Hatrack River Forum: Are you a hugger?

This is topic Are you a hugger? in forum Books, Films, Food and Culture at Hatrack River Forum.

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Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :

Are are you touchy-feely or not? I am not overall--even dispensing ((hugs)) online doesn't come naturally. But within rather prescribed limits, I am. And find myself increasingly so, lately. A lot more likely to put an arm around someone or give a hug as a greeting.

However, there are some people that just set my alarm bells ringing. There's this one man I know that I've just had to come out and say "don't touch me." Funny thing is, I know several women who feel the same way but I'm the only one who felt it strongly enough to enforce the boundaries.

OK, but a funny story, first. I grew up on Long Island. Even though I didn't come from a kissy-touchy family, the culture, especially as I got older, became very kissy. Everyone greeted everyone with a kiss.

Well, then I went out West to BYU -- not kissy, and I was fine with that. When I was back home in NY one summer, a guy friend of mine from BYU--totally platonic--came to stay with me when he was in NY on business. I picked him up at the train station and, once again immersed in my local culture, went for his cheek to greet him with a kiss. I still remember the embarrassment of that moment! Poor guy probably thought I interpreted his visit as a romantic adventure. I am so glad I'm older and more confident now, because I know how to laugh off and explain away that stuff, but at the time it just introduced an awkwardness I didn't know how to relieve. And the funny thing is, he was a hugger--he was totally the buddy that my friends and I could count on for a hug if we needed one.

Well, anyway, any thoughts? Are you a "reach out and hug everyone" person, a "hello kisser" or a "get your paws off me" kinda person? What was your upbringing/culture like?

Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :

Yup, very much a hugger, very much into tactile contact.

In my family you greet everyone with a hug, and we were always very open about saying "I love you." I end every phone conversation with my sister-in-law, my aunts, my cousins by telling them I love them. And when I see them, I absolutely hug them.

My stepfather wasn't much on expressing love either verbally or physically, and I'm glad that my husband and I both are very expressive with our kids. Even the teenager, who acts of course like she doesn't want any embarrassing hugs from her parents. [Roll Eyes]

Posted by TheGrimace (Member # 9178) on :

hugger

However, there's always gonna be exceptions of people who you just don't feel comfortable with (maybe they're not hugging as platonically as you are etc...) and those who aren't going to recieve a hug well (as your friend recieving the kiss).

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :

Very much so. But not with everybody. And there isn't even a real reason. Some people I have just met, I will hug. Sometimes though I won't want to hug certain people even if I like them.

Posted by starLisa (Member # 8384) on :

I'm so not a hugger.

Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :

I'm more or less a hugger, although I take others' feelings in mind (since I know not everyone is a hugger). When I'm with a fellow hugger though, there's lots of hugs to go around. [Big Grin]

Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :

When I turned in my final paper on Tuesday, my professor gave me a hug. I'm sorry, that's really not okay and thoroughly unprofessional. It's not like I talked a lot in class and we had a good relationship. But even if we did! Goodness. The only time I expect my advisor to give me a hug (and we're pretty close) is when I graduate.

Yeah, I have personal space issues, but back in Hawaii, everyone hugs everyone and people kiss you on the cheek to say hello and goodbye.

I'll never offer hugs, but if someone's going to give me one, I'll usually put up with it.

There are only a few people with whom I'm really touchy, and I don't know why I can do it with them but everyone else makes me nervous. And they're not necessarily my closest friends or the people I generally feel most myself around.

Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :

Depends. If I don't know the person, no, no touching. If it's a new friendship, I follow the lead of the other person. Otherwise, yeah hugging is a nice way to greet and be greeted.

But with kids, I am definitely a hugger, toucher. Not with kids I've just met, more out of respect for their boundaries than anything else. But with kids I see regularly, I love to give them hugs, or put my arm around their shoulders and give a squeeze. Little kids I love to have on my lap. It's one of my favorite things about being a Sunday School teacher. Seeing my kids for the week and getting to give them hugs, finding out how their week was and just in general spending time with them. It's the highlight of my week.

Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :

oh no, defenitely not a hugger. never hug my siblings. sometimes my mom, but its always her instigating. never ever hug friends.

once when i was in mexico and rather randy on la tequila i was confronted with the whole kissing hello thing. i got quite the rude slap when i mistakenly tried to make out with the lady. oh well.

Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :

I'm a big hugger. In my family, we touch like crazy. We don't even really watch tv together without holding hands or something. Now that I'm away from my family I've learned to curtail those instincts because a) many people find it uncomfortable and b) they sometimes give the wrong impression. But nothing makes me happier or more at home than a comfortable hug. [Smile]

Posted by James Tiberius Kirk (Member # 2832) on :

No. Not much of a touchy person.

--j_k

Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :

I'm definitely a hugger but I'm hesitant to hug people I don't know well for fear they may feel uncomfortable with it.

I'm OK with cheek kissing when I'm around people who are from France, Italy or Russia, but I won't ever initiate it. It just isn't part of my culture.

Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :

I'm a hugger, but really only with people that I know well.

A good friend of mine is a big fan of the tackle hug. She hugs everyone, even strangers sometimes. Most people tend to be positive about it.

Posted by Coccinelle (Member # 5832) on :

If someone hugs me, it's fine, but I rarely initiate hugs and then when I do I feel wierd. Yeah, not a huggy person.

Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :

I'll hug family, childhood friends and women.

I don't usually hug men who don't fall into one of those catagories even if I know them well.

Generally, I let the other person start the hug first (except for my hubby of course =) I don't go out of my way to hug other people MOST of the time.

Pix

Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :

I'm a really big hugger, but not so much with my own family.

Other people, though, I hug.

There are certain people I greet with a kiss on the cheek, as well. Mostly men.

-pH

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

Not a hugger.
More of a gentle arm-slapper, if anything.
And please, oh, please, don;t come up to me and rub my shoulders! Whay do people think that is OK?

Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :

I'm very much a hugger-- but only with my family and close friends. I am NOT one of those people who hugs strangers, and I have issues with being touched at all sometimes. I'm very much with Elizabeth on the rubbing the shoulders thing-- that is WAY out of bounds, and I hate it!

Posted by Stasia (Member # 9122) on :

Not a hugger.

I usually put up with the social hugs hello/goodbye if it comes from a friend, because a lot of my friends are huggers and would be offended if I didn't.

But I've told people no before if they give off a weird vibe. I've even refused to shake hands with someone because they gave off a weird vibe. Of course, that was one of those "creepy man selling magazines in the mostly-empty campus parking lot" situations where I was just seconds away from pepper-spraying him anyway.

Posted by Carrie (Member # 394) on :

I'm an occasional hugger. It's all very circumstantial and dependent on the company.

I am definitely, however, a poker. I have no idea why I do it, but it's fun and most people find it endearing. Either that or they glare. [Smile]

Posted by Stasia (Member # 9122) on :

I'm with you on the shoulder rub thing, Elizabeth. If somebody is touching my shoulders, they had better be married to me or related to me.

Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :

quote:
When I turned in my final paper on Tuesday, my professor gave me a hug. I'm sorry, that's really not okay and thoroughly unprofessional. It's not like I talked a lot in class and we had a good relationship.

Ewww.

Also with Elizabeth and others on the shoulder rub thingy.

Posted by kmbboots (Member # 8576) on :

I will try very hard to keep my hands to myself should I ever meet any of you. Though I do give a world class rub.

Posted by 0range7Penguin (Member # 7337) on :

I wasnt a hugger. THen i joined drama club at the highschool my senior year and have been a huge hugger ever since.

Still try to respect others bounderies though and try to respect the fact that some other people arent huggers.

Posted by Rico (Member # 7533) on :

I'm definitely a hugger and a touchy feely person. I grew up in a culture where you kiss hello, I mean, come on!

Posted by JenniK (Member # 3939) on :

I am, although with people I know well. I give good backrubs too, but only if someone wants one. [Wink]

Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :

Same here. [Smile]

Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :

Ooh! I used to be a poker. But then I realized that people really didn't like that. (I have nails and apparently that hurts.)

I used to poke because then the hellos were already said and the hug became unnecessary. Now if I'm coming over for a quick hello, I sometimes do a quick side squeeze thing, so as to avoid the hug.

Posted by The Rabbit (Member # 671) on :

Are you a tree hugger? No seriously, have you ever hugged a tree?

I hug trees. Old trees are very wise and if you give them a good long hug, they will sometimes speak to you.

Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :

quote:
I am definitely, however, a poker. I have no idea why I do it, but it's fun and most people find it endearing.

I love pokers!! It's usually very endearing and just makes me happy all over. [Big Grin]

Posted by pfresh85 (Member # 8085) on :

I think it depends on how hard the poker is poking. If it's a soft, gentle poke, I find it endearing and kind of cute. If it's a hard poke (more like a jab), I don't find it as endearing (particularly if it leaves a bruise on my ribcage [Razz]

Posted by Luet13 (Member # 9274) on :

I don't mind hugs, but there are only a few people that get the hug and kiss. Usually I just shake hands with people, and I would never poke someone I didn't know. Most people I know find the poke to be very annoying. (Though I sometimes do it anyway [Evil Laugh]

)It is nice to get hugs and kisses [Kiss]

from those you love.

Posted by Rien (Member # 1941) on :

I'm a hugger with my family, but don't usually initiate a hug with anyone else. If someone else wants to hug me, that's usually cool. Cheek kisses from people I don't know very well make me uncomfortable.

Posted by Elizabeth (Member # 5218) on :

I think of poking in the same category as the gentle arm-slap or punch.

It is as if I like the physical contact as long as it is sort of athletic.

I am much more likely to want to wrestle someone than hug them. This goes way back to preadolescence.

I like physical contact in sports, but when it is social, I cringe. (generally-some people I feel very comfortable with)