Tomorrow, I'm going to church for the first time in probably 7 or 8 years. I was raised Baptist, but I stopped going to church due to what I felt was preachiness and also due slightly some hypocrisies I was seeing. So now, I'm finally coming back. I decided to ask opinions from others of what kind of church to go to. Everyone recommended Methodist. So that's where I'm going tomorrow. I'm so nervous though. I'm worried about getting there. I'm worried about not liking it or not fitting in. I'm just so worried. Someone hit me with something so my brain stops worrying.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
*hits pfresh with a large bible*
There, that should stop your unwanted brain activity.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
Are you going with anyone? Are you planning to physically introduce yourself to someone there as a first time visitor to their church?
I've found United Methodist congregations to be very welcoming...if you want to BE welcomed. It's also possible to just attend and leave without having much interpersonal interaction.
Whichever you prefer.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
I'm going alone. I'm going to try and physically introduce myself to people. I'm going to go to the Sunday School class for college age people as well. I'm hoping that way I can get some interpersonal interaction out of it.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
I hope you enjoy it.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
There will probably be "greeters" stationed near the door to shake hands with people as they come in. If you tell them you're a first time visitor and you haven't been to church in awhile they will likely introduce you to a few people and show you around.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Yeah, on their site, they say they have greeters wearing red ribbons for first time visitors.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Is it an appealing site? Was the site a factor in your choosing to visit that particular church?
I'm studying up on church websites.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Well I browsed both Baptist and Methodist sites for churchs around my area. I ended up going for Methodist on the recommendation of friends and family. I choose this particular Methodist church because they were one of the few with a Sunday School class for college age kids. Most of the rest had a big gap between youth and adult singles.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
pfresh, hope you enjoy your Sunday at church. No need for nerves -- THEY are on trial, not you! ;-)
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Yeah, that's what my parents said. They said "A.J., if you go to this church and don't like it, don't write off all churches. Just go try another one until you find one that fits you." It didn't make me any less nervous though.
Posted by sillygoose (Member # 1616) on :
Good luck and have fun!
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
I'm off to church in about 10 minutes. Hopefully it all works out.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I was just wondering when you were going. Hope you enjoy it!
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Are you back from church yet? How did it go? I was going to share with you my experiences of visiting the Pentacostal church and the A.M.E. church, but you were nervous enough.
Let's just say, it was NOTHING like an Orthodox Jewish synagogue.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Oh, the Sunday school should be good for you! Let us know how it went!
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
I'm back now. I went to the Contemporary Service from 11-12, then to the college age Sunday school class from 12-1:30. It was pretty good. Parking was kind of no fun (they only have a small visitor parking lot and it was full, so I had to park near the curb on a side street near the church). I went and introduced myself to one of their greeter people. They pointed out where stuff was to me and they were pretty friendly. I enjoyed the service; it was an equal mix of more contemporary music and traditional services. The Sunday school was okay. There were about 8 of us in total (2 married college age people, 2 engaged college age people, and then 4 of us that were just college age). The first half of the class was just spent joking around and socializing. The second half was a discussion of communication with God and such. It was fairly interesting. Odd thing to note: Even though I wasn't really dressed up, I was still more dressed up than about 70% of the people there.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Glad nobody bite ya or anything. Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
Well, these are Christians, after all. Unlikely to do anything of the sort until at least the third date.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Nope, no bite marks to speak off. Kind of crazy, before I had even gotten home, they had brought over a bag that had information about the church, a fancy pencil, and a loaf of homemade bread. Kind of a nice gesture.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
That was very thoughtful. You'll be going back?
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
I think so.
Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
Homemade bread? That's awesome. I'm glad you've found a church where you feel comfortable.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
I gave the homemade bread to my roommate. He seemed to enjoy it.
As for the church, I did wish there were a few more college age kids. As I said (I think), I was the youngest of the group. 3/4th's of the group was married/engaged already, and they may all be out of the college age group within a year. I wish there were more people there around my age.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
You might try one more church, it could even though it doesn't claim it, have more young college students.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Most the other churches seemed to skip over the college age group. It went youth (which went through grade 12) and then skips to adult singles (which is typically for people in their late 20's and early 30's). I'd be open to suggestions though.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
But it's possible there are people in those ages there, just they aren't listed on the website. Also I know here in Bloomington IN, many religions have "campus" churches, which have lots more college age people. You might look at a church closer to your campus.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
The only church super close to campus is the Asian-American Baptist Church, which I don't think I fit with (what with me not being Asian and all). The rest are 5-10 minutes away and are more or less clustered on one street (the street that the one church I went to today was on).
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
When I was in college, there were religious services right there on campus. It was almost exclusively a college crowd there.
Your school doesn't have that?
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Not that I know of. I know that we have a Baptist student ministry that meets on Mondays (but I can't attend because it's when I have class). There's also one of the FOCUS groups or whatever around here. I don't know about services on campus though.
Posted by Samarkand (Member # 8379) on :
Wait, I'm still back on the homemade bread. Is this common in Methodist churches? If I were to go to one would *I* get bread??? Ok, I guess that would be immoral. Or at least deceitful. Mmm. Bread . . .
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
I don't know if it's common or not. I was surprised they were so fast in trying to welcome me.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
It's not uncommon, but it's not universal. Some UM churches do cookies. One church I visited gave visitors a copy of the church cookbook. The church I'm at now hands out coffee mugs with the church logo, stuffed with brochures about various activities and ways to get involved.
Some just follow up with a phone call or a letter. There's been a big push in the UMC in the last few years to be more intentional in welcoming new visitors, but the details depend on the local congregation.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
That is really cool. Churches are usually very welcoming places.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I can try to find out what church the children of my husband's former employer go to (they're at UTD and Richland, respectively, and live in the area), if you want.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
That'd be appreciated, kq. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I'll ask my husband to see if he can find out tomorrow. I know they're either Methodist (more probably) or Baptist. Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Well I now have at least some experience with both of those, so it should work if I try another church.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I just talked to Jeff's former employer, and I'll e-mail you with what he told me, since he gave me an e-mail and phone number to give you. Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Thanks, kq. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
E-mail is off. Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Bread is not uncommon, in my experience. My church (Lutheran) used to send out home-made bread to all the new visitors. I'm not sure why they stopped.
The Campus Ministry church I went to in college (again, Lutheran) sent out home-made cookies to new visitors.
Lutherans like food. Potluck, anyone?
--Mel
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Just please, no lutefisk. Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Nah, only the really old Lutherans named Ollie and Sven bring that to potlucks. You're much more likely to see Veggie Jello (tm) and assorted casseroles.
Actually, you really only see that sort of thing in the midwest, or so I've been told. Most Lutheran potlucks I've been to here (in Arizona) have contained mostly non-jello and non-casserole selections. And the exceptions are nearly always from people who grew up in the midwest.
--Mel
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Well, my cousin's husband is a Lutheran minister, and was called to Minnesota, where they lived for several years. He says he dreaded potlucks there because at least three people would always bring lutefisk, and would come up and bring him some to try. Blech.
He does say he hasn't seen it but once since moving back to CA. Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
My Lutheran church in Atlanta brought pies to new visitors. Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Well, there you go. All the jokes about Ollie and Sven are set in Minnesota.
--Mel
Posted by theCrowsWife (Member # 8302) on :
Oops, apparently it's "Ole" not "Ollie". My bad; I've only ever heard the jokes, not read them. And the wife's name is Lena; I had forgotten that.
--Mel
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
quote:Are you back from church yet? How did it go? I was going to share with you my experiences of visiting the Pentacostal church and the A.M.E. church, but you were nervous enough.
Let's just say, it was NOTHING like an Orthodox Jewish synagogue.
Did they bring out the snakes? Or speak in tongues?
My uncle is a pentacostal minister and he jokes likes that all the time. The first time his Baptist daughter-in-law went to church with them he scared her to death with stories of their church and they are nothing like that.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
At the Pentecostal there were no snakes. But tongues, lots and lots of tongues. And a band with a loud percussion section.
The A.M.E. church passed the collection basket, like, 8 times. I didn't know that it was going to be coming around and around, or I would have paced myself. The minister asked that we all give to support the work of the church in the community caring for the sick. They passed around the basket. I dropped in $5. They carried the baskets up front and emptied them. Then the minister asked us all to support the work in feeding the hungry -- and passed the baskets again. Then for a new roof. And some furnace repairs. And to help a young woman "in trouble". It went on for a while. In synagogue, they never pass a basket for collections.
Also, when I first arrived, I was pegged right away as a newcomer (I may have stood out as the only white person there). They pinned a HUGE fake flower and ribbon on me (like there was any chance of me blending in), and helped me fill out a card saying with my name, where I'm from, where I usually go to church (or not), what I do for a living, how I found out about their congregation. I was naive. I didn't realize that during the service, the minister would call out "We call on our sister Esther to stand now and witness for us." Two members of the congregation, a man and a woman appeared behind me, and "helped" me to my feet. " Our sister is a nurse who has known many members of our community in her ministry. Even though she lives not far from here, she has never set foot inside this church before. Our sister Esther has been going to a Jewish church, but now her eyes have been opened! Witness for us, Sister!" Everyone turned around and looked at me, and they were shouting things like "Hallelujah!" and "Praise G'd!"
I figured that I wouldn't share that experience until AFTER you had your easy and non-scary introduction to the Methodists.
At our synagogue, if you see someone you haven't seen before, you wait until the service is over, introduce yourself, and invite the person for lunch. If you are ever in town on a Saturday, with no lunch plans, this is a good bet for a free lunch.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
No. It wasn't horrible. There was no lying involved. They misunderstood, and when I "witnessed", I told them that I was Jewish, but that as a hospice nurse in their community I had met many members of their congregation, both still with us and passed. I told them, truthfully, that I was tremendously impressed by the community that they had built and by the generosity of their congregation. I told them that I had a lot of experience working with the sick, and what they had made in their congregation was very special and unusual. I told the congregation that I had made a promise to a member who had recently passed that I would come by on a Gospel Sunday and meet the minister. I praised the congregation for it's good works and repeated that I was Jewish, and that I would go back to my Rabbi and tell him what good works they were doing, so that we may better copy their good example.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
Tante, that's an excellent response to a potentially embarrassing and uncomfortable situation.
Posted by Silent E (Member # 8840) on :
Is "preachiness" a bad thing in a Church? I thought that was kind of the point of church. Isn't someone who is "preachy" just sounding too much like church?
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Well, I get frustrated with too much preachiness. When I'm constantly told that I'm going to hell even though I'm trying my best to live a good life, it's too much preachiness. When I constantly feel like I'm being told that I'm wrong all the time, then it's too much.
EDIT: I already have someone in my life to yell at me about how wrong I am, and that's me. I don't need a church doing it too.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
When people use the word “preachiness” they usually mean sanctimonious, self-righteous, longwinded, and/or boring. So yes, this is a bad thing in a church.
It’s one of my personal pet-peeves, and I take the opportunity when possible to encourage people not to use the words “preaching” or “sermon” when they really mean “long boring sanctimonious screed.”
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
Well, yeah! After all, "screed" is a much cooler word. Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Not to mention "sanctimonious". Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
I used the word preachiness precisely because it carries a negative connotation. If I was going to talk about preaching or sermons or anything, I would use different wording. Plus I don't like throwing around words like sanctimonious because then it makes it look like I'm putting all of it on one person. Usually it's not one person who makes me feel the whole preachiness thing; it's more likely to be everyone and the church environment. *shrugs* I'm weird though.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by rivka: Well, yeah! After all, "screed" is a much cooler word.
"You'll never believe who got screed at church on Sunday"
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Actually I think a lot of churches are going to have small college age classes. It's a tough class to keep going - I was an assistant teacher for one.
Consider that many of the kids of the congregation may be off to school in another area, and in town, many college students don't attend local churches because they might travel back home on weekends or participate in college ministries on campus. UAB actually has classes on Sundays, so that's another obstacle - the kids might actually be in class. College age is a really tough group, I'm not surprised there wasn't a big turnout in the class. But I do hope you find a church you enjoy. Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
UTD doesn't have Sunday classes. I think the main problem is that most of the kids that go here are from other fairly close places, so they probably go to church back at home (if they go). There may or may not be a college ministry on campus, I just haven't seen it (and our school's website is messed up as far as student organizations go at the moment). So *shrugs* I don't know.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
There is something positive to be said for a small class anyway, especially if the class is discussion based. Eight is a nice sized group for conversation. And don’t be too quick to write people off based on their marital status . They’ll still have some of the same concerns and questions you do. Marriage doesn’t change everything.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Well this is going to sound kind of bad. I went to a church primarily to a) get back more towards religion (since even though I've been away from it a while, I still feel a connection) and b) to be more social and force myself to overcome my anxiety related to that situation. My secondary reason for going to church though was to meet (at some point in the future I supposed) a girl who shares similar values to my own. With me being the youngest and one of the few singles in this class, I have no luck there at the moment. That's not to say that I won't in the future. I haven't written off this church or this group. In fact, I'm probably going to go there again this Sunday.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
"Community" is an excellent reason to join a church. And even if there aren't singles your age in the class, like you said there may be in the church, or there may be former members who went off to college like you. . . but who's parents still go there, who might notice a nice young man going to church and introduce you to their daughters when they're home visiting. By which point you may have gotten over some of your anxiety over being in the social situation.
Anyway, not that I'm saying church will become a dating service for you. But if you want to meet a woman with sinilar values, it's not a bad place to start. Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
quote: but who's parents still go there, who might notice a nice young man going to church and introduce you to their daughters when they're home visiting.
Or...
married people deciding that their siblings should meet that nice guy too
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Yeah, I understand. As I said, I'm pretty sure I'm going back to this church again on Sunday. I liked the contemporary service and the class, and the people were all very nice. Heck, the pastor called me last night to thank me for coming and to ask me what my opinion on the service was. Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
that's nice.
Seriously, though, I think God has all kinds of ways of finding the perfect person for us to be with. You never know...
Enjoy.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Now you're sounding like my father, Bob.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I think the Lord has a way of making things work, but you also have to be able to be found as well. Putting a little effort in like socializing is like giving the Lord a chance to bless you.
Otherwise, you have to hope the mail carrier is perfect for you.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Well that's why I'm trying my hardest. In the past, I probably never would have considered going to church again. I think my medication (despite the mood swings it seems to cause) has leveled me out enough that I can go to it though. The anxiety is still there; it's just no longer insurmountable.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
You mean I can't meet good church-going women in the bars?!
I've been misled.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
pfresh, since you registered in May of this year, I'm not sure you realize what Bob is broadly hinting about. Although maybe you were lurking before that and know very well. But I'm still gonna fill you in quick, 'cause otherwise I think his posts look kinda weird.
Bob met his wife, dkw, through Hatrack. dkw was a confirmed bachlorette, and is a Methodist minister. She had a list of requirements for a potential mate as long as my arm that she pretty much figured meant she was never going to meet someone. He lived in Texas, she lived in Iowa. They had met in person casually a couple of times when he was traveling for work. A while later they became interested in each other, started emailing and talking on the phone, set a date to get together as a date, and got engaged officially on that first date but actually they really already had on the phone. This was around March 2004. Bob moved to Iowa at Thanksgiving, and they were married April 2, 2005. A lot of Hatrackers went to/were in the wedding. So his comments about God having all sorts of ways to find the perfect person for us are best understood when you know a little of his history.
They are disgustingly happy together. And he meets all her requirements. So instead of hearing him like your father, try hearing him as a smug newlywed. Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
That's an interesting story. Still sounds sort of like my father though.
EDIT: I decided to add that I'm happy to find that dkw was able to find someone that fits all her requirements. I sometimes doubt that someone exists out there that fits all mine.
[ November 15, 2005, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: pfresh85 ]
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
For more info, go to the landmark archive and read dkw's latest (it has links, if I remember correctly).
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
Okay, I read the first page. Most of the links are dead. A good story though.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
pfresh...well, I'm probably old enough to be your father, but I'm sorry I "sound" like him. Sorry. I wasn't trying to be a pain.
I actually WAS trying to be smug, though.
Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :
No, it's not being a pain or anything. It's more being optimistic and stuff. My father's always telling me "A.J., stop worrying about it. God has things all worked out, and you'll meet the right girl when the time is right." It's a totally optimistic, supposed to be reassuring thing. And my official retort to your smugness is this: Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
See, I knew you were trying to be smug and it wasn't working. That's why I thought I'd clear things up a little. Aren't I nice? *smug
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I was just wondering when you were going. Hope you enjoy it!
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