Heard it brought up. I know that my friend in gr. 8 has had a few. But I was just wondering, what's everyone's opinion on it? Has anyone here had any?
Personally, I guess it's okay to have an internet crush, but my friend dated some people (online), and I really thought that was wrong, so I advised her to stop. She did stop, but that was because of a...'complication'. Apparently, he valued other girls over her, or something of the sort.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
I think internet crushes are like any other crushes: 90% fantasy, 10% selectively viewed reality.
Having said that, it is always good to make you're safe if ever meeting any.
Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :
I think that dating on the internet at such a young age is a bad idea. Dating online has a large list of potential problems. Young people must tackle those problems as well as deal with the increased threat of predators. It's not worth it. Once a person is an adult if they want to date online, they should do so with caution.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Gutlevel, as a parent, children finding dates online scares the everlivin' daylights out of me. Starting in eighth grade (and presumably younger)?! Yikes!
For minors, dating online should only be done under close parental supervision. For adults, just be smart and safe. I had mixed results from trying it, but I know lots of people who've found their true love there. For me it's not a case of right or wrong, but understanding the limitations of the medium and taking reasonable precautions.
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Oh, yes - above advice applies to nonminors.
If you're a minor, then admire all you want, but it's better to leave it as a crush.
Posted by Squid Martigan (Member # 9276) on :
Hah! I really don't think it matters if a minor is crushing on someone on the internet-- it's probably fun and harmless. Well, aside from that so many of the very young people I see online are a bit dumb.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
Crushing fine. Dating (until not a minor) bad. *married her internet crush* *was an adult at the time*
Posted by Satlin (Member # 1593) on :
Internet dating, like everything, can be dangerous. The problem is that you really have no idea who the person is (which is a moot point, I suppose, because you may never know who a person is in real life either). Instincts in this instance can often be wrong and some people are phenomenally good at pretending to be certain people, as I have seen from experience. Then again, someone I know very well dated someone online in high school, eventually met physically, and are still friends now five years later.
As a general rule, I think they're fine, as long as that person uses common sense. There are definite red flags to watch out for. I don't think it matters what your age is, though; adults can make bad choices just as readily as young people, and sometimes are more prone to because they think they can handle situations they should otherwise avoid.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
True. Let me revise that to "Dating with caution as an adult okay. Dating without caution at any time or while a minor, bad."
Posted by Satlin (Member # 1593) on :
Why is dating as a minor bad?
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
I'd say almost any type of online dating is probably a bad idea as a minor, regardless of safeguards in place or parental supervision. It's a bad idea, it's not good for your emotional well being, and you're just asking to be let down.
Posted by Squid Martigan (Member # 9276) on :
I say that dating as a minor, online or not, is a good thing. I don't understand why stuffy grown-ups think that a person's desire for romance or to be appreciated as sexy by a peer isn't important. People need to strike out in love a bit, so that when some small happiness happens to come along and stay for more than a short while, a person doesn't jump the gun and proclaim, "soulmate found!" It seems to me that people who've had a woefully small amount of romantic experience (i.e. lack of dating!) are the ones who jump those guns the worst as soon as they're "grown up." It's easier to find people one might get along with when looking online, as opposed to dinking around in the world hoping someone will stop in the middle of walking by and say, "Dang, you're what I'm looking for!" Loneliness hurts young people, too.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I'm only referring to online dating. There are types of dating I think are okay for some minors with some safeguards. I think online dating is just too risky for too many, though.
Posted by prolixshore (Member # 4496) on :
I don't think most people are against dating for minors in all situations, but it seems that the dangers of internet dating can be worse for minors than for adults, simply because of the predator aspect. That being said, I cannot ever see myself dating someone I met online. Real life just holds too much appeal for me. If I had a son/daughter who was a teenager and spent all their time meeting people on the internet, I would find ways to make them go out in the real world. There is still a difference.
--ApostleRadio
Posted by Squid Martigan (Member # 9276) on :
But meeting people online is a great way to find people out in the "real world" to be friends! I maintain that socializing online is just an extension of people's zeal to connect with other humans and almost never a shadowy diversion risen from a dangerous jungle-world. Acting like people on the internet are either not "real" people or else may be predators will, I think, just make young people like your hypothetical son/daughter feel alienated from you. Those are all real people out there, whether they're honest or not.
Posted by Squid Martigan (Member # 9276) on :
Guys who are just looking for a f--- don't go away when a girl becomes a grown-up. Be there for your young person, be cool! Talk...
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I think Internet dating can be okay for some teens, as long as they're careful about it.
I met two of my *thinks* three (?) high school boyfriends on the Internet. But I never met them alone. I think it depends on where the kid typically hangs out online. If you're in, say, Yahoo or AOL chat rooms...not good.
The thing about online crushes is though, like katharina said, they're generally largely fantasy. But then again, pretty much all crushes are fantasy, anyway.
-pH
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
I've never had an internet crush. I'm too shallow for that.
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Anyone, especially a vulnerable person such as a young teen, should be very careful with getting involved with people on the internet, especially in an environment where these's very little accountability for behavior.
Crushes are okay, I guess, but I'd be very, very wary. Just from existing on the internet (not here; in more sketchy places) I've bumped into so people who are a little more interested than I'd prefer. For this reason, I play down my gender, (Teshi works either ways) in when I don't know the people. I never lie or deliberately mislead, I just avoid 'giving myself away' as a girl, especially where girls are rare.
But yeah, internet people can be creepy- even if they're relatively normal in real life or harmless, at least, the internet gives them a mask which enables them to be go further.
And I'm not a minor.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I always think it's funny when people message me on Myspace and are very nice and talkative until they ask if I have a boyfriend. Then all of a sudden, it's, "Oh...I've gotta run!"
-pH
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I have never had an internet crush.
I have, however, made many wonderful friends online and married one of them.
Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
Well, there's different kinds of internet dating. There's the variety where you just meet a person randomly online, which I can see being a bit frightening.
Then there's the variety that I had experience with, which is I met a friend of a friend of a friend through instant messaging. We went to the same highschool, and I knew who she was, albeit very vaguely. We just never hit it off till I went off to college.
But I have the same reservation about internet relationships that I have about the long distance variety. Most of the time, it seems to me, attraction is about 80-90% proximity and availability. Especially so in the teenage and early twenties years. I've seen a lot of relationships go south for this reason. There are always a few exceptions, but the rule of proximity has remained steadier than most relationships.
Posted by Telperion the Silver (Member # 6074) on :
I think I have crushes on half of Hatrack. mmmmm... *huggles*
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
Honestly, my biggest problem with online dating is the likelihood of a long distance relationship. I think people are perfectly capable of meeting others online that they're compatible with, but very few people (especially teenagers) are capable of maintaining healthy long distance relationships.
Trust me, I've done three of them.
Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
quote:Originally posted by katharina: I think internet crushes are like any other crushes: 90% fantasy, 10% selectively viewed reality.
It SO true!
My internet crush experience was with someone I knew in person first. But being a younger highschooler, it was cheaper at the time and more private as I had no exclusive phone access. (cellphones were just beginning to be common with the early nokia 5150s; I was a champion "snake" player)
Anyway we would talk on AIM for hours and hours and I constructed this whole image of her (though she was strikingly beautiful in real life too), being so wonderful and smart and close to me. The reality was she was not very witty or interesting, I was just evoking general conversation, and taking her responses as mightily intelligent, because they were from her. She eventually grew to dislike me as my crush intensified, and I poured on the 16 year old wierdness (as I'm SURE some of the jatraqueras can imagine, this was not a good thing).
So there it is, we don't talk anymore, its been years.
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