it because most of the time you're so self reliant it's not like you actually *need* us. (I'm sure his rebuttal would be something like "Well if you would just get up and keep moving, you'd sweat that bug right out of your system and not be sick as long. Plus we're very busy right now and putting it off just means we get less done.") I hate when we're both right. Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
I don't have any loved ones to take care of me. My parents would pray for me from Texas, though, if they knew. I wonder if that makes a difference too.
Posted by aspectre (Member # 2222) on :
Men are wimps, ie their immune systems aren't as powerful as women's. Think of it this way: If a disease infects a tribe of 50men and 50women, and 49women survive but only 1man survives, propogation of the tribe's next generation isn't much of a problem. If 49men survive but only 1woman survives, the tribe is gonna experience a major population crash. And any additional stressor, even minor, could push the tribe into extinction.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
My husband has a much better immune system than I. So does my dad. I think it's more of an individual thing.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote: If a disease infects a tribe of 50men and 50women, and 49women survive but only 1man survives, propogation of the tribe's next generation isn't much of a problem. If 49men survive but only 1woman survives, the tribe is gonna experience a major population crash.
Well, that sounds like an extremely nasty cold. I'd give the tribe a pass on doing the laundry or taking the kids out to the beach until they had recovered.
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
I might even give them a few days off work for that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote: My husband, by contrast, goes out and infects everyone with whatever germ he's carrying, while firmly denying that he's all that sick.
I used to have a boss like that. She was a bit of a germ magnet, and whatever bug she picked up always managed to morph into Something Serious once she got a hold of it. But she would NEVER miss a day of work. 103 degree fever -- she's at work. Vomitting and diarrhea -- she's at work. The Nasty Cold that became Bronchitis that became Pneumonia that stuck around for 3 months -- didn't miss more than half a day to go to the doctor, get chest X-Rays and get back to the office. We were never sicklier. And I must say, that morale is up and absenteeism is WAY down since she got transferred to another office.
But that OTHER office! Whenever I call there, whomever I need to speak to is out sick, or coughing into the phone, or "coming down with something" or "getting over something".
You are not doing anyone a great favor by hacking up lung biscuits on your co-workers.
And, for Pete's sakes, wash your hands. You know, sometimes!
Posted by dean (Member # 167) on :
When my boyfriend is sick, he just wants to be left completely alone. He's irritated by anything you might do to help him like trying to cheer him up, get him something to eat, or whatever.
When I'm sick, I want peace and quiet, and, when I ask for it, something simple to eat or drink. Think chicken soup and seven-up. I would not object to someone's trying to cheer me up if I wasn't actually asleep, but it's not necessary.
When I'm sick, my boyfriend says that he will get me something to eat or drink "in a minute" and then plays a video game for two or three hours, goes to the store, cleans the house, and then brings me something.
But my ex used to wake me up by attempting to feed me food and water while I was asleep and had no desire whatsoever for food or drink. He figured that if I was sick, food and especially water would help me immensely.
I'm unsure which option is better.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
ITA, Tante!
You see it at school. When you have 150 or more kids, it's guaranteed that you have someone who won't keep their kids home no matter how sick they are. I'm so sick of all their freaking germs! I have taken to telling the kids directly that they should stay home when they are this sick. I also have no mercy on them regarding schoolwork or homework: when a kid says he didn't do last night's homework because he was sick, I tell him that if he were that sick, he should not be in school today. If he is in school, he must not have been that sick.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
This strikes me as not an issue of male versus female, but smart versus stupid. If you're sick enough that work is such a chore, don't do it. If you're not so sick, don't bitch about it. And incidentally, you are not so unreplaceable as all that. So the laundry doesn't get done; oh teh noes! If the rest of your family is as helpless as all that, then wearing something twice won't do them any harm. And if the miracle machine known as a stove is really too difficult, sandwiches are an excellent and healthy dinner.
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
quote: But I was raised to keep on working no matter how crappy you feel.
Was Brian?
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
quote: After all, when they transmit the virus to me I'LL keep working, most likely.
Please take this in the nicest way possible, but you and any other macha women who want to come to work and spread the virus around have my permission to be lazy, stay at home, and keep it to yourself. Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
quote: This strikes me as not an issue of male versus female, but smart versus stupid. If you're sick enough that work is such a chore, don't do it. If you're not so sick, don't bitch about it. And incidentally, you are not so unreplaceable as all that. So the laundry doesn't get done; oh teh noes! If the rest of your family is as helpless as all that, then wearing something twice won't do them any harm. And if the miracle machine known as a stove is really too difficult, sandwiches are an excellent and healthy dinner.
Word. Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
When I'm sick, I want to be left the hell alone.
And that's putting it politely.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Actually, KoM, I think we have enough clothes that we could go a week without doing laundry and never wear the same thing twice...but the sight of an overflowing hamper makes me cringe.
Eh, I never asked Tom. But his mom was a nurse, so I'm supposing he rested when he was sick as a kid.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I think there is a difference in priorities and perhaps comfort level with a mess. I willingly share household chores and responsibilities for taking care of the kids, but I have an easier time than my wife does sitting down when I'm tired or don't feel good, even when there's chores to be done. Dirty dishes aren't going to go anywhere for another hour. I agree that a clean house and all responsibilities taken care of is nice and relaxing, but it's not always the highest priority. Sometimes the kids want to play duck-duck-goose instead, and how can I refuse?
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
*grin* Sounds to me like the issue is this:
You hate a messy house, and hate it so much that you're willing to work hard even when you're sick to keep the house in what you consider minimum operating condition. Your husband doesn't hate a messy house as much, and prefers to rest when he is sick.
You believe -- quite rightly -- that because you pick up the slack when your husband rests, he should pick up the slack when you are sick so that you can rest.
But that makes two critical assumptions:
1) Your husband is aware that you would rather rest.
2) Your husband is aware that there is work that needs doing.
I submit that at least one of these two assumptions is false. If it's #1, your husband sees you working hard while sick and thinks, "Man, romanylass (or whatever he calls you in his own brain) is nuts. When I'm that sick, I like to rest. She's such a trooper." If it's #2, he's thinking, "Poor romanylass. She's feeling terrible. I hope she takes it easy tonight. I'll get the essential stuff done around the house for her, and leave the laundry and crap for later."
In other words, either he doesn't consider the work as essential as you do, doesn't realize you mind doing the work, or both.
The easiest way to remedy this situation is to simply tell him. A sneakier way to do it, the next time you're sick, is to simply not do any work and see if he notices. That's assuming that you're not one of those people who becomes increasingly fretful and agitated when your house gets messy, because the house almost certainly will get messy before he finally figures out that it's his turn to do something. *grin*
But I believe this line will work wonders:
"Honey, I know you're busy, but I'm really not feeling well and I won't be able to rest knowing that the laundry isn't done. Will you put it in for me?"
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Tom makes sense.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Brettly10: this is why everyone should buy lots of airborne!!!! That stuff keeps you from getting sick. Take it right when you notice a sick co-worker or kid in class and it will keep you from getting sick.
Umm...I have a bridge to sell you...
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
Riiiight, Airborne, created by a schoolteacher, with over the counter herbs, prevents illness. With no medical studies. I'll have to run right out and get some.
Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
Don't worry! I already got you some!
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
The last time I said this:
"Well if you would just get up and keep moving, you'd sweat that bug right out of your system and not be sick as long,"
I ended up with double pneumonia and was home from work and incapable of ANY housework, let alone a simple conversation asking for someone to help, for a month.
Hmphhh.
Tom DOES make sense.
*grin*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by Icarus: I also have no mercy on them regarding schoolwork or homework: when a kid says he didn't do last night's homework because he was sick, I tell him that if he were that sick, he should not be in school today. If he is in school, he must not have been that sick.
That's my line!
Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
quote:Originally posted by Icarus: ITA, Tante!
You see it at school. When you have 150 or more kids, it's guaranteed that you have someone who won't keep their kids home no matter how sick they are. I'm so sick of all their freaking germs! I have taken to telling the kids directly that they should stay home when they are this sick. I also have no mercy on them regarding schoolwork or homework: when a kid says he didn't do last night's homework because he was sick, I tell him that if he were that sick, he should not be in school today. If he is in school, he must not have been that sick.
Wow. I hated when teachers would say that SO MUCH. Like they've never heard of getting things like migraines, which can last around 4 hours and HURT LIKE HELL. But ooooh, I'm better in the morning, so why didn't I do my homework last night??
Grrr.
Guess I shoulda just stayed home all day to "convince" them.
Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
Y'know I kinda agree with Romanylass.
*prepares to be stoned*
Not in terms of the work - Tony does as much, if not more of the work around the house that I do.
Even if he's sick. So maybe my situation is different.
But I do know our sickness and pain tolerances are very different. Whereas I am sick, I tend to deal with it, take the pills and move on. Snuffily and drugged out of my mind if need be.
Tony tends to vocalise. Every ache, pain and symptom. Though, he still does do whatever needs doing.
And every time he stubs his toe he swears it's broken. It hasn't ever been. But I stubbed mine a while back. Thought it was just bruised. After it hadn't healed a month later - got the xrays. Yeah, it was broken.
I don't think Tony is a slacker, or less of a "trooper" - but I do think I have a higher pain tolerance. And so injuries/illnesses I deal with as a matter of course, he doesn't so well.
Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :
This reminds me of an argument I had with a friend over a stay-at-home dad.
She was complaining about a friend's husband who was at home with the kids. She said he would sit and read the paper while they played! I was like, so what??
We got into a discussion, and I realized that she pretty much thought there were hard and fast rules about staying home with your kids. I pointed out that, in fact, there were none. She had made them up.
If having a perfectly neat house is your thing, romanylass, try not to fault your husband because it isn't his.
I don't remember reading anywhere that parenthood=martydom. In fact, I think it backfires on parents. A child should see their parent as a whole person in the world, not just as the person who keeps the house clean and caters to their child's every need.
(Please don't take this personally, romanylass, I am just generalizing about something I've noticed,and your post just sparked my rant.)
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Amen, Elizabeth! *allows Elizabeth to justify her playing on Hatrack and with her kid instead of keeping the apartment spotless*
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by Katarain:
quote:Originally posted by Icarus: ITA, Tante!
You see it at school. When you have 150 or more kids, it's guaranteed that you have someone who won't keep their kids home no matter how sick they are. I'm so sick of all their freaking germs! I have taken to telling the kids directly that they should stay home when they are this sick. I also have no mercy on them regarding schoolwork or homework: when a kid says he didn't do last night's homework because he was sick, I tell him that if he were that sick, he should not be in school today. If he is in school, he must not have been that sick.
Wow. I hated when teachers would say that SO MUCH. Like they've never heard of getting things like migraines, which can last around 4 hours and HURT LIKE HELL. But ooooh, I'm better in the morning, so why didn't I do my homework last night??
Grrr.
Guess I shoulda just stayed home all day to "convince" them.
Kata, you have my sympathies. But in the defense of teachers, situations like yours are very much in the minority.
I would suggest saying "I had a migraine" rather than the generic "I was sick" to anyone in that situation, though.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
And then there are people with parents who MAKE them go to school unless they're actively throwing up or have a fever over 100 degrees. (*raises hand*) There were nights when I was so sick I moped around at daycare and fell asleep right after dinner instead of doing homework, woke up and didn't meet my mom's criteria for staying home, got in trouble for no homework, and got sent to the nurse a few hours before school was over because I was throwing up or had a high fever. It just took a while to develop. (To be fair, the teachers usually let me make that work up.)
Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
I'm not really mad. It never really happened to me. But it could have. I had lots of migraines in high school. I was a good student, so I didn't have to worry about homework. It didn't take that long to finish.
I'm just dealing with more migraines lately...and I'm grumpy about it. Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
*pat pat*
Posted by Christy (Member # 4397) on :
*giggle* Tom makes sense because we've had this discussion. And on both sides. We each have things in the house that are intolearable and it is amazing how much better we both feel if we just do the things that really bug one or the other of us. The rest can be let go when we're not up to the task.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Tom, you do make sense. I'll have to try that.
I do admit I get frustrated with people with lower pain tolerances ( not just Brian). Lats year an employee broke her toe and took 3 weeks off. When I broke my toe, I taped it to the next one and walked on my heel, KWIM? I also worked with a cracked rib, but I did see a dr about that one and made other people do lifting.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
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