I have a friend. I've known the guy since vacation bible school when we were 6 or 7 years old. We were in gifted classes together from 3rd -12th grade. We were on the wrestling, tennis, and cross country teams together. We played in school band togther, were in boy scouts together, and he used to go on trips with me and my family. His mom was a teacher under my dad for a number of years at a local school. I know several of his cousins, aunts, uncles, and all his in-laws, neice, and nephew. We still go on late-night walks together whenever we hang out. He was a groomsman at my wedding, and he heard all the gory details of my divorce. He was also friends with my wife in high school before I married her. We were all in the same high school gifted english class together for 3 years. I have other friends from the same group, but none as close. We even studied martial arts together. We often read the same authors, and read the books the other suggests. it almost feels karmic, like we're attached at the hip on some invisible level.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
I have no friends like that, but I wish I did.
Posted by Stephan (Member # 7549) on :
Sounds like you have a true friend there, that can be hard to find for many.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
No, but I sure wish I did, too. My wife to be is going to have seven brides maids and insists I have to have equal groomsmen, but I can't think of any of my friends that would be appropriate. When I have problems that I want to talk about, but can't share with the lady or are too personal to share with my friends, I pretty much don't have anyone. You are a very lucky person, and I hope your friend knows how important he is.
Posted by Stan the man (Member # 6249) on :
I don't have any friends that I have known quite that way, but I still refer to one as my brother. I even call his mom my other mother.
Posted by Lyrhawn (Member # 7039) on :
quote:Originally posted by vonk: No, but I sure wish I did, too. My wife to be is going to have seven brides maids and insists I have to have equal groomsmen, but I can't think of any of my friends that would be appropriate. When I have problems that I want to talk about, but can't share with the lady or are too personal to share with my friends, I pretty much don't have anyone. You are a very lucky person, and I hope your friend knows how important he is.
SEVEN bridesmaids? I don't think I even know seven guys. If I were allowed groomsmaids I'd be able to come up with enough people.
Posted by Dr Strangelove (Member # 8331) on :
I don't, but I hope that's because I'm only 18. I do have a friend who is very special to me and we talk about stuff we're gonna do together in the old folks home. We've been friends for the past 4 years. Last night we talked for a couple hours on the phone and I realized that 4 years ago I was 14 and she was 16. That's ... vaguely disquieting, but at the same time its freakin awesome.
Posted by MyrddinFyre (Member # 2576) on :
Put me in the "no but wish I did" camp Posted by Swampjedi (Member # 7374) on :
I have one who has risen to that level, and several not far behind.
Posted by kaminari (Member # 9622) on :
Got one brother-from-another-mother. But not quite as deep a tie as you got man. That's special.
Posted by Jeesh (Member # 9163) on :
I have a friend like that too. I've known her since the third grade, and now she's my sister.
Posted by El JT de Spang (Member # 7742) on :
I actually have about 3 or 4 friends that I'm that close with. They all live in different states, but we're all kindred souls.
They're like "help you bury the body" friends.
And even though I sometimes don't feel like I have a lot of close friends, I think if I had to get married soon and choose only 7 groomsmen I would hurt some feelings.
That's just a side effect of growing up in a small town.
Posted by blacwolve (Member # 2972) on :
I intend to have 3 bridesmaids, one a relative, one a friend from home who is a friend of the type steven describes, and one a friend from college. That way, even though I have a million really close friends from home that I would love to have as bridesmaids, none of them would begrudge me her, and I won't have to pick any more of them and make the rest jealous.
I'm not actually planning to get married anytime soon, these are just the kinds of things I think about when I'm bored.
Posted by vonk (Member # 9027) on :
quote:SEVEN bridesmaids? I don't think I even know seven guys. If I were allowed groomsmaids I'd be able to come up with enough people.
Yeah, she apparently has to have her two best friends, her twin sister and four "cousins" (that is, close friends that aren't really cousins but they call each other cousins because thats what Filipinas do). So she has lots of the types of friends that steven described.
Unfortunately I only have 3 brothers and then I'm pretty stuck. All of my other friends are cool, but not friends on quite that level, so it would be weird and probably cause rifts in the group if I just started picking them at random.
Luckily, I probably have at least a year or so to figure this out. Maybe one of her cousins will... never mind, that's not even funny.
Posted by Lissande (Member # 350) on :
I didn't want to have any bridesmaids. My ideal wedding was very...minimalist. In the interest of satisfying my family's need for tradition, I went for my two sisters. Then my grandmother talked to my (30+, married 2x, 3 kids, don't know each other well) cousin about how sweet it would be if the cousin was a bridesmaid for me as well. They both cried at the sweetness, and, not being a sociopath, I basically had to ask her. Then, of course, she got sick right before the wedding, but we had three groomsmen and an extra dress, so my aunt (45+, married 3x, 4 kids) stepped in for her (why? why?) at the last minute. It was a little odd. Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
I do. His name is Kevin, and he posts here as VelourMan.
We met after we were kids though, in our twenties. He was a club DJ, and I worked various jobs that were at night, so I spent a lot of time at clubs with him (after work usually) over the years.
We have been roommates, best friends, and he was in my wedding party......he would have been my best man if I had not asked my dad instead, and I made sure everyone knew it.
He lives about 15 min from me down here in FL, and that is one of the very best things about moving down here. I had really missed him. We have gone our own ways in the past, particularily since I am married now, but we will always be friends. Even when he moved down here years ago we stayed in touch.
I was raised fairly far from my extended family, with just my parents and sister around most of the time. I have come to believe that there are TWO types of families in my life....the one I was born with, and the one I chose. I chose my wife, and I chose Kevin as a brother, basically. I couldn't be any closer to him if we were related. Posted by citadel (Member # 8367) on :
I wish I did. Posted by Javert (Member # 3076) on :
I think steven is just bragging. Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
I have a friend who I've known since I was four - we grew up together, went to school together all the way through 12th grade. We both married men that were in different professions and then became firefighters. She is a teacher, I'm planning on becoming one. We both had trouble conceiving our children and shared our journeys through infertility together. We both bought land in a community north of Birmingham and then built a house. She has two girls and a boy, I have three girls and a boy. Her oldest daughter and my second oldest both took gymnastics at the same gym.
It's cool.
Posted by Kwea (Member # 2199) on :
My parents had really good friends in MI. Sawasky's were their best friends, and they met a lot of really good friends through them. I grew up with Todd and Chad Sawasky over my house, or me over theirs, almost constantly.
We had a cottage in northern MI, and every October my parents and their friends went on a "color tour" for adults only. They would drink and play games, and look at the wonderful colors on the trees. It was such a great place that Sawasky's bought a place about 4 miles away, on the lake we waterskiied on. Then their friends, the Greenway's, bought the place next to them. Then another couple, friends of Fred and Ruth Greenway, bought the place next to us.
My father got transferred to MA, and he spent 19 years away from MI, only going back once a year for the Fourth of July. But now they retired there for half of each year, and there is a whole community of people they have known and been friends with for 30 or more years, all living within 20 miles of each other. Not just the 4 couples I mentioned, but more than 30 people in all.
They made a "family tree" showing the "relationships" between them all, and they listed my mom and dad as the "Adam and Eve" of their "family".
We have been blessed in many ways, and our friends have been among the greatest of our blessings. Posted by b boy (Member # 9587) on :
I'm lucky that although I don't really have any biological family to speak of, I'm surrounded by more people than most who call themselves my family and care about me.
Steven's friend does remind me of my buddy Aaron who I met while working a short contract doing fisheries work. I only knew him in person for 2 months and we live about 5 hours away from each other but once in awhile you just find someone that connects with you on a whole different level and you figure they're meant to be a part of your life, even if you don't fully understand why yet.
Posted by Da_Goat (Member # 5529) on :
I have two friends that I could say that about, and at least 4 that I could almost say that about. I've already decided that those two [u]will[/u] be in my wedding party, should that ever happen, and I've already been in one of their weddings. They've helped me through a lot of hard times, and I've done the same for them.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
Ahhhhh... philotic (?) friendships... some of the best kinds... : )
Posted by steven (Member # 8099) on :
I really posted this in response to something kat said in a religion thread. I don't remember the exact quote, but it was basically making me think she didn't have any friends of this type at all. Secretive though I can be, I can't help but have certain people, i.e., this particular friend, "up in my business", no matter what. I try to be a secretive mad scientist loner type in my basement workshop, with all my Ormus experiments and plant experiments. However, since I grew up, and still live, in a tiny, tiny little town in the rural South, there is no escaping the fact tht several dozen people know every move I make, 5 minutes after I make it.
I don't like that.
Posted by Alcon (Member # 6645) on :
I have a friend who's not quite to that level, but almost is. I met him in 3rd grade and we've been friends ever since. We've had our differences, times when we were not so close. But somehow we always managed to stay friends and became very close towards the end of high school. Even when we don't get to talk much, soon as we see each other our friendship seems to pick up right back where we left off. We've both been real busy of late and haven't gotten to see each other or talk much. But I know that soon as I get home, he'll be knocking on my door and I his.
It might have something to do with the fact that we're both really into the same things: the outdoors, physics/science in general and science fiction.
I have another friend at Skidmore who I think is on the path to becoming such a friend. But said friendships take time, so I'll just have to wait and see.
Posted by Swampjedi (Member # 7374) on :
Is "soul mate" too romantically tied (both romantic love and romantic happily ever after) to be used to described these friendships? Someone said "kindred souls", which is not quite the same thing IMO.
Posted by cmc (Member # 9549) on :
"Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young."
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