This is topic Do guys "hit on" you? A poll of sorts (Title now changed for clarity!) in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.


To visit this topic, use this URL:
http://www.hatrack.com/ubb/main/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=2;t=041785

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
OK, this started from a Sakeriver conversation, but I am bringing the question here because Hatrack is a more heavily populated forum (I think).

I brought up the fact that as I've been on the fora, I have heard a lot of our Jatraqueras talk about how often guys "pick up" on them, and I began thinking, "Huh. Guys don't 'pick up' on me. Never have. I don't think I am unattractive. What gives?"

It was suggested that hair color might be a major factor. I have *very* dark hair, and several girls mentioned that the more blonde they look, the more guys pick up on them.

I am kinda disturbed that hair color alone could effect so dramatically how guys perceive a girl, that I want to test this theory. So for purely scientific purposes (heh) I would like y'all to humor me. I want to find out how hair color effects this on average when all other criteria are removed.

I apologize if this poll is offensive (like asking a woman her weight or age). Feel free to answer anonymously if you like.

I am looking for female responses here, and answers to 2 questions.

1) Are you blonde, brunette, or other? (If "other," please explain)

2) Do guys "pick up" on you?

For me:

Brunette

No

[ March 07, 2006, 07:08 PM: Message edited by: beverly ]
 

---

Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
 
I'm male, so I don't qualify, but you might want to get an estimation of how often it occurs. Say, X number of times a week/month?
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
I figured I would keep it simple. I don't get picked up on "at all". So, any number of times would be a "yes".

But at the same time, feel free to elaborate. It is a good suggestion.
 

---

Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 
My ex-wife has black hair, and it's never been uncommon for guys to try to "pick her up".
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
She gets to be part of the poll.
 

---

Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
 
Brunette

Occasionally

A couple of weeks ago 3 seperate young men in their 20s all started talking to me in the grocery store. I'm quite a bit older than that and I'm heavier than I would like but I must have been giving off a glow or something. (or maybe they just wanted to talk to me? I don't know. I'm really really bad at figuring such things out.)

It doesn't happen very often, however...

Pix
 

---

Posted by maui babe (Member # 1894) on :
 
I'm a "light" brunette, and I guess I get hit on now and then. I'm usually oblivious to it, and my daughters have to clue me in.
 

---

Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
 
Blonde.
Not ones that have seen me in person. The only "pick-ups" I've had in the last 15 years have been over the web.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
Brunette.

Sometimes. More often when I'm blonde.
 

---

Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
 
Brunette

No, though when I was younger, yes. Age, I think, has a factor, but part of it too is the near total lack of opportunity. I work from home. When I'm out, I'm almost always with my family. It takes a brave sort of man to flirt with a woman toting a 13 year old and a 3 year old with her.
 

---

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
 
Brunette with silver, uh, highlights.

And yes, sometimes. But I really do think it is a result of where I spend my time. And the condition of some of the men in those places. Remember sometime an attempt at pick up is a slurred, "well you're really not bad looking".

ps to Goody. At the other place I pm'd you my phone number in case this weekend works for you re: lunch.
 

---

Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
 

quote:

---

Brunette with silver, uh, highlights.

---

Nice one.

At the risk of starting a male counterpart to this poll, I'm more likely to try and pick up on a brunette.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Cool, Juxta.

I have no problem with some men prefering blondes. As long as a comparative number prefer brunettes or redheads.
 

---

Posted by Swampjedi (Member # 7374) on :
 
I don't 'pick up' at all, though if I did, long and dark (or red) is better.
 

---

Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
 
I have never, ever tried to "pick up" somone that I didn't already know.
 

---

Posted by DarkKnight (Member # 7536) on :
 
Beverly, in my experience as a guy I have noticed that a lot of women totally miss if a guy is trying to pick them up. Granted, I don't know you, but I would bet a lot of money that guys have tried to pick you up and you missed it for any number of reasons. Sometimes guys are totally lame about how they try to do the pick up, or the girl thinks they are just being nice. I'm sure it happens much more than you think it does. It's one of those "I see it happening to others but not me" things. Other women are probably looking at you and think the exact same thing.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

I'm sure it happens much more than you think it does.

---

I will admit that this is certainly possible. And this is horrible of me to say, but it is the crass and obvious attempts that I never get. Not that I want to be treated like a sex object, but I still wonder why others are while I am not. Delicate situation there.

Kate has a good point about the locations, but most of the anecdotal "pick ups" I hear about are not at such places.

And I am taking my youth into full account here, not just "me now". (I am 31, but I look better at 31 than I did at 25. Though to be fair, I looked better at 15 than I do now.)
 

---

Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by beverly:

quote:

---

I'm sure it happens much more than you think it does.

---

I will admit that this is certainly possible. And this is horrible of me to say, but it is the crass and obvious attempts that I never get. Not that I want to be treated like a sex object, but I still wonder why others are while I am not. Delicate situation there.

---

I feel exactly the same way. The one time I've ever been treated like a sex object (I overheard some guys talking about me and a friend at the mall) it made me feel dirty and used. But I still wonder if the reason it doesn't happen is because I'm not pretty enough.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Blacwolve, I *totally* understand. It may seem like a contradiction to others, but it makes perfect sense to me.
 

---

Posted by sweetbaboo (Member # 8845) on :
 
light brown

As I started writing this I said that I was flirted with a lot more when I was blonde (my hair has gotten progessively darker with each child I've had) but my life has changed a lot since I was blonde.

I am a SAHM who is married. I get out to go to the grocery store, my kids activities, to do things with my family or to church and that's about it. Rarely do I go out on my own or just with a group of girls where a flirt might be more common place.

So I think that this is a much more invovled than just hair color, but interesting nonetheless.
 

---

Posted by DarkKnight (Member # 7536) on :
 

quote:

---

I will admit that this is certainly possible. And this is horrible of me to say, but it is the crass and obvious attempts that I never get. Not that I want to be treated like a sex object, but I still wonder why others are while I am not. Delicate situation there.

---

That could be because you don't present yourself as a 'crass and obvious' kind of woman? We men are plenty stupid about a lot of things, but we are not completely stupid about everything. We, for the most part, attempt to 'cater' to our audience. So if a woman is dressed or presents herself as 'crass and obvious' we assume, for right or wrong, that we can be 'crass and obvious'.
 

---

Posted by Katarain (Member # 6659) on :
 
Brunette

No

I think a large part of it is that I put out a large Not Available, Not Interested, Very Married vibe. But only part. Because I've never been hit on. That I noticed, anyway.
 

---

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by DarkKnight:
Beverly, in my experience as a guy I have noticed that a lot of women totally miss if a guy is trying to pick them up. Granted, I don't know you, but I would bet a lot of money that guys have tried to pick you up and you missed it for any number of reasons. Sometimes guys are totally lame about how they try to do the pick up, or the girl thinks they are just being nice. I'm sure it happens much more than you think it does. It's one of those "I see it happening to others but not me" things. Other women are probably looking at you and think the exact same thing.

---

quote:

---

Not that I want to be treated like a sex object, but I still wonder why others are while I am not. Delicate situation there.

---

quote:

---

That could be because you don't present yourself as a 'crass and obvious' kind of woman?

---

quote:

---

As for anecdotes, beverly, have I never shared my collection of really bad pick up stories?

---

Not that I've seen. I love a good story, if you'd like to share.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

I get whistled at or comments shouted at me when I wear my hair down.

---

Interesting. This reminds me of ElJay's hair length comment.

I usually wear my hair down--I prefer to. But when it is hot, I have to wear it up for the extra air conditioning.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

The problem is that if guys are treating women like sex objects, you should be in that number. As long as some guys are hitting on some women, then they should be hitting on you too.

---

You totally get it.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Shanna, I remember one of my past boyfriends telling me that back when he asked me out for the first time he was trying to decide between me and my roommate.

I figured he found us attractive for similar reasons, so I was intrigued by the comment. She was a redhead (very red) with a "haughty princess" look to her. If I were a guy, I would find her intimidating. Maybe guys find me intimidating.
 

---

Posted by Kristen (Member # 9200) on :
 
Blonde.

Yes

I do get "picked up" on a somewhat regular basis, but I live in a city so I encounter a lot more people on a daily basis, and I'm young and still go out quite often.

On the other hand, I know a LOT of guys who prefer brunettes. Because so much of blonde hair is fake, they are smart enough to realize that blonde bombshell= $50+ a week of going to the hairdresser. Also, dark hair is more mysterious and elegant! If I weren't so pale, I'd totally dye my hair dark brown
 

---

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
 
Well, there was the "you're not bad looking" guy -who then promptly fell asleep with his head on the bar.

There was the guy staying at the expensive hotel who, after I declined, kept coming back every so often to say, "but I have a suite!" Like this will make a difference?

But my favorite was the otherwise charming Irish guy, "Now, come on Katie, you're not getting any younger."
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
I think the "vibe" is definitely important. I'm a friendly person...I'm a "people person." So whether I'm actually OUT and looking to be social or just going to the store, I think I generally come off as approachable. I like to strike up random coversations.

-pH
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Kate, those made me chuckle.
 

---

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
 
Me, too. Good to have a sense of humour!
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kristen:
Blonde.

Yes

I do get "picked up" on a somewhat regular basis, but I live in a city so I encounter a lot more people on a daily basis, and I'm young and still go out quite often.

On the other hand, I know a LOT of guys who prefer brunettes. Because so much of blonde hair is fake, they are smart enough to realize that blonde bombshell= $50+ a week of going to the hairdresser. Also, dark hair is more mysterious and elegant! If I weren't so pale, I'd totally dye my hair dark brown

---

You'd be surprised; a lot of times being pale and having dark hair can go nicely together. I'm naturally a dark ash blonde, but anything from red to dark auburn looks pretty good with my skintone. My natural color kind of makes me look pasty, whereas the red makes me look...porcelain, I guess.

-pH
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
I have *extremely* light skin and *extremely* dark hair. Add to that green eyes and unconcealably rosy cheeks.
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
I put myself in the "vampirically pale" category. When I buy foundation, I buy the lightest one on the shelf, and it's still sometimes too dark.

As I've said before, when I go out in the sun, I burst into flames.

-pH
 

---

Posted by Eaquae Legit (Member # 3063) on :
 
Brunette.

Never.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

When I buy foundation, I buy the lightest one on the shelf, and it's still sometimes too dark.

---

I hear ya.
 

---

Posted by R. Ann Dryden (Member # 8186) on :
 
From age 12 to 21 I got hit on constantly. And I didn't date, so I couldn't have had a reputation as being 'easy'. I could always point to at least 6 guys at a time that liked me. But it helped that I never liked them back, or maybe I would have dated more.

Total strangers used to hit on me all the time, including old men. I never went to bars or clubs either, but I'd get asked out while in line at a drugstore, while stopped at a traffic light with the window down, all kinds of times.

I've been hit on by waiters while having dinner with my parents and siblings (I'm the oldest of 8). I caused a traffic accident when I was 13 - some guy was staring at me so hard he drove into a semi truck.

And yet, with all that, I was a virgin on my wedding night. It was tough, but I made it.

And after I put on the ring, I almost never got hit on again. Maybe twice, and I've been married five years now. Of course, I have gained weight and I don't think I'm attractive anymore, but that wouldn't have been true right after the wedding. Oh well. It's just as well, really.

I think part of the reason guys liked me is that I was real. I never pretended to be something I wasn't. I was kind of a nerd, but I was nice. I didn't belittle guys for daring to ask me out. I always took it as a compliment. I almost never wore makeup or did my hair, either. Though the strangers were more likely to hit on me on days when I took the time to look nice. With guys I saw at school or work it didn't matter.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Rachel--if I had that sort of experience growing up, I would feel pretty confident than men in general found me attractive. I'd like to think I'd have a lot less insecurities, even if I didn't look as good now as in my youth. But how can I really know that? Grass is always greener, I guess.

Oh, and BTW, what color is your hair?
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
I have no idea why I got hit on.

I do know that it never worked on me. I don't/didn't like it when guys liked me for what I looked like, and no one ever came up with the killer pick up line of "You seem like you read Orson Scott Card."

Now that would have worked.
 

---

Posted by Kristen (Member # 9200) on :
 
Beverly: Your coloring is gorgeous! If guys don't hit on you, it's probably because they think you are TOO pretty.

pH: Good point. I know plenty of beautiful pale brunettes, but my eyebrows are blonde and I don't think my eyes are dramatic enough to offset the "Morticia" look. And I can totally relate to always buying the lightest shade of everything...
 

---

Posted by Uhleeuh (Member # 6803) on :
 
I'm brunette and wear my hair up in a bun or in a braid 99% of the time. When I wear it down, it's to my lower back and wavy/curly. Since I'm hardly ever seen with my hair down, I can't comment on whether or not I feel that makes any difference in my being picked up on.

As for being picked up on, I'm not sure that what happens to me counts. I get the most comments from guys when I'm walking and they're driving by. They hardly ever see the front of me, they just know I'm a female and make their comments.

More often than not, I'm told by friends and family that I don't look very friendly. I hardly ever smile when I'm walking around unless I'm thinking of something funny or in a really, really good mood. However, I do make a point of smiling and saying hi when approaching another person who is walking toward me. Every other time I'm out, I'm either with my mom -at which point I smile all the time- or I'm with my nieces/nephews. I think people tend to think my nieces and nephews are my children. A young, and from the looks of it, single mother with 2-5 kids hanging off her? I wouldn't think that's attractive to most guys.
 

---

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
 
I've got pretty fair skin given my hair colour, too. I suspect that when I do get hit on it has something to do with the fact that I sing.
 

---

Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by katharina:
I have no idea why I got hit on.

I do know that it never worked on me. I don't/didn't like it when guys liked me for what I looked like, and no one ever came up with the killer pick up line of "You seem like you read Orson Scott Card."

Now that would have worked.

---

quote:

---

If guys don't hit on you, it's probably because they think you are TOO pretty.

---

Wow! That is very kind of you to say. I don't believe it, sadly.
 

---

Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
 
My hair has varied through the years from blonde to light brown to reddish, and I'm not very pretty. My weight has also fluctuated over the years. I haven't noticed any difference in attention from males based on hair color; however, I will say that when my hair is longer and I am thinner I have been more likely to be noticed.

It's almost unheard of for men to hit on me "out of the blue"; I remember one time this guy in a grocery store was trying to chat me up and then asked my friend questions about me and my reaction was "who is this psycopath?" It was only later that I realized that this is what beautiful women are accustomed to as part of their daily lives.
 

---

Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 

quote:

---

they are smart enough to realize that blonde bombshell= $50+ a week of going to the hairdresser.

---

quote:

---

I got completely flustered and almost ran out of the place crying.

---

Reminds me of my emotional response the one time I got hit on working register at KFC at about 17 years old.
 

---

Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :
 
My hair's white-blond. Two years ago, I worked at a Barnes & Noble and I got hit on a lot. I think it had a lot to do with having to dress nicely for that job and constantly interacting with new people. For the most part I found it very flattering as it was polite guys asking me to call them or go on a date. Other than that though, I have never felt that a guy I didn't know was trying to pick me up. However, my ex-boyfriend used to insist that strange guys flirted with me regularly. So, who knows.
 

---

Posted by Risuena (Member # 2924) on :
 
I have light to medium brown hair and I get hit on - not frequently, but not rarely, either. I also tend to got have periods where every other guy I see hits on me, followed by months of nothing.

And there do tend to be a few 'types' who like to hit on me, for instance, gas station attendants/mechanics and Mexican taxi drivers (seriously, 3 hit on me my first day in Mexico!).
 

---

Posted by jennabean (Member # 8590) on :
 
Dark brown.

Yup, all the time.

What I'm interested in is whether the length of hair affects the frequency of guys picking up on a lady. I have long, thick hair and so many people (even women) comment on it or look at it, and I think I am ten times more attractive with long hair than with short hair.
 

---

Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :
 
I definately got lots more comments on my hair when it was long. And my hair was long when I worked at Barnes & Noble. Maybe you're on to something.
 

---

Posted by Ela (Member # 1365) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by kmbboots:
Brunette with silver, uh, highlights.

---

quote:

---

However, my ex-boyfriend used to insist that strange guys flirted with me regularly.

---

The same boyfriend who was trying to choose between me and my roommate to ask out later would tell me, "That guy (who just walked by) was checking you out." I still wonder how much of it was his own tendancy towards jealousy, but at the time it made me feel good about myself. In general, dating him was the first time I ever dared think that maybe, just maybe, I could be "sexy."
 

---

Posted by Nell Gwyn (Member # 8291) on :
 
Beverly, may I point out that your coloring sounds remarkably similar to that of Vivien Leigh, who IMO was one of the most gorgeous women ever. I really like the dark hair/light eyes combo.

As for me, I have dark brown hair, brown eyes, and pale-ish olive-ish skin (I'm Asian/Celtic). I get hit on a fair amount, but I can also be rather oblivious sometimes - the guy usually has to be pretty obvious for me to realize I'm being hit on.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
I've never been told I look like Vivien, but I've gotten Linda Carter and Jennifer Connely. Though the resemblence stops below the neck.
 

---

Posted by Nell Gwyn (Member # 8291) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by beverly:
The same boyfriend who was trying to choose between me and my roommate to ask out later would tell me, "That guy (who just walked by) was checking you out."

---

According to my friends, this happens to me a lot too, and I'm almost always like, "What guy?" I hardly ever notice people - I'm usually too busy looking at buildings, the sky, pigeons, street signs, store windows, or any number of random things.
 

---

Posted by airmanfour (Member # 6111) on :
 
I usually assume that the girls I find attractive and personable are taken, them being attractive and personable and all. Maybe I should ask....

I most definately do not use that as an excuse to remain the socially uncomfortable loner that I am not.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Airmanfour, go for it! Just be tactful. At the very least, they will be flattered and feel better about themselves. They may not "take you up on it", but you will have done something nice for them.

Nell, I have talked to girls that always seem to know when guys are checking them out. It's like a Spidey Sense.
 

---

Posted by jennabean (Member # 8590) on :
 
I am wondering how one can be oblivious to being hit on. I sometimes pretend not to notice, but I'm usually aware of the men looking or flirting. Could it be that the type of man who hits on me is more obvious? Or that my generation is more keenly aware of sexuality? Or am I just a single-minded sex robot?

Edit- Or... Am I a superhero?
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

Could it be that the type of man who hits on me is more obvious?

---

Or maybe the suggestion that guys pick up on me/check me out and I don't notice is wishful thinking at best.

Edit: On a side note, I was in the mall yesterday. I actually didn't have a child on me (though I was walking briskly to pick up my son from the play area.) A guy caught my eye and said, "How's it going?" I was so taken aback that all I could do was smile and nod as I hurried on.

The thought went through my mind, "Did he say that because he thought I was cute? Or is he just being friendly because he is selling something? Would guys pick up on me a lot more if I didn't have kids crawling all over me all the time?"

If I was used to guys picking up on me, I may have just assumed that that is what he was doing. But because it doesn't happen to me, I was surprised and tried to find excuses for why it happened.
 

---

Posted by Kristen (Member # 9200) on :
 
El Jay: That was a rough estimate...heh, yeah a little excessive. As I have never dyed my hair, I don't know how often you have to "upkeep", but I do know that it's more frequently than not and fairly pricey.

I just think a some guys realize that a lot of blonde hair isn't natural and I would assume that natural beauty is the most appealing (it is for me at least). I can't see how they can only see *blonde* yet ignore the roots on top...
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

I can't see how they can only see *blonde* yet ignore the roots on top...

---

When have we ever made the case that the average man is sensible?

On that note, I remember talking with a guy at singles dance and he actually said that he won't ask a woman to dance unless her nails are painted and manicured. That really threw me for a loop.

:looks at rough, far-from-manicured hands:
 

---

Posted by Nell Gwyn (Member # 8291) on :
 
If they're catcalling, whistling, or trying to use cheesy lines, I notice those (and laugh at them in disbelief). But if they're just Looking without saying anything, or saying something more subtle than "Hey, baby" or "You're really cute," I'll usually completely miss it. Maybe I'll realize what happened hours after the fact.

I don't know what it is. I just never expect it, so even when I do notice, I'm always caught off-guard.
 

---

Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
The most frequent I'm aware of is once a month. Your hair grows about a half-inch a month. And you can get a color for $20, easy, although I've only done that once. Usually if I'm coloring my hair I'm doing it myself, for $3/bottle. Although my hair is long enough now that I need two bottles. It ain't exactly a pricy thing unless you want it to be. (And I do it maybe every-other month, but I'm currently just adding a bit of red, so the roots aren't as obvious as someone going blonde.)
 

---

Posted by airmanfour (Member # 6111) on :
 
I dislike fake blondness, it's pretty much a declaration of dissatisfaction, and who needs that?

It's all perception, some people give off the accessable vibe, and some don't. I, for one, when in an environment I'm not comfortable with (everywhere that I don't know the people I'm dealing with) come off as standoffish. It might not have anything to do with the way you look.
 

---

Posted by jennabean (Member # 8590) on :
 
Well I spend upwards of $500 on my hair in a 6 month period, which I'm sure is frightening to some men. And that's lowballing it.
 

---

Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 

quote:

---

I dislike fake blondness, it's pretty much a declaration of dissatisfaction, and who needs that?

---

quote:

---

It might not have anything to do with the way you look.

---

Well, it isn't so much how *you* deal with me, but how that guy over there who *does* catcall girls deals with me. If that makes any kind of sense.

Again, if some guy *did* catcall me, it would probably scare me out of my skin. But it won't stop me from wondering why it doesn't happen.
 

---

Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jennabean:
Well I spend upwards of $500 on my hair in a 6 month period, which I'm sure is frightening to some men. And that's lowballing it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by airmanfour:
I dislike fake blondness, it's pretty much a declaration of dissatisfaction, and who needs that?

---

What about women who habitually dye their hair different colors and love every style? The mind of the female is a complex thing... you can infer nothing .
 

---

Posted by airmanfour (Member # 6111) on :
 
beverly - i have two pretty good friends I consider pretty darn smoking, one of whom I hung out with in California, and was a continual topic of conversation with guys wondering if I was going out with her, and if I wasn't, how they could. She never got catcalled. Another I started hanging out with in GA, and while I don't consider her quite as attractive as the other, she does get catcalled. I think its the way people see them. Or maybe it's geographical.

They both have pretty dark hair.
 

---

Posted by airmanfour (Member # 6111) on :
 
Yeah, you're right, jennabean. The motives of women are not to be inferred by the likes of me, and out of respect for the complexity of womenkind I withdraw the quoted statement.
 

---

Posted by jennabean (Member # 8590) on :
 
Noemon, I get my hair straightened. The only exception to that was when I lived in Canada where it was drier and it wasn't really necessary. Living in Hawaii (HUMIDITY) does awful things to wavy hair like mine. On top of that, there are hair cuts (about every six weeks?) and deep conditioning and sometimes I have bad days and just feel like spending an hour with my hair stylist chopping six inches off my hair. Then I have something worth crying about. That was probably more than you wanted to know.

airmanfour, it happens to the best of us. We think we understand women, and then... you wake up and your car and all the chocolate in the house is gone, never to be seen again.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Interesting, airmanfour. I love hearing the guy's perspective.
 

---

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 

quote:

---

I am wondering how one can be oblivious to being hit on.

---

quote:

---

(On a youth group van trip later that year they (the boys) were in the back and I was in the front, and they opened up my duffel bag and rummaged around in it. They made it to the very bottom, past all my underwear and lingere, because all of a sudden my Big Bird blanket which was carefully and tenderly buried at the very bottom so no one would know it was there, came hurtling up to the front of the van.)

---

I guess this is the hazing part of flirting..
 

---

Posted by aiua (Member # 7825) on :
 
I'm a brunette and never been flirted with. Probably because I'm painfully shy and tend to hide from people.
 

---

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
 
Brunette -- well, underneath.

Almost never these days; every so often when I was at UCLA.

I think a lot of it has to do with opportunity. These days I generally don't ride buses, don't hang out on college campuses, and rarely just "go for a walk" (as opposed to walking TO a place, often quickly).
 

---

Posted by Enigmatic (Member # 7785) on :
 
I have dark brown, almost black hair and men have tried to pick me up. It seems unfair to be left out of the poll just because I'm not female!

--Enigmatic

 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Yeah, I figured I might get some guys chiming in on the men who have picked up on them.
 

---

Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
 
I'm Asian, and maybe that's a new category. I've never categorized myself as "brunette." That just never seemed right. Ooh, and I have long hair, and I'm in the process of growing it even longer.

I don't get hit on constantly, but it's not infrequent. My guy friends tell me that I'm pretty unapproachable. I like it that way because I despise being hit on. My ego is already big enough, thank you very much.

Now, if you want to come over and talk, I'll be perfectly open to that.
 

---

Posted by romanylass (Member # 6306) on :
 
I'm dark brown, and I get hit on less and less as the years go by.
 

---

Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
 
Dark Brunette, and it happens. It never happens when I'm with my Beloved or the kids, but I went to a restaurant with a friend and the waiter did everything but cut up my food for me. O_O He kept touching my shoulder and smiling. And I got a LOT of Coke refils when I didn't ask for them.

Thing is, I think it has to be that unsubtle for it to even register. I read this thread before going grocery shopping and taking the boys to martial arts, so I was trying to pay attention. The checkout guy at BJ's was smiley and personable. Outgoing, casual and joked with me a bit about having a day. It was a bad for grocery shopping and stuff, because it is Social Security check day. I was run over or glared at by grumpy old people at least four times.

Anyway, I don't think BJ's guy was "picking up" on me.

Everyone at the regular grocery store was harried, but still super nice and helpful (can you BELIEVE there weren't any roasted hazelnuts - they don't carry them But two people helped me look)

A young guy came into dojang and started talking to me. He was a black belt but had been out of it for years because he took up skateboarding, and had had chicken pox twice. Funny things people tell you. *shrug* I don't know what he was waiting on, because he didn't have kids there. Also, he knew I had kids because one of mine had been kicked out of class during the stretches (I think he was singing) and was sitting next to me.

I don't think either one was being flirty, though. I wouldn't have even considered the possibility if this thread hadn't got me wondering about it.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

I don't think either one was being flirty, though. I wouldn't have even considered the possibility if this thread hadn't got me wondering about it.

---

Because of my insecurities, if a guy I encounter on errands is "chatty" with me, I assume it is because he is trying to be friendly to customers in general--that it has nothing to do with me.
 

---

Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
 
I haven't been hit on in person in months. But I have dark brown hair.

Like Kate, it usually happens when I'm singing; I'm not very approachable otherwise. I mean, I am but I don't look it.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Just to be clear, JT, you are a guy, right?

(Man am I going to be embarrassed if you say "no.")
 

---

Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
 
An aside:
This thread has been fantastic for me. I'm finally figuring out who's male and who's female.
 

---

Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
 
If I'm not a guy then I'm one seriously ugly woman.

New page! Huzzah!
 

---

Posted by jennabean (Member # 8590) on :
 
Oh Celaeno, if you didn't know my gender you should have just ASKED!!!

Speaking of gender... Happy Girl's Day all!
 

---

Posted by R. Ann Dryden (Member # 8186) on :
 
Oh, whoops, I thought I put my hair color in my post. I must have taken it back out by mistake.

I'm a natural blonde. I got hit on more when my hair was long-ish, but I wore it up a lot too, so I don't know.

At one point I had the same exact measurements as Marilyn Monroe, but I've never been skinny. In High School I was 5'4" and 155 pounds, hardly tiny. But I carry weight well, and it goes to all the right places. People were always shocked to find out I weighed that much. So I guess it didn't show.

The frustrating thing about getting hit on was the guys who did it. Every special ed or physically handicapped guy had a crush on me, though I admit they didn't bother me too much.

The ones that really made me feel yucky were ones who threatened to kill themselves if I didn't go out with them, ones who spelled their own names wrong in the letters they sent me, ones who asked me to be their secret admirer. I'm not making any of that up.

And, obviously I notice when guys check me out. I don't search them out, but my Spidey Sense, as someone says, points it out to me. My sister on the other hand, though attractive, had a hard quality. She emitted a distinct vibe of F-off to guys. So she almost never got hit on in school.

And add me to the list of people with skin so pale it's see-through. I've had zits since I was nine and still get them regularly, as well as getting blotchy when I cry, blue when I'm cold, lobsterized in the sun, and I never tan.
 

---

Posted by quidscribis (Member # 5124) on :
 
I've had nearly every shade of hair color possible, including some that weren't possible (Ronald McDonald red, fluorescent pink, bright purple), and when I was blonde, I had men hitting on me ALL THE BLOODY TIME.

For the record, I've never been one to go to bars or such. I'm much too uncomfortable in such situations, and it helps that I don't drink. The hitting on would happen in the grocery store, doctor's office, bus stop, going shopping, waiting in line at the bank...

As a brunette, I was never hit on outside of working the graveyard shift at the hotel. Cuz, you know, if you're a female and work graveyards at a hotel, naturally, you're a slut and looking for anything to sleep with, especially if they're wearing wedding bands and were twice my age. Wearing a wedding ring only stopped the more polite would-be adulterers.

As a red-head, I was hit on more than a brunette, but considerably less than a blonde.

In all of that, if my boobs were at all, um, obvious that they were as large as they were (I tended to wearing clothing that concealed rather than revealed as a method of self-preservation) then I was hit on even more.

As I've gained weight, it's tapered off to nothing except for my husband. Yay!

Now, in all of this, think carefully. What motivation do I have to lose weight? Yeah. Thought so.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Health?

Well, if I were to draw my very, ahem, scientific conclusions from this thread, I would say that being blonde does help in being "picked up" on more often, but it isn't the only important factor. Others seem to be confidence, friendliness, and uh, breast-size.

There is also the cliche that women with glasses never get hit on. I pretty much have to wear glasses if I want to see. Astigmatism too strong for anything else to be much help. Anyone out there think it is true? Or might it be changing since glasses are "fashionable" these days?
 

---

Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
 
I'm clearly not thinking clearly, quid -- long day at work, I suppose . . .

*************************

Dirty dishwater blonde.

Never.

But then, everyone around me seems to think one of three things about me:

a. I'm a lesbian (for the record, I'm not, nor have I ever been)
b. I'm really truly heading for a convent after I raise my son (it's such a tempting and delicious dream, I must say)
c. My ex-husband and I are really still a unit because we co-parent skillfully and without a lot of the discord that is a hallmark of so many divorces, and therefore I am unapproachable (deep sigh of disbelief)

Actually, I have a colleague that hits on me frequently. It's blatant, overtly sexual, and fairly revolting. His arrogance irritates me greatly, so I just stand back and let him enjoy his little games . . . that's pretty wicked, isn't it? *evil grin*
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
I was hit on again several times tonight. And I haven't even gone out yet.

Shan, I am also often mistaken for bi/lesbian. It's strange though. I've been hit on by more than a few women, who are always very friendly and laid-back about it when I tell them I'm only into men, and who will still hang around and have some drinks with me. Then there are the ex-boyfriends I've had who have desperately hoped that the reason I wouldn't sleep with them or whatever is because I'm secretly into women, too. Yeah, those didn't go over so well.

Newsflash, men. Sometimes, a woman won't sleep with you because of YOU. Not because she's into women.

That is all.

-pH
 

---

Posted by Evie3217 (Member # 5426) on :
 
I'm a brunnette, and I'm never picked up. I have some guys who try to pick me up as a joke, but they're my friends, so I don't mind. Other than that though, it's usually my friends that people try to pick up.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Another newsflash for men: It is not cool to single out the blonde in the group for flirting. It happens *way* too often.
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
bev, haha, that happens to me occasionally as the redhead.

But whatever. I'm a lesbian supposedly.

Because I won't sleep with you.

Not because you're unappealing or crass or rude.

It's clearly because I'm a lesbian.

-pH
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
It's clearly because they think way too much of themselves.
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by beverly:
It's clearly because they think way too much of themselves.

---

Oh, no. Clearly, you are just not in touch with your inner self to realize that you secretly love the women. In THAT way.

-pH
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
:gag:

Reminds me of the last guy I dated before Porter. I was leaving on a mission for my church and assured him that no I was *not* interested in marrying him. I was just dating him for fun. He assured me over and over that I just felt that way because I was going on a mission. Were it not for that, I would be plenty interested.

He's the guy I dumped when I realized Porter struck a chord with me even though I thought Porter would never be interested in me in a million years.
 

---

Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
 
I'm always surprised that some men have such a defined "type" that they would only approach/hit on/be attracted to a woman because of a specific physical characteristic (such as a particular hair color).

Or maybe I've just never understood having a "type" at all. Women are just hot. Why limit oneself, aesthetically?
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

Women are just hot. Why limit oneself, aesthetically?

---

Preach it, brother!
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
The men I've met who have had a strictly defined "type" have always been the ones who were the biggest control freaks.

Not even to keep me looking like their "type," even. The guy I dated who was really, really into redheads kept telling me that he thought I should go back to my natural color. Because he was a huge control freak and just wanted me to change to be what he thought I should be.

He also thought I should jump at the chance to have threesomes with him and another woman. Oh, and I should gain weight because CLEARLY then I would have bigger boobs. And despite the fact that I am very tall and thin, my boobs were clearly not big enough, even though he was very overweight. My body was just not perfect enough for him.

...yeah....*sidles off to call skinny rocket scientist at work*

-pH

Edit: Adding missing words. *pats Mr. Daniels*
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 
Zoiks. I hoped you dumped his sorry butt.
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
Oh, we are totally not together.

Seriously, any guy who gives me body issues with the figure I have...does not deserve to look me in the eye. I don't mean that in a particularly egotistical way...just that if I want to get into better shape, it should be because I want to...not because some guy is dissatisfied with the way I look. I'm in good shape. I'm not perfect, but for crying out loud...

-pH
 

---

Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
 
See, to me, a large part of the aesthetic fun of women is that there is such a great variety--of hair colors, heights, shapes, personalities,etc.

This may partially explain why I could never get a tattoo--it would drive me crazy to have something attached to my body that would always be exactly the same.

This may also partially explain why I'm not married, but that's a mildly depressing line of thought.
 

---

Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 
I tend to presume that if someone if friendly, or even mildly flirty, they're not trying to pick me up - just being outgoing.

Oh, I'm dark brunette and get hit on ... very occasionally now. When I was still at uni it was more frequently (and much *much* more obvious) - but that's uni boys for you.
 

---

Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 
I was going to say that maybe that's the wedding ring effect in part.

Then I remembered that the last, over-the-top pick up happened on my hen's night. There I was with my friends, when two guys came over. One approached me and said "Hey, my friend likes you" or words to that effect. I looked over to see said friend glassy eyed, waving a beer glass at me. I smiled and said I wasn't interested.

So friend comes over, puts his arm around me and propositions me. To which I say I'm engaged, and will be married next week. His reply "That doesn't matter - I'm already married" and he shows me his ring .

Charming.
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
imogen: WOW. That's ridiculous. I have at least one friend who wears a fake diamond on her ring finger for the sole purpose of fending off unwanted advances.

...wow.

-pH
 

---

Posted by imogen (Member # 5485) on :
 
Yeah.

It was at a bar which is nice on a normal evening but hell on Earth on a Friday (which is when we were there) - full of drunk obnoxious 30 something professionals, all looking to hook up. Basically a meat market for yuppies.
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
Gah, I've been there.

And when I was at this conference in France...Lord. Being an eighteen-year-old girl at the time, surrounded by at least somewhat older music industry types...

I once ran into one of my boyfrien'd coworkers by accident while I was out with a friend. I'd never met the guy before, and as soon as he found out who I was dating, he started hitting on me BAD...in that kind of, "Oh, I'm surprised you'd date a guy like HIM" kind of way. I found that frustrating enough. I can only imagine if I was going to be MARRIED soon...

-pH
 

---

Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
 
Forgive the intrusion of a male in the female thread.

To be, hair color means very little, though I suppose if I had was forced to choose the type, I'd probably put redheads on top, with brunettes very close behind, and blondes near the end. I admit to somewhat buying into the stereotype of dumb blondes, only because I've known so many at the restaurant where I work, and nothing is more unattractive than an airhead, regardless of what she looks like.

But mostly, the most attractive thing to me is regardless of hair color, is the length and curliness. I'm a sucker for long curly hair, it doesn't matter what color it is, I'll probably hone in on that girl in a group. It's my only real kryptonite when it comes to a specific feature on women.
 

---

Posted by Infrared (Member # 9196) on :
 
I've got a somewhat related question: Since some have shared some pretty jaw-dropping failures, how about some partial/complete successes?

I'm mostly curious about how many guys know what they're doing, compared to how many don't... no need to be overly specific; I can understand if y'all don't want to give away the secret(s).

male, dark-brown hair, hit on by guys verrry seldom but not never...
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
My current boyfriend ended up dating me by...biding his time.

I've told this story on this messageboard before. It's still a very, very new romantic relationship.

When he met me, I was ending a bad, bad relationship. Then I started another bad relationship. We'd become friends, so I know I vented to him on occasion about how badly I was being treated, but he never turned it into a "Oh, he doesn't deserve you, find someone who knows how to treat you [read: LIKE ME]."

I went off to Chicago because of the hurricane. He made the effort to keep in touch even while I continued to date other people.

A month and a half before I came back, he volunteered to check out apartments for me. Then he offered to help me move into my new place. Then he spent three hours following me around Target, being subjected to questions such as, "Which green matches my bathroom better?" and, "Which candles are better for my living room theme?" That's when I realized that I liked him and that he probably liked me.

I have no idea if this was a conscious plot on his part. I suspect it wasn't because part of what I find so attractive about him is that he isn't pushy. Which isn't to say that he doesn't know when to scoop me off my feet...just that he doesn't try to MAKE me see things his way...if that makes sense.

I've been hit on plenty...by a lot of different guys in a lot of different ways. But he set himself apart by...not "hitting on me," per se.

-pH
 

---

Posted by whiskysunrise (Member # 6819) on :
 
Light brown.

Not many that I can remember.

My sister and I were once walking out of a mall and crossing the street when a car whistled at us.
 

---

Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
 
I hate whistles. I always yell back at the car.

...but what I say is probably inappropriate for Hatrack. It's usually just extremely sarcastic.

No one in Hawaii honks or whistles, but it seems like everyone in California does. I really don't understand the point.

Hey, guys...do you whistle or honk at girls walking on the street? If so, why?
 

---

Posted by Shigosei (Member # 3831) on :
 
Okay, so I'm an engineer. You know those t-shirts that read "I'm an engineer; flirt harder"? Well, those probably apply to me.

With that disclaimer out of the way:

I have long, curly, dark brown hair. It's usually down.

I rarely get hit on, as far as I can tell. It happens maybe a few times a year. Generally, I'll be talking to a variety of people in a social situation, and a guy will express interest in me after talking to me for awhile. This has almost uniformly been due to a guy finding out I have geeky interests.

I have been yelled at a few times while walking down the street near campus. Every time this has happened, I was with at least one other girl. It doesn't happen to me when I'm alone. The question is whether this is because guys mostly yell at groups of girls, or because other girls are more attractive.

The interesting thing with my hair is that I've been told by complete strangers that it's beautiful. Of course, these strangers have all been women. So, I don't know how guys perceive it.

Other things to consider: while I consider myself pretty, I don't think I'm all that sexy looking. Also, I generally dress very causually (T-shirts and shorts, no makeup), and I have a fairly ordinary figure. I suspect these things may matter more than my hair.

Interesting question, Beverly! Perhaps the women of Hatrack should conduct experiments by changing one variable per month and seeing how it affects the hitting-on rate.

Also, if any guys do yell at girls walking, it's generally not going to impress them. At least, I find it vaguely amusing at best, and annoying at worst.
 

---

Posted by Chreese Sroup (Member # 8248) on :
 
Walking home from High School one day, a car passed by and was honking and screaming at me (Girls in the car).

I just assumed they were being jerks. Then again, a very similar experience was when I was on my way to elementary school, and people in a car squirted a HI-C fruit punch at me, while screaming.

I'm sure it's part of why I've never thrown anything at anyone from a moving vehicle; Not to mention the only things I would ever scream from a vehicle would be BANANA! or some similar fruit. That usually happened from a school bus, or just with close friends.

Now to get to the topic at hand: I don't hit on women very often, and I unless I'm just being playful, won't hit on women while they are on the job. I somehow got the idea into my head that it's rude to torture the poor girl that has to be at work, and then has to deal with a guy bothering her. I really only hit on girls when I'm in a really relaxed mood, and don't think of the situation going any further than just a few jokes or funny moments.

My niece would get hit on at work, and almost daily by older men, and younger men. She was a life guard at a local pool. (she's a brunette btw) I heard enough from her about it that I guess somehow I decided that it wasn't a nice thing to do.

Now on the other hand: I've never been approached by a woman trying to pick up on me. (Or, I'm completely oblivious)

- For those that don't really know me, I am male.
 

---

Posted by Nell Gwyn (Member # 8291) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by pH:
I have at least one friend who wears a fake diamond on her ring finger for the sole purpose of fending off unwanted advances.

---

I used to do this when I worked at a casino gift shop. I called it my keep-the-freaks-away ring. For some reason, a lot of male customers there seemed to think that female casino employee = available for your romantic amusement.
 

---

Posted by R. Ann Dryden (Member # 8186) on :
 
pH, My success story is remarkably similar to yours. My husband liked me for years and I never gave him the time of day. Well, when I first met him I'd just turned 19 and he was 30. He was already balding and paunchy, stared at me all the time in church, and got tongue-tied whenever he was actually in a position to talk to me. So, even though he was from Glasgow and I've always wanted to marry a Scotsman, I wasn't interested.

Well, after at least a year of being stared at in church, I moved back home with my parents an hour away. He got my email and we started writing back and forth, as friends. I discovered that he was actually pretty cool and had a lot in common with me. The written word is an amazingly powerful thing. That's why I'm not surprised when I hear about Internet relationships.

Anyway, I still wasn't interested in dating but after a few months I changed my mind, and the rest is history.
 

---

Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
 
Oh, Scots...

Heh. We have a big Scottish festival at Stone Mountain every year, with lots of pipers and so fourth. The boys really dig the bagpipe music, so we went to watch the marching.

Just before it was over we made our way out, and Ron said "Wait." I stepped to the side of the entrance only to realize that Ron and the kids had gone the other way. I thought it was dumb because the way I went was closer to where we parked.

Anyway, by that time I couldn't cross to the other side because of everyone pouring out, most of them wearing kilts. This one distinguished older fellow walks up to me and says, conversationally, "Watch yourself around all these men in kilts, young lady. They're all bastards."

Somehow, with the accent, it sounded rather more charming than it looks in print.
 

---

Posted by Irami Osei-Frimpong (Member # 2229) on :
 

quote:

---

My husband liked me for years and I never gave him the time of day. Well, when I first met him I'd just turned 19 and he was 30. He was already balding and paunchy, stared at me all the time in church, and got tongue-tied whenever he was actually in a position to talk to me.

---

This was tough for me to read, on a few levels. It's not a mark on the quality of anyone's character, and I appreciate your frankness, but there is something in your high-handed dismissal of him that's frightening. Even though, and maybe because it ended with you two together, it is still a fearsome picture. Like being in the face of a God or Devil or Whatever.
 

---

Posted by signal (Member # 6828) on :
 
As a guy, I'd have to say, that I'm with Lyrhawn on this one. Hair color does little either way, but if I had to choose, red, brown and black would be at the top followed by blonde. Again for similar reasons.

I'm a sucker for cute accents, but it is by no means a limitation. The real turn on is a good laugh and likeable personality. I think women who are happy with how they look and are confident in themselves exude a certain sexiness.

I don't "pick up" on women, and frankly, I wouldn't even know how. I'm generally out of the loop on these sort of things. I wouldn't even have a clue if someone liked me or was flirting with me. A few years back, my roommate (female) told me when I moved out, that she had a thing for me. Over two years and I didn't have a clue! Thinking back on it, that must have been terrible for her.

Coincidentally, I will be going back to school for engineering and will be in the market for one of those "I'm an engineer; flirt harder" t-shirts.
 

---

Posted by BannaOj (Member # 3206) on :
 
Went out to dinner with Steve last night, to an Applebees. As a result of this conversation I remembered a previous time at a different Applebees, when Steve and I were having a spirited discussion over a fine point of Firefly or something equally as arcane and enjoying ourselves. A waiter took it as an argument, and basically thought the date was going badly and started hitting on me about halfway through the dinner.

I can't remember what he said, but it stopped our conversation in shock. When he left I asked Steve, "Did he just imply what I thought he did?" Steve was equally as surprised and said yeah. We went back to our discussion but I spelled things out pretty plainiy to the waiter when he came back.

AJ
 

---

Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
 
Blonde to light brown. Hit on? Yes. Always creeped out by it? Yes.

I don't think it's the "there must be something wrong with you if you are attracted to me" thing. It's more of an "oh, good grief, you are acting unpredictably, and now I have to worry if you are going to follow me out to my car" kind of thing. Maybe this is because I've been oblivious to the less aggressive approaches, but I really do think that I used to attract unstable people like a flies to a pot of honey.

I don't think I would've been so creeped out by being hit on if this happened in a meet market sort of place, such as certain bars. The behavior would be more expected there. But instead, I would either get approached just on the street or in professional settings, and there never failed to be a "hey! I'm crazy, and you can be too!" glint to their eyes. Maybe I just looked like the sort of woman who wouldn't bonk 'em on the head or otherwise hurt their feelings in response to general social inappropriateness.

I've learned how to stand and walk differently, how to hold my head and face differently, and how to use my body language more effectively since then. And I joined the Tight-Bunned Mean Old Ladies Club. *grin
 

---

Posted by Theaca (Member # 8325) on :
 
There was a short time in my life where my friends told me I looked great, and that I was getting second glances by guys. These friends told me, however, that I'd never, ever get hit on because my body language said "go away, not interested," so very strongly. They tried to explain to me what I was doing but I never really understood. Anyway, I never did get hit on, but I always have brown hair and wear glasses and never really dress well so I'm not surprised, body language or no.
 

---

Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
 
I've never whistled or yelled or anything of that sort at women on the street. I don't see the point.

A girl who is so vain that she would actually be flattered by that kind of thing is probably someone I wouldn't want to be dating anyway, and a girl I'd actually want to date I would never approach her that way as I think she would find it very rude.

But then, I haven't been on a date in the two years since my last relationship ended, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about. What I hate from girls is what I guess you could call "polite flirting." Girls who flirt just to be nice. It's not leading guys on necessarily, but it's impossible to tell the difference between flirting just to be nice and conversational, and flirting because there is an actual interest. My lack of ability to distinguish between the two has left me pretty much in the position of just asking NONE of them out.

I'm nowhere near forward enough to pick up a random girl I met in a bar or something. Striking up a conversation alone would be difficult for me. However, asking a girl at work out, or a casual friend or some such, someone I already know, would be a lot easier for me. Not that I've actually done it mind you, but it'd be easier

I really wish that for awhile every year, things would turn on their heads and girls would be responsible for all the "picking up" and then they'd realize just how difficult it is. Not that some don't, but the majority I think just don't get it.
 

---

Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
 
I've never whistled or yelled or anything of that sort at women on the street. I don't see the point.

A girl who is so vain that she would actually be flattered by that kind of thing is probably someone I wouldn't want to be dating anyway, and a girl I'd actually want to date I would never approach her that way as I think she would find it very rude.

But then, I haven't been on a date in the two years since my last relationship ended, so I probably don't know what I'm talking about. What I hate from girls is what I guess you could call "polite flirting." Girls who flirt just to be nice. It's not leading guys on necessarily, but it's impossible to tell the difference between flirting just to be nice and conversational, and flirting because there is an actual interest. My lack of ability to distinguish between the two has left me pretty much in the position of just asking NONE of them out.

I'm nowhere near forward enough to pick up a random girl I met in a bar or something. Striking up a conversation alone would be difficult for me. However, asking a girl at work out, or a casual friend or some such, someone I already know, would be a lot easier for me. Not that I've actually done it mind you, but it'd be easier

I really wish that for awhile every year, things would turn on their heads and girls would be responsible for all the "picking up" and then they'd realize just how difficult it is. Not that some don't, but the majority I think just don't get it.
 

---

Posted by Goody Scrivener (Member # 6742) on :
 

quote:

---

A girl who is so vain that she would actually be flattered by that kind of thing is probably someone I wouldn't want to be dating anyway, and a girl I'd actually want to date I would never approach her that way as I think she would find it very rude.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyrhawn:

I really wish that for awhile every year, things would turn on their heads and girls would be responsible for all the "picking up" and then they'd realize just how difficult it is. Not that some don't, but the majority I think just don't get it.

---

I'm trying really, really hard to get the courage to ask a guy at work out. Really hard. Trust me when I say I know exactly how difficult it is.

Just as a side note, it seems I'm always the one initiating things and I'm getting a bit tired of it. I should go on strike.
 

---

Posted by mtg101 (Member # 9224) on :
 
I don't know if females get hit on in fora like this one, but I've noticed on male dominated fora that being female can get you noticed.

We've actually used this knowledge at work to our advantage. I work as a computer programmer, and a guy at work posted a technical question on a programming forum. He got no reply.

We then posted the same question under a female pseudonym, and we got 5 replies with helpful advice.
 

---

Posted by pooka (Member # 5003) on :
 
I got picked up on once. But I am asian looking, and there are always asian fetishists out there. I don't know, it may also be that I'm too socially obtuse to know a pick up when it happens. Did someone already mention that?
 

---

Posted by ambyr (Member # 7616) on :
 
When I go to bars and clubs, I get hit on, but otherwise, no. As long as they back off when asked, I enjoy it. Occasionally a long-term friend will become interested and express that either directly or indirectly, but that's not quite the same thing.
 

---

Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
 
Apparently I've been hit on more than I ever noticed. In high school I didn't notice it at all, but people now have said it was pretty obvious, one guy ended up quite stalkerish. I'm a brunette but have had blonde highlites, and been a redhead but I don't know which helped the most. I do know that I get looks when I wear horizontal stripes or a v neck.
 

---

Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
 
I have a question for guys. What's the difference between a girl talking to you just to talk, and one flirting with you? Is it the subject matter? The number of times she laughs? Her body language? What is it?
 

---

Posted by theresa51282 (Member # 8037) on :
 
I had the weirdest experience the other night at the bar. I was out with my fiance for drinks. He lives almost 8 hours away from me at the moment so I don't get to see him very often. As such, I was more affectionate with him in public then I might normally be inclined. We kissed a few times and held hands. He may or may not have let his hand drift a bit. So anyways, we were at a long table with three guys at the other end that we didn't know.

At one point, Paul got up to use the restroom. I was just sitting quietly sipping my drinking when one of the guys at the end of the table moved down and sat acrossed from me. I thought he was just being nice and talking to me because I looked bored. Clearly, I could not be being hit on seeing as I was clearly with someone. Not the case at all. He repeatedly told me I looked good. I mostly just laughed and played it off. Then he asks for my number. I smiled and flashed him the engagement ring and said I was taken. He then took out a pen and wrote a number and name on a napkin and said it was for "just in case". Yeah, that was interesting to explain to Paul when he came back. Then when Paul went to refill our drinks, the guy came back over and said it was nice chatting and that he hoped I'd give him a call. I never get hit on so I have no idea what the hell was up with this. Apparently being engaged is a guy magnet these days.
 

---

Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
 
One of my high school teachers was at a bar and she saw a guy she thought was interesting. She went up to talk to him, and they hit it off. He revealed that he had a girlfriend. She smiled, handed him her number, and said, "Call me when you don't."

He called her the next day.

Last I checked, they were getting married.

I know this was something of a tangent, but Theresa's story reminded me of it.
 

---

Posted by R. Ann Dryden (Member # 8186) on :
 

quote:

---

quote:

---

My husband liked me for years and I never gave him the time of day. Well, when I first met him I'd just turned 19 and he was 30. He was already balding and paunchy, stared at me all the time in church, and got tongue-tied whenever he was actually in a position to talk to me.

---

This was tough for me to read, on a few levels. It's not a mark on the quality of anyone's character, and I appreciate your frankness, but there is something in your high-handed dismissal of him that's frightening. Even though, and maybe because it ended with you two together, it is still a fearsome picture. Like being in the face of a God or Devil or Whatever.

---

quote:

---

My niece would get hit on at work, and almost daily by older men, and younger men. She was a life guard at a local pool. (she's a brunette btw) I heard enough from her about it that I guess somehow I decided that it wasn't a nice thing to do.

---

Yeah, I find getting hit on at work extremely infuriating.

Case in point: Today while I was at work, this guy just starts blatantly leering at me in a really obvious way, along with a few verbal comments. Did this make me want to slip him my phone number? No, it made me want to have his server pour boiling coffee in his lap after I (hypothetically) pointed out to him that I only give my number to guys with class, and that no matter how cute he thought he was, he most certainly did not have class.

To all guys: hitting on girls who are contractually obliged to be nice to you is not okay.
 

---

Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
 
Just for beverly, I made a valiant attempt this weekend to talk to all different hair colors in equal numbers. Or, at least that's how it started. I imagine by around 1ish it was more like me saying, "Wha color is ur hair s'posedta be, cus I gotta talk ta redhead tonight?"


^
|
|
|

This is a joke, of course. I treat women with respect, no matter where I meet them. And I never get obnoxiously drunk and hit on girls until they bludgeon me with a bar stool. But I did think about this thread when I was deciding which girls I was attracted to this weekend.
 

---

Posted by Kristen (Member # 9200) on :
 
Nell: When I worked as a barista, I can't tell you how annoyed I got when people took advantage of my perky yet obsequious attitude to practice flirting skills or openly hit on me. Alas, I didn't have your guts. I needed all the tips I could get!

On the other hand, a local customer got an obvious crush on a coworker and after weeks of staring blatantly at her, he summed up the nerve to ask her out, and she thought it was endearing and said yes. They are now engaged (I think).
 

---

Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
 

quote:

---

But I did think about this thread when I was deciding which girls I was attracted to this weekend.

---

I think there is wisdom in what you just said. I believe that to a large extent we can decide who and what we are attracted to.
 

---

Posted by Nell Gwyn (Member # 8291) on :
 
Kristen, unfortunately I didn't have the guts either - at the moment, I was too disgusted and unnerved by how blatant he was being to really do anything about it other than immediately turn off the niceness. After the moment passed, I was torn between halfway hoping he'd try again so I could tell him exactly what I thought of him and thinking that if I did behave rudely towards him, my managers would probably not be too pleased with my unprofessional behavior. (Although the managers today would probably have let it slide.) Normally I can laugh it off, but this guy was really skeezy and caught me way off-guard.

Edit: And I'm not a server myself - I'm just a host (so no tips for me), so I'm not usually mentally prepared for being hit on since I only see the people for about 30 seconds. And this guy had seen me for not even five seconds before I noticed the leering. Grr!
 

---

Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :
 

quote:

---

I think there is wisdom in what you just said. I believe that to a large extent we can decide who and what we are attracted to.

---

I love lamp!

On topic:

I've never found myself hitting on girls of a particular hair color. It's more of a personality thing for me.

I do find myself getting hit on by lots of brunettes though, it wasn't until now that I actually looked back and noticed. Weird!

Oh and yeah I guess it bears mentioning, my hair's black and I'm a guy.
 

---

Posted by Jhai (Member # 5633) on :
 
I got hit on by a creepy visiting Purdue guy while playing pool last night and thought of this thread!

I've got dark brown hair (during the winter, anyways), and I've been hit on quite a bit in the past couple of months. I think it's partly because I'm going out to a lot more parties, and partly because I've been feeling much more comfortable in my own skin lately.
 

---

Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
 

quote:

---

partly because I've been feeling much more comfortable in my own skin lately.

---

quote:

---

Self-esteem is up 3 points.

---

quote:

---

I imagine by around 1ish it was more like me saying, "Wha color is ur hair s'posedta be, cus I gotta talk ta redhead tonight?"

---

quote:

---

I just smile and wave a sort of Princess Di wave and don't really think about it.

---

That is a classy way to respond. I figure girls who get hit on all the time have to develop their own unique way of dealing with it. If I suddenly started getting hit on all the time, I wouldn't have any "reflex" built in to deal with it.

So, here's a question for all you cute gals, how do you respond to guys that hit on you?
 

---

Posted by Chreese Sroup (Member # 8248) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by blacwolve:
I have a question for guys. What's the difference between a girl talking to you just to talk, and one flirting with you? Is it the subject matter? The number of times she laughs? Her body language? What is it?

---

It's my opinion that if they are giggling overtly they are flirting. I'm really horrible gauging body language; I can tell when I'm not wanted though, or at least I think that most of the time.

Hmm. Come to think of it, I honestly don't get out enough and actually talk to women to really tell. When I do go out, and I happen to talk to someone I'm always just polite and no matter what they do, I don't respond as though it meant anything.

For a while I'd play pool daily with people, and honestly I couldn't really tell if they were trying to flirt, or if it was just how they normally acted, I'd have to ask other guys around me if 'she' would do the same stuff when I wasn't around. I really must be just thick.
 

---

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 
I'm male and have no strong hair colour preferences. I suppose you could peg me on a mild preference for dark-haired brunettes (on the actress front: Elizabeth Hurley, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Monica Belluci, Angelina Jolie), but on the other hand, the majority of my girlfriends (two of three) have been natural blondes. On the third hand, there is no clear "hair colour" winner in the broader set of my various and sundry romantic entanglements, so I guess we're back to "no strong preference."

I've both "picked up" on girls and been "picked up" on by girls. I have brown hair.
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
Do any of the women have hair color preferences?

I don't limit my hitting-on to a single hair color. However, if there's a guy around who has black hair and blue eyes, he's absolutely going to get my attention.

Mostly though, I think it's the blue eyes. The black hair just makes them stand out more.

My boyfriend is dirty blonde with blue eyes.

I think I just loves me some blue eyes.

-pH
 

---

Posted by Irami Osei-Frimpong (Member # 2229) on :
 

quote:

---

What's the difference between a girl talking to you just to talk, and one flirting with you? Is it the subject matter? The number of times she laughs? Her body language? What is it?

---

Body language and the ease of her smile, but mostly it's giddiness, which is a dead give away. I know how charming I am at any point in time and any reaction that provokes too much or too little response tells me quickly whether the woman is interested.

Now some people flirt as a way of exercising. I think it's healthy, mostly. I was working at a grocery store and I got in trouble for not flirting with a customer. I got good at my job, such that I could ring up groceries at a good clip while exercising my mojo. Two lovely women came through my line I was doing that thing that I do, then the third woman came, she wasn't my type, and I simply rang up her groceries with a polite smile.

She complained to customer service, not because I was slow or ineffectual, but because I didn't flirt with her as I had flirted with the other two.
 

---

Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
 
Wow. That's one of the most ridiculous things I've ever heard. What was customer service's reaction? Did you really get in trouble for it?
 

---

Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
 
...


 

---

Posted by Irami Osei-Frimpong (Member # 2229) on :
 
The woman was pissed. She made good-sized stink of the matter at customer service. She also made it clear that I was a fast cashier, but if I'm going to flirt with one customer, I should flirt with them all. I felt bad because I do like pretty women and this also ran has probably had to do deal with guys like me all of her life. Life is hard on unattractive women, and guys like me don't make it any easier.
 

---

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :
 
Honestly, I think I would die of embarassment before making an issue out of the fact that someone didn't flirt with me.
 

---

Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
 
Ditto, kmb.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

Do any of the women have hair color preferences?

---

Yes. The darker the better.
 

---

Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by twinky:
On the third hand

---

You have three hands?
 

---

Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
 
What book is that from? I've seen references to it on and off through the years, but I've never read it myself.
 

---

Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
 
I like blondes, or light haired men, all other things being equal (my big thang is a pretty face ). My celebrity crushes bear this out as does RL, I think. (Ewan McGregor has the same natural hair color as my beloved, a dark, reddish blonde/light, reddish brown.)
 

---

Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
As for hair color preferences, if I like someone, I like how they look. That's just the way I respond. I love how they look because they remind me strongly of someone I really like, i.e. themselves.

But if any guy friend of mine happened to ask my opinion about how his hair looked best, I would probably say fairly long. Long hair just begs to have hands run through it, to be played with. I always think it's attractive.

I don't think I like guys for hair color or length or any other reason other than because I think they're a cool wonderful person, but long hair is just really nice on almost everyone. I also think facial hair looks good on most everyone. The exception, for some reason, is moustache with no beard. That look has bad associations for me, or something. I think short beards in general look better than long beards, but scruffy beards that are just growing in look really good.

But the things I find truly attractive are all to do with personality (stuff like intelligence, humor, kindness, tenderness, altruism, greatness of soul). So I don't tend to notice how guys look very much until I know them fairly well. Then I always like how they look almost exactly as much as I like them as people.

I guess I don't ever hit on guys, even those I know well, but I think they can tell if I find them attractive, so they would know whether or not a closer, warmer friendship would be welcome, should they be interested in developing one.
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
I'm not a big fan of facial hair...I prefer thin/skinny guys.

What do you mean by "long" for hair length?

I like 'em to have enough hair for me to play with. But shorter than the shoulders. Like maybe 2-3 inches? I'm not sure; I'm bad at estimating how long hair is.

-pH
 

---

Posted by twinky (Member # 693) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head:
What book is that from? I've seen references to it on and off through the years, but I've never read it myself.

---

The Chrysalids, by John Wyndham.
 

---

Posted by Kristen (Member # 9200) on :
 
I am like Tatiana--I really can't think of any specific physical trait which draws me to a particular guy, but numerous personal ones come to mind: witty, polite, loyal, funny etc. If anything, I like a guy to be taller than me (which isn't hard, I'm 5'5").

In terms of hair color, I can't think of any permutation which is more appealing than another, although I'm not so much a fan of the gel. Bonus points for the hair being well-groomed, tho. So many college guys just go with a shag under a baseball cap until they go home and their moms force them to get a proper haircut.

It doesn't really matter. Heck, once I even dated a guy with a blue mohawk
 

---

Posted by foundling (Member # 6348) on :
 
Man, I wish I'd seen this thread earlier, Bev. What you said had been puttering around in my mind and I just posted this big ol' reply at sake. Full of things that have been already said here, and said better.
Oh well.

Now, to actually contribute to the thread.
I've had kind of curly chestnut hair most of my life, but it's now a blueish black. It's always been long, and right now it's past my butt and more wavy than curly. I get alot of comments on it, but I dont know if the length gets me more male attention because my hair has never really changed other than to get redder or darker. I do know that I get more attention now, with my hair black, than I did when it was red. I think thats because it matches my skin tone much better (white white white with annoyingly pink cheeks), and it makes me look more... exotic, I guess. Plus, I go out and socialize alot more now, and the places I hang out ::cough barsanddanceclubs cough:: tend to encourage more open interaction with men.
 

---

Posted by sydneybristow (Member # 9198) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by beverly:

quote:

---

I imagine by around 1ish it was more like me saying, "Wha color is ur hair s'posedta be, cus I gotta talk ta redhead tonight?"

---

^_^

quote:

---

I just smile and wave a sort of Princess Di wave and don't really think about it.

---

That is a classy way to respond. I figure girls who get hit on all the time have to develop their own unique way of dealing with it. If I suddenly started getting hit on all the time, I wouldn't have any "reflex" built in to deal with it.

So, here's a question for all you cute gals, how do you respond to guys that hit on you?

---

Brown hair.

Yes. From the time I was about 14 until fairly recently. Although I do think there is something to that "married" vibe. The funny thing is that I never thought (growing up) that I was attractive and yet I never lacked for boyfriends. Go figure- teenage insecurities! Looking back I can definitely say that older men hit on me but at the time I wasn't sure.

How do I handle it? Well, when I was unmarried and if I wasn't interested, I would be polite and kind but not really be encouraging. A few times I had to really spell it out- but these guys STILL didn't get it and I avoided them. I was in the military for 3 and a half years so I got used to being one of the few women around and being in demand so to speak. And I get along really well with guys so even if they weren't interested, that was fine by me. Now that I am married, I just subtly show my ring off or act aloof. Truth be told, I rarely speak to men on my own due to the fact that I mostly stay at home with children, go to church, or help women with make up.

There you have it. Anything else ma'am?
 

---

Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
Being hit on by strangers used to creep me out at first, because they weren't treating me like a person, and it was just embarrassing as well as being sort of scary or threatening to a young girl, particularly when it was older men doing it. Sometimes, for instance, when I was walking home from school or to a friend's house or something (I had to walk a lot before I was old enough to drive) guys would ask if I wanted a ride and I would say no thanks. Then they'd say "are you sure?" and not take no for an answer, and follow along beside me in their car at a walking pace, for blocks and blocks. I would stick my nose in the air and pretend they weren't there, but it was pretty frightening.

So my main response when I was very young was to try to act very haughty and ignore it when that happened. The thing that was so creepy is that they seemed not to even realize you were a person at all.

Then at some point I realized that celebrities get treated that way by their fans all the time, and that you aren't supposed to be interacting on the level of personal connection, because they aren't friends, they're strangers. I realized that it's extremely impersonal, like saying it's a pretty day or aren't the trees beautiful or something. Obviously it doesn't relate to me personally, because they don't know me. It's not even really a compliment. It's just sort of a natural phenomenon like geese cackling when you walk among them.

That's when I noticed how gracious people treat their fans, by giving them just a brief moment of interaction, like a smile, wave, maybe an autograph or brief friendly remark, without really engaging them on a personal level more than that. I realized that the model of fan/celebrity fits this interaction much better than the model of friend/friend. And since then it's not annoying or scary at all to me. I just smile and wave my Princess Di wave and that seems to work out well, the fans seem satisfied. If anyone were to get more friendly than I feel is appropriate, of course, to the point that I felt I were in danger or anything, I would poleaxe them.
 

---

Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by pH:
What do you mean by "long" for hair length?

-pH

---

Two to three inches is good, but longer is good too. Ponytail long is cute, and so is just "needs a haircut" long and a bit floppy. I like hair that looks somewhat overgrown. There's something really appealing to me about it.

However, if I really like someone, then gradually I begin to find however they look to be absolutely the most gorgeous cute swoonful way to look that anyone could possibly ever look, and everything about them becomes beautiful to me. So then however they want to look is how I want them to look, whether it's shaved head or knee-length or whatever.
 

---

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
I rarely get hit on as in "Hey, how you doin," but I get awkwardly hit on by nerdy guys all the time. They act like they're trying to keep you there, or that they're just so excited about what they're talking about and the fact that you understand it. (especially in, say, a comic shop) I can tell when awkward young men are attracted to me, though I've never really percieved attraction from a guy I was interested in more than in the back of my mind.

I think that it has something to do with the concept put forth in this comic. I don't think I'm very pretty, so I'm not confident. It doesn't help that I'm overweight.
 

---

Posted by beverly (Member # 6246) on :
 

quote:

---

Obviously it doesn't relate to me personally, because they don't know me. It's not even really a compliment. It's just sort of a natural phenomenon like geese cackling when you walk among them.

That's when I noticed how gracious people treat their fans, by giving them just a brief moment of interaction, like a smile, wave, maybe an autograph or brief friendly remark, without really engaging them on a personal level more than that. I realized that the model of fan/celebrity fits this interaction much better than the model of friend/friend. And since then it's not annoying or scary at all to me. I just smile and wave my Princess Di wave and that seems to work out well, the fans seem satisfied. If anyone were to get more friendly than I feel is appropriate, of course, to the point that I felt I were in danger or anything, I would poleaxe them.

---

I find this whole take on it fascinating, ak! It must be rough being a demigoddess at times.

quote:

---

The funny thing is that I never thought (growing up) that I was attractive and yet I never lacked for boyfriends. Go figure- teenage insecurities! Looking back I can definitely say that older men hit on me but at the time I wasn't sure.

---

quote:

---

I do know that I get more attention now, with my hair black, than I did when it was red. I think thats because it matches my skin tone much better (white white white with annoyingly pink cheeks), and it makes me look more... exotic, I guess.

---

I was pondering this when I was out the other day. I was looking at a classic "attractive" blonde. Her hair was styled in a very lovely way and had a lot of depth and range of color (perhaps due to expensive color treatment.)

I was thinking that maybe it is all about contrast and what "stands out" visually. Of course, it isn't *just* standing out, since many things we perceive as unattractive stand out as well. But I think contrast really helps, whether it is deep reds or very dark hair as well.
 

---

Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
 
I don't think it is necessarily looks.

As long as someone isn't hideous, then it has more to do with approachability.
 

---

Posted by Ryuko (Member # 5125) on :
 
Yeah, it's definitely approchability and contrast both. Both contrast in the way you look and in the way you stand out from the people around you. I find I become much more gregarious and outgoing when around people who are nervous, I always subconsciously try to make them feel less uncomfortable. I get a lot more attention from the gentlemen at those times. Since I'm both approchable and I stand out, I get more attention.
 

---

Posted by jennabean (Member # 8590) on :
 
I usually like boys with short, dark and straight hair, but this gorgeous Greek god came into work yesterday and I think I may ONLY date boys with curly dark hair from now on.
 

---

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
 
jennabean, you're cheating on me?

I bet it's not even my baby!

-pH
 

---

Posted by jennabean (Member # 8590) on :
 
What baby? I just said that so you'd pay my rent.

Now that's what I call a love note.
 

---

Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
 
I think the idea of only dating Greek and German guys with dark curly hair sounds good. Raia, Pascal?
 

---

Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
 
beverly, I hope nothing I said sounded like I was being bigheaded or anything. With my geeky engineer's brain I tend to analyze every phenomenon way too much. So I've probably given this way more thought than it deserves. Believe me, I'd rather have the trait that guys found me attractive after they knew me. And one reason I seem so approachable is probably because I'm so often alone.
 

---