So, a very good friend asked me to do a reading at his wedding this weekend, and his wife emailed it to me last night.
Here's what I'm supposed to read:
quote:Suddenly she said to him with extraordinary beauty: “I engage myself to you forever.”
The beauty was in everything, and he could have separated nothing, couldn’t have thought of her face as distinct from the whole joy. Yet her face had a new light. “And I pledge to you every spark of my faith, I give you every drop of my life.”
That was all, for the moment, but it was enough, and it was almost as quiet as if it were nothing. They exchanged vows and tokens, sealed their rich compact, solemnized, so far as breathed words and lighted eyes and clasped hands could do it, their agreement to belong only, and to belong tremendously, to each other.
It's not a bad reading, really, and is filled with all love and hope and devotion and all of that good wedding stuff. The only thing is, it was taken from Henry James' The Wings of the Dove.
I had never heard of this book (I know, I'm a terrible English major and my degree means next to nothing), so I looked it up.
Apparently, it is a story of a well-to-do woman (Kate Croy) and a poor journalist (Merton Densher) who fall in love and decide to marry. The problem is, he has no money - so she devises a plot wherein he will marry a wealthy dying woman (Milly Theale) to get her money when she dies, at which point the pair will marry and live happily.
This plot goes awry, of course, and Milly discovers Densher's true intentions - but gives him the money at her death anyway. They've both developed feelings for each other during the course of the book. Densher refuses the money, even though Kate still wants it. This ultimately destroys their relationship, and they never end up getting married.
So, while the passage is uplifting and positive, the greater context of the story has the couple in question separating and never getting married. It's somewhat ironic, then, that this is being used for a wedding reading, no?
My question is, should I mention this to my friend? He obviously hasn't read the novel, and I don't know if she has (she's the one who picked the quote, I'm pretty sure). The strange thing is that my friend actually is a journalist without much money and his fiancee is a lawyer who will outearn him his entire life for sure - which is a weird parallel to the story.
I'm pretty confident not one person in the wedding will have read The Wings of the Dove, and will only hear the passage out of context (except for me, who looked it up). I could easily let it go, but it just seems a bit ominous, you know?
I'm just curious what other people think of this whole situation.
Posted by Belle (Member # 2314) on :
Would you want to know?
I would...I'd hope my friend would tell me. But to smooth things over, you might find more appropriate quotes, and suggest them as alternatives. Be aware however, that the bride may well have her heart set on this one, and want no substitute. If so, read it graciously, and don't worry about it.
Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
I'm the kind of person who reads into things, and would have looked up the context of the quote for myself anyway. He's not so much.
It doesn't help that the wedding is in 5 days, or that my encounters with his fiancee have not always been the most smooth or amicable.
Posted by dkw (Member # 3264) on :
I would not want it read at my wedding. As a clergy person who officiates at weddings I would try to talk the couple out of it.
But your last post changes things. This is probably a time to show support for your friend's relationship, not to question his fiancee's taste in wedding readings.
Posted by TheGrimace (Member # 9178) on :
This is a great parallel to one of my favorite continual rants:
One of the most oft-quoted characters from Shakespeare's works is Polonius, who happens to be the idiot character of his play, yet everyone always seems to quote bits and pieces of the advice he gives: "Neither a borrower nor a lender be" or "Above all else to thine own self be true"
standing alone these seem to be good advice, but in context he is generally immediately contradicting his own advice (including these above) and is basically just rambling off gibberish the whole time, yet people quote him as if he were some great philosopher or somesuch.
the source doesn't change the truth/beauty of a quote, but it certainly can make those in the know chuckle a bit at the irony.
Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
quote:This is probably a time to show support for your friend's relationship, not to question his fiancee's taste in wedding readings.
Yeah. If the situation had been different, I would have definitely said something. As it is, she and I butted heads a couple times in the past - and have mostly avoided extended contact with one another since then. (Though our meetings since then have all been amicable, they have also been brief.)
This could be something to mention years down the line, or just not mentioned at all. Still, I can't help but want to say "So, where did you find that reading?" followed by "Have either of you read that book?"
I think the last thing I'd want to know is that she *did* read the book beforehand, though.
Posted by mr_porteiro_head (Member # 4644) on :
It's like people who play the song "White Wedding" at their wedding. The song was written when Idol's sister got engaged, and it's message to her was "getting married is a really bad idea".
Posted by scholar (Member # 9232) on :
My brother's now wife chose "traditional" quotes about women submitting to men, being obedient and silent in all things. She then asks my sister and I to read them. My sister and I read them and were like, um, how can we stand up there and read this? Esp since anyone who knows us knows we disagreed with every sentiment in it (marriages should be between equals, both sides should get their say). My brother was like, I don't get it either, but this is what she says to do so it is what we are doing. (Ironically, my brother does as he is told and keeps his mouth shut). They also played a break up song at their reception which was rather amusing.
Posted by Gwen (Member # 9551) on :
"I Will Always Love You"?
I think you should tell the groom and leave it up to him whether or not to tell the bride.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
It's certainly an ill-omen, I think. The whole situation. Tell the groom and let him decide whether or not to tell the bride.
For what it's worth, I've read Wings of the Dove, but wouldn't have identified the passage as being from there. Will there be programs that tell the source of the quotes? <hopes not>
Posted by Shan (Member # 4550) on :
How about developing a severe, long-lasting case of laryngytis (sp)?
Just a thought . . .
Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
I'm pretty sure the program will tell the citation, as the email she sent me has the citation. I'm not exactly sure if I'm supposed to read where it came from or not.
Tatiana, you read it? I read just Chapter 4, where the quote is from, and I must say you have a lot more persistance than I have to finish the whole thing. I'm not sure how much you remember of the book, but the quote is said by Kate to Densher just after he speaks with her Aunt. He's telling Kate how her Aunt just knows if he spends enough time with Kate that she will realize he's unsuitable. As he's telling her this, she engages herself to him (no asking on either side of the equation) with the quotation above.
My mother's adivce was not to say anything at all and keep it under my hat.
Posted by ketchupqueen (Member # 6877) on :
I had "Let me not to the marriage of true minds" read at my ring ceremony. Now, that's romantic.
My cousin had The Promise sung at her wedding by my sisters. My sisters thought it was a bit odd, it doesn't really seem like a wedding song, but they did it anyway and didn't say anything. (Apparently it was "their song." Personally I've always preferred Give Yourself to Love as a wedding song-- in fact, it is the traditional wedding song in my little sub-community. My dad sang it at our ring ceremony.)
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
Yes, Henry James is a really good writer, but very annoying. He makes you care about these people, and the story, and then he never ends them, or gives you any sort of feeling of resolution. Finally, when I read Wings of the Dove, and The Golden Bowl back to back, I decided I was done with him.
The other thing that makes me really annoyed at him is that he presents these people who have this horrible dilemma of being gentlemen and gentlewomen in reduced circumstances, and then acts like that's a terrible life-shattering trial for them. Uhhh, they could maybe work? Earn a living like the rest of us?
That doesn't seem to be an option, though. They aren't base commercial people like we are. And so they have this agonizing problem. Sure. So they're forced by this to these really low, sleazeball acts like trying to fool this sick girl, or marrying a rich father and daughter so you can be in a great position to commit adultery with each other. And we're supposed to care about you, and somehow see you as more elevated and sensitive and exalted than some poor honest person who works for a living? It's offensive to me. Henry James was a dweeb.
Posted by AutumnWind (Member # 9124) on :
Flying Cow..have you decided on what you're going to do?
Posted by Noemon (Member # 1115) on :
quote:Originally posted by mr_porteiro_head: It's like people who play the song "White Wedding" at their wedding. The song was written when Idol's sister got engaged, and it's message to her was "getting married is a really bad idea".
Marriage in general, or that marriage in particular? Any idea if her marriage ended up being a good one or not?
Posted by FlyingCow (Member # 2150) on :
I think I'm going to let it go. My friend is too tied up in wedding stuff right now to really have any sort of coherent discussion with anyone about anything, and the wedding's on Sunday.
Maybe I'll bring it up later on down the line.
If it's any more of an omen, there's a 60% chance of thunderstorms turning to light rain by evening... and it's an outdoor wedding.
Posted by Tatiana (Member # 6776) on :
![[Wink]](wink.gif)