This is topic Love Advice? in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Stone_Wolf_ (Member # 8299) on :
I met this girl, her name is Nicole. We met on, and had our first date last Saturday. We are having our second date this Saturday, and have been calling, txting and email everyday. We hit it off soooooooo well...I can't get her out my head (and don't want to). Neither of us can eat, and sleeping has been problematic as well. She lives about an hour's drive away from me...

We are having serious trouble, because we both want to give it enough time for the relationship to develop properly, but there is this connection between us that is undeniable. We keep having to bite back words, and then there is this silence, not a nervous one, but we both know there are words to be said that can't be said yet.

That and there is real sparkage between us, and neither of us want to rush into a physical relationship, and yet both of us want to rush into a physical relationship, if you know what I mean.

We are going hiking in the mountains, bringing a pick nick lunch this Saturday.

Any advice about starting up a relationship in general would be helpful, and any advice about starting a relationship with someone you really think you could be serious about would be MORE than helpful.

Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
Sounds like fun and not far from my meeting with a fellow Hatracker (whom I now live with).

Use protection. Be honest. No games.

I think that sums it up.
Posted by sydneybristow (Member # 9198) on :
My advice would be to try not to get physical too soon, because once you start that, it is hard to cool off enough to get to know each other. Have fun, hang around friends. Make sure that you have the same goals in life and the same things are important to both of you.

And then get married. [Smile] That's my advice- has worked so far. Married 11 years this April!!
Posted by cheiros do ender (Member # 8849) on :
You feel this way because you already got to know each other online, so theres not so much need for introductory small talk now. (You probably knew that but it was neccessary to make my point.) Thing is, just cause you already have doesn't mean you shouldn't bother winning her heart all over again. After all, that's what lovers do each Valentine's Day.

Of course, this might not be applicable for you, but I first got to know my girlfriend online in a similiar situation (Except she lives 3 hours away, not 1 [Frown] ), so I'm just talking from experience.
Posted by Shanna (Member # 7900) on :
When you've got that spark, I would also advise against getting physical too soon. Its tempting, so tempting but too much, too fast can be bad. I was in the exact same situation when my boyfriend and I started dating. We met in real-life but from our first meeting on everything was a whirlwind love affair.

Even if you got to know each online, you can learn something new about a person everyday. Turn that passionate energy towards really discovering each other on a mental and emotional level. Share secrets, share experiences, etc.

It may be hard to keep a foot on the brake but each phase in the relationship needs to happen naturally. If you doubt its the right time to say something, it probably is. You'll know when its right, when that hesitation isn't there. When you let each stage happen in its own good time, it lets you enjoy them more. Savor this relationship. Its a fine meal, not McDonalds.
Posted by theresa51282 (Member # 8037) on :
I will just echo a lot of what everyone else says. I was good friends with my fiance before we ever entertained romantic feelings for each other. When we did discover them, they hit us over the head hard. The end result is that physically the relationship moved pretty fast. I regret that still. I miss the fact that I never got the chance to really reflect on and enjoy our first kiss and anticipate the second one. I miss the fact that I never got to sit and wonder what it would be like to spend the night together. I even miss that we never really had the space between dates so that it could seem like I had the experience of dating him. We moved right from friends to significant others who saw each other all the time and I do miss having that in between time. Plus at one point it caused serious problems in the relationship that required it to be backed up and rebuilt. Good luck and enjoy it!
Posted by Valentine014 (Member # 5981) on :
Perhaps my situation was unique then. Xavier and I got physical fast and we're still together two years later. I felt that when we met we had already known each other for years. Physical was just the next logical step (for us). It also felt right. We are mature adults and I still think we made the right decision. Not to mention, we only had a few days together before he had to go back home to California (I was living in Nebraska).
Posted by Jay (Member # 5786) on :
Do some group things!
Posted by theresa51282 (Member # 8037) on :
Valentine, I am still with the guy. In fact we are getting married in 88 days [Wink] . Anyways, I just meant that I wish I had time to experience the deepening of the relationship more slowly so as to savor it all. But I understand how it could work for some especially if it is long distance you won't get to see each other again for awhile.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
I don't think your situation was unique, Val. I think people give advice from their own experience, comfort levels, and moral values. If Stone and this girl feel like they shouldn't be moving too fast, then they're probably right to try to hit the brakes. If, however, they're just hitting the brakes because they feel that's what's expected of them, then it might be unnecessary.

I, too, have had fine experiences with moving quickly in physical relationships, where both parties are consenting adults who want to do so, and no one is being pressured. If that's the case with you guys, then I echo Val's advice -- use protection, be honest with each other, and don't play games. And have fun!

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