Hatrack River Forum: Updating History of the World Part I

This is topic Updating History of the World Part I in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

I finished watching Mel Brooks History of the World Part I and found it midly entertaining. The phrase, "Its good to be the King" is a classic.

However, when they did the "Spanish Inquisition Musical" my mind jumped. I wonder what it would take to convince Mr. Brooks to rework that bit with a more modern flair, say something like:

Enter Torturers in Torture Costumes--black hoods, leather, the usual:

They sing: "The Inquisition (Let's begin)
The Inquisition (Look out sin)
We have a mission to convert Al Qeda (da, da, duh, duh)
We're gonna teach them wrong from right.
We're gonna help them see the light
and make an offer that they can't refuse. (That those fools just can't refuse)"

Close up to two Arabs being tortured:

"Confess, don't be boring.
Say yes, don't be dull.
A fact you're ignoring:
It's better to lose your jihad
than your forehead
(or your govalt!)"

More Torturers dancing by,

"The Inquisition (what a show)
The Inquisition (in Git Mo)
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away.
But the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!"

One older Arab, in chains, sings to another:

"I was sitting in a old mosque.
I was minding my own bees wax.
I was listening to a lovely Arab mass.
Then these Patriots they plunged in
and they throw me in a dungeon
and they shove a red hot poker up my @#$#.
Is that considerate? Is that polite?
And not a tube of Preperation H in sight!"

The second responds

"I'm sittin' flickin' chickens
and I'm lookin' through the pickins'
and suddenly these marines pull down the walls.
I didn't even know them
and they grabbed my by the sc#$$%#%
and started playing ping pong with my b$#@$!
Ooh, the agony! Ooh, the shame!
To make my privates public for a game?"

Dancing Torturers dance by:

"The Inquisition (what a show)
The Inquisition (loves GitMo)
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away.
But the Inquisition's here and it's here to-"

Enter Mr. Cheney
"Hey VP Cheney, walk this way."
Mr. Cheney
"I just got back from Water Boarding today."
Torturers
"Water Boarding? What's Water Boarding hey?"
Cheney
"It's what we oughtn't to do but we do anyway."
Dialog between more torturees and VP Cheney
"Will you convert? "No, no, no, no."
"Will you confess? "No, no, no, no."
Will you revert? "No, no, no, no."
Will you say yes? "No, no, no, no!"
Now I asked in a nice way, I said, "Pretty please."
I bent their ears, now I'll work on their knees!"
Drum solo as Mr. Cheney bounces hammers off their knees.

Lead Torturer--"Hey Mr. Cheney, walk this way. We got a little game that you might wanna play,
so pull that handle, try you're luck."
Who knows, Dick, you might win a buck!"
Plays Tortured Rack / Slots

VP: "How we doin', any converts today?"
Chorus: "Not a one, nay, nay, nay."
VP: "We flattened their fingers,
we branded their buns!
Nothing is working! Send in the puns!"

Chorus: "The Inquisition, what a show.
The Inquisition, here in GitMo.
We know you're wishin' that we'd go away!
So all you Muslims and you liberals too
We got big news for all of yous:
You'd better change your point of views TODAY!
'Cause the Inquisition's here and it's here to stay!

ok. It needs work.

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :

[ROFL]

Posted by Dragon (Member # 3670) on :

haha

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

And I beleive I heard President Bush explain his defence of domestic spying as--"Its good to be the king."

Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :

I have fond memories of History of the World, I and II. Mel Brooks is kind of the patron saint of 12 year old boys everywhere. [Smile]

Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Storm Saxon:
I have fond memories of History of the World, I and II.

Didn't think there was a II...am I missing something?

Posted by Storm Saxon (Member # 3101) on :

quote:

At the very end of the film there is a teaser-trailer for History of the World: Part II, which promises to feature a Viking funeral, Hitler on Ice, and Jews in Space. The melody for the "Jews in Space" song was later recycled by Brooks for the "Men in Tights" musical number in Robin Hood: Men in Tights. The music that underscores the Viking Funeral segment is Vorybraninov's Theme, composed for an earlier Brooks film called The Twelve Chairs.

Posted by aiua (Member # 7825) on :

Um...so, you have fond memories of the trailer?

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Doesn't everyone?

Posted by Dan_raven (Member # 3383) on :

I have some found memories that took place in a trailer, but that's something entirely different.

Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :

Were you opening Christmas presents on the set of Steven Spielberg's move Munich? In his trailer? Must be great to be friends with a multi-million dollar director. Or am I mistaking you for someone else?

Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :

I recently rewatched 'Blazing Saddles', and was sad to discover that, although it still had a few genuinely funny moments, it didn't come close to living up to my memory of how funny it was.

I might check out 'The Producers' this weekend if I get a chance, for something a little more contemporary.

oh, and Dan- [Big Grin]

Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :

The original The Producers? Or the new one. I haven't seen the new one. But I have the original on DVD. Its a classic.

Posted by Megan (Member # 5290) on :

I agree with you, Scythrop, about Blazing Saddles.

History of the World, however, is still a scream. [Big Grin]

Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :

It'd have to be the remake, it's showing in the cinemas here.

I'd forgotten all about 'History of the World'. I'll chase that up too. I think Imogen would like it...

Posted by SteveRogers (Member # 7130) on :

The original The Producers is really good too, though!

Posted by Scythrop (Member # 5731) on :

What I'd really like to see is the stage version, but sadly, here in Australia, it's only showing in Sydney and Melbourne, and not expected to make it all the way across to Perth, so unless I get an unexpected trip to the east coast in the next little while, I'm out of luck.

Posted by ctm (Member # 6525) on :

In the Hannukah rant thread, when people were discussing an Orthodox Jew on a space ship, the "Jews in Space" song kept running through my head.