The bridge site where I play bridge has a poetry contest and I want to submit a poem. It has to be in English, and I am not sure I got all the grammar right. (I am even not sure if it is understandable )
So could you please check this for me?
Oh my, I'm in love with my partner! There's nobody sweeter or smarter The bids that he raises The games that he plays I'm thrilled and my heart beats way faster
Oh my, it was love at first table! I thought I was steady and stable But now my hands sweat Pull the mouse off its pad While the bytes travel over the cable
Oh my, isn't Internet paradise? Whilst there is no age and no sacrifice Just rhytm of thinking Just faith and some winking A bridge between characters wise
Also, I am not quite happy with the second sentence of the third verse. I had to had something that rhymes with paradise. I want to say that over the Internet, in communication there is no such thing as bodys and ages and all other discriminational factors that can bother us in real life. So if you have an alternative for this sentence, I'll be glad to hear.
Thanks in advance! Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Well, your chosen form is basically three limericks linked by theme. Except that in a limerick, the 3rd and 4th lines should rhyme. And the 1st, 2nd, and 5th should rhyme together.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
BTW, I think you have a potentially very cute poem. Work a little on your rhyme and meter. It will come.
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