This is topic My first letter of recommendation - Help me make sure I include all the verbs!! in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.
I am a leader for the young women in my ward, and yesterday I was asked to write my first letter of recommendation. I'm impressed with the young woman in question, so that's no problem. She makes me feel like a complete slacker - I could do so much more!
I looked up online how to do it, and I think it is okay. I haven't known her very long, but I feel very good about the fulsome praise I heap on her in the letter.
I'm a little bemused by the experience. I guess this officially marks my transition to the other side - no longer a recipient of the establishment, I am now part of the establishment. I feel so grown up. And I'm desperately proofreading to make sure I don't drop any verbs in the letter.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Yeah, you wouldn't want to any verbs.
Way to go, kat! Sounds like they look up to you and value your opinion of them.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
In fact, just to make sure I don't miss anything and blow my chance to warp the next generation, here's what I wrote. Is this okay? (Name has been changed)
quote:Jen has been a member of our church youth group for the last six years. I am a leader in the youth group, and have had the pleasure interacting with Jen. She is focused, intelligent, and dedicated to her goals and to the people around her. Her diverse interests include music, outdoor activities, and leadership as well as academic pursuits. She has played the harp for six years, and her abilities were recognized at the All State Solo and Ensemble competition where she received a Superior rating. She has played in the varsity orchestra for three years as a Principal, playing as Second chair for two years and as co-concert master for one. In addition to the harp, she has played piano for three years and the violin for nine.
Jen is talented and diligently academically as well as musically. She is an AP scholar who is able to graduate a semester early from high school. She made a 31 on the ACT, and achieved stellar grades while making time for a part-time job at Sonic during the school year. Jen is talented at many subjects, including science and English, and she appreciates books and knowledge in all forms.
While pursuing music and academics, Jen has made time to also lead and achieve in other areas of her life. She attended Outward Bound as a merit-based scholarship recipient, and she was chosen to be the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership female representative from her high school and from all of north Texas. As the HOBY Ambassador from north Texas, she attended the World Leadership Congress in Washington D.C. and volunteered with the North Texas Seminar. Jen has also received her Young Woman’s Recognition Medallion, which represents six years of achieving personal goals and giving service to her community.
Overall, Jen is a talented and bright scholar who balances a life of music and knowledge with leadership, a curiosity about the world, and a compassion for those around her. I believe she can and will excel at anything she attempts, and I strongly recommend her for this scholarship.
Is it too long? I'm revising it now, but did I miss anything huge?
Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
The problem with verbs is that when you them, your sentence nonsensicle.
I this one time when I in school, I my verbs and my teacher that I really to harder. I like "whatever" and then I was detention, but I didn't.
Posted by Brinestone (Member # 5755) on :
I'd add a comma after "Ensemble competition" and before "where." I'd also lowercase the S in "second chair" and the P in "principal."
I don't think I'd include her ACT score in your letter, since that's not really something you personally can vouch for any better than her scores can themselves.
I like that you were specific. I had a boss write me a letter of recommendation once, and her letter was so vague that I knew she had no idea of what my strengths or weaknesses were as an editor. It was frustrating.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
quote: Jen is talented and diligently academically
And diligently does what academically?
Also, the line about working at Sonic throws me off. Not that there's anything wrong with Sonic, just that it has no relevance to her academic persuits. (I'm guessing)
Thats my 2 cents...
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
quote:Jen is talented and diligently academically as well as musically
You've got an extra "ly" in there.
quote:Jen has made time to also lead and achieve
I would move the "also" so it reads "Jen has also made time to . . ."
And in the first paragraph, what exactly does it mean to have "leadership" as an interest? That reads weirdly to me.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Good ideas. Here is what it says now:
quote:Jen has been a member of our church youth group for the last six years. I am a leader in the youth group, and have had the pleasure interacting with Jen. She is focused, intelligent, and dedicated to her goals and to the people around her. Her diverse interests include music, outdoor activities, and leadership as well as academic pursuits. She has played the harp for six years, and her abilities were recognized at the All State Solo and Ensemble competition, where she received a Superior rating. She has played in the varsity orchestra for three years as a principal, playing as second chair for two years and as co-concert master for one. In addition to the harp, she has played piano for three years and the violin for nine.
Jen is talented and diligently academically as well as musically. She is an AP scholar who is able to graduate a semester early from high school and made excellent grades while making time for a part-time job at Sonic during the school year. While pursuing music and academics, Jen has made time to also lead and achieve in other areas of her life. She attended Outward Bound as a merit-based scholarship recipient, and she was chosen to be the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership female representative from her high school and from all of north Texas. As the HOBY Ambassador from north Texas, she attended the World Leadership Congress in Washington D.C. and volunteered with the North Texas Seminar. Jen has also received her Young Woman’s Recognition Medallion, which represents six years of achieving personal goals and giving service to her community.
Overall, Jen is a talented and bright scholar who balances a life of music and knowledge with leadership, a curiosity about the world, and a compassion for those around her. I believe she can and will excel at anything she attempts, and I strongly recommend her for this scholarship.
dkw: Ooo, good point. I took out "diligently" altogether - I think it belonged to a different sentence I was writing in my head.
Edit: Added "think it" to the sentence above. Gyah! I swear, this is because of Latin. All the verbs I drop are not verbs in Latin but endings on other words or ommitted altogether. The above would have been an indirect sentence which whould have been clear by the infinitive form of "belong."
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
Way to go Dana. I couldn't decifer that part.
Also, to add to what I put about Sonic above, I don't think its bad to put in that she worked part time while going to school or even say something good she accomplished or that she was promoted while working. I just don't see that it helps her to mention the place she worked.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I like the second version better, but see my edits above.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Okay, I'll eliminate the place of work so no one starts dreaming of limeade and gets distracted from giving her money.
Latest version:
quote:Jen has been a member of our church youth group for the last six years. I am a leader in the youth group, and have had the pleasure interacting with Jen. She is focused, intelligent, and dedicated to her goals and to the people around her. Her diverse interests include music, outdoor activities, and academic pursuits. She has played the harp for six years, and her abilities were recognized at the All State Solo and Ensemble competition, where she received a Superior rating. She has played in the varsity orchestra for three years as a principal, playing as second chair for two years and as co-concert master for one. In addition to the harp, she has played piano for three years and the violin for nine.
Jen is talented academically as well as musically. She is an AP scholar who is able to graduate a semester early from high school and made excellent grades while making time for a part-time job during the school year. While pursuing music and academics, Jen has also made time to lead and achieve in other areas of her life. She attended Outward Bound as a merit-based scholarship recipient, and she was chosen to be the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership female representative from her high school and from all of north Texas. As the HOBY Ambassador from north Texas, she attended the World Leadership Congress in Washington D.C. and volunteered with the North Texas Seminar. Jen has also received her Young Woman’s Recognition Medallion, which represents six years of achieving personal goals and giving service to her community.
Overall, Jen is a talented and bright scholar who balances a life of music and knowledge with leadership, a curiosity about the world, and a compassion for those around her. I believe she can and will excel at anything she attempts, and I strongly recommend her for this scholarship.
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
I'm still in the recieving letters of rec stage, but at the point where I am particularly concerned with how they are written and not just that they are complimentary.
The things you mention are all really good, but think about what you alone can mention about her. What individual experiences have you had with her that are distinct. Don't just say you interacted with her, mention exactly how, in what capacity, and specific good qualities she exibited as part of those interactions.
One of the best letters I recieved was from some one I thought didn't know me that well--but he remembered a couple of things I had said and done. I'd actually forgotten them, but his ability to mention such details was much more convincing then any generalities.
As for the other activities, talk to her about if she plans on including them in another way, because if you don't have personal interaction with her achievement in those spheres, your mentioning of it is less convincing.
In case you are wondering, they let us read the letters of rec that were from our aplications to grad school once we got in. So that is where I got to read them.
Posted by peterh (Member # 5208) on :
You may want to edit out the name in your last post...
Posted by MattB (Member # 1116) on :
Hm. It's a little list-y; is there anything you can say about your own impressions of her that wouldn't already be on her resume? I know you haven't seen much of her, but can you say something about being impressed with her love of To Kill a Mockingbird or some other slightly more specific nugget that the committee wouldn't know otherwise?
(Hi. )
Edit: sarcare makes good points. Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
(Hi. *beams*)
Is that what they are looking for? I could definitely add that - she really loves books. *goes to add*
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
quote:while making time for a part-time job during the school year. While pursuing music and academics, Sabrina has also made time to lead and achieve in other areas of her life.
Too many "time"s.
And I agree with the listy. What impresses you most about this girl, from your interaction with her?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Made all suggested changes. Good eyes!
quote:Jen has been a member of our church youth group for the last six years. I am a leader in the youth group, and have had the pleasure interacting with Jen. She is focused, intelligent, and dedicated to her goals and to the people around her. Her diverse interests include music, outdoor activities, and academic pursuits. She has played the harp for six years, and her abilities were recognized at the All State Solo and Ensemble competition, where she received a Superior rating. She has played in the varsity orchestra for three years as a principal, playing as second chair for two years and as co-concert master for one. In addition to the harp, she has played piano for three years and the violin for nine.
Jen is talented academically as well as musically. She is an AP scholar who is able to graduate a semester early from high school and made excellent grades while making time for a part-time job during the school year. Jen’s love of knowledge and books is real. During one of our conversations, she delineated why she loves To Kill a Mockingbird. I was impressed by her informed evaluations of the books she alternatively respected and disliked. Jen attended Outward Bound as a merit-based scholarship recipient, and she was chosen to be the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership female representative from all of north Texas. In our youth group, she is considerate towards and respected by her peers. Jen has also received her Young Woman’s Recognition Medallion, which represents six years of achieving personal goals and giving service to her community.
Overall, Jen is a talented and bright scholar who balances a life of music and knowledge with leadership, a curiosity about the world, and a compassion for those around her. I believe she can and will excel at anything she attempts, and I strongly recommend her for this scholarship.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
One error I can still see is in the second sentence. You need "of" after "pleasure."
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Thank you for the help, everyone. If there are no other suggestions, I think I'll print it out in about ten minutes. Thank you.
Good catch, afr. I have fixed that.
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
I haven't read everything yet, but I just wanted to ask: Jen is appropriate, rather than Ms Smith or something? I have no idea how old she is or what the rules are.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
It's amazing how those little changes make it sound so much more personal.
One more nit to pick:
quote:I was impressed by her informed evaluations of the books she alternatively respected and disliked.
At first I thought she was vacillating on whether or not she liked the books. How about "informed evaluations of the books she respects as well as the ones she dislikes" ? And I would leave out the specific title, just in case the reader has and irrational distaste for To Kill a Mockingbird."
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Um...I'm not sure. I looked up "How to write a letter of recomendation" online, and the examples all used the first name. Does anyone else know?
dkw: That's a good idea about the sentence restructing - I knew something sounded off. Hm...about the name of the book, I think it's a balance between making the anecdote specific versus avoiding possible negative associations with that specific book. I think I'll leave it in so it's still memorable, and I can only hope that To Kill a Mockingbird is respected universally enough for it to be a selling point. Although my brain is amused by a Valley of the Dolls scenario.
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
It is better, but it still doesn't come out that you know her that well. It looks like a rundown of her resume with some other personal stuff thrown in.
Put the personal stuff at the top, to indicate why they should listen to you about her. For instance: Jen has been a member of our church youth group for the last six years. I am a leader in the youth group, and have had the pleasure interacting with Jen. During my time working with her, she has completed the work on her Young Woman’s Recognition Medallion. This represents...
Mention specific service projects she participated in, and any details you can remember. This is what you personally know about, it is your area of expertise. Put it at the front and make it shine!
Then put the other details, with your personal spin--like the detail about the book.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I think for a student applying for a scholarship first name is fine. For a job application, or if she worked for you, Ms Smith would be better.
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
My letters are all about Ms. W. But they are more formal--this is a personal recomendation, not an employmee or academic one.
Though several profs I've known say they look for the tone more then specifics in letters.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
The first sentence of the second paragraph: I would simply say "Jen is talented academically as well" since you don't mention music anymore.
Second paragraph, second sentence: she earned excellent grades.
Second paragraph, third sentence: I don't get what you mean by "real."
Put To Kill a Mockingbird in italics.
The whole second paragraph is now kind of a hodge-podge of a bunch of different ideas. I liked how you handled it in earlier versions. You could put your own observations about her in a separate paragraph, or break up that second paragraph into more cohesive chunks and expand on each.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Okay, I've revamped it again. I'm a little afraid it's too long now - maybe I should eliminate some of the musical accomplishments?
quote:Jen has been a member of our church youth group for the last six years. I am a leader in the youth group, and have had the pleasure of interacting with Jen. Jen has received her Young Woman’s Recognition Medallion, which represents six years of achieving personal goals and giving service to her community. Among the projects she undertook to earn this recognition, she taught harp lessons at the local middle school and volunteered at the Irving Art Center, teaching violin classes for their summer youth program.
Jen's diverse interests include music, outdoor activities, and academic pursuits. She has played the harp for six years, three of which were in the varsity orchestra. Her abilities were recognized at the All State Solo and Ensemble competition, where she received a Superior rating. In addition to the harp, she has played piano for three years and the violin for nine. Jen attended Outward Bound as a merit-based scholarship recipient, and she was chosen to be the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership female representative from all of north Texas. In our youth group, she is considerate towards and respected by her peers.
Jen is talented academically as well. She is an AP scholar who is able to graduate a semester early from high school and earned excellent grades while making time for a part-time job during the school year. Jen has a love of knowledge and books. During one of our conversations, she delineated why she loves To Kill a Mockingbird, and I was impressed by her informed evaluations of the books she respects as well as the books she dislikes.
Overall, Jen is a talented and bright scholar who balances a life of music and knowledge with leadership, a curiosity about the world, and a compassion for those around her. I believe she can and will excel at anything she attempts, and I strongly recommend her for this scholarship.
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
"I am a leader in the youth group, and have had the pleasure of interacting with Jen."
Would it be worth adding in how long you have known her, or how closely y'all have worked together? Just takes a few more words.
"Among the projects she undertook to earn this recognition, she taught harp lessons at the local middle school and volunteered at the Irving Art Center, teaching violin classes for their summer youth program."
That doesn't seem right somehow.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Maybe replace the comma with a "by"?
I haven't known her very long, so I don't think it would be helpful to include that part. In all honesty, she probably should have asked someone who has known her longer to do it. While I have listed some accomplishments of hers that I did not witness, I do not give her a better evaluation than I think she deserves. She makes me feel like such a slacker.
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
She undertook several projects to earn this recognition including teaching harp lessons at the local middle school and teaching violin classes for the summer youth program at the Irving Art Center.
That seems less awkward to me.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Oh, that's good. You're right - the clause was modifying the projects and not her.
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
She is an AP scholar who is able to graduate a semester early from high school and earned excellent grades while making time for a part-time job during the school year
The verb tenses are off... did she already graduate? That is listed present tense and the job is listed past tense.
Posted by sarcare (Member # 8736) on :
You may want to clarify that she recieved the award from the group you know her from--did she recieve it while you were working with her? Just something to connect the two bits.
It looks good! How long was it supposed to be? My recs are all over a page.
Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
Third paragraph, third sentence: Just "Jen."
I don't think it's too terribly long, personally. It definitely reads better than before and is a fair list of her accomplishments. You could still put yourself in there more, like at the end of the second paragraph: "In our youth group, I have remarked time and time again how considerate she is and how much she is respected by her peers." Something like that.
You could also add yourself in much more in the beginning of the first paragraph. Did you work with her as she earned the medallion? Etc.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Hmm..the problem is that I haven't actually been a YW leader for very long.
Okay, I think it's close :
quote:Jen has been a member of our church youth group for the last six years. I am a leader in the youth group, and have had the pleasure of interacting with Jen. While in this group, Jen received her Young Woman’s Recognition Medallion, which represents six years of achieving personal goals and giving service to her community. She undertook several projects to earn this recognition, including teaching harp lessons at the local middle school and teaching violin classes for the summer youth program at the Irving Art Center.
Jen’s diverse interests include music, outdoor activities, and academic pursuits. She has played the harp for six years, three of which were in the varsity orchestra. Her abilities were recognized at the All State Solo and Ensemble competition, where she received a Superior rating. In addition to the harp, she has played piano for three years and the violin for nine. Jen attended Outward Bound as a merit-based scholarship recipient, and she was chosen to be the Hugh O’Brian Youth Leadership female representative from all of north Texas. In our youth group, I have noticed how she is considerate towards and respected by her peers.
Jen is talented academically as well. She is an AP scholar who is able to graduate a semester early from high school and earns excellent grades while making time for a part-time job during the school year. Jen has a love of knowledge and books. During one of our conversations, she delineated why she loves To Kill a Mockingbird, and I was impressed by her informed evaluations of the books she respects as well as the books she dislikes.
Overall, Jen is a talented and bright scholar who balances a life of music and knowledge with leadership, a curiosity about the world, and a compassion for those around her. I believe she can and will excel at anything she attempts, and I strongly recommend her for this scholarship.
Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
Looks very nice.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Cool. I'm printing now. Posted by advice for robots (Member # 2544) on :
I think it's a good letter, kat.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Thanks to y'all. Thank you so much - I love Hatrack. *hugs* Thank you.
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