I dislike calling someone and getting their machine. I think the situation can be improved if more people used humour in their little recordings. Here are some examples.
"Hello, this is the Devil, who in Hell do you want."
"Hello, this is Ludwig Wittgenstein, whereof one cannot speak thereof shut up (before I hit you with my pocker)."
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
I prefer short, simple messages. The same group of family and friends who call you the most are going to be the ones hearing your message over and over. If it is long or cutesy, it can be annoying.
--Enigmatic
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
I really hate when people record their kids. A lot of the time I can't understand their voices and I'm not sure if I called the correct number. It's not cute.
Posted by Pelegius (Member # 7868) on :
Everyone knows how to use the bleeding thing. Thus, the usual message is pointless.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by Pelegius: Everyone knows how to use the bleeding thing.
Oh, my grandparents never got the hang of it. Every year on my birthday, I would come home from work to find the birthday message. Grandma and Grandpa are on separate extentions:
Grandma: "I think it's the machine." Grandpa: "What?" Grandma: "THE MACHINE!" 'Pa: "So what do you do?" 'Ma: "You're supposed to talk." 'Pa: "When do you start talking?" 'Ma: "After it makes a beep sound." 'Pa: "Did it beep yet?" 'Ma: "I couldn't tell. You were talking." 'Pa: "I think it beeped already." (very formally) "Hello. This message is for my wonderful granddaughter, Esther, on the occaision of her 32nd birthday. This is your grandfather, Mr. Samuel Newmark calling." 'Ma: "And Mrs. Eva Newmark, her grandmother!" 'Pa: "Yes. This message is from both of her grandparents, the Newmarks. We are calling you to wish you a happy birthday." Both, roughly in unison: "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
Oh, how I miss them! I wish I had saved all those messages. No one could leave an answering machine message like Grandma and Grandpa!
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
All I ask is that people say who they are on the machine, so I know I called the right number.
Posted by Raia (Member # 4700) on :
I hate when people say "you've reached..." and then a number. That does NOT help. If you're going to say who the person has reached, say your freaking name!
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Tante, that's priceless. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I was just thinking the same thing, Belle.
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
My parents always told me it was stupid to have your kids' voices on the answering maching, because then any stalker or predator would know that you're not home AND there might be little kids there. Makes sense to me.
Posted by Pelegius (Member # 7868) on :
You are joking, right?
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
My message: This is (first name of my wife and I). Please leave us a message.
The only downfall to having such a short greeting is that it's sometimes too fast for telemarketers to hang up and we get blank messages.
My favorite was my in laws. My F-I-L is kinda slow and you can tell he's reading the text from the user guide when asking people to leave their name, number and a brief message. The funny part was at the end when you could here him mutter "Where's stop?" before he hit the button and you hear the beep.
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
My rant is about people who leave messages. I hate it when someone calls my cell phone and leaves a long voice mail message, especially when all they really had to say was, "Call me back." I have caller ID on my cell phone and if it is someone I know and love, their name pops up when they call. I know to call them back without the hassle of using my tedious voicemail system that will not let me fast forward or just delete without hearing the whole message.
Most of the time the only reason I don't answer is that I am trying to find the phone in my purse or under the carseat or buried in the sofa cushions and I am just not fast enough. In that case, I call right back. Otherwise, I still see a missed call and will call back as soon as I can. And half the time, I am already calling them back before they are done with their message.
I am not complaining if there is important info to relate like, "We are meeting at Bill's instead of Nate's," or "You pick up the kid at day care today since I have to work late." Messages like this, however, drive me nuts: "Hey, what's up? It's just me sitting around sculpting my belly button lint and thought I'd call. It's 3:30 here and I have no idea what time you get off work but when you do, give me a call. What time does school end anyway? When I was in school I think we were out by now but I guess you probably have to stay after since you're the teacher and all. Oh wait, when you call back, I might be in the shower (this lint is grimey you know) so if I don't answer, that's where I am. But you can always just leave a message and I will call you back. Or you know, I can just see you tomorrow at Mom's and we can finish discussing the whosiwhatsit from last week. Anyway, I better end this message now before I use up all your tape. Oh wait, you have voicemail! Silly me! Well, I'll just talk to you later. Call me. Bye!"
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
Mandy, do you have Cingular? Because I used to be able to delete voicemails without listening to the whole thing. Then sometime in November, they made me set up my voicemail again, and now it makes me listen to the message in its entirety before I can delete it!
-pH
Posted by MidnightBlue (Member # 6146) on :
I just get annoyed because my voicemail plays all of the messages that are marked for deletion (as in, I didn't delete them when I first listened to them, so they will stop being saved soon) before I can listen to my new voicemails.
Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
quote:Originally posted by Pelegius: Everyone knows how to use the bleeding thing. Thus, the usual message is pointless.
And everyone has heard every "clever" message you can think of. My issue is not with content so much as length. I had a friend who once put a clip of classical music with him and his housemates singing something about not being home in lengthy opera-style singing. It was about a minute and a half long. We then had to explain to them that this is why people called but never left messages. What a waste of time, for a joke that wasn't really funny in the first place.
--Enigmatic's not home. Leave a message. Beep.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I also hate it when people leave messages like, "Hi, it's me. Give me a call back. Bye."
Who the heck are you? Why do you expect me to recognize your voice?
-pH
Posted by Kayla (Member # 2403) on :
I used to use the automated machine voice (the one that comes on the machine,) but then my machine broke, so now I don't have one. It's not like I leave the house or anything, but if I don't recognize the number, I don't answer it. Why do people think that I'll answer after more than 3 or 4 rings? I mean, machines pick up after 4, so why let it ring 8 times? Now I just turn off the ringer. The hard part is remembering to turn it back on.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I have a brother-in-law that put a very long and supposedly humorous message on his machine. The first time I waitied all the way through it and as part of my message I said "I will never wait all the way through that message again. I will hang up instead and you will not get my message."
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
I've got the perfect answering maching recording:
Machine picks up. People expect the usual message. It starts:
"Oh, ok. I thought I'd missed ya. Just barely got to the phone on time. Whaddya want? You know what? It doesn't matter because it isn't me, this is the machine. So why don't you leave your name and phone number after the beep. Beep. Ha ha, got you again. The next beep."
End message.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
How original, Steve.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
That was old ten years ago.
Not funny.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
I'm a teenager. I'm allowed to be immature every now and then. And I can't be expected to be creative all of the time. Its very trying to have to out weird myself everytime I speak, be it at school or in public.
Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :
I only have my number on the machine. It was recommended to me when it was me and my roommate living alone, and I never got out of the habit. Also, my husband answers variously to Jim, James, and Jimmy, so we'd have to pick one.
Posted by Pelegius (Member # 7868) on :
Enigmatic, I object. The Wittgenstein was my own.This means a duel! Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
I have to change mine again. It used to be a sound clip (about 20 seconds) from the Transformers (the original) movie. Now it's a very rude, cranky message that might offend quite a number of people. Finally got rid of apparent telemarketer from LA. They only got replaced by some idiot out of Gloucester, VA. I like to have fun with mine because I hardly get any phone calls to begin with. I tell most people to never call me except if it's an emergency or they just need to talk with me. It's all due to this whacked out rotating shift schedule that I work. It's just easier on all of us.
Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
quote:Originally posted by Pelegius: Everyone knows how to use the bleeding thing. Thus, the usual message is pointless.
Um, no.
Here, it's still a rather new invention. People call us when we're not home, and if it's foreigners, we get a message.
If it's a local, we hear all sorts of confused muttering going on while whoever it is who called us tries to figure out what to do next.
Five times.
Posted by Bob_Scopatz (Member # 1227) on :
quote:I'm a teenager. I'm allowed to be immature every now and then. And I can't be expected to be creative all of the time. Its very trying to have to out weird myself everytime I speak, be it at school or in public.
This is perhaps the most eloquent statement on what it means to be a teenager that I have ever read. It feels so TRUE!
I remember when I got my first answering machine. The man came to our house and plugged it and set it up for us. He explained the IMPORTANCE of the proper message. He then proceded to record it FOR us so we wouldn't screw it up.
The script was:
"You have reached <insert PHONE NUMBER>. We can't come to the phone right now. At the tone, please leave your name, phone number and BRIEF message, and we get right back to you."
He then explained WHY you say your phone number, and not your name, and why you emphasize the word BRIEF.
It was a hoot.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
I'm glad that I was able to reveal one of the numerous truths of life to you. Now, can I have my brain back?
Posted by MandyM (Member # 8375) on :
I do have Cingular and I hate their voicemail. I used to have Sprint, which had better voicemail, but bad everything else. I just rarely check my messages. It drives my mother nuts. I told her not to leave messages anymore, that I will just call her back but she still does it. Oh, well. It could be worse. They could not call me at all.
Posted by kojabu (Member # 8042) on :
One of these days I'd love to have a voicemail answering thing that says, "hi Batman isn't in the batcave right now, please leave a message." Because telemarketers call my house asking for Mr/Mrs. Batman due to getting out last name wrong and I'm so tempted to say sorry they're out waxing the Batmobile.
One of my friends had a message that said [phone number] leave a message. It was so annoying.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
Do it, kojabu! Do it! And then give me your number, and don't pick up so that you can get many voicemails of me laughing like a moron.
I'm Batman! Hello, good citizen! You could be my assistant! Would you like that? Would you like to ride with Batman? To the Batcave!
-pH
Posted by Narnia (Member # 1071) on :
For those of you with Cingular, you can get to the end of the message by pressing 33. (It worked that way with AT&T, but I don't know if it works for Verizon etc.)
Posted by Tinros (Member # 8328) on :
Verizon, if you know the thing it says at the end of the message(press 7 to save, 9 to delete or whatever), you can just press those keys. You don't have to sit through the whole message, at least not for ones you've already listened to. I haven't checked on new messages.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: That was old ten years ago.
Yeah, but Steve wasn't.
Posted by Ralphie (Member # 1565) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester: Grandma: "I think it's the machine." Grandpa: "What?" Grandma: "THE MACHINE!" 'Pa: "So what do you do?" 'Ma: "You're supposed to talk." 'Pa: "When do you start talking?" 'Ma: "After it makes a beep sound." 'Pa: "Did it beep yet?" 'Ma: "I couldn't tell. You were talking." 'Pa: "I think it beeped already." (very formally) "Hello. This message is for my wonderful granddaughter, Esther, on the occaision of her 32nd birthday. This is your grandfather, Mr. Samuel Newmark calling." 'Ma: "And Mrs. Eva Newmark, her grandmother!" 'Pa: "Yes. This message is from both of her grandparents, the Newmarks. We are calling you to wish you a happy birthday." Both, roughly in unison: "Happy Birthday to you, happy birthday to you..."
Oh, how I miss them! I wish I had saved all those messages. No one could leave an answering machine message like Grandma and Grandpa!
That's brilliant.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
My grandfather actually used to habitually unplug the answering machine we bought him because he thought that the little red LED light (the one that indicates the machine is on) was wasting electricity.
We never managed to convince him to stop.
Posted by Beren One Hand (Member # 3403) on :
"He then explained WHY you say your phone number, and not your name...."
I agree with this completely. I always give the number and not my name. My friends all know my voice and number by heart, so they know it's me.
For first-time callers, they obviously know my number so the message gives them just enough information to verify that they've reached the right person.
Not giving your name prevents random callers, stalkers, and sales people from getting even more personal information about you.
Posted by Lynx (Member # 8760) on :
Our machine just says, "Hello, you've reached the Jacobson's. We're not in so leave a message and we'll try to get back to you." I said try because it's likely that me trying will be me just thinking that I really should call you back but not doing it. We have this... oh, lets call her a "friend" who any time she calls leaves a message going on and on in her awful voice about how we shouldn't say we're not in, people will rob us, blah blah blah. Her message on her machine was actually something like this, "Hi, we're home right now but we're too busy cleaning our guns to answer the phone. Leave us a message and we'll call you back after we finish putting in a mine field in our yard and feeding our rabid, flesh eating dog." *sigh* My mother-in-law's messages are the best! She just goes on and on and on and on and on until it just cuts her off mid sentence and then she'll call back and go on and on and on... you get the idea.
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester:
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: That was old ten years ago.
Yeah, but Steve wasn't.
Tante, you are quite right.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
quote:Hi, we're home right now but we're too busy cleaning our guns to answer the phone. Leave us a message and we'll call you back after we finish putting in a mine field in our yard and feeding our rabid, flesh eating dog.
If I ever get another home, I will make that my answering machine message.
-pH
Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :
I once sung the whole national anthem, of the United States, as a message on someone's answering machine. I even included that fireworks exploding at the end.
![[Mad]](mad.gif)
![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)
![[Evil]](graemlins/evil.gif)
![[Hat]](graemlins/hat.gif)
![[Party]](graemlins/party.gif)
![[Wall Bash]](graemlins/wallbash.gif)
![[Grumble]](graemlins/grumble.gif)
![[Monkeys]](graemlins/monkeys.gif)
![[Smile]](smile.gif)
(It worked that way with AT&T, but I don't know if it works for Verizon etc.)
![[ROFL]](graemlins/rofl.gif)