Hatrack River Forum: I have determined who Anakin's father is

This is topic I have determined who Anakin's father is in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

It has been convincingly argued here, and many other places, that the orphan Anaki Skywalker was in reality, created by the Palpatine and the Sith using there dark powers.

I disagree.

Not only because this would leave the ending of "Return of the Jedi" the most disfunctional family since your average Greek tragedy, but because I've come up with a much more logical solution.

Follow my reasoning.

Anakin was a self-obsessed, angsty, disgruntled teen who couldn't find a believable piece of dialogue if the universe depended on it. His son, Luke, was a self-obsessed, angsty, disgruntled teen who couldn't find a believable piece of dialogue if the universe depended on it. Both of them were the most powerful users of the Force in their day. I am going to assume that these are genetic traits so all we need to do is find another powerful, angsty, self-obsessed, disgruntled teen who couldn't find a believable piece of dialogue if the universe depended on it.

Who else could that be but....

Wesley Crusher....

Sure, he didn't have use "the Force" exactly, but how else do you explain this kid being able to save the Enterprise, the Federation, and the Universe itself, on a bi-weekly basis?

Sure, he is not from a galaxy far far away, or from a time long, long, ago. But when TNG ended, Wesley had ascended to a higher plane, where time/space/speed were all controlled by thought. It would not have taken much for the Traveler's friend Wesley to cross interdimensional boundries from the Star Trek universe to the Star Wars universe.

You might ask yourself, why would Wesley Crusher have done this? The answer is the not-so-simple time paradox thing that Star Trek loves to play with. If there were no Star Wars, then there would have been no Star Trek Movie. If there were no successful Star Trek Movie, then Star Trek, The Next Generation, would not have been created. If it would not have been created, then the character of Wesley Crusher would not have been created. So in order to insure that Wesley is created, he must insure that Darth Vader--or Anakin Skywalker--is created. So he goes back in time and across a few dimensions, buys himself a slave for the evening (how else would Wesley ever become a father?), and add some Trek-inspired techno-babble in the form of Midochloridians, and tada.

Of course, when Wesley returns thirty years later and meets Darth Vader, he would say, "I am your father, Darth."

At which point Darth Vader would throw his hands up in the air and scream "NNNNOoOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

And this time he'd have a good reason to.

Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :

[ROFL]

Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :

Well, I can't argue with that.

Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :

I KNEW IT!

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

And hence is the legend born . . . [Big Grin]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

[Laugh]

Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :

Actually, in the original plot for Episode 8, Luke travels back in time and becomes Anakin's father. That's why the Force is so concentrated in their family. It's an endless loop.

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

What happened to "a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away?" Tom busted me on that once.

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

Yes Pookah but Wesley is from our future, so that is where the extra Long in "Long long time ago" came from.

That is my story and I'm sticking to it.

Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :

quote:
Actually, in the original plot for Episode 8, Luke travels back in time and becomes Anakin's father. That's why the Force is so concentrated in their family. It's an endless loop.

That's why they could never make film 8. The royalties for the theme from Deliverance were too high.

Posted by IanO (Member # 186) on :

[Hail]

Dan Raven

Just beautiful.

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :

Yeah, it only works because he's in the secret liberal cabal [Grumble]

Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :

[Laugh]

Have to say I'm mightily impressed.

However, are we completely discounting Anakin's mother's claim that there was no father? Unless Wesley came in the form of incubis, it seems like she'd remember him. [Razz]

Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :

Maybe she just didn't want to admit she'd slept with Wesley Crusher.

Posted by Fusiachi (Member # 7376) on :

So you'll believe Mary, but not Shmi Skywalker?

Posted by Darth Ender (Member # 7694) on :

I am Anakin's father

Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :

DAn, I have one thing to say....

You have WAY too much time on your hands.

Maybe Sasha needs a sister? [Big Grin]

Posted by narrativium (Member # 3230) on :

Classic!

Posted by Jay (Member # 5786) on :

Maybe someone did a sith mind trick on Shmi

Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :

Oh I so want to link this thread on Wil Wheaton's blog.... LOL

Posted by xnera (Member # 187) on :

[ROFL]

That's hilarious.

And yeah, someone should send Wil a link.

Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :

So Anakin was a Traveler?

If so, they could travel to our galaxy!

Posted by johnsonweed (Member # 8114) on :

I'd have to see the DNA tests before I believed that! Besides I had heard rumors about Starbuck!!

Posted by James Tiberius Kirk (Member # 2832) on :

<-- Hopes that starLisa is joking. Sadly, however, would not be surprised.

--j_k