This is topic I don't care if it IS christmas--a rant in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


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Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
 
I am so tired of my parents. I am 21, live away from home, coe home for the holidays of course, as do my 3 sisters also living away at college.

Thing is every time I come home my mother has stacked more and more useless crap in my room. This time its a riding saddle belonging to my older sister (??????) a film projector from 1948, two hundred year old typewritters, and various linens that I can't use, nor ever would.

This is basically storage. Fine. But whenever I ask why this stuff is in my room, on my bed, on the shelves, in the way generally, the answer is "I thought you might want it." My mom is lazy, and this is just an excuse to drop stuff anywhere without finding a place for it, then make me deal with it when I get home, though I never saw the stuff before or ever mentioned my burning need of a broken old film projector.

My older sister wanted to have a look at the typewriters, and then left them out somewhere, and I come into my room today to find them stacked (agressively stacked if that is possible), in front of and around my laptop. Same response: I thought you might want them, they don't belong in the living room. ARRRRRRRRG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Anything I don't want becomes MY STUPID RESPONSIBILITY. Anything my parents can't find a use for ends up at the foot of my bed or worse, stacked in front of MY DOOR WHERE I CAN TRIP ON IT IN THE MORNING ON MY WAY TO THE BATHROOM.

This is trying... oh so very trying.
That and trying to set up my mom's ipod while she does anything but cooperate with me for 30 seconds. (I am trying to do her a favor, she acts like I am bothering her or something).

Ok... feed my rage, what annoys you about your family at Christmas
 

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Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
 
First) Ebay or trash. That will definately get rid of them. Especially the trash. If you are that upset and want to throw them away...break them with a hammer. Sometimes destruction will help you simmer down. However, it's more the effort and exertion you put into swinging the sledge that does that.

Second) My family is very close. Still, there is more tension around than I have ever seen anywhere else when we are all together. I haven't figured out what it is yet.
 

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Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
 
Ooo.
Does she have any old clocks or anything?
Don't destroy that junk. Give some to me. I love useless old stuff.
Only my cousin has called me today... No one else has and no one has given me and presents which sucks as I like presents.
But that is ok, I will save money and get a bed and left handed electric guitar.
 

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Posted by CaySedai (Member # 6459) on :
 
My husband's dad sent checks for us - separate checks for the girls, for a change. My credit union cashed the checks for the girls but put a hold on the one for Kent and me (because they are from out of state - well, so were the checks for the girls). Til Jan. 2. No matter when they receive the money, I can't get any out until Jan. 2. This is in spite of the fact that my father-in-law has never written us a bad check (or anyone else for that matter, AFAIK), and we've been cashing his checks at that credit union for YEARS.

So, my husband is sulking because he "didn't get anything for Christmas." I got some tins that my younger daughter picked up for free 2 weeks ago at a sort of free-for-all event where I basically walked past a table and said, "oh, this is interesting (or cute, or pretty)," and she picked it up and put it in her box. I'm not complaining about getting free stuff for my Christmas - Cayla was thrilled to be able to give me something, and I'm glad for her. And, the tins are cute (interesting, pretty).

My beef is him sulking. He's 44, for Pete's sake. He's sulking because the kids got presents and he didn't.



Okay, part of the problem is he was trying to quit smoking but says the Commit lozenges make him sick. We have no money for cigarettes, and won't until I get paid on Thursday. Now I'm wondering if my credit union will cash my check, because the online thing says my account is frozen. But, he will expect cigarettes tomorrow, I'm sure. I'm just not sure where he thinks he's going to get them.
 

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Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
My mom got drunk and I, not realizing she was drunk, asked her if it would be okay for me to go to the pediatrician tomorrow because I want to try Wellbutrin XL.

Ohhh, boy. I was subjected to a rant about how she "feels sorry" for me because I "have to rely on drugs to get through life." Then she called me fat.

I left twice during the "conversation" and came back because she insisted that the only reason she was yelling was because I was in the next room. After the fat comment, I went upstairs and refused to come back down.

I know she'll come and apologize and be reasonable shortly. I'm just annoyed that she has to be that upset because I feel like therapy and medication (that I choose, not some crackpot doctor who's going to throw SSRI's that have never worked at me) would be good for me. And because she said I had a fat ass. I said some kind of mean things too in retaliation, about how she put my health in danger by letting me stay on medications for extended periods of time that increased the chances of degenerative nerve diseases and whatnot.

Other than this incident, Christmas has been great.

I know how it feels when your parents start using your room for other things, though. I was kind of upset myself when my mother repainted and redecorated my room after I moved out. It looked a lot nicer. But it was still weird to me.

-pH
 

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Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
 
Gee, why does Pearce need therapy? It couldn't be that her mother says the most awful thing a mother can say to her daughter, is it?

((Pearce))
 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
I've been thinking about my mother a lot. I'm not sure why, nor do I know where she is right now. It's like she's some sort of phantom, someone that was physically present most of my life, but now it seems like some sort of illusion I had the entire time.

It bothers me that I miss here, especially when someone points out there was nothing to miss in the first place.

Pearce, that sucks ass.
 

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Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
 
More rage. More Rage. MORE RAGE!!!

I am SO sick of condescending relatives with their telling questions about what job I intend to have when I graduate from school. Lecturer or professor of Music History is apparently not a real job, my teachers will be dissapointed to hear when I get back.

Can we all stop crapping all over academics???

I don't know how many times I have heard in the last year... blah blah blah, our schools in this country are worthless, abysmal, people don't learn anything....

Then turn to the right and say, what do you want to be a teacher for? Your smart. Make money.

Screw you money people and whoever else thinks academics isn't worthwile. And screw you other people who obviously think I am not smart enough to do what I want to... I can tell by the way you look at me when this question gets asked.

In fact, this is not going to be a popular sentiment but screw all of us for being such empirialists these days. Everything is about money, everything is about power. Even art, even music. I am disgusted with all of us.
 

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Posted by Rember (Member # 8273) on :
 
Oh, to be hungry and poor!
 

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Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
 
In all the years I lived in my room (I'm also 21) before going to college, I never had access to my closet. It was always taken up by dishes and other things that didn't belong to me. I always asked to have my closet space but it never got cleaned out. I finally gave up because there was no point in fighting it anymore.
 

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Posted by Rember (Member # 8273) on :
 
*hands Synesthesia a brightly wrapped gift* Found this on your doorstep.
 

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Posted by Synesthesia (Member # 4774) on :
 
hee hee gift
cool

*would even be happy with rocks and old clock parts*
 

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Posted by Rember (Member # 8273) on :
 
What is it? Maybe an autographed poster of Johnny Depp!
 

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Posted by Shanna (Member # 7900) on :
 
The same thing happened the last two times I came home. I got into town late at night and was exhaustred from driving all day to see my bed piled high with junk. It took me hours to move it onto the floor since there's no where else for it.

Atleast I had a bed for Christmas despite the fact that my mom complains about my luggage still being packed with clothes and covering the floor. She keeps forgetting that my closet is filled with stored holiday decorations and random boxes.

The best part of the holidays has been having nasty fits with my mother who has announced herself to be a bigot and is throwing a fit over my black boyfriend.

And its weird cause my mom and I used to get along so well. But its hard to like racist who won't even give her daughter a place to sleep after driving cross-state to be home from college for the holidays.
 

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Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
 
I am so sad for everyone's suffering. I guess not everyone knows how to be a good family. Would be nice if that was a required subject in school, like social studies or phys. ed.

Oh why can't we all just get along?
 

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Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
Everything is resolved with my mom and me. It's all okay.

And my sister and I went to see Syriana!

-pH
 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
and how was it?
 

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Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
 
You know what it is?

My family ACTS like a good family. My mom says pictureque things, my dad buys picturesque things, everyone is full of pithy stupid sentiments this time of year. I am not just bitter. I see something, or rather a lack of something in my family. They have no interests. Does anyone else see this in people sometimes? My parents give me the financial support I need, which is great, so I can stay in school and work hard. The thing is, they think this is being good parents. Lots of good parents cough up the dough for school and still manage to do other stuff, like be interested, or fake being interested in their kids. Its not the education your BUYING; what good is that if you don't care about what I actually do? My parents still ask me questions about activities and friends I haven't kept up with since highschool, it seems like they don't want to know who I am anymore.

This is what I am talking about. I come home and my parents' eyes are glued on the stupid TV. They say, so glad your home, glad to see you etc.... And its eyes on the TV the whole time. There was something I needed my mom to take care of, an appointment with a throat specialist to look at my Tonsils, she had been there before and said she would make the appointment. I am not exaggerating when I say I mentioned it to her each time we talked on the phone, once a week for a quarter... I offered to call, she said no she could handle it. 10 weeks, so at least 10 times. Mom when's the appointment?- What? You didn't call? Honey.... I'm busy paying your tuition... Oh, ok, then forget it, I've only mentioned it to you 10 times this last 3 months. Honey...( she is exasperated with me) "gimme a break."

I have not spent a single conversation with my parents in the last 3 years not battling for their attention with the stupid TV. Not one that I can remember. The TV doesn't love you. You don't do anything for the 5 hours your home after work but watch it. Its disgusting, get some interests. Or at least pay attention to your kids.

"Honey. I am very busy." Eyes on the TV.

Me= Sad and very angry Son.
 

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Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
Syriana was great. I didn't know it had Dr. Bashir! I love him.

Dr. Bashir for Christmas.

-pH
 

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Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
 
haven't you heard the Tenacious D song?

To the tune of the 60s TOS theme

"I knoOOOOOOOWW his journey ends never
His staaaar TREK must go on forever"
 

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Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 
Oh, I love Dr Bashir too!

I think I must check out that film. *grin
 

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Posted by dean (Member # 167) on :
 
I thought that my boyfriends' parents were bad, Orincoro, but at least they do show caring even if they do watch TV the whole time that we visit. I can't understand a family where they have Thanksgiving dinner in front of the TV, watching fox news and the weather channel with their complete attention and rarely saying anything. But they do ask about our jobs and our cats and our friends and our health and how we're taking care of ourselves, and they pay attention while we answer.
 

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Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
I spoke to my mother in law last night on the phone.

Her: Adrian? Um, this is um,...this is Mom. (she hates to call herself mom to me)

Me: Merry Christmas.

Her: Oh, yeah, Merry Christmas. How are you?

Me: I feel pretty good today. I've been a bit sick though.

Her: Is it the chemo that makes you sick?

Me: Yes, but it's getting better.

Her: Well, I'm glad you're alive. Is Wes there?

Me: I'm glad I'm alive too. I'll get him.


 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
>_< That sucks, Belle.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
Newsflash for people complaining about "their" room -- once you move out it isn't your room anymore. Your parents have no obligation to maintain a space that isn't used 95% of the year so that it can be just like you left it when you're there for the holidays. Deal with it.
 

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Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
 
Hmmm, thats bad. What can I say?
 

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Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
Orincoro, a month before I was to leave for college, my parents moved into a two bedroom apartment. That left a bedroom for them and a bedroom for my younger brother. No bedroom for Jen. I couldn't exactly be upset about it -- I was an adult and they'd always told me that when I was 18, I was no longer their responsibility -- that it was time for me to make my own way. As I was 19 at the time, I felt fortunate that I'd had an extra year to figure out what I wanted to do. They weren't mean about it...they were helping me grow up. They never kicked me out.

All this is to say that you should count your blessings. I think the only real mistake your parents made was that they let you keep thinking that the room is still "yours".
 

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Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
While I agree that the room is no longer Orincoro's, and that it's unreasonable to expect it to be maintained as he left it for visits, I don't think that was what he (she? sorry, I'm not sure) was complaining about. He said it was fine they were using it for storage, and that what he was objecting to was his parents telling him that they thought he might want the stuff and making it now his responsibility to deal with.

Also, he is now an adult, and a guest in their home. When I have a guest coming to stay overnight, I make sure there is an adaquate place for them to sleep, including a bed with clean linens that isn't covered with junk, and space in a closet for them to hang their clothes if they wish. I certainly would not put additional junk into the room they were using, in such a way as to block their belongings or their path to the door, while they were staying there.

Family is a bit different. I wouldn't expect to be treated as a formal guest in my parent's house. But I still wouldn't expect to come home to find myself responsible for a bunch of random crap I had never expressed an interest in. I don't think Orincoro is being all that unreasonable. (Although since his parents are paying for college, I do think he has to shut up and deal with it to them. But that doesn't mean he shouldn't be venting to us.)
 

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Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
 
I agree that the dumping of stuff and telling Orincoro it's his/her responsibility is annoying but there's a simple way to deal with it.

Take the stuff outside and pile it up for the trash pickup.

If the parents bring it back inside Orincoro should simply say "I didn't want it and since you didn't want it either, I figured it was best to throw it away."

Now, if the parents DO want the stuff and want to store it in Orincoro's room then I agree - he/she has nothing to say about it. It's the parents' house and their stuff and their room and if they want to turn the old bedroom into a storage area they certainly can.
 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
I think part of my problem with being unable to relate to Orincoro's rant is that I read the problem and think, "Wow, if only that had been my only problem with my parents." Especially when I read they're paying his tuition.

Some parts I do understand. It sucks to be ignored. It also sucks to trip over stuff on your way to the bathroom. It sucks to have a room full of junk that has become your responsibility (I think ElJay's idea is a good one if your parents aren't the violent sort).

I realize it shouldn't be a one-upmanship sort of thing. "Yeah, well, what I had to go through..." isn't what he needs. Or anyone, really. It's my problem, and I'm apparently just extra sensitive about it lately, stuff regarding parents.

So...Orincoro, yeah, it sucks. But do put it in perspective, I guess. At least they're paying your tuition, you know? Focus on that good thing, 'cause that's at least one thing you've got.
 

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Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
My brother stuck crap in my room. The remnants of his bed. So... (punches him) The solutions for these things are actually quite easy.
 

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Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
 
My Christmas rant... I feel really bad about it, but I would have liked to have opened a Christmas present. I got some nice candles from my MIL, so that was a nice present--thoughtful and made specifically for me. It was unwrapped, which is okay, of course, but it's hard to feel like Christmas without wrapping. I guess I'm just silly. I'm too old to expect presents anymore.

It's just that I went to a lot of trouble for making gifts.. I suppose it's my side of the family that I'm mostly disappointed about. We haven't had Christmas yet, but it's already been decided that we're not exchanging presents because we're all in a financial crunch. But before that was decided, I had already been thinking about how to do Christmas on a budget. It's the thought that counts, I think... *shrugs*

I feel bad about feeling bad about it. We haven't even met up with my family yet for Christmas, so who knows.

My husband and I didn't exchange gifts, but we had made some major purchases this year and called them our Christmas presents to each other. His generosity toward me is not limited to Christmas. I finally opened the Buffy season 7 and Angel Season 5 boxes he had gotten for me months ago on Christmas, so I could open _something_. Watched 7 hours of Buffy. That was good.

Yeah, I'm silly about the wrapping thing. I guess I miss the days of being a kid and being surrounded by piles of gifts--new things that I've been surprised with and can enjoy. I know it's so selfish of me.. am I the only one who feels this way at all? I don't expect piles anymore, but... ugh.. I'm stupid.

Edit: I forgot. I got to open several gifts from my coworkers. I got an awesome santa cookie jar and several treats and ornaments. Now I feel worse for forgetting that!

[ December 26, 2005, 06:20 PM: Message edited by: Katarain ]
 

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Posted by Rember (Member # 8273) on :
 
My Christmas solution:
Admittedly, I was dubious about my friend's recommendation to buy my own Christmas gift each year. I usually talk myself out of buying nice things for myself because I am habitually on penny-pinching mode. We were shopping together when I found a nice purse I liked for only $35. Ordinarily, I would have passed it up after thinking it over for a few minutes. But at her urging, I bought it, put it away for two months, and opened it on Christmas day. I found it surprisingly satisfying and have continued the practice. For anyone who feels a little disappointed or overlooked, try it hnext year and see if it works for you, too.
 

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Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 
I can understand that Katarin.

I actually had the opposite - I didn't expect much, and I got totally spoiled.

I got *two* stockings! One from my Mum and one from my Mother-in-law.

Plus assorted other goodies. I think it's because Tony's away, so everyone feels slightly sorry for me.

I'd rather have had Tony here, but it was quite nice feeling like a little kid again.
 

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Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :
 
A rant thread, this is just what I need right now. I came to my parents' for the winter break and have now been here almost three weeks. This is the longest I've spent in my parent's house since I left for college two and a half years ago. I still see them fairly regularly, I just usually do it it in short bursts, like no more than two or three days. It's been pretty decent up until today. I have an older sister who's bipolar. Her problem is consistantly made worse by my mother giving into her every whim. Thus in addition to her instability she's also incredibly spoiled. On to today... I brought home Firefly because my mother said she was interested in seeing it. So this afternoon my mom, my little sister, and I were all watching Firefly. My older sister gets upset about something regarding the tv, I think she might have wanted to watch something else. I say I think, because I'm not sure. It was such a petty issue I can't even remember. Well in retaliation for not getting her way about whatever it was, she decides that she needs to take a nap RIGHT THEN. Her room shares a wall with the living room and she can easily hear the television from it. She says the tv is too loud, so we turn it way down. She says that it being on is too loud. When we don't turn it off, she starts raving about how she wants a different room (meaning the computer room where I'm currently sleeping on the fold out couch) starting tonight. At this point, my mom is trying to talk to her while my little sister and I continue watching Firefly. She notices that we're still able to watch and so she starts singing (more like screaming) at the top of her lungs until finally me and my little sister go in a different room. My mom says something about how it's not acceptable for her to do that but gives in after my sister utters several violent (although empty) threats to everybody. My dad gets home about ten minutes later and comes in to the computer room where everybody went to escape my sister and asks why we're all in there. I say it's because we let my older sister kick us out of the living room. While the complete truth, I shouldn't have said it because I knew it would make my mom mad. And it did. She starts yelling at me, venting all her rage at my older sister at the much safer target of me. She starts saying really irrational things like my sister's not the problem it's me- even though I had absolutely NO involvement in this incident other than being in the living room when it started. Then she starts tearing me down. I walk out of the room as my mom's yelling hurtful things at me but I also hear my little sister take my side saying I didn't do anything and it's obviously the older sister who purposely makes everybody miserable on a regular basis.

My mom later apologized for being mean to me. And a few hours later after my older sister had "napped" everybody pretended like nothing happened. But the whole incident just aggravates me to no end. It's such a reminder of why I haven't spent this much time here in years. I can't stand the way my mom allows my older sister to run the house. I can't stand the fact that my mom's barbs still bother me even when they're completely groundless. This whole thing has been bothering me so much I can't sleep right now. I want to go back to my apartment, but I don't think it would be wise. There's nobody over there right now, and I have friends over here that I enjoy hanging out with. Also, from Wednesday to Thursday I can drive to my grandparents with my other older sister, who is married and doesn't live here. Plus, if I go home now I think my carless self would probably end up spending New Year's alone, which would be fairly depressing. Further, I think my family's feelings might be hurt since other than today, it has been a fairly nice visit. Grrrg, I feel like I've reverted to my pre-college self. I'm trapped in a place with a person intent on making everybody as miserable as she is and, thanks to my mom, with the power of knowing she can do it without fear of punishment. Maybe I will go home, I don't know. I guess I'll think on it tonight. I wish I had a car, that changes the whole feel of everything. I could drive out here (my apartment and my parent's house is less than an hour apart) and see my family on my terms with the ability to easily leave or just visit friends any time things get too tense. I wasn't planning on getting one till May, but I hate feeling this helpless. More to think on.

Well this was long, but I feel better after writing it out. Thanks to anybody who read it.
 

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Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
 
Amanecer, that sucks. I hope you figure out something that makes you feel better.
 

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Posted by Rember (Member # 8273) on :
 
You're welcome. My heart goes out to you and I hope your mom seeks a little counseling on handling your older sister's concerns more effectively!
 

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Posted by smitty (Member # 8855) on :
 
Man, you guys have problems. My little rant about people giving me lots of goodies and sweets when they know I'm on WW seems kinda crappy by comparison. After my eating binge, I just brought my stuff to the office and let the cow-orkers have them.

Speaking of rooms, it's still weird at mom and dad's. They made my brother's room a computer/exercise room, so when my bro moved back in with his illness, they gave my room to him. I never actually un-decorated, so he just decorated over the top of all my stuff. I was fine with giving it away, though - as much as I love my parents, I couldn't live there anymore
 

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Posted by Architraz Warden (Member # 4285) on :
 
College is a very disorienting time. When you move from home, your room immediately becomes the family storage room. When you move out of your dorm / apartment, someone else immediately moves in. Nothing says "Home" like a room full of other people's crap.

I read something along those lines before heading to college, and accepted it as given. Saved much stress in that way.
 

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Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
 
My brother and my rooms at my parents' house are totally interchangeable. We still have stuff in them, but we've both been moved out for several years.

He sleeps in my room when we're both home and I sleep in his. He likes my bed better, and I really couldn't care less. I also fall asleep on the couch about half of the time. Or the floor, or I'll roll out the air mattress.

It's like Jonesboro, the morning after, most holidays at my parents' house.
 

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Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :
 
Thanks all! I'm feeling much better about everything today. There's just something about the wee hours of the night that seems to make all problems bigger. I'm going to go ahead and stay here till next week. Things will be fine. I was just very upset last night and needed to vent. It's great to have a place like this where I can do that.
 

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Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by dkw:
Newsflash for people complaining about "their" room -- once you move out it isn't your room anymore. Your parents have no obligation to maintain a space that isn't used 95% of the year so that it can be just like you left it when you're there for the holidays. Deal with it.

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That's really not fair, actually its totally missing the point. Alot of parents use the room thing to shew their children out of their lives, and it feels like killing off a part of your connection to your kids. You might feel differently, if like my sister, you had you parents paint over a lifetime of accumulated wall poetry the weekend after you moved to college. Its the feeling you get, not the need of "A room of your own"
 

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Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
Exactly. College students get homesick sometimes. That was what was hardest for me about moving out. When I came home, not only had my beloved pet finch Adonis died in my mother's care (it wasn't her fault, but she didn't tell me about it until I came home for Thanksgiving and asked, "Where's Adonis? I want to see him!"), but she had completely redecorated my room, and I really wanted to feel "back home." I felt like my parents were trying to cut me out of their lives somehow.

Now I'm all sad and missing Adonis.

-pH
 

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Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
 
Yes, sorry about Adonis! That happened to me a few times growing up: Where's (pet name)?????????


There has been mention of we spoiled college students just needing to shut up because our parents are paying our tuition etc. Fine, but if your parents can afford to pay your tuition, and they require you to go to college, I don't see a need to do a lot of boot licking. Besides, money isn't everything, I don't think that the Gates' kids would have ABSOLUTELY no right to complain if their folks ignored them and were careless about their feelings... just because they are providing money doesn't mean they are good providers.
 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
No, but it does mean they are providing something and you should be grateful for that something.
 

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Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
You are 21. How, exactly, are they requiring you to go to college?
 

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Posted by smitty (Member # 8855) on :
 
People's parents pay for their college? What's up with that?

OK, my parents helped with housing while I was in the dorms. But it always irks me when I financial planner asks "How much do you want to put away for your kids college fund?". NONE! I get the benefit of the dang schooling, it's my pay that'll increase, why should my parents have paid, even if they could have? One of the ladies here basically uses her entire paycheck to pay for her kids college (One got out, another enrolled). Another guy paid 100% of his kid's schooling. The kid now makes about $250k per year, while dad is at $80k. How does that make sense?

Sorry, ranting.
 

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Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 
I have the opposite problem.

My old room was in pristine condition for years after I moved out other than the dust. It did have a few things stored in it, but all things considered not much. Even now, they don't use it as much as they could. I wish they would, cause I'm never going back to it, much as they might want me to.

AJ
 

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Posted by Sid Meier (Member # 6965) on :
 
I leave to see Harry Potter with my mom so I have a good evening, then I get home and proved to ymself whenever something good happens somethign bad happens to me sooner or later to balance it.

I walk into the door and the FIRST thing my sister says (she came home for xmas) is that her game (Sims II) won't work (she has t on my computer) and its all my fault for screwing up my computer and that she wants me to fix it.

My responce is that I don't particularily care if she's going to be like that, and she twists it as I don't care period.

My dad pretending to be a know-it-all with computers (when knowing next to nothing in reality, he tried to hack past my windows password one day, and thats the EASIEST thing to hack past and failed miserably) tries to fix the problem by sending the debug to EA.

If they listened to me they would;ve known this: In the years I have known EA I know that THEY NEVER ANSWER they're emails or if they do not in a timely manner, that its probly a corrupted file and the only way to fix it is to reinstall Sims II or wait for me to format my computer then reinstall it.

My computer has been acting up on me but i did not as she so worded it screwed up my computer, I do not have a SINGLE VIRUS OR SPYWARE on my computer and I defrag often, the problem is that my videocard is third rate, crashes my computer often and thus by extension corrupts files, do you know how often I lost my bookmarks in Mozilla?

I try to explain this to them (my sister and my dad) and my dad tells me to shut up and sit down and ym sister mocks me and says she's not listening to me because everything I saw is negative.

This gets to the point when I snap because I've explained over and over again what the problems are and no one listens to me, I'm taking College Computer Science, she taking a pharmaciutical thing, and my dad hasn't taken compsci of any kind either, I'm the one who should be listened to.

So I snap, my dad says unless I be quiet he'll hit me (I'm 18 btw, he's 58 and shorter then me) I tell him if he does that I'll call mom or the police, so he pushes me roughly and I make a move to hit him back and he goes "you want some of this?" so I walk over to him and deck him in the face and he tries to kick me and punch me back my sister steps in and prevents hm (after I blocked his kick first) and has the AUDACITY to say a few minutes later that she wasn' here they're would've been more violence. HELLO YOU STARTED IT!



My moms friend walked into the door just as we were having a screaming match and heard the horrible things she said to me, I went into the next building where my mom works, my sister comes up later, no apology and tries to pretend that everything is normal.

My dad never apologizes for hitting me or has ever apologized for anything, my sister keeps conspiring to limit my freedom such as limited my computer time to 1:30 hours per day and says how I need to be disciplined how he needs to control me more.

I used to be the quiet one who never said or did anything.

at christmas I get WoW and BF2, I install them, I get the exact same problem my sister got and I fixed it (somewhat it randomly doesn't work, but only at start up once I'm actually in the game it works fine).

And they'res on last thing, several months ago I got a copy of XP Pro from my college and I never used it, a friend of mine needed a copy so I came to Abbott to give it to him, he didn't need it yet and my other friend asked if he could have it; so I said sure I can get more whenever.

Now it bites me in the rear as my parents are complaining that they paid for my course and had no right to give it away etc etc, Is saw that Abbott gave it to me as my personal property and I could get more anytime I wish.

And they want my friends phone number so they can call his mom and get the cd key and disc back, however my friend already looked and couldn't find it. And ym parents say then its his responsibility to get another copy then.

Not of course udnerstanding that I didn't lend it to him, I GAVE it to him and we have no right to ask for it back 3-6 months after the fact, and they went through my MSN message history to find his number, invading my privacy yet again, justifying it that they had to do it before to find out where I was one time and that I'ld e thankful if I was in danger and needed help.

Yeah, but you can't use that as an excuse each and everytime you want to find some1's phone number. This is why I password protected my computer originally and started a whole slew of fighting over whether I have the right to password my computer, whether I have the right to put movies or games on MY computer.

They paid for it yes but it was last years Christmas present TO ME.

Things calmed down now, but I can't keep having these wars each time my sister comes home its going to keep getting worse. This is why I want to move out asap.
 

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Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
 

quote:

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Yes, sorry about Adonis! That happened to me a few times growing up: Where's (pet name)?????????

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Yeah, I've had one pet in my life and that happened. Though I'm sure it broke my parent's hearts as much or more as mine to see their kid come home from camp and ask "Where's Fluffy?"
 

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Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
 
I don't want to be judgemental or anything, but maybe punching your father in the face is not the best idea?
 

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Posted by Steev (Member # 6805) on :
 
Yeah I wouldn't recommend physical violence either. Besides, Once you come to terms with your own frustrations and let them go you will find funnier and subtler ways to do that anyway.

Some background: My dad, now retired this year, could and still can afford to send me and 15 other people to college, but he didn't and won't. He felt it is more important to spend the money on large and expensive houses and expensive cars and then glue him self in front of a 55" TV in every room with digital cable and satellite services on all of them. Or when he isn't watching TV he is complaining about all of the trash people leave lying around the house, mostly himself, or he is barking at the dogs because they are barking at him because he spoiled them and won't give them attention. My mom got her degree and started working full time just to get away from him most of the day.

And then there are all of the old typewriters, books, old film projectors, expensive paintings all stashed in any one of the 7 bedrooms of his house. All comprised of his passing fancies. The plethora of old and new gadgets that he finds too complicated to learn how to use even after I tried to teach him how to use them.

Orincoro, when reading your post I was seeing many, similarities.

All of us children have grown up and moved out. None of us, when we moved out, ever looked back. When I moved out I moved everything. I moved my bed my dresser...everything and I was just going away to college.

Ok so how do we punch him in the face? By responding to him in a loving an appreciative manner.

For example, when he is getting on one of his rampages about how much money he doesn't have.
DAD: "Just who do you think paid for your college?"
ME: "I did. Every penny except for the pell grants and that came from the government to which you paid taxes. So I guess you did contribute to in an a small way and therefore I'm thankful for that."
DAD: "Damn right you are ..."
ME: I had him a few pennies "There that should cover what I owe you for that."
DAD: "..."


About the trash lying around the house:
DAD: "Why the **** can't you people clean up after yourselves around here ...*** it's like I live in a **** **** hole."
ME: "Why don't you hire a maid?"
DAD: "I wouldn't have to if people would just pick up after them selves for ****** *****. Look at all of this **** laying around the room."
ME: "I'm sorry, who does all of this stuff belong too anyway?"
DAD: "..."

About his dog Freddy:
Freddy: "Bark, Bark"
DAD: "Freddy, quite!"
Freddy: "Grrrr, Bark, Bark"
DAD: "Quite!"
Freddy: "Bark!"
DAD: "Freddy, Quite!"

Rinse and repeat.

That in itself is rather satisfying. Even his pets are starting to talk back to him.
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
The sad part of Christmas for me is how the family dinner with all the siblings took place without all the siblings. In other words, they gathered together around the dinner table and celebrated being a family the day BEFORE I arrived in Utah for a week.

>_<

At this point, it's either malicious or complete incompetence. Matt got to see everything this past week, and he thinks it is utter incompetance. Despite being married and what he thinks, my dad is absolutely a single parent, and he just doesn't know what he's doing. Matt says he is like King Kong - he likes me, but he keeps knocking me down and can't tell he's hurting me.

I found out about the family meal sans Katie on Thursday, and was crying to my friend with whom I was staying and to Matt on the phone in the middle of that night.

However, except for that, everything was wonderful, even with my dad. It got much better. I got two stockings, too, and was completely delighted. I think I am figuring out how to deal with my dad - play Hard to Get, and have someone else there to take care of me. *sigh*
 

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Posted by Anna (Member # 2582) on :
 
We'll celebrate Christmas - sort of - with my family the 31th. I'm already pissed off with my sisters. I know it's bad, but I can't help. One of my sisters is nice, but doesn't give a damn about what happens to me, and the other cares but is really annoying, at best.
If it wasn't for my Dad, I gues I would'nt even come.
 

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Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
 
Kat, I cannot believe how socially incompetent your father is. That is just beyond . . . beyond words.
 

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Posted by smitty (Member # 8855) on :
 
Makes me more thankful for my family
 

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Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
dkw, I think that just has to be it.

It got better. I said we were going to see King Kong on Friday, and my dad called me the next morning to see if he could take us out to dinner and go to the movie. I think he knew he had screwed up, because he tried to make up for it. I was wearing a chunky, funky necklace, and he said on Thursday that he was surprised I was wearing it - I preferred subtle, small jewelry. No, I don't - I never have. I think he started worrying about his present to me, and on Friday during dinner tried to explain that he had looked for something and couldn't find it, but found something else and he hoped it would be okay. It was very sincere - he was clearly nervous that I'd hate it. I think he's dimly aware that things are not good and he's not handling things well, but he doesn't know where it went wrong and he certainly doesn't know how to make it better. That's endearing.

The nice part is that I am completely free of all guilt for thinking Nyla is a crappy stepmother. She's a great wife for my dad and I'm glad she's there for that reason, but it's clear that I am a rival for attention instead of a quasi-daughter, and while she may know what to do socially, she's not doing any of it for my benefit. Fine. That game I can play. *sparkle* I know how to fight for attention if I have to.

I did love my present, by the way. I have no idea what I would think if I got it without knowing that my dad really did do his best and desperately wanted me to like it, but I love it now. Black cashmere sweater and a pearl necklace and earrings - it's like I'm a daughter in the fifties. I need to get invited to a cocktail party for advertising executives as soon as possible.

[ December 29, 2005, 04:54 PM: Message edited by: katharina ]
 

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Posted by Sid Meier (Member # 6965) on :
 
Yeah but he hit me first, it was self defence.
 

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Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by smitty:
People's parents pay for their college? What's up with that?

OK, my parents helped with housing while I was in the dorms. But it always irks me when I financial planner asks "How much do you want to put away for your kids college fund?". NONE! I get the benefit of the dang schooling, it's my pay that'll increase, why should my parents have paid, even if they could have? One of the ladies here basically uses her entire paycheck to pay for her kids college (One got out, another enrolled). Another guy paid 100% of his kid's schooling. The kid now makes about $250k per year, while dad is at $80k. How does that make sense?

Sorry, ranting.

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quote:

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Originally posted by smitty:
People's parents pay for their college? What's up with that?

OK, my parents helped with housing while I was in the dorms. But it always irks me when I financial planner asks "How much do you want to put away for your kids college fund?". NONE! I get the benefit of the dang schooling, it's my pay that'll increase, why should my parents have paid, even if they could have? One of the ladies here basically uses her entire paycheck to pay for her kids college (One got out, another enrolled). Another guy paid 100% of his kid's schooling. The kid now makes about $250k per year, while dad is at $80k. How does that make sense?

Sorry, ranting.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Theaca:
Still seems wrong to me, though. Especially all schooling after the undergraduate level. I don't see why kids can't be expected to handle the loans for graduate school, at the very least.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sopwith:
But hey, it's a lousy old world sometimes.

And sometimes the world is a fine and dandy place, once you've made a bit of space for yourself on your own.

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quote:

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Still seems wrong to me, though. Especially all schooling after the undergraduate level. I don't see why kids can't be expected to handle the loans for graduate school, at the very least.

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My parents pay for me to go to college. My dad, the responsible account, has putting alittle away since I was born. When my parents got married my dad inherited all my mom's student loans for college. My mom's dad was almost glad to be rid of her at that point because she couldn't pay for it (med school) alone and would have gone running to her daddy eventually. My dad thought the whole thing was ridiculous and he didn't want to put his kids, or their future spouses, through that.

I was still expected to work my butt off and earn scholarship money. Whatever is left over, which is currently my meal plan and my rent and utilities (I'm living off campus so I can have quiet to study) is picked up by my parents. I only work seasonally in New Orleans because my dad made a deal with me that stated clearly that being a good student WAS my job for the next few years. He didn't want me worrying about money and wasting time which could be spent getting the grades I need for a good career and/or grad school. The money I make working every summer and every holiday (minimum wage and 50 hours a week) allows me to pay my grocery bills and have some fun at the movies once in awhile.

Am I lucky? Yes, I am. And I'm grateful. In the college program I'm at and with my bad history with stress and coping, supporting myself with a job while attending classes isn't feasible. I'm glad to know that I can focus fully on my papers and upcoming thesis without worrying about all the loans I'll have piled up when I left.

Its a gift my father gave to me and he only asks that I repay him by doing something good with my life.
 

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Posted by smitty (Member # 8855) on :
 
I'm not ripping on kids whose parents paid for their college - and if the parents make enough money to, that's fine. I just don't see why the parents should basically put themselves in the poor house for their kids education. Just helping with the housing put a serious drain on my parents, something I still feel guilty about. And yeah, the student loans are a hardship for the graduate. Between my wife and I, we're paying more in student loans than our mortgage. But why should it be a hardship on my parents, instead of myself? (technically, two of the loans are in our parents names) It's not being selfish, it's not bad parenting, it's taking responsibility for MY desire to increase my education, and make a better life for myself. Will I help my kids out (God willing, if we can have any) with their education? Of course! Will I hand it to them on a platter? Probably not.

The guy I was referring to paid for his kid's education. He only asked that the kid pay the interest on the loans while he was in school, to help teach him responsibility. The kid went nuts, and moved in with his mom, thus forcing the guy to pay for his schooling PLUS more child support. I do think some kids take it for granted. Not all, not even most, but some. I knew I took my initial scholarship for granted, and studied a HELL of a lot harder when I knew that money was going to be coming out of my pocket.

pH, there's a big difference between "why have kids at all, if they're just going to leach money" and paying for a kid's college.
 

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Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
smitty, that story is a little confusing. If they were federal student loans, there is no interest while you're in school. I have no idea why you'd get any other type of loans to pay for college. And if the kid was over 18, there would not have been any child support required when he moved in with his Mom. I know some kids start college under 18, but it's pretty rare for them not to at least turn 18 in the first year.
 

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Posted by smitty (Member # 8855) on :
 
My mom and dad's loans weren't federal, don't remember what they were, but they had to pay the interest while I was in school. Parent Plus Loans? Been a while ago. The bulk of the money was federal, but that only entered into the equation once I lost my scholarship, and by that time, I had a pretty good job, and was making enough to take care of myself. But the interest alone was enough to take a toll on my parents...

Well, here in IN, if the kid is living with one parent while in college, the payments keep on going until the kid graduates. Considering most of my cow-orkers (that's not a typo) have had at least one divorce, it's not the first time I've heard the story.

Edit: All of my stories are confusing. I'm used to it.
 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
College also determine a student's financial aid need by using their parents income.

Not the student's.

Parents.

You can get an exception, but by and large, that's hard to do.
 

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Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
smitty, the way it was described, "Why should I pay for my kids' education when I'm not getting anything out of it" DOES put it in the same realm as, "Why have kids? You're not going to make money off them." Unless your name is Joe Simpson.

My parents have a similar "Being a good student is your job" arrangement with me. I essentially go to school year-round. And I take unpaid internships with flexible hours in my spare time. An internship is required to graduate in my program, and there aren't many that pay. Not to mention, a lot of employers and graduate schools require experience. So being able to work without needing the money to survive is a huge plus.

-pH
 

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Posted by smitty (Member # 8855) on :
 
I wasn't trying to imply that, ph. I wasn't saying the parent should make money from it. Sorry I caused so much trouble with my rant. And it's not like my parents didn't help, and they're paying for my sister's schooling now (something about she can't get loans, mom and dad make a lot more now). I guess the point of my thread is, I would rather take that debt on myself, rather than place it on my parents. Especially if it's going to be a hardship on them. And some of the kids I know do take it for granted, which frustrates me.
 

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Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
 
Actually you didn't cause any trouble, you kind of have me thinking lately of how codled I am. Thanks for the perspective injection!

I should work harder at being a student and work harder at being a part of my family, and do it without banging my head into a wall; when something doesn't work, I need to examine my actions and determine what needs to change. I need to know what I can DO not what I wish would happen!
 

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Posted by mackillian (Member # 586) on :
 
That was a really mature statement and some good insight.

(Not that was not sarcasm. I meant it. Realizing things like that and following through is very, very tough.)
 

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Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
 
What mack said, and also not sarcasm.

Good luck.
 

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Posted by Xan (Member # 9015) on :
 
Wow, my family are saints its seems from reading these stories.

My grandmother is a generous dear who, when needed, supports my single disabled mother as much as she can.

My mum is disabled and very distant, stuck to her computer constantly; but its only because she is in the final year of a University course.
Either way she is a loving kind woman, who granted has a hell of a temper.

My dad... he loves me and isnt a bad guy, sure he has a bad temper, is quiet and always expects me to be the one to keep in contact, but he is a good guy.
Still havent gotten a call from New Year from him yet though

Though these things could change any time, nothing is perminant.

Hmmm, i really dont have anything to report.

My mother questioned if she thought i could have been diffrent is she had been more strict with me; which i did find highly insulting since it basicly says 'I'm not happy with how you have turned out'

Sure i'm a lazy idle git, but i'm kind compassionate and loyal to my family.
Modest too.

Its not my fault i had a bike accident that is still giving me bad effects; i think not being able to go to collage this week is what started her thinking.
How can i help i'm constantly tired and drained (from my back) and happened to get a nasty cold?

Meh, its still nothing compared to some of these.

Yeesh if my Dad hit me i'd have whacked him back too, then just left.
 

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