Soon the earth-shattering mystery shrouded in the mists of eternity will finally be revealed in an event that will strike at the heart of the Vatican and the very nature of faith itself: can the movie "The DaVinci Code" possibly be as aggravating as the novel?
I'm not talking about the religious controversy, that's nothing. The Big Important Centuries-Old Mystery That Secret Organizations of Guys in Robes Will Kill to Protect was written about many times before Dan Brown took a shot at it. Besides, Robert Anton Wilson's version was funnier.
It's the style. It drove me crazy. In Brown's novel, every thought must be ploddingly worked through. Every memory must be explored in tedious and digressive detail, suggesting that the intrepid codebreakers have been toking away and are one step from breaking out the Cheetos. Can Tom Hanks and Ron Howard somehow capture this elusive, inexplicably best-selling format in cinematic form? Roll the clip!
INT. SIR TEABING'S STUDY, NIGHT. Langdon, Teabing, and Sophie are studying the unrolled painting of the Mona Lisa.
LANGDON: There appear to be numbers under the paint, each one corresponding to a different color. What could it mean? Is it a hidden code?
I actually had to do a lot of skimming with The Da Vinci Code. I didn't have the patience. It reminded me of being in class with other kids who just didn't get it and needed to have the simplest things explained to them ad nauseum. I'd daydream while that was going on.
Granted, I have a copy of Holy Blood, Holy Grail, which has been sitting on my bookshelf since the late '80s. So nothing in The Da Vinci Code was really new to me. But still, the explanations did sort of plod.
Posted by DarkKnight (Member # 7536) on :
That was a great column!!! Finally I know what my "brass and cherry wood Flintstone Secret Decoder Device" is to be used for! Edit - Oops forgot to say that the last line was HI-larious!
Posted by Teshi (Member # 5024) on :
Hehehehehe
(From what I've heard so far, your jokey script may actually be similar to the actual one.)
Posted by jeniwren (Member # 2002) on :
I haven't read The Da Vinci Code but if it's as funny as your article, I might just have to. This was my favorite line:
quote:Yet I could never forget what I saw on that fateful day. I never forgot it. Never, not even for a little bit, it was just that bad. Really, really bad.
I'm glad I wasn't drinking anything. Might have never have forgotten it. Never, not even for a little bit, it would be just that bad. Really, really bad. Posted by Juxtapose (Member # 8837) on :
The ending almost killed me!
Your articles should come with a warning. like: "Warning, reading this article may be hazardous to your respiration."
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
Posted this at my LJ and the very first comment about it was a diatribe earnestly discussing truth and the inner mechinations of the Vatican.
I replied "Which brings up the question - is every mention of this movie, anywhere, no matter how vague or silly, getting immediate, serious responses like this? I'm tempted to go stand out in the street and yell 'The DaVinci Code!' just to see how many people come up to denounce me."
Posted by Scott R (Member # 567) on :
Chris, I didn't know you had a Live Journal. What's the address?
Posted by Chris Bridges (Member # 1138) on :
I'm a horrible blogger. I usually manage to post links to my columns and once in a blue moon I'll link to something else. I should just post all my Hatrack posts there
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