I'm sure by now most of you have seen PostSecret and its imitations. It seems that sometimes it's good to get things off your chest, to be able to tell your secrets anonymously.
If you've been hoarding a secret that you want to confess anonymously and have posted publicly, send your secret to HatrackSecrets {at} gmail.com via an anonymous email service.
I will post them here. I will not post obvious joke secrets. Neither will I post secrets specifically geared to hurt another member of the forum. To protect the privacy of those who share, I will not posting these in the order I receive them. Instead, I will post them randomly at spurts during the day.
Also, if you feel anonymous enough already behind the internet, feel free to post your secrets directly to the thread.
Feel free to comment on the secrets, but please, keep it positive. It's hard enough to share secrets without worrying that people will judge you. Also, please don't work to guess the identity of the secret holders. That kind of defeats the whole point.
Imported from another forum.
[ April 21, 2006, 12:22 PM: Message edited by: Celaeno ]
Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
I have a crush on a Hatracker. Is it:
A) pH B) TomDavidson C) Celaeno D) Beatrice
Oh, whoops! Now it's not a secret. Crap.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Yeah, lots of guys go for Tom.
I hear Icky has a thing for him too....
Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
Wait! TomDavidson is a guy? j/k
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
Are you establishing guidelines regarding how profane and/or explicit the secrets can be?
I ask because PostSecret is pretty explicit.
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
DANTE, YOU'RE LEAVING ME FOR CELEANO?!
Now you can't bear my children anymore.
-pH
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I have a crush on a Hatracker. Is it:
A) pH B) TomDavidson C) Celaeno D) Beatrice
Oh, whoops! Now it's not a secret. Crap.
I've always been told to guess C, and by that method, your crush is me. Exciting. Too bad I've sworn off men.
(I haven't really, but...you know how things go.)
Besides, I can't imagine anyone wanting to leave pH.
quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: Are you establishing guidelines regarding how profane and/or explicit the secrets can be?
I ask because PostSecret is pretty explicit.
You know, I didn't even think about that. I forgot that Hatrack's a milder community than most forums. Well, if it's a secret that you think is forum-appropriate, feel free to send it. I don't want to have to censor anyone. That's not my place. If something seems like it would be offense or explicit, I'll put a warning at the start of the post. Is that okay?
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
quote:Originally posted by erosomniac: Are you establishing guidelines regarding how profane and/or explicit the secrets can be?
I ask because PostSecret is pretty explicit.
I can't imagine anyone having a secret more explicit than the thing you said in the smoking thread. My ears are still ringing (or rather, my eyes).
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I feel that I would be severely, SEVERELY disappointed if my child was ugly, fat, stupid, or any combination of the three.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I don't think I'll ever fall in love, and I don't believe I deserve someone for that matter either.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:There are times when i feel like there is a filter between me and the world. Like, i don't feel like other people do. I see people in the heat of emotional stress, or at the peak of happiness... and to me, i can't think of very many times i've felt like that, when true emotions have shown through. It seems like when most everyone else can go to level 10 of whatever feeling, i can only go to level 6, or level 7. It's helpful, sure, i can remain level-headed in any situation. And i can empathize, i am unusually gifted in being able to see situations from all sides, but i'd give it all to feel like other's can. Because i'm levelheaded, I seem strong... but... I really just want to feel. There are times when all i want to do is cry, and i can't... and i hate myself at those times... because it would help so much, be so cathartic... and i can't cry. and i don't know why.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
quote:The image “http://www.anonemailer.com/” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.
Posted by Uprooted (Member # 8353) on :
Tante, I got the same message when I clicked on the link from Firefox. When I did it in Explorer, it worked fine--any chance that's what's going on w/ you? (and no, I wasn't one of the secret senders!)
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Could be. I'm all Fiery and Foxy.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
Sorry about that bad link. It only doesn't work in firefox. Here's another. Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I'm LDS, single, and not a virgin.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:Even though he took advantage of me, treated me like crap, and eventually left me for someone else...even though my life vastly improved the moment he was out of it...I still miss him sometimes.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I use scathing humor and sarcasm to veil insults and make people laugh, but the truth is, I really do hate almost everyone.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
In case you missed it, I edited the first post to clarify my posting procedures.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:When I was a kid, in third grade, I guess it was, I thought it was neat to eavesdrop on phone conversations by listening in on the other extension. I knew I shouldn't do it, but I did it anyway. My aunt called and asked to speak to my mother. I called Mom to the phone, and then didn't hang up -- I listened in to hear what they were talking about. My aunt had called to give the sad news that my great-grandmother had died. I really loved my great-grandmother, but when my mother called the children in to tell us the news, I came into the room running and laughing so that she wouldn't suspect that I already knew the news from eavesdropping. I felt really guilty (and I still kind of do) not so much for the eavesdropping, because that is the kind of stuff that kids might naturally do, but for the inappropriate laughter right after finding out that great-grandma died.
And I never ever listened in on the other phone extension again.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I have trouble making real friends and I am sometimes painfully lonely, but I pretend it doesn't bother me.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I love my husband and my child but sometimes I want to get in the car and drive away for a break. I can't believe I'll never feel like I felt when we first met ever again. The butterflies have died.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
you know, this kinda is like the All American Rejects "Dirty little secrets" video.
not to make light of some of these, but there where some funny ones in that video.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:you know, this kinda is like the All American Rejects "Dirty little secrets" video.
I'm not sure if this is the video I'm thinking of, but if it is, it was based on PostSecret.
Posted by Peter (Member # 4373) on :
Here is the video i'm talking about.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
Regarding the butterflies confession...I like to think that the butterflies are just darn tired in the midst of being a mommy and a wife. They'll come back if I don't let them totally die of starvation. So I try to remember to do stuff to keep them alive. Set the table with the good china and candles for dinner, even if it was takeout. Injecting a little romance into my life. It's hard to remember to do, though.
I hope it's okay to respond to some of these secrets.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote: I hope it's okay to respond to some of these secrets.
I imagine it is, as long as your response isn't along the lines of "Hahahaha wow, that sucks, and you suck, too!"
quote:Here is the video i'm talking about.
Yep, that's the one based on PostSecret.
Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tante Shvester:
quote:The image “http://www.anonemailer.com/” cannot be displayed, because it contains errors.
Thats a deep secret and burden to carry. Whoever's this is, you have my sympathy.
Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :
quote: I shot the sherrif.
Posted by Youth ap Orem (Member # 5582) on :
quote:When ever I see a post by OSC, I click on his name and view his most recent posts.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:Originally posted by jeniwren: I hope it's okay to respond to some of these secrets.
As long as the responses aren't meanspirited, I definitely encourage them.
Also, if anyone wants to anonymously respond to a post, you can send those via email too.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Sometimes I set my cellphone to "Vibrate" and then speed-dial myself.
Oh, come on, you've done it, too.
Haven't you?
Oh.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I claim to be an unflinching atheist, but I've been secretly cultivating a relationship with God.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
That's gotta be KOM
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:When I drink I break out into song. Lately it's been stuff from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I definitely have a crush on pH.
Oh, also, a _huge_ crush on Celaeno.
(But if pressed, I could probably guess your identity.)
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
I'm sorry, Celaeno, but I'm going to have to kill you now. You're competition.
-pH
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
You sure it's a guy?
Posted by pH (Member # 1350) on :
pH is an equal-opportunity object of desire. *waggles eyebrows*
-pH
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH: I'm sorry, Celaeno, but I'm going to have to kill you now. You're competition.
-pH
Oh, but the game's no fun without competition. You should let me stick around for at least a little while. Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:I use scathing humor and sarcasm to veil insults and make people laugh, but the truth is, I really do hate almost everyone.
Whoever this is, I like them all the more.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
el jt: it's PC
(This is like that game where we all wrote short stories and had to guess who wrote it!)
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
Obviously.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
Anybody else doubt this is real?
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
quote:Originally posted by pH: pH is an equal-opportunity object of desire. *waggles eyebrows*
I can't *know* that </Mal Reynolds>
Posted by Anti-Chris (Member # 4452) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: Anybody else doubt this is real?
Ever since I saw the Matrix.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:el jt: it's PC
That was actually my first thought, too.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:Originally posted by Anti-Chris:
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: Anybody else doubt this is real?
Ever since I saw the Matrix.
I know what you're thinking: "Why didn't I take the blue pill?"
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
quote:Originally posted by Jim-Me:
quote:Originally posted by pH: pH is an equal-opportunity object of desire. *waggles eyebrows*
I can't *know* that </Mal Reynolds>
I could stand to hear a little bit more(/jayne)
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:Originally posted by The Pixiest: (This is like that game where we all wrote short stories and had to guess who wrote it!)
Hey, Pixiest, I don't mean to stop your fun, but as I stated in my first post, the point isn't to guess which secrets belong to whom. I mean, guess all you want, but keep it to yourself. I don't want people to feel uncomfortable about sending in secrets.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
Ok, I'll stop. Want me to delete my previous guesses? (though I can't delete the other people's posts who quoted me.)
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
No, don't worry about it. Thank you for understanding.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
This is hatrack, which is a fairly small venue, people will know who said it, and you should assume this before you send it to this address.
Posted by Jim-Me (Member # 6426) on :
*high fives The Pixiest for following up my quote*
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
That's true and I didn't think about that. Thanks, breyerchic. The other forum I'm on is significantly smaller and only a small number of the secrets are guessable. I just assumed that this forum would be the same.
If anyone doesn't want to participate for this reason or others, I totally understand.
Also, in such a close-knit community, I'm definitely a newbie and somewhat of an outsider, so I can see people not feeling comfortable with me moderating this. If there is a problem, please contact me.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I'm not really comfortable with the whole idea. It's a small enough community that it can't be truly anonymous, I'm sure at least some people are turning in made up things, and it seems to me to be a recipe for hurt feelings to have something like this that some people are taking seriously and others aren't.
But having said that, if other people find it fun it's not really my place to rain on the parade. Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Also, Celaeno, my feelings on it have nothing to do with you personally. I'd think it was just as bad an idea if one of our longest-term members had started it.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
That's the thing, though. Everyone chooses to participate or to not participate and what they want to reveal. If they want to keep it light-hearted, that's fun. If they want to keep it serious, that's great too.
Goodness, I hadn't realized such a thread would incite drama.
To anyone else with a problem, please contact me through my the forum mail link. I'm completely willing to discuss thing, but I find comments sent through the anonymous mail that say, "This thread is inappropriate and leads to a cliquishness that is unnecessary. Hopefully a janitor will be by to clean it up," rather silly. I'm not going to get upset by talking to you directly. And I'd prefer to hear why you find it inappropriate and cliquey than just that you do. Let's dialogue.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
I totally understand, dkw. Don't worry. Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
it's a public forum erosomniac.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Celaeno, your e-mail isn't visible. The only way anyone is able to mail you is through the forum mail link.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:it's a public forum erosomniac
As is Sake, and one that's clearly linked to Hatrack - hence my distaste with what was said there in the first place.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
Thanks, dkw. I just edited for that.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
Ero, she meant that Sakeriver is a public forum.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
If nobody minds, I'm going to keep posting the secrets I've received. I don't want to be unfair to the people who have already sent secrets.
There's only one I'm not posting. I'm refraining because, given our location, I didn't find it appropriate.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Ero, she meant that Sakeriver is a public forum.
Then I don't understand what her comment was designed to accomplish.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I really want the people of Hatrack to like and respect me, but I'm pretty sure none of them do.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I once had an erotic dream involving KarlEd.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
I'm not kama, but I believe that she meant it's not behind Celaeno's back, because it is a public forum, and if she reads it, she does.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
what breyer said.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
Quite. If I didn't want Celaeno to see something I posted, I wouldn't have posted it.
edit: the only reason I posted there in the first place was so as not to de-rail this thread while I figured out what, if anything, I wanted to say about it here.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
then
quote: I'm not kama,(which is why I don't wear bikinis) but I believe that she meant it's not behind Celaeno's back, because it is a public forum, and if she reads it, she does.
Posted by Kama (Member # 3022) on :
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
Right, breyer. There are many things I will never, ever post anywhere on the internet for that reason. If you put anything on the internet expecting it not to be read, you are a blockhead.
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
I read the thread as a way to get something off your chest without actually having to fess up to it or create a new thread by itself with a new nick. For encouragement in some cases or just a way to express a feeling. I assume that no one would put something truly devestating on, because, as was already pointed out, it's an awfully small community and could be easy to figure out who wrote what. OTOH, I also made a concerted effort not to speculate who might have written what, largely out of respect for the writer who obviously *wants* to be anonymous.
I appreciate some of the thoughts shared already, especially the one I responded to, because I often feel the same way and have to remind myself to take care.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
My concern, for what it's worth, is not that the people sending secrets might be figured out. They made the choice, it's their decision, and to some extent at some level they want their secret to be known. That's fine, and understandable. I've sent things to postsecret, and it's a wonderful feeling, to just give it away.
My concern is for the people reading the thread wondering "Is that my wife? Is that my friend? Is s/he trying to tell me something? Was I meant to read this?" You'd like to think, of course, that the secrets are secret from people not on hatrack -- that it's not a woman who's husband posts or lurks here that said that the butterflies are gone. But, you can't know. And it probably never entered her mind that it might make men other than her husband question if their relationship is really as sound as they thought it was, but I bet it has. And you'd like to say, well, then he should just ask his wife. But she sent it as a secret, right? If she wants it to be a secret and has been keeping it from him as a secret, why would she tell the truth if asked? At least, if I was a married man with a young child who's wife posts or lurks here, that's what my paranoid mind would be going through. And look how many secrets already have said they're sure no one here likes/respects them? Self-doubt is a lot more prevailant than you tend to think.
That's what I meant when I said hatrack is too small for this. Not that people will figure out who's telling secrets. But that someone will send one that hits a little too close to home for someone else, and unintentionally cause anguish. Something on Post Secret would have to be awfully specific for me to think it might be someone I know. Here, I pretty much know all these secrets belong to someone I've at least heard of. Lots of potential for hurt feelings, and not because of any sort of cliquishness, as far as I'm concerned.
That said, I'm not asking you to stop posting them, or people to stop sending them. But I am asking people to consider their secrets, and if it's one that has the potential to cause harm to others through misunderstanding, write it on a postcard and send it to Post Secret. Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
I think there is power in this. I think it's a good thing. I think rather than hurting, it's much more likely that a couple might start a discussion based on one of these secrets, and become closer and more loving because of it. Suddenly, things that can't be said can be said. Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I posted the now apparently notorious butterfly secret. I am sorry if I caused anyone any pain, confusion or anguish. I just wanted to get something off my chest that I've had a hard time even admitting to myself. I didn't mean to have people wonder about their own situations or get up in arms over this. I didn't think it was that bad as far as secrets go. I'm not having an affair or doing anything illegal. I thought it was pretty tame. jeniwren, I do appreciate hearing it's not just me and that things do get better with effort. I thought this was a good idea because Hatrack is a small place where people care and may be able to give people some hope or insight unlike at Postsecret. Ya'll try not to beat it to death. Just see where it goes and don't take every post as it's coming from someone you know. jeniwren made me feel better, who can you help?
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Aw, I miss the guess the author game.
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by Teshi: Aw, I miss the guess the author game.
Me too!
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
I am sure it's occurred to other people (as it has occurred to me) how interesting it would be to take on the persona of someone else and write in what I think they really would say -- or, perhaps, what I think they should say.
Would so-and-so confess a hidden insecurity? Would whosit admit to really wanting this other torrid thing?
Given a subtle touch, I'm betting I could imply that someone most people would think they recognize had deep, dark, sordid Secret X. And where's the harm, since the implied person's name never actually came up?
Heh. Well, it's tacky. Mean-spirited. Intentionally snide and cruel. And I'm not going to be doing it, even though I wonder if anyone else already has.
That is, I'm reading all of these with a mildly interested eye but a definite eyedrop of saltwater. I think we all should, actually.
Posted by Beatrice (Member # 4705) on :
It'd better be me, dude, or I'll put you through hell.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
PS: I'm not too troubled about this thread being here, and I think the original poster has perfectly good intent. The thread may well do people some good, and that would be great.
I just wanted this other perspective out there, too, as a potential filter for the reader. And now that I've gone and outed myself as a person to whom such things occur, well, there it is.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I pretty much assumed that all of the "secrets" were fake from the beginning.
Yeah, some of them probably aren't. But they are all suspect.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
quote:Originally posted by Celaeno:
quote:I once had an erotic dream involving KarlEd.
OK, that one must have been me. I have them all the time.
Wait, was I supposed to post that annonymously?
Posted by Mean Old Frisco (Member # 6666) on :
I think this thread is a fine idea, and that the secrets are real. And that this forum, at 9000+ members(not counting unregistered lurkers who can also participate) is plenty big enough for anything said to be anonymous. If you think a secret is aimed at you, whether it is or isn't, I agree with ak(a first for everything! ) that the lines of communication could stand to be opened.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
If anywhere near 9000 people were regulars of the forum I'd agree with you, Frisco, but the active community is really pretty small. I've never tried to count it, but I'd guess that we don't have more than...oh, say 150 people that post here more than once a month.
Posted by Mean Old Frisco (Member # 6666) on :
It's not just the people who post, regularly or not, or are even registered here that necessarily need to get something off their chest anonymously.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
Just shut up already, you mean old.....Frisco.......
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
True, but I would guess that the vast majority of the people sumbitting secrets are part of the subsection of the registered members who post here at least once a month. Do you not think so?
Posted by Mean Old Frisco (Member # 6666) on :
I think for every person who posts on this forum daily there are ten who read daily and don't post.
And ten more who read daily and aren't even registered.
Which are likely to feel most comfortable about spilling their guts anonymously? Hard to say. But I wouldn't assume that a vast majority of the secrets so far are from regulars.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
Hm. That's an interesting point--you may be right.
Posted by Mean Old Frisco (Member # 6666) on :
Am I still paranoid if I don't care that I'm being watched...right...now...?
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I've never been in love. I'm trying to figure out whether I'm attracted to my best friend. I think if I knew, it'd be a lot easier to figure out how best to proceed. But I don't, so I can't even talk to aforementioned best friend about it. I'm confused, and it's very frustrating.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I'm a lot smarter than I let on. I do this so that people underestimate me.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:sometimes i'm not sure how serious my wife is about our relationship
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
I was hoping that this thread wouldn't get derailed, but it looks a bit too late for that. Now is as good a time as any to address what's been said so far.
First of all, let me apologize. I had no intention for this secret thing to take this turn. Honestly, I'm shocked that it had this effect. This thread exists in on my other forum and that was a generally positive experience for all who participated. It was my mistake for assuming that the people here were like the people there. It was an oversight on my part, and for that I'm sorry.
Then there's the other part of this. It's one thing to feel uncomfortable with the idea of the thread. That I completely understand. It's a completely different thing to accuse me of making up secrets. What, exactly, would be my goal in doing this? I hadn't realized that I'd given anyone the impression that I was the sort of person who was untrustworthy or would start this to get attention. I'm not sure where that sentiment comes from; is it just because you don't know me well so you're assuming the worst?
I don't mean to sound defensive, but I am a little surprised. And I'm certainly not implying that most of you think this way about me. I'm incredibly grateful to the many of you who have either stood up for me or have conducted your discussion civilly.
Let me just say that the only secrets I wrote myself were my own. There were two. I have posted every secret sent to me as it was sent except for the offensive one and another that seemed like its intent was to get the thread deleted (forgive me if it was not). My word probably isn't good enough for the people who already don't believe me, but it's all I have to offer.
That said, until the general Hatrack population says that this is a bad idea or stops participating, I will keeping it going for those who get something out of it. Aside from that one anonymous email I posted above, no one has contacted me privately with concerns.
With these last three, I have posted all secrets I have received so far. If the thread ends now, I'll be a little sad because I thought it would be good for some of us, but I will not try to revive it. Once people stop sending in secrets, I'll let it quietly die.
Thank you to those who have posted. Thank you to those who found this exercise valuable. Thank you especially to those of who very kindly stated your concerns in the thread. You know this community better than I, and I'm sure your advice to potential sharers was invaluable. There are things people should think about before submitting secrets that I didn't think about, and I appreciate your advice. (ElJay, jeniwren, and Claudia particularly come to mind.)
I didn't mean to cause drama, and I certainly didn't mean to cause pain.
[ April 22, 2006, 05:36 AM: Message edited by: Celaeno ]
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
Don't confuse someone pointing out a possibility with someone making an accusation. Prudence demands that possibilities be explored in a semi-annonymous internet setting. I choose to take what I read at face value, for the most part, until I have some reason to suspect otherwise. However, I also try to keep in mind that I could be deceived.
That said, I don't have any problem with this thread as it is intended, or really even as it has played out so far. I would hate to see it become a negative.
This thread, by nature of this community, though, will be different from PostSecrets. For someone to post here, they aren't simply annonymously expressing their secret or unburdening themselves to the aether. If they wanted to do that, PostSecret is a far better option due to the more perfect chance at annonymity. To post a secret here, people are specifically confessing to this community, which by nature of being smaller adds the benefit of a somewhat greater sense of confession to peers, but also runs the risk of creating more and bigger ripples, intended or not. Also, posts that mention people by name obviously compound this. To use the secret with my name as an (albeit trivial) example, the poster would have to be very naive to expect I wouldn't read it, so I have to assume they knew I would. This, of course, means that they probably knew it would provoke some sort of reaction in me, and maybe even expected it to. I have no idea exactly what reaction is expected, or considered. A few of the ones I can think of are:
1. It's a joke to get a laugh out of the forum. (If so, no big deal. I don't mind being the brunt of this particular joke).
2. It's a joke to get me wondering who it might be who posted it. (I am curious, but not enough to try to find out.)
3. It's serious and the poster is trying to tell me something. (There are many possibilities here, but no way to narrow them down so it's a moot issue.)
But my point is, I can't help but wonder about it. In this way I've been drawn into something that could potentially make me uncomfortable (for the record, it really doesn't), but if this were something darker it might. If someone, even innocently and as a joke, were to have hit closer to home on something I'm insecure about, it could potentially make the forum very uncomfortable for me. (Whether that's a good thing or a bad thing is open to interpretation). My point is, there are so many variables that it can be difficult to judge. And we all know there are people who would just LOVE to take advantage of such ambiguity to stir up contention.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
quote:It's a completely different thing to accuse me of making up secrets. What, exactly, would be my goal in doing this?
My first post was very unclear, so let me say this: I don't believe you are making up secrets. I also don't believe you aren't making up secrets. I don't know you well enough, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.
I do believe that some of the secrets you've posted are fake, though. While I could believe that the majority of secrets you've posted are true, there's not a single one that I trust to be true.
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
I think there is a possibility that some of the secrets are made-up, but that doesn't mean I think you're fabricating them, dear.
I can see why this thread could have real value for people, and I can see how damage could occur.
But I am generally an imaginative person
I think it;s a cool thread, and I think you should be happy about it. Nothing bad has come of it, so far, and there is no reason to expect it to be harmful just because it is possible.
(I admit you've made me curious about the ones you've chosen not to post, though. I don't have any real interest in posting secrets anonymously myself (I have a history of over-sharing and TMI even with my name attached ) but I do have a very common curiosity about things people censor for my (our) own good. It goes back to them not letting me read Thoreau in Christian school, I think. )
So, even though I understand you probably have good reasons, THAT is the thing about this thread that peaks my curiosity the most (and I acknowledge that Secrets + Curiosity = Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
Celaeno, for what it's worth, I was speaking of other people potentially submitting misleading things to you. Like I said, I just wanted to raise the possibility, not argue that this thread should be shut down or was not started with perfectly good intent.
Carry on. Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
I guess that others don't see it this way, but it seems to me that the act of putting something forth as a secret (as opposed to having a secret to not mentioning it) implies "Now try to guess it".
If I don't want people to be curious about my secrets, I don't mentiont them, even obliquely.
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
:oops: Meant to edit and hit "quote" heh.
I would like to add that if I had an erotic dream about a Hatracker I would totally brag about it. I guess this may be why I have no juicy secrets.
Edit: missing word
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
I thought it was you Olivia! Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
The phenomenon that I find fascinating about this thread is how often one can imagine that any given secret pertains to oneself. I guess it's from self-centeredness or paranoia or something... maybe insecurity, but while intellectually I know that probably none of them have anything to do with me, since I'm pretty far off the hatrack radar for most everyone, I think, yet when I read them I sort of tend to imagine some ridiculously large number, like 20% perhaps, have something to do with me. <laughs>
I also wonder how many of the secrets aren't secret at all. Have you ever had someone tell you a deep dark secret and then think to yourself... oh, okay, that was supposed to have been secret? Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
But reading people's secrets gives me a feeling of liberation, like there's nothing that we can't just be totally up front and honest about. Does anyone else feel this way?
I can't really think of any secrets of my own to send in. I guess I'm like Olivia in that I tell everything onymously already. Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
I'm not sure if I'm having a failure of imagination or what, but I'm neither coming up with E-vile plots nor assuming that any secret anyone has told has anything to do with me.
I've been trying to think of something to submit, but I'm coming up with nothing. Between here and Sakeriver my life is a pretty open book, I'm thinking.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
Noemon, you must just have more mental health than us. Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
I was going to write something about shivving hobos, but now that the possibility of untrue "secrets" is out, I don't get to have that kind of fun.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
Of course everyone will assume that some are playful, some are real, some are made up to try to get some sort of reaction out of people, some are just for laughs, etc. That's the nature of anonymous stuff like this. But the real ones tend to speak for themselves.
Posted by ElJay (Member # 6358) on :
Just for the record, I did not mean to imply that anyone was intentionally trying to hurt anyone else's feelings or plotting or whatever.
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by Tatiana: Noemon, you must just have more mental health than us.
That or obliviousness, one or the other.
Posted by Icarus (Member # 3162) on :
I don't think fewer secrets = greater mental health.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
I didn't mean to jump to conclusions. Thanks for the clarification. And with that, let's move on.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I used to come to Hatrack nearly every day, but after reading this thread, I am reminded of why I do not visit here much anymore. HatrackSecrets is a clever idea that is put out without any implied intent or harm, but is found to be insensitive by some and offensive by others. Debates ensue, (kind debates, mind you), but debates over something like this are just so trivial and meaningless that we tend to get swallowed up in the madness that our unbridled intelligence tends to create. Why create these problems and then debate them endlessly? What ever happened to just keeping quiet? Ironically, that is the next thread I lurked through...(If you don't have something nice to say, maybe you shouldn't say anything at all)
So here I sit, lurking through Hatrack becuase like others, I came here daily but felt like I wasn't as smart or as savvy as others, or that I wasn't liked as much as others. But there were wonderful things, grand things, that kept bringing me back. For years, even. Then the magic seemed to fade away one day. I still come to sit by the river from time to time, but I still can't bring myself to say much anymore. And for that I am sorry and only have myself to blame. I just hope Hatrack continues to grow as a community and doesn't devour itself in the mindles debates over nothing.
But one thing I won't miss is having to edit and proofread my posts for spelling errors because I don't want to look stupid. Grammer Nazis be damned.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I'm bisexual. My parents and family don't know. The girl who is my best friend... is also my lover. And I'm ashamed of it, because I used to be so strongly anti-gay.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:Grammer Nazis be damned.
That's a thing of beauty, whether intentional or not.
Posted by T_Smith (Member # 3734) on :
Wow, that sounds like something I would end up saying. The "grammer" Nazi part.
Posted by Primal Curve (Member # 3587) on :
Gramer Nazi's ned 2 b u damed!
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Gramer Nazi's ned 2 b u damed!
I can't even figure out what you're TRYING to say. I think that deserves some sort of prize.
Posted by Dante (Member # 1106) on :
Man, I could use a good daming.
Posted by Tante Shvester (Member # 8202) on :
Well, THAT'S no secret.
Posted by Squish (Member # 9191) on :
I honestly don't know why I'm still surprised when I read through threads and find that they take some crazy turns before I reach the end of them.
Posted by Olivet (Member # 1104) on :
quote:I used to come to Hatrack nearly every day, but after reading this thread, I am reminded of why I do not visit here much anymore. HatrackSecrets is a clever idea that is put out without any implied intent or harm, but is found to be insensitive by some and offensive by others. Debates ensue, (kind debates, mind you), but debates over something like this are just so trivial and meaningless that we tend to get swallowed up in the madness that our unbridled intelligence tends to create. Why create these problems and then debate them endlessly? What ever happened to just keeping quiet? Ironically, that is the next thread I lurked through...(If you don't have something nice to say, maybe you shouldn't say anything at all)
So here I sit, lurking through Hatrack becuase like others, I came here daily but felt like I wasn't as smart or as savvy as others, or that I wasn't liked as much as others. But there were wonderful things, grand things, that kept bringing me back. For years, even. Then the magic seemed to fade away one day. I still come to sit by the river from time to time, but I still can't bring myself to say much anymore. And for that I am sorry and only have myself to blame. I just hope Hatrack continues to grow as a community and doesn't devour itself in the mindles debates over nothing.
But one thing I won't miss is having to edit and proofread my posts for spelling errors because I don't want to look stupid. Grammer Nazis be damned.
This secret amazes me, because it expresses something I have also felt about Hatrack recently. I could have written it, or something like it, yet I know I didn't. I wish I knew who did, because I'd like to hug 'em.
To me, the response to it only illustrates that whoever posted this has a point.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:Most of the time, I'm afraid of everyone. My mother once told me, "you're a lover, not a fighter," but she was wrong. I'm a coward.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I feel like I love my parents out of sheer obligation because it has been engrained in me that I owe nearly every aspect of my life to them. They are parents and act so out of duty first and foremost rather than out of love. I do all of those things that are expected from an obedient Asian daughter of immigrant parents. But because of that, my ideas and images of "love" are skewed. I've been that 'perfect' daughter for so long that its so hard to change my ways now. I've ran so many relationships to the ground because I haven't been able to change enough over the years. I worry for the one I'm in now.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I don't know why I'm doing what I'm doing. I sometimes think I should rethink my life, but am afraid to do so. I fear being trapped in a life where I can only follow one path - and my current path is one where there are few permuataions.
Oh, and I may be bisexual. Sometimes, life blows.
Posted by Chungwa (Member # 6421) on :
quote:Originally posted by Celaeno:
quote:I feel like I love my parents out of sheer obligation because it has been engrained in me that I owe nearly every aspect of my life to them. They are parents and act so out of duty first and foremost rather than out of love. I do all of those things that are expected from an obedient Asian daughter of immigrant parents. But because of that, my ideas and images of "love" are skewed. I've been that 'perfect' daughter for so long that its so hard to change my ways now. I've ran so many relationships to the ground because I haven't been able to change enough over the years. I worry for the one I'm in now.
I'm going to assume this is a true secret and respond to it
Sometimes I question whether or not I love my parents out of... well, love, or whether or not I love them out of obligation. I've also thought that if I "loved out of obligation" then I probably never truly loved to begin with. I often think that I don't really love my parents, that I'm actually just very comfortable with them as people. I realise that the secret wasn't talking exactly about this, but I think there's a connection.
So, if this secret is a real one, sometimes what you're feeling sucks - but I certainly don't think it means your a bad person. Not that I think you were meaning to say that. Posted by jennabean (Member # 8590) on :
I like this thread (good idea, Miss Celaeno) because of the possibility of responses like that! And the poster of the secret can read it and be immediately comforted. Posted by Evie3217 (Member # 5426) on :
I think if this thread is taken the right way, it can be very effective. There are some secrets that, possibly people would guess who they were, but I think on the whole it can be very confidential. I would post something myself, except for the fact that I'm afraid to admit to myself that my secrets are actually true. I like to live in denial.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I exaggerate. I fabricate. I lie. Why?
Because, despite being a self-proclaimed optimist, I can't seem to find anything worthwhile or interesting in my life. At least, not that anyone would want to hear about. I like to be the center of attention, but then again, I don't. I always feel as though I'm under a microscope, be it in real life or even Hatrack.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:Before I transitioned I had a 3 year old daughter and a 1 year old son. It's almost 11 years older and I haven't seen them since (not by my choice) and my 6 year old daughter who so wants a brother or sister doesn't know she sort of has them. Or that her mom used to be someone else's dad.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I often wonder if I'd be happier living as a lesbian.
Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
quote:I really want the people of Hatrack to like and respect me, but I'm pretty sure none of them do.
I'm pretty sure you're wrong.
Respect isn't something I think people have to earn. I try to give it freely, and only when a person has done something pretty bad do they lose my respect. One of the commonalities everyone on Hatrack exhibits (be you newbie, lurker, or 20,000+ poster) is intellectual curiosity. It's a trait I strive to maintain in myself and I'm guessing that, whoever you are, you're here to do the same thing. I can respect that.
As for the "like," part, I can't really speak to that. But I'd still put down money that you're wrong.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:I use scathing humor and sarcasm to veil insults and make people laugh, but the truth is, I really do hate almost everyone.
Not to beat a thankfully dead horse (sorry, Rain! ), but this was the initial post that got me thinking. One Hatracker immediately came to mind, followed by another possibility, and it startled me to realize that even if I thought I had the person totally pegged, that could have been the intention.***
Perhaps I am either more cynical or naive than is warranted (the former for thinking of it, the latter for being startled by the thought), but it seemed an issue to get out there in the beginning, before any real assumptions became ingrained.
I considered doing it as a "Secret" myself (as in a coyish "Gee, I thought of doing X"), but this was the sort of thing I figured shouldn't be done anonymously. It involves an implicit commentary on others, or at least possibilities about others, and I figured that was best done directly rather than obliquely. Obliquely would've caused more discomfort, I think, and my shoulders are broad enough to handle the reprocussions of my metacommentary.
(It did feel very much like a confession, though. Still does.)
-------------
***Edited to add: and this is a function of the smaller and more closed nature of this community as opposed to, say, the PostSecret.com site. Again, I was not meaning to cast aspersions on anyone, just to raise this as a filter through which to reassess our own assumptions as readers.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
Does Hatrack really have people mean enough to sink to that level? Maybe I was the naive one when I assumed that it didn't.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I have a tapeworm. I'm afraid to tell anyone. I looked on the internet: I might have more than one. I thought it was just an undigested piece of onion. Does anyone know what to do? I can feel it moving.
I would see a doctor immediately. You know, I never knew that a person could feel the tapeworm. I always thought that tapeworms were generally asymptomatic for a long time before generating any sign of their existence.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I think I'm losing my faith. If my family finds out, they will be devastated. If other believers I associate with find out, they'll probably treat me like an outsider. I think they will still care about me, but I'm afraid they won't understand and will push me away. I want to believe in God but somehow I can't most of the time. I even pray for faith, but there's no answer or feeling that anyone is there. Once in awhile, I'll believe again for a short time, and then it disappears.
It's like I've been orphaned. Suddenly there's no one bigger than me who can control this dangerous universe which I find myself in. There isn't any promise that someday everything will be made right. I am alone, afraid, and adrift.
Posted by Lupus (Member # 6516) on :
I think it is an interesting idea...sometimes I think someone just wants to get something out, but doesn't know how. This way you can get it out on the internet...and read it yourself, but not have your name attached to it.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
quote:It's like I've been orphaned. Suddenly there's no one bigger than me who can control this dangerous universe which I find myself in. There isn't any promise that someday everything will be made right. I am alone, afraid, and adrift.
It's a common feeling among believers and non-believers alike. But it doesn't have to be for either. There are millions of ordinary humans who care deeply about their communities, friends, family, and even strangers and work to help and support those who need help. People do this regardless of whether they are believers or non-believers. Community is out there if you look, though it might not be the community you're used to.
The universe is a scary place sometimes, for everyone. There is no shame in doubting your religious upbringing. You need to be open and honest to those you love, however. Maybe you're just going through a phase of unsteady faith before stronger belief? If so, the faithful you know will be glad to help. Maybe you have serious doubts that will lead you to agnosticism or atheism (both respectable philosophies). If so, then at least your family will have the opportunity to know you and the struggle you're going through, and it will be less of a shock if you actually arrive at one of those philosophies. Secrecy is the primary cause of loneliness. When you are open and honest you will usually find others who know your struggle and can help. Some of them might even be in your own home. And if they are not, and regardless if your family reacts negatively or positively, you at least know they are reacting to the real you and not loving you for some fiction you present to them. That love is hollow and lonely in its own right. Don't be so afraid of losing it that you never experience the real thing. Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by Celaeno: Does Hatrack really have people mean enough to sink to that level? Maybe I was the naive one when I assumed that it didn't.
Yeah, I think so. Actually, I think most people are capable of reacting to bitterness and pain from others in quite thoughtless and harmful ways. I know I am, myself, although I am properly unsettled by that realization. Part of maturity is, of course, refraining from doing such things, but I think the hindbrain urge to hurt others who might have hurt us is pretty well ingrained in the human psyche. And I can certainly see someone who had felt hurt by certain posters feeling the urge to lash back out, especially if he or she was "telling the truth" as he or she saw it.
On the other hand, any conclusions an individual would draw about the world are at least as informative of that individual's history and perspective as any real "facts" about how the world works. Again, that's why I signed my name to the original observation -- it has to be interpreted in context of me: somewhat embittered, cynical ~36-yr-old with personal issues about control, flexibility, family relationships, worldly attachments, and my own ego.
It may very well be true that the possibility of false or misleading "secrets" being submitted did not and would not have occurred to anyone but me. (Which would be rather disheartening and heartening to me, both, at the same time. ) Or it might have occurred as a possibility (to do or that might have been done) to one or two others, who may or may not have acted on it.
Who knows?
I don't regret bringing it up, regardless, although I do regret the discomfort it caused you when I was unclear in making my point. That I am quite sorry for, as you seem to be a most pleasant and authentic person, and I hate to think of causing you unnecessary distress.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
Don't worry. Your comments weren't the ones that bothered me. I actually really appreciated them because they were probably helpful to the people who considered sending in secrets without being mean in any sort of way.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I've had surgery to reduce my breasts.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I think I may be a republican.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I have done this before. The process is alive, displays ourselves and waits for us to change, needs apprehension to survive. I say, "rivers with their rusty railway bridges, summer rivers and their nevers and agains." It doesn't matter, the drunks out on the bridge again, ker-plunk, ker-plop, they laugh like little boys and make it back to shore. You see, there are words for all the side-effects of our atention to the instruments, supplications. Show the instruments and we will confess to see the beautiful, to survive. The reflection, not the mirror; the mirror, not the abyss. The process is real. It pushes us into ourselves, like counting your footfalls into a prayer, with nothing in front of you.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
deerpark is back! Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
And the last one I've received:
quote:i'm always afraid my SO is cheating on me even though hes been nothing but wonderful.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I almost hit a jogger with my car a few months ago. It was my fault. I had no reason to come so close to hitting him. I don't even like to drive near the area where it almost happened because it makes me relive it again. I could have killed him. I imagine the 911 call, the trip to jail, how it would have effected my family, how it would have effected his family, and then having to live the rest of my life knowing I'd killed someone because I was in a bad mood and couldn't be bothered to drive responsibly.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:My partner cheated on me with a mutual friend. I suspected she did, so I read her e-mail and got confirmation. She denies it, and I can't show her the e-mails because I don't want her to know I read them. I love her and don't want our family to break up, but I don't think I'll ever trust her again. And I feel sick about having read her e-mail, so I'm not all that happy with myself, either.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
quote:I've had surgery to reduce my breasts.
I'm so jealous! I've seriously considered this surgery. One of my best friends had it done last summer and loves it, and looks so wonderful. Maybe next year after I've gotten past all this cancer stuff I can think about it.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
I hope the people who reveal these secrets can be liberated of them. A lot of the secrets seem like things people are struggling with. If the act of making the secret public allows someone to overcome its power, and take control of it, then it's well worth getting out there, even if it results in some hurt feelings. Heck, even the hurt feelings are a manner of secret that needs to be set free.
I haven't read all the secrets yet, but those that I've seen look like the person asking for the permission to make them right, or act out on what they want to do. Live your life my friends, don't be constrained by your fears.
We are approaching an age where so many things are known, it's becoming more and more difficult to keep secrets. Maybe that's good in some cases.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
quote:Originally posted by Celaeno:
quote:I think I may be a republican.
By far the most shocking and scathing admission to date.
I don't know how this person is coping, but I wish them well.
Posted by The Pixiest (Member # 1863) on :
I thought this thread was kinda silly at first... But I've come around.
((secret posters))
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
Anyone else keep thinking of the Conan O'Brien sketch "Secrets" when they see this thread?
I keep hearing the whispered, "Secrets" when I scan the title.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote:I've never told anyone about this before--not anyone, ever--and it's taken me this long to work up the nerve to even get this far.
When I was in middle school, I was a really huge dork and didn't have any popular friends. As seems to be common for people that age, I thought who your friends were was a lot more important than it actually is, but I didn't know how to start. It really, really bothered me. One day I went through the phone book and found the phone numbers for all the popular kids that I wished I was friends with, about forty of them. I put them in the address book part of my planner and at home I would pretend that they really were all my friends.
Then one day one of the prettiest, most popular girls in school (who I sat next to) went through my bag and found the planner and went through it when I wasn't there. I didn't know about it until I got home and looked through it again in my sad little routine and I got to her name. She had written in her pager number, underneath the number I'd copied out of the phone book, in purple glittery ink with the typical girly smiley face appended.
I wanted to kill myself, I was so embarassed.
I dragged myself to class the next day and sat next to her. I must've looked about as awkward as I felt, because I avoided any eye contact with her for as long as possible. Eventually, though, I turned at the wrong time and we were looking at each other.
She smiled, and turned away.
I'll be the first to admit that what I did was incredibly creepy, and had I been her, I would've freaked out in at least six or eight different ways. But she never said anything to anyone, and pretended it never happened. I think she knew exactly why I'd done it in the first place. This girl had the power to ruin my life and chose instead to be unbelievably empathetic and caring.
Throughout highschool, she was exactly what I'd imagined she would be: a cheerleader, incredibly ditzy, and always very pretty and very popular. I grew rapidly out of the social awkwardness that plagued me as a middle schooler and by the time we graduated, I had my own friends and was generally well liked. Our paths didn't cross often, but whenever they did, she had a smile for me - the same smile she had for everyone, and I don't think she fully understood just how much it meant to me that she did what she did.
I still have that page of that planner somewhere in a box in my parents' house.
Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang: Anyone else keep thinking of the Conan O'Brien sketch "Secrets" when they see this thread?
I keep hearing the whispered, "Secrets" when I scan the title.
I prefer... "In the year 2 thousAAAAAAAAAAnnnndd... im the yeaaar 2 thousaaaaaand"
Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
I thought that last story was going to end with something like: "And last week we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary." I was ready to go into a diabetic coma. As it is though, nice story.
Posted by KarlEd (Member # 571) on :
quote:Originally posted by Orincoro: I thought that last story was going to end with something like: "And last week we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary." I was ready to go into a diabetic coma. As it is though, nice story.
I read the whole thing imagining a female voice narrating. Though I suppose it still coulda ended with the 25th wedding anniversary thing. . . sorta.
I dunno, just didn't sound like something a guy would write. Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
Funny ... I heard it as a guy's voice. Actually, ironically, as my voice. I never went to those extremes, but then I never went to public middle school. I have a feeling that if I did, I would quite possibly have done something very similar. And it makes me wonder, would there have been anyone to smile at me?
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
quote:I dragged myself to class the next day and sat next to her. I must've looked about as awkward as I felt, because I avoided any eye contact with her for as long as possible. Eventually, though, I turned at the wrong time and we were looking at each other.
She smiled, and turned away.
I'll be the first to admit that what I did was incredibly creepy, and had I been her, I would've freaked out in at least six or eight different ways. But she never said anything to anyone, and pretended it never happened. I think she knew exactly why I'd done it in the first place.
It is interesting that you interpreted the events this way, because I'm not sure if that's how I'd look at it. I would think that if she found a bunch of popular kids and their phone numbers in your planner, she'd probably just assume they were there because you thought you might want to call them. I don't think she would have found it creepy. And if my knowledge of middle school girl tactics is correct (and it is probably not) then I suspect writing her pager number next to her name in your planner was an honest attempt to tell you that she'd like to talk to you. It wouldn't surprise me at least - popular people, not unlike less popular people, tend to want to be friends with everyone and liked by everyone. For that reason, I'm guessing she was flattered to find her name in your book when she didn't even know you that well.
Posted by breyerchic04 (Member # 6423) on :
At 20 I think I agree with Tres, but at 13, I'm pretty sure that I would have agreed with the person telling the secret, and likely (after spending last week observing at a middle school), the popular girl was trying to be nice, but a bit creeped out.
I am not going to teach middle school, but I can see the appeal.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
quote:popular people, not unlike less popular people, tend to want to be friends with everyone and liked by everyone.
This is exactly backwards in most middle school situations. The popular kids are popular partly because of their exclusiveness, which they guard fiercely. The unpopular kids are the ones who desperately want everyone to like them.
Of course, those are both sweeping generalities and will not apply to every single kid. But I think it speaks for the majority.
[ May 02, 2006, 11:00 AM: Message edited by: El JT de Spang ]
Posted by TomDavidson (Member # 124) on :
See, I read that anecdote and thought, "She found an address book with names and phone numbers for all the other popular students, and naturally assumed that he was ALSO popular since he knew the names and phone numbers of the right people." *laugh*
Posted by dawnmaria (Member # 4142) on :
Tom, that's exactly what I was thinking! I thought she probably figured he was "in" and she just wasn't aware of it!
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:Tom, that's exactly what I was thinking! I thought she probably figured he was "in" and she just wasn't aware of it!
The feeling I get is that it was obvious he/she (I read it as "he," but who knows) wasn't one of the popular kids for whatever reason.
Posted by Jeni (Member # 1454) on :
I don't think it sounds like she was creeped out in the least. Creeped out people do not draw glittery purple smilies. She probably didn't think much at all about why those numbers were there and I doubt she understood why you had copied them. It sounds like she was just friendly and outgoing and wouldn't have minded talking to you.
Also, I think the girl going through your bag and then paging through your planner without you knowing is a lot stranger than you copying down numbers out of a phone book.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
I assumed that the author was male and that the girl had a crush on him. Why else would she go digging through his bag and look for her name in his planner and then put her pager number and a smiley face? Oh yeah, she wanted you.
Posted by Phanto (Member # 5897) on :
yeah, something like what vonk says sounds right.
Posted by James Tiberius Kirk (Member # 2832) on :
I thought the story was going to end very differently.
And for the informal "poll" -- my impression was that the poster was female, and I'm not sure why. In fact, my mind initially associated "bag" with "purse," but upon a second reading I see the word never appears there.
--j_k, who likes this thread
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
I thought the poster was male, but I can assure all of you that the popular people all know who the other popular people are on sight, so I doubt that the girl assumed that the poster was in that particular circle.
Posted by Amanecer (Member # 4068) on :
I had a very different take on the story than everybody else. If the girl was really all that nice she wouldn't have been going through the poster's stuff. I also think that the most likely reason she would write in her pager number was just to let him know that she had read it and knew his secret. I could see this as being a really mean and cruel thing. If I had been in that situation, I probably would have assumed that she told it as a funny story to her friends. But I tend to be cynical. The girl could have just been ditzy, as was stated, and not realized how much it would embarass the poster. I read it as though the poster was a boy.
Posted by scholar (Member # 9232) on :
quote:Originally posted by El JT de Spang:
quote:popular people, not unlike less popular people, tend to want to be friends with everyone and liked by everyone.
This is exactly backwards in most middle school situations. The popular kids are popular partly because of their exclusiveness, which they guard fiercely. The unpopular kids are the ones who desperately want everyone to like them.
Of course, those are both sweeping generalities and will not apply to every single kid. But I think it speaks for the majority.
I have to disagree here. I was not popular at all, but the kids I knew who were popular were always extremely kind. There was a reason everyone wanted them to sign their yearbooks- because you had good experiences with them.
Posted by ClaudiaTherese (Member # 923) on :
quote:Originally posted by scholar: I have to disagree here. I was not popular at all, but the kids I knew who were popular were always extremely kind. There was a reason everyone wanted them to sign their yearbooks- because you had good experiences with them.
I think it really did depend on whether we are speaking of the A-list celebrities , or B- or C-list.
Edited to add: At least it was so in my experience, though that may have just been me. The lower tiers seemed to have a more vicious flair to hierarchical struggles. Persons more secure in social standing seemed like they may have been above that, perhaps aided by not having to engage in the less savoury aspects of social structure.
Posted by Tresopax (Member # 1063) on :
quote:This is exactly backwards in most middle school situations. The popular kids are popular partly because of their exclusiveness, which they guard fiercely. The unpopular kids are the ones who desperately want everyone to like them.
I think that is what appears to be true, but isn't exactly what is really true.
I think the game really works something like this: Most kids in middle school want everyone (except perhaps for the few that they dislike for specific reasons) to like them . But at that same time, they also tend to believe that they must be considered cool to be liked. And one's coolness is judged based in a large part on who one hangs out with, and who one doesn't hang out with. Thus, even though they may want everyone to like them, they can't openly show it. They can't openly hang out with less cool people because the fear is that it will make them look less cool too. Instead they sacrifice friendships with the less cool in order to improve their popularity overall.
It's an illustion that is self-reinforcing, because the more it appears that everyone else is excluding certain people, the more you try to make it appear that you are excluding those people too. Eventually I'm sure it gets to the point where they believe the illusion themselves. But I think that the truth is that it really is still mostly an illusion. "Popular kids" are as worried about getting everyone to like them as everyone else is - and would prefer to have everyone like them.
And here's why I think this: Notice what happens when some popular kid is alone with a less popular kid - out of sight from the rest of their middle school society. Usually they will act friendly. Often they will get along great, until someone else popular steps in the room, and then suddenly they will put up that illusion of not caring about one another again. Or, also notice how kids react if they find out someone doesn't like them. It won't matter if that person is popular or not - it will usually visibly bother them either way. That suggests that they do, in fact, care what everyone thinks about them - popular or not.
Posted by Orincoro (Member # 8854) on :
quote:Originally posted by breyerchic04: At 20 I think I agree with Tres, but at 13, I'm pretty sure that I would have agreed with the person telling the secret, and likely (after spending last week observing at a middle school), the popular girl was trying to be nice, but a bit creeped out.
Yah, a 13 year old wouldn't be subtle enough to realize that giving out the number invites the person to actually call you. Not only that, but I doubt a 13 year old is subtle enough to tell you she likes you just by giving you the pager number; she would give you alot more to go on.
Posted by MightyCow (Member # 9253) on :
I wasn't one of the "popular" kids in Jr. High/HS, but I was friends with the popular kids, and I don't think any one of them would have found it odd to find a bunch of people's numbers in an address book. Besides, it is an address book, it's supposed to have people's information in it. Who would think it odd that a person's address book actually contained numbers?
Personally, I think she was actually an adult posing as a teenager on an assignment for a magazine, trying to get an inside scoop on what goes on in middle schools. She put the pager number there hoping for an interview, but the poor kid never called. She could have made him up into a stud and taken him to the prom. Probably they would have ended up getting married, but the mean kids would have poured pigs blood on him at the prom, so he would have been sad and cried and needed years of therapy.
Actually, I guess it's better that he didn't call.
Posted by Starsnuffer (Member # 8116) on :
*necro!*
So... Does anyone want to perpetuate this thread? I think it's a good idea... The anonymous email dealy is dead now. Anybody more savvy, and less in need of sleep than me want to figure it out?
Posted by katharina (Member # 827) on :
Oh, I love this thread! I forgot about it, but this is a great thread.
No time to figure it out right now, but I'm fully in support of the figuring-out process.
Posted by Mucus (Member # 9735) on :
*bump* Thought this was interesting, so I'm adding to the bumps
Edit to add: A bit of googling can easily find an anonymous emailer. Obviously we cannot take over the original gmail reception account though without the OP's help.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
I e-mailed the OP letting her know people are interested again.
If you want an anon e-mailer, this one works fine.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
"Secrecy is the primary cause of loneliness. When you are open and honest you will usually find others who know your struggle and can help."
Karl Ed, that is one of the wisest things I've ever read. =)
I love this thread, too.
Somehow secrets give us access to things that openness can't. It's weird. I've always been completely transparent, and some magic goes away when you're like that, I realize. There's something powerful about secrets.
[ November 22, 2007, 10:53 PM: Message edited by: Tatiana ]
Posted by Starsnuffer (Member # 8116) on :
I think, for me, secrets are(would be) a way to candidly speak my opinions, no matter how clichéd or romantic or radical they may be. And in such a small setting it is a way to at least possibly receive feedback on topics that would be impossible(difficult) to talk to people in my "real life" about.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
I had taken a bit of hiatus to focus on real world stuff, but I will come back to manage this thread if people are interested in it.
Thanks to ero for the heads-up.
quote: Suicide isn't the worst thing I could do. The worst thing I could do is fail in my attempt.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
That one worries me a lot. Whoever is contemplating suicide, know that there is real help, that life can get better. Know that you are valued and loved. Yes, you. Reach out for help, please. Give us a chance to help.
Posted by Starsnuffer (Member # 8116) on :
((Anonymous))
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote: I still haven't forgiven my best friend.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote: I combat the graffiti in public bathrooms by writing quotes alongside the filth.
Posted by erosomniac (Member # 6834) on :
quote:I add to the graffiti in public bathrooms by writing quotes alongside the filth.
fix'd
Posted by Pegasus (Member # 10464) on :
I've always wanted to print stickers that say "GRAFFITI" and slap them over the words that people put under the STOP on stop signs.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
quote: I really wish that he had died instead of leaving me. His leaving destroyed so much of my trust in others, of my belief in myself, of my belief that I am worth loving, that I really think it would have been better (for me) if he had died instead. If he had died, I could at least believe that he didn't mean to, and maybe I would be less angry at him. And less angry at myself for trusting him.
Posted by Celaeno (Member # 8562) on :
To the person who sent the self destructing secret:
I'm really sorry! I don't check that email address every day, and the message was destroyed before I could get to it.
Could you please resend?
Posted by rivka (Member # 4859) on :
quote:Originally posted by Celaeno:
quote: I really wish that he had died instead of leaving me. His leaving destroyed so much of my trust in others, of my belief in myself, of my belief that I am worth loving, that I really think it would have been better (for me) if he had died instead. If he had died, I could at least believe that he didn't mean to, and maybe I would be less angry at him. And less angry at myself for trusting him.
I could have written that a couple years ago. (Once in a while, I could even have written it now.)
It does get better. *hug* You can get past the anger, but it does take time.
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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) but I do have a very common curiosity about things people censor for my (our) own good. It goes back to them not letting me read Thoreau in Christian school, I think. ![[Evil Laugh]](graemlins/evillaugh.gif)
)![[No No]](graemlins/nono.gif)
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