This is topic Men! Answer my survey and be honest!! in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?

If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?

If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)

Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?
 

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Posted by odouls268 (Member # 2145) on :
 
I'm 6'5"

and my wife is just shy of 6'.

Problem solved for both of us.



Plus, I think she thinks I'm cute
 

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Posted by MattB (Member # 1116) on :
 
Yes, no, no, no, yes.

How you doing, Narnia?

(Of course, I'm six feet, so my experience here is limited. I did date a girl who was taller than me in heels in high school, though)
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Good. I'm feeling really tall at the moment, that's all.
 

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Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
 
If I actively asked out girls, then I'd ask out a taller girl if I thought she was attractive. In regards to the others, it wouldn't bug me and it would't keep me from wanting to meet them in person. My inch limit is about 2 inches taller then me (otherwise, I start to feel like I'm being dwarfed). Yes, it would bug me if a girl wouldn't date me because I'm shorter than she is (unless it was like a huge difference).
 

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Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
I think your survey should also include a "how tall are you?" question. I'm attracted to tall women, but there aren't many who are taller than me (I'm 6'3").
 

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Posted by odouls268 (Member # 2145) on :
 

quote:

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Whether or not I ask someone out isn't based on what she looks like

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No, but whether or not you walk up to them in the first place is
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
My 5'11.5" brother has almost always dated girls that were as tall as him and taller than him in heels. His two serious girlfriends have all been his height. He likes it.
 

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Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
 
Height makes no difference to me.
 

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Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
 
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?

Assuming I was still in the dating scene, of course. A girl taller than me would be taller than 6'3". If I liked her and she wasn't that much taller than me, I would consider it.

If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?

I'd reserve judgment for meeting in person.


If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)

Maybe 1/2 inch to 1 inch.


Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?

Not really. Although it wouldn't make me feel any better if I were shorter. It's hard to consider because almost everyone's shorter than me.
 

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Posted by Angiomorphism (Member # 8184) on :
 
My girlfriend is taller than me. I find it sexy, and I don't think she cares at all. I'm 5'10 and shes 6.
 

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Posted by UofUlawguy (Member # 5492) on :
 
I think tall girls are hawt. Seriously, it's like their legs go on forever. Amazing.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
My friend Molly is, at 5'10", taller than her husband by about an inch, maybe an inch and a half.
 

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Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
 
When I was single, I dated a couple of girls who were over 6'.

I don't think I've ever met a woman taller than me (6'3"), so the issue never came up.
 

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Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
As to my answers:

1) Absolutely.

2) No.

3) No, but from a purely physical perspective she couldn't be too much taller than me or we wouldn't be able to kiss easily while having sex.

4) Not especially, though a girl who felt that way would have to rule out almost every guy on the planet.
 

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Posted by Xavier (Member # 405) on :
 
I'm only around 5'9.5", and I am having a hard time thinking of girls I have known who were taller than me (I've only thought of one so far).

I'm not sure whether that's because I just haven't really noticed that they were taller, or because I haven't met many of them.

Regardless, I don't really think I would mind. My ex-girlfriend sometimes wore heals that made her taller than me, and I never cared one way or another.
 

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Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
 
I'll be honest... girls taller than me intimidate me. Thankfully I'm 6'6" so this doesn't happen often.

To answer your questions, I'd consider dating someone who is taller than I am, but only after I got over the shock factor.
 

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Posted by Frisco (Member # 3765) on :
 
Though I once wore one of those "You must be this tall to ride the ride" t-shirts, I don't have any sort of height preference.

Though I can't say how I'd feel about a woman taller than me...I don't meet many.
 

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Posted by Jon Boy (Member # 4284) on :
 
I'm not sure about what my answers would be. I've only gone out with a girl taller than me once, and it was a blind date. As soon as she saw that she was a little taller than me, she decided to ignore me the whole evening. Other than that, I think the tallest girl I ever dated was at least a couple inches shorter than me.

I don't think I'd make a blanket rule about not dating someone taller than me, but it certainly would take some getting used too.
 

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Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
 
yes, no, no, no, yes

at 5'8", there are a number of women taller than me... the ones I have met in person were all attractive.

I have much more the opposite problem... looking through the personals as I was recently, I found a number of women 5'6" and shorter who refused to consider any man under 6'. It was mind boggling and mildly offensive, but I figure anyone who was going to be that shallow deserved what they ended up with, neh?
 

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Posted by Boon (Member # 4646) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Jim-Me:
at 5'8", there are a number of women taller than me... the ones I have met in person were all attractive.

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Why, thank you, Jim!
 

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Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
 
For the record, I'm about 5'9", so there's a number of girls taller than me and shorter than me. So there's lots to choose from.
 

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Posted by SenojRetep (Member # 8614) on :
 
I'm 5'7" and married (but I'll answer as if I weren't)
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?
Yes. See stipulation in question 3.
If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?
It might bug me if I felt she'd been hiding it purposefully. It wouldn't keep me from wanting to meet her in person.
If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)
I doubt I would date someone more than 3-4 inches taller than me.
Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?
Probably a little, but not much.
 

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Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
 
I'm 6'2".

I like tall girls, but the tallest I've dated was a volleyball player who was 6'1". That was almost too tall. I'm not used to people of any gender being taller than me, so it was a little unsettling.

My best friend in college, who's 6'6", always said he'd love to meet a girl who's 6'3". Sadly, few such girls exist.

Here's the deal. Being tall is generally considered a good thing, comparitively. But most people (guys and girls) like to be in a relationship where the guy is the taller one. So in order to pass on "tall" genes to your children the ideal mate is just a few inches shorter than you.

And Katie, when you're above about 5'4" I think you can drop the 0.5".
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
*grin* I include it just to annoy him. With any luck, he's reading this.

*calls out* Steee-eeve...Steve, are you there?
 

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Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
Darn it, Boon! *shakes fist* That was my line!

Narnia, I'm not as tall as you are, but at 5'9", I am taller than many guys. It seems to be an issue for many. Personally, I don't care . . . well, not much. Certainly isn't a deciding factor.
 

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Posted by Jay (Member # 5786) on :
 
I’m 6’ so it’s usually not an issue. I did date a tall girl once and it was so nice not to have to lean down to kiss her. Ok, sorry, to much detail. But no, I don’t have a problem with dating a tall girl.
 

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Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
 
'Tall' girls are neither more, nor less, attracive than 'short' girls.
 

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Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
 
but are tall guys are more or less attractive than short guys?
 

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Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
I'm 5'6"ish. Maybe 5'7"--I'm honestly not sure.

Height really doesn't matter to me at all, and I wouldn't hesitate to date someone either significantly taller or shorter than me. I don't have any kind of a hard and fast limit, but I guess I'd say within the range of normal human heights, anything would be fine with me. It's really just a non-issue for me. I have in the past felt irritated when women weren't interested in me because of my height. People are attracted to what they're attracted to, and I'm that way as much as anyone, so I don't really have anything to justly complain about, but nonetheless, yes, it has bugged me.
 

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Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
 
I as a girl wouldn't date a guy who was shorter than me, but most of them are like 8 so it doesnt' matter (I'm 5-0)
 

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Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
 
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?
If I were single, yes. Height makes little difference

If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?
Not in the least.

If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)
I don't think I do. I'm 6'1", though, so it's not that often I find people more than a couple of inches taller than myself. I was hit on by a guy whose nose was at about the height of my navel. I wasn't interested in him, but height wasn't the primary factor in that. I'm not really sure it was even a factor at all, but I can't be sure since it never came to that.

Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?
Briefly, yes. But then I'd get over it. I mean, a lot of people don't want to date me for quite a number of reasons and I don't base my self-worth on those. Why would I do so for something completely beyond my control?
 

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Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
 
I've never had it be an issue, but I imagine if someone crossed me off the list strictly because my height it would piss me off.
 

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Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
Well, I was *told* that it was because of my height...she could easily have been thinking that that would somehow let me down more gently than "because you suck" or something to that effect.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
I have been eliminated as a possible date because of height; however, it was after I had already expressed noninterest. I was two inches taller than him. Since I'm 5'8", that happens sometimes. I didn't want to date him, but it wasn't because of the height issue. However, the height issue did...serve to help console us both that we weren't missing anything - it wouldn't have worked anyway. Does that make sense?

I hope that's not offensive. I do think this is one area where people simply like what they like. If someone only wants to date 5'2", hourglass-shaped lawyers, we are simply not going to happen and I wish him the best. That doesn't remove the onus of being polite, but it's okay if I'm not his physical type. We just weren't meant to be.
 

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Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Karl, I think "if I were single" is implied in the answering of the questions.
 

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Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?
Yes

If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Yes, slightly.

Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person? No

If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)

My bf of 6 years is a half inch shorter than me. I'm 5'8" It still bothers me slightly, because the rest of the females in my family are height bigots. I wish I had a guy that could at least meet my 5'10" mother at eye level since I can't. The height bigotry does cross gender boundaries somewhat, my mother actually complains about my brothers' girlfriends being short also, since both of them are stretching to make 5'. My father and brothers are all 6'+.

I probably wouldn't date any male under 5'7 and that's stretching it. Steve is pretty much at my minimum limit, and my minimum got lowered to date him in the first place. I love him, but if I could change anything at all about him, I'd make him taller. The "height issue" was something I seriously contemplated, when our relationship looked as if it would last for a while (about the 5-6 month mark). I came to the conclusion that breaking off a relationship that is otherwise fantastic just because the guy is a half inch shorter is pretty dumb. So I didn't.

Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is? probably not

AJ
 

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Posted by Seatarsprayan (Member # 7634) on :
 

quote:

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If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?

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quote:

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If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you?

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quote:

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Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?

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quote:

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If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)

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quote:

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Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?

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quote:

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I hope that's not offensive. I do think this is one area where people simply like what they like. If someone only wants to date 5'2", hourglass-shaped lawyers, we are simply not going to happen and I wish him the best.

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Yeah kat, I completely agree. At the time (I was much younger when I got turned down because of my height) I was full of bluster about how ridiculous and not right it was, but that's just...silly. People like what they like. If height is a deal breaker for someone, it just is.
 

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Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
 
I think there is lots about the dating scene that is shallow and unjust.
 

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Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
I am 5'6" on a good day, and have dated a couple of guys exactly my height and/or a snidge shorter. One more than a snidge shorter. And I like wearing heels. They all said they didn't mind, but one of them was pretty unhappy when he saw a picture of us from a night out when I had been wearing heels and was obviously taller than him. He said then that at the time it hadn't bothered him, but he didn't like seeing it preserved like that. . . but from then on he always seemed a little grumpy when I was wearing heels. And he is now dating someone who's about 5'2".
 

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Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 

quote:

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I think there is lots about the dating scene that is shallow and unjust.

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And I certainly agree with that as well. When I hear about something like the example given above, where the person has a height requirement of at least three inches taller than they are so that regardless of footwear, they'll still be shorter, I do still have a gut reaction of judgement toward that person, but I bite it back. I'm sure that I do similarly superficial things in one realm or another.

[ October 24, 2005, 03:39 PM: Message edited by: Noemon ]
 

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Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
I don't think height matters. Attraction for me is always a gestalt, and has mostly to do with what guys are like as people, and not much at all to do with what they look like. If I like someone, I always like how they look, because they look just like themselves. Does that make sense? I think the person is the aura or force field or whatever that lends attractiveness to whatever is closely connected with them, including their body, their interests, their things, the place they live, etc. If I really REALLY like someone then the air around them for about six or eight feet also takes on this aura of attractiveness, as well as the ground they are standing on, the laces on their tennis shoes, a leaf they picked and gave to me, and so on. <laughs>

But no, it wouldn't bother me if someone didn't find me attractive because of my height. Like most everyone who has posted so far, I don't think attraction is something people choose, so there's no reason to feel hurt over it.
 

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Posted by KPhysicsGeek (Member # 8655) on :
 
1) Assuming I was a) single and b) had enough guts to ask her out, probably
2) Not really
3) I think I do. Dating someone more than 6 inches taller than me might make me uncofortable.
4) Not really.
 

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Posted by sndrake (Member # 4941) on :
 
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?

I have in the past. But, as I explain below, most women are taller than I am, so it's kind of a necessity.

If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?

I couldn't really afford for it to bug me. I'm about 5'1" - which means the vast majority of the post-pubescent population is taller than I am. So, no.

If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)

A couple women I dated were only an inch or taller. However, of the three major relationships I've had, one was 5'6", one was about 6', and Diane is about 5'5" out of her chair.

Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?

Not much or for long - and I've never been sure that this was a major reason any time I've been rejected. I have plenty of attributes meriting rejection, and it could be any of them.

I should add that at least two women I have been interested in rejected me out of hand because I was the wrong sex.
 

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Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
 

quote:

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If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?

If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?

If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)

Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?

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quote:

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I think she thinks I'm cute

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She thinks your eyebrows are cute.
 

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Posted by Sopwith (Member # 4640) on :
 
Height and width have never been a deciding factor for me. Depth, or lack thereof, always was though.
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Wow. Thanks guys.

AJ, your last paragraph there is exactly how I feel. I've dated several guys who are shorter and I still have to say, it bugs me to be taller. It's not that I find these guys less attractive because they're shorter than me (I did date them after all), but it's how I myself feel when I'm around them. I'm having trouble kicking the insecurity that keeps me from wanting to even get to know shorter guys. I'm 6'0 in bare feet, so any shoes at all put me at 6'1 +.

I'm afraid that when I talk to guys who are more than 2 inches shorter than me, I approach them with the friendly banter that says "I'm glad we're friends, but I'm not looking for a romantic relationship with you." It takes my Ice Princess complex to a whole new level. It's something that's really starting to bug me about myself. (not the height, but the fact that I'm insecure with it.)

I'm glad to hear that most guys wouldn't mind a taller girl, but so many of you are already 6' tall that it's not quite the same. Those of you who are in the 5'0-5'8 range are closer to the guys I actually wonder about...

I'm tempted to start another thread like this one, but change 'taller than you' to 'overweight' in the questions. Heh. I'm curious about that too.
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Sopwith, you read my mind! Good answer!
 

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Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
 
I'm 6'0" and I've dated one girl who was about 3" taller than me. Stockier and stronger than me, too. Neither of those was ever a problem except for one incident that I won't relate on a family forum.

I also dated a girl who was not quite my height, but close enough that when we went out she was usually a bit taller given our respective choice of shoes. Being that close was pretty good for height issues, since I've had to stoop to kiss most of the girls that I've dated, overall. I also second what was said about tall girls usually having really nice legs.

So, um, just how tall are you, Narnia?

Edit: Okay, so that was answered while I was typing. (And I could make a really dirty comment about Sopwith's answer, just for the record.)

--Enigmatic
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
*psst* it's in the previous post.

No, I'm 6'0 with no shoes on.
 

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Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
 
Narnia, are you suggesting you're overweight, or is it just idle curiousity?

'Cause, having seen you, I'll start to worry about you if you say the first.
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Mmmm. Yes. I'm glad you don't think so.
 

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Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
 

quote:

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Those of you who are in the 5'0-5'8 range are closer to the guys I actually wonder about...

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WooHoo! I'm worried about. And to young to be dating anyway! *happy dance, happy dance*
 

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Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
 
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?

Sure. Uh, if it's a girl, I mean. I'm not really into girl/guys.

If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?

No.

If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)

Nope. As a short guy, I would never limit my number of potential dates that way. The shortest girl I've dated about about 5'1", the tallest about 5'10" (and I had a really close friend in high school who was just under six foot--never dated her, but would've been glad to--she was a sharp girl).

Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?

Heh. I've had a fair number of girls not want to date me because I'm short. Does it bug me? Well, sure. But part of becoming a self-actualized person is learning how to say "her loss" and mean it (for the most part, at least). Honestly, it boggles my mind that some people would let such a relatively unimportant physical aspect affect their choice of, well, anything--from a casual date to a spouse.
 

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Posted by Bob the Lawyer (Member # 3278) on :
 
If I was constructing some sort of purely theoretical fantasy girl she would absolutely be shorter than I am. But, while my "type" may be shorter women, I'm also happy to get involved with people who don't fit that type perfectly. As is the case with most people.
 

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Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
 
Dante, you ought to report those incidences to the Dating Board and at least get some more justice into the system.
 

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Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
 
afr, the thing is that it's the rule rather than the exception. Height is an immensely important factor for many women--one of the determining ones for a lot of them, in fact. The Dating Board would be powerless to stop it, I'm afraid.

But, look, we all know this whole thread is a just a way for Narnia to dance around the question of whether I'd date her or not (or possibly Narnia at pH's request). The answer is simple, ladies--of course. Come on over. There's enough Dante to go around.
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
I'm also curious about the overweight question. Though I fear I already know the answer.
 

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Posted by digging_hoIes (Member # 6963) on :
 
I confess that I am one of those guys who would have a problem with having a girlfriend who is taller than me. I think it might even bother me if she were the same height. There's this block in my mind that says a girlfriend has to be shorter.

On the other hand, if I were in love with a girl like that, things like that would probably get forgotten. And if they weren't, I would probably feel guilty enough for feeling like that to make a conscious effort to go against it, so...

On the overweight question, now. Well, I'm not terribly attracted to very skinny girls in the first place. I mean, fat is not good either, but I have no problem with "pleasantly plump", or "roundishly slim". A woman has to have curves, and that's final.

Do I deserve to be pelted with rotten tomatoes?
 

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Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
I'm just curious how you'd get to the "in love" stage with a girl who was taller than you, given that you think girlfriends have to be shorter.
 

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Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
Online?
 

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Posted by digging_hoIes (Member # 6963) on :
 
Well, I also want any potential girlfriend of mine to speak french as well as english. But the fact is, when love hits you in the face, you usually have little choice but to go along with it against your better judgement. I mean, you usually don't see it coming in the first place, so there's not much chance to ask the other person for their resumé beforehand.

So yeah. I talk and talk, but I really have little say about it when it happens.
 

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Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
Hmmmm. I give you "seriously in like" online, rivka, but I think people actually falling in love online are few and far between. Dana and Bob had met in person before they ever considered dating. Quids and Fahrim are an example of that few and far between, but they did talk to each other via webcam before meeting, so they knew each other's speech patterns, mannerisms, and yes, how they looked.

*shrug* d_h, falling in love had always been a process for me, not a love-at-first-sight sort of thing. Lust at first sight, sure, but that's different. So I do think you have quite a lot of choice but to go along with it against your better judgment.
 

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Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
 
Yup, we knew how each other looked, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the overweight, and it didn't stop us, but I'll agree that we are the exception to the rule.

It also helped that he had two or three years of blog entries, short stories, and such online that I could read, so his personality was transparent. Oh yeah, and his resume and references. I even Googled him, and there was a lot about him online. He didn't have as much to read about me, but evidently, that didn't matter.

Would I recommend our "dating" choices to others? No, can't say that I would.
 

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Posted by Joldo (Member # 6991) on :
 
If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?
Sure. Myself, I don't like really tall guys, because in that case, the most I can say is that they have spectacular nostrils. But I like boys a bit taller than me.

If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person? I think I just answered that, essentially.

If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?) Erm . . . Six inches taller would be a lot.

Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is? A bit, yeah. I don't think that should really matter so much, except in preliminary stages of deciding attraction.
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
So guys dating guys...tell me how this works for you? You obviously aren't dealing with the gender stereotypes (like the man should be bigger and able to 'protect' the woman etc.) Do you find any specific trends with guys you have dated? (Karl you mentioned that you're pretty tall, so most guys you date are shorter right?)

I don't know, it just seems like a guy wouldn't mind so much if the guy he was dating was shorter or taller, but I imagine some men have a preference.
 

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Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
 
Narnia -- you'd be surprised how gender stereotyped some gay communities are. Its not segregated by sex, though, but by selection among one of several "roles" (typically). Gender typing is far harder to escape than sexuality typing.
 

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Posted by dh (Member # 6929) on :
 

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d_h, falling in love had always been a process for me, not a love-at-first-sight sort of thing.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Narnia:
So guys dating guys...tell me how this works for you? You obviously aren't dealing with the gender stereotypes (like the man should be bigger and able to 'protect' the woman etc.) Do you find any specific trends with guys you have dated? (Karl you mentioned that you're pretty tall, so most guys you date are shorter right?)

I don't know, it just seems like a guy wouldn't mind so much if the guy he was dating was shorter or taller, but I imagine some men have a preference.

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I'm not entirely sure I understand the specifics of fugu13's response, but I don't disagree with him. In the "gay community" (or rather "Among the gay people I've known"), many gay men seem to have specific types that attract them. Some like men who are more "nelly" (i.e. stereo-typically feminine) and some like men who are more "boyish" (i.e. younger than they, probably thinner, probably little body hair). These people, I'd guess, might want someone shorter than they, but I'm only guessing this as a broad inclination, not any kind of rule. Other gay men like "daddy" types (Older looking, masculine, men). These might prefer taller men (with the same caveats as above).

Then there are gay men like me. I like men. Period. I find a guy more physically attractive to the degree he is masculine. However, I am emotionally more drawn to guys who have a softer personality. Fortunately for me, there are lots of gay men who fit that bill. (Or more correctly, fortunately for me I found someone who complements me nearly perfectly, and he happens to be physically masculine and have a sweet, kind, cuddly personality.) Chris is shorter than me by almost a head, but I'd love him just as much if he were a head taller. And I'd have dated him either way, too.

(Does that answer the question?)
 

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Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 
Narnia, I've actually been glad I wasn't taller, because I know I'd then have more of a height issue if I was dating Steve.

It's an interesting problem. They talk about symmetry being an issue in mate selection on the discovery channel, as well as waist to hip proportions, and I believe they have looked at height in guys, but not necessarily in women. It's that weird combination of nature and nurture. Tall women do make better models and actresses for the camera if they are rail thin, but that and women's athletics are the only places where they are truly viewed as attractive which doesn't leave a lot of room for the other 95% of the worlds tall women.

There *is* more of a cultural stigma with a tall woman dating a shorter man than the reverse.

I think part of the problem is that in the fairy tales be they in print or on TV we always have been told we females should want someone "tall, dark and handsome" who can sweep you off your feet. We have been told (probably partially by nature) that we *should* want someone who is physically strong, because physical strength is equated to sucess. You also want someone who can carry your unconcious body out of a burning building.

Steve and I have discussed this at length. Why is it always the unconscious female that gets carried out in the stories, when there is equal likelihood of it being the guy? (falling beams and the like being random occurances) (Firefly is the only major exception I can think of, and even then I'm not sure if it's equal.) So, if you do date a shorter guy, one of the perks is that when he gets knocked out and you have to drag him unconcious from the burning building it will be considerably easier.

AJ
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Well, that is a relief.
 

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Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 

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"tall, dark and handsome"

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Aw, crap. Well, two out of three ain't bad...
 

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Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
Yeah, you are awfully pale.
 

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Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
 
Hmm. While Fahim isn't that tall on the western scale (he's 5'11.5" - and yes, that half an inch is very important), by Sri Lankan standards, he's a giant. I seem to have scored.

My personal mantra, however, is a slightly expanded version. Tall, dark, handsome, and hairy chested.

Yet again, I win.
 

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Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 


When I was in high school a friend of mine gave me a t-shirt that depicted a "film noir" style figure in a trench coat -- only it was a cow. The shirt read "tall, dark, and mooooooody." I was indeed pretty moody in high school, though at the time I thought it was funny because my friend included a note with the "tall, dark, and... well, two out of three ain't bad" bit. And I had a cow-style pencilcase.

However, the "dark" in AJ's fairy tales seems to me to refer to hair colour, since "tall, dark, and handsome" men in such stories invariably seem to possess a pallor similar to my own.
 

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Posted by dem (Member # 2512) on :
 
One of my all time favorite studies is of women and their rating of a group of men. The women were shown head shots and given data about the men's education, income, weight, height, interests, etc. The only variable that women consistently discriminated against was height. If the person was short, they said they didn't want to date them and making them attractive rich doctors didn't change that. Men could overcome low income or education or could be 'ugly', but short was a deal breaker.

Of course, the same study had a male version. I, of course, have conveniently forgotten any details about that side.

BTW...I'm 5'11, but I was under 5 feet when I turned 15. I thought of myself as short until I was about 25, so the study was very depressing to see.
 

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Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
 
KarlEd -- *nods*

I have a number of friends in the GLBT community locally, and attend various events. One that struck me in particular was a panel of two transsexual people, one male to female (post-op), and one female to male (successful hormone therapy and breast removal). The woman is late middle-aged and only transitioned in the last few years, while the guy is a college student.

The guy wasn't sure how he'd express his gender and sexuality in a freer society, but in our society he felt best in the gay male slot, specifically effeminate gay male, and unsurprisingly, that's how pretty much everyone he meets (who doesn't know more about him) reacts to him. He's also a bit into the leather community.

However, since he still has a vagina, this has introduced some interesting questions as he's gotten close to guys. He does like vaginal sex (unsurprising, most people like sex with whichever sex organs they happen to have, even if unsatisfied with their gender), but for many gay guys this creates issues in their attraction for him (not all, though, he's had a relationship or two that worked for a while). He doesn't see the need to go through the full surgery, being satisfied with his gender and sexuality as they stand, but he definitely doesn't fit into any of the clearly defined nooks people slot others into.

But he does see a lot of rejection from some parts of the gay community, when they find out.

The woman, who except for an adam's apple and a slightly masculine face (though still fairly attractive, and she looks younger than the 50+ she is) is externally physically female experiences widespread rejection in some ways, too. There's a music festival for women only that's very friendly to lesbians, but has an incredibly strict no male-to-female transsexual policy, for instance.

There's a gay man of some importance in local city government who continually resists the city adding a clause against gender identity discrimination to city hiring policy (there are clauses against sexuality discrimination).

Even in the transsexual community there're a lot of odd gender pressures, apparently, with groups going each direction pressuring trans people to be as "trans as they can be" -- hyper feminine or hyper masculine, depending.

Just thought I'd share some interesting information I encountered on the whole subject of gender, sexuality, and identity.
 

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Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
 

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BanaOJ:
They talk about symmetry being an issue in mate selection on the discovery channel, as well as waist to hip proportions, and I believe they have looked at height in guys, but not necessarily in women.

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I've seen some shows like this. In the ones I've seen the data was mostly gathered by having people look at photos of various people and rate them in terms of attractiveness. I've even taken some tests like that. The thing is, I believe this may only have validity for extreme basic-instinct type attraction. I would be a little surprised if this bore out in the real world.

The bottom line is most of us are thinking people. Even though there may be instinctual reactions to symmetry and height/weight differences in potential lovers, most of us (I hope) take into account a wide range of other factors in determining who to date.

That said, I'm not discounting that there might be some evolutionarily based impetus for women to like taller men and men to like shorter women, but being the sentient species we are, I suspect those aspects don't play as firm a role in the general populace as TV and fairy tales would lead you to believe.
 

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Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
 
fugu,
I think that's very sad and speaks ill of those members of the gay community. It's hard to expect people to give up their prejudices against you if you are unwilling to do the same for others.

For that matter, though, I know quite a few misogynistic gay guys (unfortunately).
 

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Posted by fugu13 (Member # 2859) on :
 
Of course, everyone who came to the panel discussion, which included many of the leaders of local GLBT organizations, was very supportive .

Interestingly, the woman had a pretty darn easy time transitioning on the job . . . as an ex-navy civilian electrical engineer on Crane naval base.
 

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Posted by JemmyGrove (Member # 6707) on :
 
I know this is a little out of context for the current conversation, but I wanted to toss it in anyway.

I'm about 5'11" (I've tried claiming the extra .5, but I usually get laughed to scorn) and I've dated a couple taller women.

In fact, one of them was Narnia.

I have a vague memory (probably not my own -- I'm sure she reminded me of this conversation some time later, as is usually the case) of telling her flippantly, jokingly, not long after we met, that I'd date her except she was taller than I was. Little did I know what far-reaching consequences that would have.

I'd have to say that I'm probably less likely to approach a taller woman if I don't know her at all or anything about her, but my experience is that once I get to know her, the height issue doesn't really mean much.

If I imagine a scenario in which I'm dating a woman significantly taller than I am (4 or 5 or 6 inches), the thought actually makes me a little uncomfortable. My hope is that when it comes to actual interpersonal interaction height won't an issue for me, and my experience seems to support that notion. I get this fear sometimes that maybe I'm shallow, and that thought really bothers me. I guess that's my insecurity. I'd suggest you ask Narnia, but I'm not sure I want to know her answer.

[EDITED for spelling]
 

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Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 
Karl Ed, it was interesting, the last show of the type I watched, on one of the sciency channels, the female waist to hip ratio actually does indicate higher fertility when you look at large scale population statistics throughout a wide varieties of ethnicities.

They also looked at the same ratios on a bunch of "beautiful women" since photography was invented, and they are pretty consistent. Marilyn Monroe and Twiggy actually have similar 0.7 waist to hip ratios.

However I agree that what is inside is what counts. On the other hand, not everyone requires an equal intellectual balance or depth in their relationships.

Another thing of late that has been amusing me, is what happens after 3 or 4 generations of wealthy men have married beautiful women. For example look at Agustus Busch IV on the TV commercials. Or the Fords. Let's just say there is a distinct improvement in symmetry etc. in a couple of generations. It appears sometimes the keen insight that made their ancestor wealthy does sometimes linger around as well. But sometimes it doesn't, or we might not have so many reality TV shows.

AJ
 

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Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 

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On the other hand, not everyone requires an equal intellectual balance or depth in their relationships.

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No, some people like it when the other person is smarter.



I like to be challenged.
 

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Posted by Shmuel (Member # 7586) on :
 

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Originally posted by Tatiana:
I don't think height matters. Attraction for me is always a gestalt

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If you saw an attractive girl/guy who happened to be taller than you, would you ask them out?

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quote:

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If you found out that your online romantic interest was taller than you, would that bug you? Would it keep you from wanting to meet them in person?

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quote:

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If you don't mind taller girls/guys, do you have an inch limit? (i.e. She can't be more than 2 inches taller?)

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quote:

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Would it bug you if a girl/guy wouldn't date you because you are shorter than she/he is?

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Any arbitrary reason for not getting to know someone bothers me. There are great personalities out there that you may never get to know if you start setting guidlines for who you will and will not initiate conversation with.
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
(beatnix, I'm glad to hear that you're dating. )

JemmyGrove, don't worry. You're not the cause of my height insecurity. For the time that we were together it was an interesting inner battle that I eventually won which PROVES to me that I'd be willing to settle down with a shorter guy if the guy was right for me.

I just wish it didn't take me so long to get over it. I'm glad to hear AJ's story so I know that I'm not the only girl who feels that way.
 

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Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
 
I wouldn't call it dating. I'm taking it real slow. We're just hanging out and talking. We both kind of admitted to liking each other's company a bit more than friends the other night but there are a lot of complications and we both know it. She's a lot younger than I am (which definately doesn't hurt the old ego) I'm still technically married, she is kind of seeing someone back home (she's in this area for college), I have baggae gallore and so on. But yea, it's nice getting out again. Weird but nice.
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Nice is good. I love how you say 'a lot younger than I am' like you're a 60 year old guy hitting on a 20 year old. You're still in your 20s, right? If that's the case than too young for you would have to be jailbait and that's just too young for anyone.
 

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Posted by beatnix19 (Member # 5836) on :
 
Ok, so alot was a bit of a stretch but she's 21 and I'm 27. She graduated HS in 2003. I was teaching a high school class in 2003. It just seems like she's a lot younger because I feel like such an old man. I've had no social life in the past 7 years and it's just weird. Yea, that's the word, weird. But in a good way. In fact when I was getting married she was 14. ah... if only you could see the mischevious grin I have when I say that.
 

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Posted by foundling (Member # 6348) on :
 
I love the way this topic has unfolded. It's fascinating to me. I'm a 5'10 woman, and most of the shoes I own have 3 - 4in heels. I've been this height since 8th grade. All of the women in my family, extended family and all (except one aunt), are well below 5'6. My mom and sisters are all pushing 5' even. It SUCKED growing up the freakishly tall girl in that environment. I was extremely self conscious of my height, and developed a marked slouch to try and hide it. It didnt help in the least that my measurements were 41-31-41 by the time I was 16. Standing out was not considered a good thing where I grew up.
But, even then, I was CONSTANTLY getting hit on by men who were much shorter than me(mainly hispanic). I got no attention from guys my height or taller, but shorter men loved me. The idea of dating a guy shorter than me freaked me out because I figured it would just make people look at me all the more. It was shallow, but also a defense mechanism. So I just didnt date anyone. Then I left high school, and started hanging out with as many freaky people as I could find in a small white town. My tastes started to mature, and I realized that I was inordinately attracted to short, stocky guys. My first real boyfriend was about 2in shorter than me, 20 years older, and incredibly handsome in a grizzly adams kind of way. mmmmm... beards....
Anyways, I've dated lots of different body types since then, and I'm still consistently most attracted to a very specific type. About 5'11 or under, stocky, but not really heavy, and manly looking with those calves that look like ham hocks. mmmm...ham hocks...
Strangly enough, my current boyfriend of 3 years is about 6'2, skinny(in a swimmer kind of way), and has very american indian features, including little body hair. I find him immensely attractive.
So, I guess the gist of what I'm saying is that height is only an issue for me when its an issue for the other person. I've dated plenty of guys who tried to convince me that wearing heels was bad for my instep, or back, or their ego. I find short man syndrome much less attractive than I find short men. Same with women. Alot of girls have refused to be friends with me, or at least to go out on a regular basis, because they find my height intimidating, or they dont like the amount of attention I garner from men because of it. Too bad, so sad. Most of my girlfriends are 5'8 and up, although that could be because Portland seems to have an inordinate amount of very tall women in it. You're from Portland, arent you Narnia?
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Yes, I'm from Portland. Where are you hereabouts?

quote:

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So, I guess the gist of what I'm saying is that height is only an issue for me when its an issue for the other person.

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That's precisely it. I suppose this thread is to convince myself that no matter what I may think, most guys are really ok with it. There is one instance where I've dated a shorter guy (he was about 5'9-10 or so) and never thought about it again and now that I think of it, it's because I could tell by the way he was around me that the thought had never even crossed his mind. Height? What? He's now happily married to a woman 2 inches taller than him.

So I think I feel the same way about the above statement: I'm ok with it if I'm sure that the guy is ok with it.
 

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Posted by ? (Member # 2319) on :
 
I'm 6'3 and I've never had the chance to date someone taller than me, but I imagine if the chance came up I wouldn't have a problem with it.

One of my roommates is quite a short guy and he seems to have a little problem with it. I don't think he would have a problem dating taller girls(since most seem to be), he just thinks that the girls would have a problem dating a shorter man so he doesn't ask anyone out. He especially hates the thought of dancing with a taller girl, not because he would be embarrassed, but because he knows the girl would be. He's been back from his mission for over a year and has yet to ask a girl out. We're all looking for a short girl for him.

?
 

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Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 

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No, some people like it when the other person is smarter.



I like to be challenged.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Noemon:

quote:

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Originally posted by twinky:
No, some people like it when the other person is smarter.



I like to be challenged.

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Being more intelligent than I am isn't something that I consciously look for in a partner, but intelligence *is* something that I find attractive, and all but a few of the women I've dated have been much more intelligent than I am.

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Well, I wouldn't say that I actively look for people who are smarter than me in any particular aspect -- I was being at least a bit facetious. But the bit about liking to be challenged is true, and I also have to admit that sometimes it's cool (and kinda hot) to be left coughing in someone else's intellectual dust... like when she has an area of expertise or even basic knowledge that I don't, for instance. Like you, I'm definitely attracted to intelligence. I like having to work to keep up in a conversation, and I don't mind saying "Oh, I hadn't thought of it that way. Good point."

However, I also think it's healthy for members of a couple to not be intimidated by one another's intelligence (or physical attractiveness). Lopsided interactions don't make for a wholesome affair.

On that note, I'm very happy in my current relationship.
 

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Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
I knew that you were being somewhat facetious, but you raised a good point.

You're also right about intimidation. Intimidation is really the death of intimacy, I think, and if you don't have intimacy in your relationsihp...well, then you don't really have a relationship at all, do you? Not a partnership, anyway, and that's the only kind of romantic relationship I'm really interested in having.
 

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Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
 
You must have been dating some bright women, Noemon!
 

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Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
Yeah, I agree, Noemon. I think balance is worth striving for in most areas of a relationship. Of course, on the topic of this thread, I don't think height is one of those areas.
 

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Posted by Avin (Member # 7751) on :
 
Narnia,

I just saw this thread.

I'm 5'5" and my wife is about 5'8". She's also the only woman I've ever asked out or dated. I never once felt insecure about my height versus hers. She's also 3 years older than me for that matter, and we started dating when I had recently turned 18, and I was a tiny bit insecure about that at first, but it just took a little bit of open communication about the subject to assure me I had nothing to worry about and I haven't thought twice about it since then. Most of the time I don't think about it at all; it's pretty much only when questions like this come up. I never have felt at all intimidated in our relationship by either of these factors. Oh yeah, and she's an American of purely European descent, and I'm a full blooded native of Sri Lanka. So I guess we throw off all sorts of stereotypes, but to me all these things are really insignificant to a relationship.

My wife initially felt it odd to be taller than me when we started dating, but she got over it after a few months and after that hardly thought of it. If you'd ask her now, she'd probably say she forgets she's taller than me or older than me.

I think it helps for me that my mom is taller than my dad and they've been happily married for 25 years, so I never even thought it was unusual for a man to be shorter than his wife. I only found that out in my mid-teens after hearing other guys discuss this very question, and it still shocks me how much emphasis people put on height in relationships.
 

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Posted by Ser Bronn Stone (Member # 8759) on :
 
I would LOVE to date a taller woman and did so once (though she was only a fraction of an inch taller). But I am 6' 2" and there aren't that many out there.

I'd be really surprised if someone refused to date me over shortness. There are SO many better reasons out there.
 

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Posted by Ramdac99 (Member # 7264) on :
 
we're all the same height laying on the couch watching cartoons ^_^
 

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Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
 

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No, some people like it when the other person is smarter.

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This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, from the Star Wars EU books (can't remember which one).

It's right after a conversation between Han and Leia in the Falcon. Han thinks to himself, "A lot of men were intimidated by intelligent women; they didn't want a wife who was smarter than them. Han long ago decided that he wouldn't have it any other way."

[ October 26, 2005, 05:11 PM: Message edited by: El JT de Spang ]
 

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Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
 
Avin, thanks for your response. It's nice to hear that. I'm trying to DEemphasize the height issue and I'm finding it harder than I'd like to admit...but I am getting better.
 

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Posted by foundling (Member # 6348) on :
 
Hey Narnia, I'm in SE, Woodstock area. But I work downtown. Thats how I know that burrito place you love is over priced ;}.
 

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Posted by MoonRabbit (Member # 3652) on :
 
Hope this isn't off-topic...

Having been married for a few years now, I can honestly say that the most important thing that makes my relationship strong is that we have similar backgrounds. We both grew up in conservative Baptist families (really conservative), and we were both recovering from religion when we met. If you didn't experience it, you can't understand it, and you probably wouldn't believe it.

People think I'm exaggerating when I tell them that I was told in Sunday School that the reason some people are black is because they are descended from Ham, the son of Noah who was cursed for laughing at his father's drunkedness. But my wife was told the same story at her church. That's just one example.

Another, less tangible example is art. My wife is an artist, and she tries to hide all her art when her mother visits. This is because one question that she inevitably asks is "how does this glorify god?" She thinks the only purpose of art, or music is to give glory to god. Expressing your creativity is decadent and sinful. I understand my wife's frustration with her mother, and I understand why she hides her paintings. Someone who hadn't been immersed in the culture would think she was overreacting.

So having explained that, let me say that I am most physically attracted to (in order):

1. Redheads
2. East Indian Women.

My wife is neither. She is most physically attracted to:

1. Redheads (She thinks Carrot-top is hot, if you can imagine that!)
2. Tall men.

I'm neither. But neither of us could imagine being with anyone else. We have a unique capacity to understand each other's motivations and reactions. And we've never had a real fight in the 18 years we've been together (unless you count the raised voices over my failure to fill the ice cube trays). Never underestimate the importance of common backgrounds.
 

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Posted by Sterling (Member # 8096) on :
 
Um, my wife is my height more or less exactly. And I'm married, so I really shouldn't ask anyone out.

Which isn't exactly an answer, but I guess it'll do.
 

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Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 

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...unless you count the raised voices over my failure to fill the ice cube trays...

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You just reminded me that I need to buy at least one ice cube tray! Thank you for keeping me from getting in trouble.
 

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Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
 

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Originally posted by MoonRabbit:
We both grew up in conservative Baptist families (really conservative), and we were both recovering from religion when we met. If you didn't experience it, you can't understand it, and you probably wouldn't believe it.

People think I'm exaggerating when I tell them that I was told in Sunday School that the reason some people are black is because they are descended from Ham, the son of Noah who was cursed for laughing at his father's drunkedness. But my wife was told the same story at her church. That's just one example.

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