It started out simple enough. I was strapping my 5 year old son Sasha into his car seat. He, deciding to find something else interesting to do, grabbed a card his mother had left in the front seat.
(Yes, Sasha was in the back seat. He's fast.)
The card was a token from one of my wife's friends. It was just a simple "Thank You" to my wife. She had done them some small favor, as she does so often for just about anybody. They demonstrated thier appreciation with a nice card.
They are a bit more devout than us, for the card depicted Jesus, sitting under a tree, smiling at the flock of sheep that were under his care. When I saw it, my first thought was "is that a Bohdi tree?" but that is a bit off subject.
Sasha took one look at it and was immediately caught by the good artistry of the card. "Who is that?" he asked.
What now?
We are not a devout family. My wife is a very lapsed Catholic and I am, well, I have a very personal relationship with God that does not follow Christian doctrine.
I made the following promise to myself that my parents made to me and themselves. We would not push our child into a religion of convience or of birth, but allow him to choose for himself.
I would not close any doors for his moral and spiritual journey.
"Who is this?" he asked. I could feel the ghost of my Jewish grandmother, and my Lutheran grandmother hovering over my shoulders.
"Who is this?" he asked. How do I begin? The son of God? He doesn't even understand what God is. Then again, who does?
I answered quickly.
"He's a shepherd."
"Oh" but Sasha would not give up that easilly. I had already told him this was Momma's card. "Is he a friend of Mommas?"
"Well, more he's a friend of some friends of Mommas."
Then the next bomb fell. Something about the old time clothing he wore or the sad look in his eyes prompted Sasha's next question. "Did he die?"
My first thought was, how in heavens name did he pull that question out of thin air. The rest of my mind started to grapple with the morallity and technicalities of answering that question.
Sure, the safest answer would have been, "look over there, its a Power Ranger" then hide the card. I was just realizing that plan when the unwatched, so called witty part of my mind, the part the control's the mouth, was already speaking.
"Yes. But he got better."
It was so flippant, and I was so smug, that my witty answer set off bells in Sasha's head. He now knew there was more.
"Tell me his story."
Wow. What a simple request.
I've been having trouble trying to tell him the Hobbit without confusing his young mind. Now I'm supposed to tell him THE STORY?
While on our way to the grocery store?
Where do I start? He has no clue where Isreal, Egypt or Rome is. The Virgin Birth? That would require an understanding of Virginity, and of Birth. He died for our sins? Translate that to language of a modern 5 year old. "He went to the great Time Out, because we all do Bad Jobs."
Is there a good book called "Jesus for pre-schoolers?" Probably. I've seen some televangelists who haven't moved beyond it. All I know is I don't own it.
"When you are older." I copped out. He accepted that with a bit of regret in his voice.
Whewww. Safe.
Then, later that day at Grandma C's house. The C isn't for Catholic, but it could be, I am bent over tieing Sasha's shoes when he notices another card. There is the same divine face with the same divine smile staring at us.
"Papa, is that him? Is that the same man as we saw before."
"Yes" I said, hoping Grandma C's hearing aid was set on low still. She wasn't the type to preach at anyone, but she knows people who are. A mob of sweet and loving Italian grandparents would descend on our house to tell Sasha Jesus's story if she sent them. How do you defend against that?
"You will tell me his story later?"
"Yes, Come on, lets go." Its not over. I'm going to have to bone up on my Jesus for Juveniles soon, before its forced down our throats.
Posted by Sergeant (Member # 8749) on :
As a fairly religious person I may not be the best person to give you advice on the subject but I'll give it a shot anyway.
IMHO, give it to him straight. Don't water it down much. You can probably gloss over the virgin birth which would probably bring more questions than it answered. The gospel really isn't that complicated. Adults just make it so.
But that is just how I would do it, and as I said, I'm religious.
Sergeant
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
Do you have one of the children's illustrated bibles? You said you do not have one of these? Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
I think you can strip it down pretty easily for him.
How's this sound?
A long time ago, there was a man named Jesus. He was a good man who spent his life trying to help other people be good. He taught people to love each other and not to do bad things to one another. After he died, people believe that he came back to life after three days to show that those who live a good life do not have to fear death. There are a lot of people today who try to live their lives by his words. They have pictures and statues of him to remind them of his story, and to help them be good people.
Of course, he might ask you then "Do you believe that he came back to life?" or "Why don't you have pictures of him around?" or "Do you live the way he wanted you to?"
Probably none of these, because now that you've heard them, you'll likely be more prepared. Kids have a knack for finding the one question you're least prepared for.
Posted by Samarkand (Member # 8379) on :
My version:
That is a picture of a man named Jesus Christ. Have you heard the word "Christian"? People who are Christians believe that Jesus Christ was God. They believe that Jesus Christ came from Heaven (explain Heaven if necessary) to live with ordinary people and learn about them and then He was killed for trying to teach people to do good things. Because he was a god, He could have chosen not to die, but He wanted to help people and Christians believe that by dying He made it so that people everywhere could be forgiven for anything bad they did. He came back to life after He was killed because He was God.
I think that's how I would present it.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
I would tell him that Jesus was the man who runs the church. And that the church thinks that Jesus died. But he just faked it, like Paulie Shore.
Posted by Samarkand (Member # 8379) on :
I really like FlyingCow's - I didn't see it before I posted. I also kind of vaciallated between a god/ God - that's up to you.
Posted by King of Men (Member # 6684) on :
I kind of agree with Sergeant on this one, though from, as you might say, the completely opposite point of view. It's really very simple; tell it like it is.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
We have some really simple board books about Jesus' life. Barnes and Noble carries them around Easter and Christmas. Emma can look at a group of pictures and point out the one of Jesus. But then, we're more religious than you seem to be. Posted by JaimeBenlevy (Member # 6222) on :
Tell him what Christians believe about it, tell him what Jews/Muslims believe about it, and tell him what atheists believe about it. That should let him make up his own mind (eventually). But that's the kind of talk that requires more time than a short talk on the way to the grocery store. He seeems like a really smart kid so I think he'd be able to take it all in if you explained the differences between each belief slowly and carefully.
Posted by JennaDean (Member # 8816) on :
I think you can tell him it's Jesus, without necessarily telling him you believe in what Jesus taught. He's going to see pictures of Jesus his whole life and probably has some Christian friends. It'd be good for him to know why this man's picture is everywhere, especially at Christmastime. If you keep avoiding the answer it might give it added significance in his mind, making it seem more important than you want it to be.
"His name is Jesus, and he lived a long time ago. A lot of people believe he was the son of God. He taught people how to live, and a lot of people still follow his teachings and have pictures of him." If you believe it yourself, tell him. If you don't, it's okay to tell him what you do believe.
I know some parents choose not to force religion on their children, but let them choose for themselves. I'm afraid they sometimes then make the mistake of never telling the child anything about religion at all. Children learn all the most important things from their parents, about how the world works and how to behave in it. Since faith in God is such a big part of some people's lives, children naturally want to know what their parents believe, as their own parents' opinions are the most important opinions in the world to them. The older he gets the more he's going to come home with questions about what other people believe, and how it fits into the world - "Am I supposed to believe it too? What do you believe, dad?" Just telling him what you believe is not the same thing as making him choose it. If your beliefs are different from your wife's, he should know that too. And let him know that you respect his right to choose what he believes. That might be confusing to a 5-year-old, but he'll get it soon enough: "I don't believe it, but you can if you want to."
Posted by Bella Bee (Member # 7027) on :
Do you celebrate Christmas? I don't come from a Christian family, but I seem to remember learning about Jesus through the Christmas story when I was little. Of course, I already knew something about him because I my parents had taken me to Jerusalem on vacation. But I think I only had some vague idea that he'd been a grown-up bloke who died. Learning about him as a baby seems to make the story more interesting when you're a kid. I don't think you're in any danger of indoctrinating him just by telling him the story. It certainly didn't work on me.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I agree with the part about giving it to him straight. It can be a simple story, and it will explain a great deal about Christmas to him.
You can go with "there was a carpenter who live a long time ago" if you are uncomfortable with suggesting divinity. I really like what JennaDean said, though. Telling him the simplified, complete story and then your own beliefs about it isn't forcing a religion or a lack of it on him. For him to choose, he needs to have all the available information.
Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :
I would imagine that there are lots of books on religion for children that give an overall view of religions, making it clear that everyone has their version of god/God, and that don't proselytize.
Perhaps if you looked over those books and found one you liked, that would make the experience easier for both you and Sasha.
Posted by Krankykat (Member # 2410) on :
Dan-
Problem number one is that you are not being honest with your son. Why do you have to hide who Jesus is?
Would you hide the identity of Buddha, Mohammed, Confucius, Gandhi, or Brigham Young was if your son had asked?
I don't really get how you think telling your son the identity of Christ is at the age of 5 is going to distort his "moral and spiritual journey."
Krank
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Buy him and read him a children's baby Jesus storybook this Christmas. He'll really like it, I know I did when my (highly atheistic but open-minded) mother read it to me. Treat it like a simple fairy tale. You don't have to explain that some people believe it and some people don't because to a child a LOT of fairy stories are kind of real but as they grow older they start seperating them out.
And it's such a heartwarming story, too .
You don't have to go into the whole tortured on the cross thing yet, even, because the story of Baby Jesus is so good and so relating to the season. If he asks about Jesus's death, get him another children's bible, or say that Jesus was a good man and some bad people didn't like him and killed him. If you believe that a person called Jesus existed you can tell it like you tell the story of Napoleon or Alexander the Great. I swear that I wasn't really aware of the ressurection as a ressurection, despite going to a Christian school until I was quite "old", mostly because my parents had brought me up putting so little stress on that second half (as it were) of the story.
Once he's assimilated the story your own personal feelings will shine through and you can tell him that some people do believe that Jesus was a real man who really came from God (The whole is God thing is really unimportant) but you think that he <insert your beliefs>.
One thing... I believe that telling him the story without an accompanying picture book would just confuse things. If you put the story of Jesus on the level as just a story, he'll know the story and then understand why Christmas is linked and why he's seeing this man or this baby everywhere. You can buy many, many beautifully illustrated versions of the story, in poetry, comedy and straightforward traditional but they're all mostly good and most of them don't go on about "son of God" thing too much. And none of them, since they're all written for Children, talk about things he won't get like Virgin births.
Try and get one that you like as a story and doesn't try and "teach", only "tells."
If he asks if you believe in the story right then, just tell him in simplified terms. Don't worry so much about what other people think about Jesus and just tell him your own ideas. Then say some people do believe.
I'm pretty sure that as a child I believed kinda in baby Jesus's story. Not in God, but in the baby Jesus. I liked the story. My parents said there was probably a real man called Jesus and he had SUCH and awesome holiday attached to him and he seemed like a pretty good guy so it was a fairy story I could really like without too much bad publicity. As I grew older, it just faded, the same way all fairy stories just faded.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
Krankykat, you don't understand. I believe that Jesus, and those others you mentioned, are much to complicated and important to gloss over at a 5 year old level.
Especially under the time constraints I was under, including his short 5 year old attention span.
How can you explain the Son of God when he hasn't even begun to understand "god" not to mention "God"?
Posted by Krankykat (Member # 2410) on :
Gotcha Dan
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
This is why I suggest reading him a baby Jesus story book. It introduces these characters (like the idea of God) at a very basic level. If he asks more about who God is tell him what you believe in the most simplified terms possible, such as "he's a big man in the sky and looks after us" if you don't want to say that say that "some people think that he's a big man who lives in the sky and looks after us."
If you want to introduce him to other gods before hand, start now by reading greek myths.
It sounds difficult because he sounds so intelligent and inquisitive.
Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :
It is difficult.
It is confusing.
It is fun.
oops, was that out loud?
Posted by Will B (Member # 7931) on :
I like this kid already. Why conceal the story from him? It can be told in a way that's rated G. Why find ways to spin it?
It isn't about his ignorance. Sure, he doesn't know where Rome and Egypt are. But people tell children stories all the time, and children love them!
If I had a kid wanting to know a story of a religion I didn't share, I'd tell him. If it came up, I'd tell him I didn't believe it myself, but Grandma does. Why not?
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
quote:You can go with "there was a carpenter who live a long time ago" if you are uncomfortable with suggesting divinity.
*giggles* I saw a bumper sticker once that said "My boss is a Jewish carpenter", and it took me about five minutes to figure it out...
My dad, who didn't want to press the idea of Jesus' divinity on us, said he was a "great teacher who taught people to live and how to treat each other with love."
My mom, being more comfortable expressing his divinity, said he was the Son of God, so that kind of bumped me in that direction. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
You could always rent him The Passion of the Christ. That's kid friendly, right?
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Dan, this was quite well-written.
Posted by Farmgirl (Member # 5567) on :
quote: That is a picture of a man named Jesus Christ.
Of course, then you get into the whole confusion of "this is really just an artist's represetation of what they THINK the man Jesus looked like, because we don't have any actual drawings of him from his era of time.... just many artists' ideas from many centuries later....."
FG
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
And the distinction between the "historical Christ" and ...
Posted by sweetbaboo (Member # 8845) on :
I repeat what others have said, explain it to him simply and truthfully. Coming from you it will be perfect. You are his parent and he trusts you to teach him truth, whatever that is for you. Kids are often times a lot smarter/quicker than we give them credit, how about start by just answering his questions. Something like, "Remember that picture of that man? Do you still have questions about him?" and go from there. You will be teaching your son not only about a good person, but that he can come to you for answers and that you won't shy away from a topic, especially one that might be difficult for you to discuss.
Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
Dan,
What a lucky kid. You explain yourself so well to us here, that I can only believe you will do a great job with your son.
Posted by Historian (Member # 8858) on :
There once was a man who spent his life trying to teach people to love each other and not to do bad things to one another. He taught that we should see past our differences and love each other unconditionally. Wherever he went people would gather, follow him through the streets and listen to him speak. Some people didn't agree with what he was trying to do and eventually he was killed. Today, we celebrate his birthday and the message he brought to the world.
Of course we all know I'm speaking of Martin Luther King.
Regardless of ideology, it is the message, not the players that matter.
Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :
kmbboots, I've been thinking that the entire time I've been reading this thread. Sasha is SO lucky to have you for a father.
I'm sure what ever it is you decide to tell him will be fine. I know my parents tried very hard not to force Christianity on me, but when I was very young my dad almost pushed the other way. I came home from my first day of kindergarden and told him I couldn't go back to school. "Why not?" he asked. "Because they make us say prayers at snack time" I told him seriously. "Earth who gives to us this food, sun who makes it ripe and good, dearest earth and dearest sun, our loving thanks to you we give. Amen."
He laughed at me, and told me that they weren't forcing religion on me at all.
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
I also kind of vaciallated between a god/ God - that's up to you.
![[Wink]](wink.gif)
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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